fifteen there's still time for you, time to buy and time to lose...

6 smiles | make my day a little happier

:: 2004 17 September :: 7.34pm

Question:
WHERE HAVE ALL THE HOT MAIN STREET GUYS GONE?!?!?! Let's travel back in time, shall we? Think of how hot the Main Street guys were 3 years ago. 2 years...1 year. I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but the overall sexiness of MSS guys has gone STEADILY DOWNHILL.

WHYYYY?!?!?!

It's really not fair.

I have a horseback riding lesson at that place tomorrow! I'm excited! Apparently some other person from Stanford called to check out the barn too...hrm. I wonder who it'll be...

I WANT A BOYFRIEND, DAMNIT! Not just ANY boyfriend, either. I kind of want a college boyfriend...*huge grin* Older guys are just so much sexier!

15 smiles | make my day a little happier

:: 2004 16 September :: 10.19pm
:: Mood: dorky

Who should be in bed right now?
*raises hand* OOH!! ME!! ME!!

It's so depressing to wake up and it's still dark. Zero period...

After an only silghtly enlightening minimum day, I went downtown with Ali, Sara, Sarah, and Meredith. Yummers.

After that I went home and then went to the doctor's to *dun dun DUNNNNNNN* GET MY EARS PIERCED!! So yeah. I now have pierced ears. *shrug*

Is anyone else depressed that people are already starting to talk about Homecoming? Can't Homecoming just wait until I actually find someone I want to go with? I mean, seriously... How come it was so easy last year?! Couldn't I at least have my eye on someone? Usually it's not the 'finding someone to like' part that's hard for me...

I don't know why, but it's really starting to get to me that I have a nonexistant love life. So much so, in fact, that I did a really, really stupid thing. I spent like half an hour searching for text online that showed that someone cared about me. I actually don't regret doing it because I found something that made me smile that I hadn't seen before: the words 'I luv Mel.' Now, seeing as it's been 17 months since those feelings were revealed and it means absolutely NOTHING now, it shouldn't have made much difference to me. Somehow, though, it did. Ya know, it's been about that long since a guy has said that to me. I think maybe I was wondering why anyone would feel that way about me...

Anyway, it made me happy, so it's all good. Thanks to the person who wrote that...

Concert choir tomorrow. Oddly enough, in a year that's gone from my least favorite choral music class to my favorite. It's funny how things change...

:: 2004 14 September :: 11.47pm
:: Mood: depressed

bleh... nyah...
Today was the day from hell... god, it sucked some major ass. I bombed my spanish make-up quiz, and I'm soooo close to being kicked off SLS that I cried for an hour while we did drill. No, you didn't imagine it and that's why Katie and most of the guard was hugging me. It's just that Ruch reminded me today I have 2 (should be 1) unexcused abscences and if I get three then I'm off SLS and that got me thinking... Last year, I always had my drill which was unnecessary cuz I had it memorized. I was almost never late, twice for when they made practice earlier. When Misty said "ideal guard member", she brought me up as an example. What I lacked in seniority, I made up with talent, drive and endless effort. This year, I lost the first drill sheet, left my drill at home, was late at least twice, my unexcused absences speak for themselves. I don't see why I'm on SLS, I don't deserve it. So we had an SLS meeting after and I tried my best to muffle myself but I couldn't, and by the end I was just letting the tears stream down. Then Misty motioned for me to come closer and she hugged me and then I explained to her about how I felt I was disappointing the group and all that jazz... Then she reassured me everyone makes mistakes and Carrie and Tiff hugged me, it was very reassuring... It was also awesome cuz other people hugged me and made me feel better before I went to the stupid Pre-PSAT/SAT thing... But I was still depressed and then Ruchie hugged me and said he was sorry for being hard on me earlier (for those in Chorale, I went into Mr. Shaull's/ Ruch's office to talk to Ruch about the SMUNC which lead to my absences), but I didn't have the strength to tell him it was good that he brought it up. I had lost sight of what is most important to me, and sad as it is, Color Guard and Marching Band is tied for most important in my life. It's my second family, when I'm pissed or sad I turn to the guard or if I'm at home I turn to my sabre. Anyway, yeah... still depressed and my knee still hurts (sliced the back of my knee since I was shaving before guard and started to cry over the whole thing since I was thinking about what I was going to tell Ruchie).

ON A HAPPY NOTE! I get to represent my lover aka Adrian. Katie and I are getting specific work for his part of the trio, and the other people are getting work for the other soloists and all that jazz... I think Carrie Bearie has a huge solo, I don't know though.

ON A BETTER NOTE!!!!! DARIN'S PLATELETS ARE WAY UP!!!! YAY!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER! I GOT YOUR CREDO TODAY, FUNNY STIFF! I BELEIEVE IN MULTIPLE ORGASMS!! LMAO DARE BEAR!!!

:: 2004 14 September :: 7.10pm

OHMYGOD!!
So today turned out to suck much less than I thought it would! Mme Youatt lost the quizzes SO WE DIDN'T HAVE TO TAKE THEM!! WHOOOOO!!! I also got a 22/25 on my Chem quiz even though I wasn't there for the lecture and was too tired to study much last night! I missed really stupid things, so, as it turns out, I actually understand all of the material anyway! That's always good to know...

So now for the majorly exciting news!!

1) My mom's willing to look into buying me an oboe!! AHHHH!!! JOYOUSNESS!! And the strange thing is, she doesn't even want to go for the cheapo $800 one. She actually wants to talk to Julianne, this lady at our church who's like an oboe goddess, to learn about which brands are the best. Nice!

2) I'M GOING TO GO LOOK AT A HORSE ON SATURDAY!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Not that this means anything to you, but he's a 7 yr old Fox Trotter gelding, 15 hands, chestnut, with a star and socks. He's had 4 months of professional training (not very much) but has a sweet personality and has good ground manners. He needs a confident rider because he's "spirited". The craziest part: the guy who's selling goes to my church and would sell him to me for $4,500!!!! That's crazy crazy cheap for a horse!! Sure I'd have to find a really good trainer to help me teach him how to jump and stuff but WOULD IT NOT BE AWESOME IF MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME A HORSE?!!?!?! Umm yeah, that might just be the coolest thing in the world.

Marching band was hell. Rick needs to not be so hard on us. But OMG! Somehow I passed my playing test! Not that I should have AT ALL... but still! Yay!

Gotta do MEHAP and WLH homework...minimum day tomorrow! Yesss!!

:: 2004 13 September :: 7.17pm

I'm Not At All In Love...
...not at all in love, not I. Not a bit, not a bite...but I DO have 104.55% in math! :-P

Whoo! Ahh, the pleasures of not being in honors...lol!

Hmm...let's see...exciting news to provide my faithful readers with some entertainment...

Got to skip 5-7th period on Friday to go to band camp. Very cool. Unfortunately, I have huge quizzes in two of those classes tomorrow, and that's not good.

But anyway, band camp was okay. Really, just okay. We worked soooo much harder than last year and I really wish we'd had more time to socialize and maybe GET HOMEWORK DONE. I think it says something that no one got sick last year and pretty much EVERYONE got sick this year, 2 people bad enough to leave before the end of camp. Hmmm...could this have to do with the fact that we got about 5 hours of sleep per night and were out doing drill EVERY SECOND OF OUR TIME?! Yeah, I think so. We got a ton of stuff done, but it came with the price of all of us getting back on Sunday exhausted and sick and starting our homework at about 6, meaning that a lot of us got to bed really late.

Oh, and I just love how Mr. Ferrucci was telling us about how he was so sensitive to our needs and we got plenty of time to rest. HA. Maybe he sincerely thinks we had time to rest. In actuality, that's a whole load of BS. Numerous parents are coming to the next band boooster's meeting to complain.

So basically I'm sick and exhausted and should be doing homework right now instead of typing in this thing so I can get to bed as soon as possible. I'm really not looking forward to 11 hours at school tomorrow...starting the day at 7 with marching band and ending it at 6 with marching band.... WE NEED A BREAK!!

I really wish my parents believed in staying home from school when you're sick.

QueenWog

:: 2004 13 September :: 6.34pm

THANK YOU BEN!

:: 2004 7 September :: 10.00pm
:: Mood: nauseated and happy
:: Music: Mario Brothers Theme

I love my drill!!!
OMG! I love the drill! We watched the overview and it�s sooo awesome! NOT TO MENTION I�M IN THE CENTER OF THE BLOCK AND THEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DIAMOND SET AFTER THAT!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! I LOVE YOU MR. FLORENDO!!! Had a good laugh because they put me down as an 11th grader by mistake, funny stuff. So here�s my drill just because, you don�t need marching band to see how easy it is.
Set # Right-Left Back-Front
0 2.0 stps inside L 30 12.0 stps inside front side line
1 4.0 stps outside L 40 12.0 stps inside front side line
2 on L 35 12.0 stps inside front side line
3 2.0 stps outside L 40 12.0 stps inside front side line
4 2.0 stps outside L 40 12.0 stps inside front side line
5 2.0 stps outside L 40 8.0 stps inside front side line
6 2.0 stps inside L 35 12.0 stps inside front side line
7 2.0 stps inside L 35 12.0 stps inside front side line
8 4.0 stps outside L 35 12.0 stps inside front side line
9 4.0 stps outside L 35 12.0 stps inside front side line

:: 2004 6 September :: 12.16am
:: Mood: defeated

AIFS? I think not....
Remember how I said I was going to exchange next summer? Well I found the perfect company to go through, Mrs. Esrailian suggested it and I researched and it was sooooo awesome! You eat with a homestay family, have courses and free time. Awesome activites on the weekend and not to mention for the first three days we actually sight-see in London before heading to Madrid! Talk about perfect! Downside, the whole thing costs around $6,500 which actually is about right for this kind of program.... However, mom "doesn't have that kind of money". She said she'd try to save the money but I doubt that, then Bill said I should do home-to-home stuff because it's free except spending money. Then I got mad and raised my voice and offered to make it a loan type situation that I would pay them back when I get my dad's money when I'm 18 if that was really the issue.... Then Bill said that I'm not emotionally stable/ immature and that he doesn't think I should be allowed to get my permit since he thinks I'd have a major case of road rage. *sigh* And it's much too dark to spin saber so I'm screwed for the night.... I was so excited, I hate this... I don't even want to go anymore... I don't give a damn about school anymore... okay, this is probably temporary but still... I'm so low, as if it wasn't bad enough before. I baked! BAKED FING BROWNIES! *sigh* No amount of chocolatey goodness can pick me up now....

I don't want to die, but I don't want to live at the same time....

34 smiles | make my day a little happier

:: 2004 5 September :: 9.57pm

I really need to talk to someone. Like someone older than me that'll give me advice. (Like, an older guy, NOT an adult...) Someone that might be able to slightly relate to what I have to say to them, but old enough so that their advice can be trusted.

Sometimes I just want to be held and told that everything is alright. I want someone to listen to me talk about people in my life who need help. I want someone to pat me on the head and let me fall into their arms and stay there until the problems go away.

(*It's not like my personal life has issues, it's that I know people who aren't so stable and it really worries me.)

Does anyone else find Japanese anime almost like cartoon porn? It's GROSS!! I like can't even look at it! They draw stick girls with curvy bodies and huge, FAKE boobs! IT'S JUST NASTY!! WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE DRAW HUMANS LIKE THAT?! The whole thing just disgusts me. Honestly.

I chilled at Michelle's house today. Met a girl named Jill. Both juniors at LAHS. Cool people...had a good time!

But yeah. I really wanna just let it all out and spoon with someone who'll tell me it's all okay. Or at least someone who'll convince me that because I'M okay, I shouldn't have to worry as much as I do about others.

3 smiles | make my day a little happier

:: 2004 3 September :: 10.29pm
:: Mood: frustrated

CALLING ALL AVAILABLE GUYS:
DO SOMETHING HOT SO THAT I'LL HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU!! I CAN'T STAND NOT LIKING ANYONE AT ALL!!

No really. There isn't anyone in any of my classes that I like.

List of things I like in a guy:
*talented at singing
*talented at an instrument
*general appreciation for music
*composition is a HUGE plus
*talented at playing the piano (being able to randomly improv and 'just play' is EXTREMELY HOT)
*very intelligent, especially good at writing
*outgoing (and will dance with me at dances)
*will not push push me into a physical relationship
*will listen to my rantings and act as a mentor

Not that any guys read this ANYWAY. Gahh. Whatever. I suppose that was all for the purpose of expression anyway.

Hrm. I just realized how it's really not the best idea to post something like this in my journal. Though it's true that I really want to find someone I really like, I know from past and present experience that I absolutely HATE it when people try to hit on me that I want nothing to do with. Oh, and if anyone knows who the current stalker-ish person is...I'm not sure what to do. Any advice? He's really starting to freak me out...

Oh, and just a hint to all you guys out there (who don't read this, LOL): if you like a girl and seem to think that standing right next to her every second you can and she ignores you, STOP FOLLOWING HER AROUND. ;-)

My mom said that I attract these rather pathetic guys with low self esteem because they know I'll be sweet to them. Uhhh...let's think about this. The last time something like this happened I was far from sweet about it. Not quite sure how that reasoning worked....

:: 2004 3 September :: 7.31pm
:: Mood: elated
:: Music: "Tangled Up In Me" - Skye Sweetnam

You wanna know more, more, more about me...
I'm the girl leading the Slam Poetry club!!! Picked up the forms and everything today, I couldn't be happier! Anyone who's done this club form stuff want to help me out? Heh...
Concert Choir was alriight, I missed the first 10 minutes for SLS. We decided on our t-shirt design and they were so kyoote! I love SLS ^^
Omg, I was so out of it today! On my way out of Chorale, I was like "Crap you guys, who has a math quiz that she didn't study for?" And so they wished me luck and I get in and there are papers face down on the desks so I said, "Hey, are the face down papers the quiz we're supposed to take?" Then Mrs. Yamasaki gave me this weird look, "Those? Yeah, they're the quizzes and you can look at them. They're the ones you took Wednesday, was it?" LMAO! I felt so dumb and explained to her what I was thinking but she totally got me because she did a similar thing with her other class. Anyway, got a 12/12 woo! Go me!
Not much else to say... jammed my thumb yet again because I overtossed our triple in the work, my bad.

:: 2004 1 September :: 6.24pm

HASH(0x8b21f5c)
You're a Flute. Cute, but vicious.

What is your inner musical instrument?
brought to you by Quizilla

Like'd the question "Okay. Time for a chair test..." my answer? "If I get first, can I call second chair my manslave? That would be motivating."

:: 2004 1 September :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: energetic

WHOOO!!!
HASH(0x889fc30)
You're a Clarinet. Happy go lucky!

What is your inner musical instrument?
brought to you by Quizilla

Got clarinet the first time, baby!

I find this stereotype extremely amusing, as I'm the only one in the section who actually fits the description...

And just in case you were wondering...

HASH(0x891c7a0)
You're an Oboe. Girl power?

What is your inner musical instrument?
brought to you by Quizilla

HAAAHAAAHAAAA!!! I suppose that's the impression of an oboe, but I think not.

:: 2004 30 August :: 8.32pm
:: Mood: embarrassed
:: Music: "Love Destiny" -- Sister Princess

OMG, I'm such a dork!
Crap� Mr. Shaull just called and I thought it was Bill so I gave him all sorts of attitude because I have a killer headache� He was like, �*All bubbly and happy* Hi! How are you!�
Me: �*pissy*Tired.�
Mr. Shaull: �I�m sorry to hear that-�
Me: �You�re really loud, it�s annoying.�
Mr. Shaull: �*Laughs slightly* Oh� this is Deanna right?�
Me: �Yup.�
Shaull: �Hello Deanna, it�s Mr. Shaull and-
Me: �Oh my! I�m soooo sorry! I thought you were Bill!�
Shaull: �*Laughs a lot* This is the treatment Bill gets?1 *More laughing*�
Then he went on about how �they missed me today at Girl�s 21� and blah blah blah�. Damn it, I was supposed to lead Guard Weds. Morning� damn G-21� oh well�

:: 2004 30 August :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: confused

Who wrote this?!
"Here's your free comment."

Just wondering. Usually I can figure it out, but I can't seem to find this particular IP address anywhere...

:: 2004 29 August :: 6.59pm
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: Children of Eden-Sailor of the Skies

OHHHHHH YEAHHHH BABY!
So after church today (in which my voice was being oddly agreeable!) my mom goes "So, I was thinking about next summer...maybe during the end of that music camp in Maine, Brian and I could go visit some of his relatives in Maine, and then pick you up and look at a few colleges like Princeton, Yale, and Harvard! Then we could go to Vermont and ride the icelandic ponies for a few days, and then make a quick stop in New York to see Avenue Q! How does that sound?"

Ummm...how does that sound?! LIKE THE BEST SUMMER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!

If you're a musical person, go to http://www.encore-coda.com/ and CHECK IT OUT!! It's only got EVERYTHING a musical person could want!!

Among other things, there's Chorus, Madrigal Choir, Jazz Choir, Conducting, Musical Theatre, Dance, Sailing, Wind Ensemble, Jazz Band, Chamber Music, Musicianship, Performance, Tennis, Volleyball, an hour of practice per day, and private instruction!!! WHOOO!!! Could it get any better?!

Oh, and it's for 3 1/2 or 7 weeks (if you do the full session) in Maine. Just a little detail. :-D

My bird bit me again. Apparently I'm too nice to him and he thinks that he's above me in the pecking order. I cried again. I seriously have not cried in the longest time! Not out of being cold-hearted or afraid to cry, (I still clearly remember feeling extremely comforted when a children's sermon once had the moral of 'it's okay to cry!') I just haven't had anything to cry about! I think it surprises me when he bites me, hurts, and makes me sad that the bird I loved so much is being so agressive.

Watched The Pajama Game and Brother Bear last night. I'm SOOO excited for The Pajama Game at school!!! IT'S SUCH A CUTE MUSICAL!! AHHH!! Brother Bear was also cute. Those moose are funny!

I've decided that unrequited love from both sides (being the one who loves and is not loved, AND being the one who does not love) SUCKS. Like, both almost equally. It hurts to know that someone likes you and not like them back if you have a semi-strong friendship with them. :-(

Oh, and in other news, HE'S NOT A LIAR! If you don't know what this is in reference to, ask. But anyway, I feel a lot better because of it! I wasn't stood up in some odd backwards way! Hooray!

:: 2004 29 August :: 2.01pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: "Love is a Crime" --Chicago

If I were...
if i were a month i would be: July
if i were a day of the week i would be: Saturday
if i were a time of day i would be: 6 AM
if i were a planet i would be: Pluto! ^^
if i were a sea animal i would be: sea otter or a dolphin, maybe an orca ^^
if i were a direction i would be: east
if i were a piece of furniture i would be: pull out sofa couch thing ^^
if i were a historical figure i would be: Davy Crockett, Remember the Alamo!
if i were a liquid i would be: water, running water not still water� can�t trust still water
if i were a tree i would be: sakura tree
if i were a flower/plant i would be: a deep red rose with lots of thorns, I dare you to try a pick me
if i were a kind of weather i would be: thunder storm, my favorite type of weather. So entrancing and calming
if i were a musical instrument i would be: definitely not a woodwind or brass, nothing you have to blow into� I guess guitar ^^
if i were an animal i would be: wild wolf
if i were a color i would be: red
if i were a vegetable i would be: I don�t want to be eaten� T-T
if i were a sound i would be: howling wind
if i were an element i would be: fire.. no earth� can�t choose
if i were a car i would be: not into cars� but a cute car ^^
if i were a song i would be: �My Happy Ending� - Avril or �Vindicated� �Dashboard Confessional
if i were a food i would be: ravioli, desert wise chocolate covered strawberries
if i were a place i would be: some protected forest with lots of animals ^^
if i were a material i would be: silk
if i were a taste i would be: I don�t know, probably something that tastes orgasmically good
if i were a scent i would be: nature, if you noticed nature has it�s own unique scent� maybe I�m psyco, shut up! The smell of ocean spray
if i were a word i would be: "obscurity�
if i were an object i would be: a vase
If I were a body part i would be: fingers
if i were a facial expression i would be: questioning
if i were a cartoon character i would be: Nala from the Lion King ^^ or Kikyo from InuYasha
if i were a shape i would be a: circle
if i were a number i would be: 3

3 smiles | make my day a little happier

:: 2004 28 August :: 5.13pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Rent-Santa Fe

Ow!
My damn bird just bit me on the lip REALLY hard! Why the hell he's really agressive towards me and no one else in the family I don't know. But geez...I started crying it hurt so much!

:: 2004 28 August :: 3.31pm
:: Mood: tired but happy
:: Music: "Boom Boom Boom Boom" --Vengaboys

all is good ^^
The Back to School Dance was last night, had a great time. Yesterday was actually a good day, I had a psychiatry appointment and we talked about how things are going and how I'm actually starting to be empathic. Mom says she's going to load $150 onto my card since I've been so good, guess it really does pay to be nice ^.~

William wants a hamster, that's the last thing this house needs... because when Cleo kills it, she'll leave it under my bed as a gift. How pleasant... She's moved past lizards, killed the cutest mouse but she prefers birds. There more of a challenge. Before you ask questions, I'm very close to my cat to the point I can sense what she would say if she could say it and no I'm not psyco. ^^ Hopefully =^.^= Anyway, Kii is off to get his first round of shots soon... Poor fellow...

Now to the dance, we picked up Yee and then went to the dance. I wore that pink A.E. overshirt, a red spaghetti top, white belt and jeans ^^ Took the overshirt off once I was in the dance though, our dress code is a bunch of b.s. Anyway, danced with friends and it was really hot. Then some random guy I don't know asked to dance with me after staring at my ass for that one song about big butts... ANYWAY, so I freaked him and he made me go really low which was actually fun until Mrs. Satterwhite (principal) shined a flashlight on us.... yeah... So I went back to my friends and we had a good time but Yee wanted to go into the middle of the crowd so Avery, Yee and I went in and found Chrissy, Mel, Gabi and Lane. That was fun, especially since Lane kept trying to get his friends to dance with us (Lane was pimpin!) and eventually his friends didn't want to and so he danced with me since he didn't have any friends who could dance well. That was fun, but by this time my legs were dying so I turned to face him (which really didn't help the situation) but he can dance... So we danced for a while and then they played a slow song and my search for Ike (who I had been looking for the entire dance) commensed yet again... but then I decided to just ask Thomas to dance because MSS guys are sexy but I couldn't find him either and then Rob asked me for like the third time.... Longest three minutes of my life... I wish I could just tell him I don't like... *sigh* Oh the tangled webs we weave. Anyway, the second the lights turn on, I find both Tom and Ike... I was pissed ^^ But I had a good time!