memories
i am taking this time after my bedtime (yes, my bedtime is 9:00...shut up! i'm busier than you! ;-p) to take une promenade down memory lane. or la rue des memoires. if you can say that. whatever.

this is mainly about boys. hey. it's interesting. shut up!

so i'll start with the present, fade back to the beginning of the year, and fill in the gap.

today i forced jeff to hold my hand. although i got what i wanted, i felt somewhat dissapointed that i had to MAKE him do it. and now i regret it. i should learn to just be patient and wait it out. sometimes it's hard to control myself. but ANYWAY, that's the present.

back to the beginning of my high school boy indeavors. it started at band camp. i suppose i sort of had my eye on jeff from the beginning because i remembered the french dinner event where mr. hayman had to leave because jeff had an oboe solo. this lead to a discussion about how i was so perfect for jeff.

but, as it turned out, by the end of the first week of band camp, i viewed jeff only as a friend, a good, fun person to be around at that, but nothing more. who i really had my eye on, was terrance. at this point, it was just because he was hot, and i was extremely excited that he also happened to be jeff's best friend. score for me. haha. as i sort of got to know him at band camp, i became even more obsessed, but as it would turn out, it was just a little crush. he was polite and flirty in person, so that made him appealing. i did know that he had a girlfriend, but that didn't matter to me. (as girlfriends never tend to affect my crushes...haha.) but anyway, maybe my subconscience was already telling me what i truly felt, because, as jeff told me a few days ago, i said something about 'is he the one for me' or something.

by the end of the first week of school, everything had shifted. i saw terrance with shannon, which was enough to tell me to respect their relationship. besides, i met a total hottie at the dance anyway. his name was scott dudley. junior. varsity football. polite and virginal. SEXY AS I'LL GET OUT. i remember begging my mom if i could date him if i invited him over to dinner or something so they could see who he was. one night of dancing had completely changed my outlook on lahs boys.

as it would turn out, though, my heart would be swayed AGAIN as soon as i got home. i turned on my computer to find that jeff hayman had written about 3 word document pages to me on AIM. it was this whole story about little red ridinghood and the wolf, complete with a trial scene and original plot. he also 'sang' burgundy for me, and complained about no one being online. at exactly 11, he whined that i should be home by now, the dance was over.

after reading a short bit of the story to my mom (i was quite impressed), she concluded that he must have a crush on me. seeing as my mom has NEVER been right about ANY of my crushes (okay, fade back to my former crushes: kyle-thought he liked me, well why shouldn't she? he stalked me backstage and asked where i was all the time, not to mention flirt with me 24/7. turned out he liked christina all along. and darin-thought he didn't like me. turned out he was the first one who did. see what i mean?) so naturally, i assumed that he was just bored (which, in fact, he probably was!) but was still humored by the fact that he might like me.

that weekend he probably typed to me for over 3 hours. more than half of the time i was doing math homework and grinning, concluding that he was completely obsessed over me, but at the same time, i was confused and torn between scott and jeff. i was still pretty into scott, though.

that week at school, dan and souhail made up scott squared: aka scott levin and scott dudley. a few days after that, they could add scott hayman (just for fun) and conclude with scott cubed. at this point, i was just having fun with my options, especially the fact that 3 guys i liked were named scott. i'm not sure where jeff comes in at this point. i was probably still just amused, but he must have been growing on me.

after a few weeks of not seeing scott dudley a single time, i sort of forgot about him.

i can't put my finger on when, exactly, but suddenly i found myself realizing that i had a crush on jeff. this crush turned into a bit more than a crush, and i started flirting like a madwoman. although i felt i was quite obvious, jeff didn't catch a single word of my hinting. i was a bit ticked off.

a few weeks after this began, i started telling people i wanted him to ask me to homecoming. as soon as word got to terrance, terrance started working on him to get him to ask me. i even bribed terrance to make him work harder.

that week, on thursday, which happened to be club day, pearl told me that terrance and jeff were looking for me. i was unable to be found, seeing as i was meandering between the quad and mrs. banano's room making breakthrough banners all period. i was quite excited about possibly being asked, though.

at band that thursday, my thoughts were confirmed: jeff was looking for me to 'ask me something', and terrance was making sure i didn't 'run away' or 'get lost' again for jeff. it was a busy rehersal, and i was not asked. 'another day', terrance said.

well, i waited for almost a whole week. finally, on wednesday, jeff asked me to homecoming. strangely, but at least he asked. i was a bit downhearted, but considerably more content and relaxed than i had been that entire weekend and week.

i soon figured out that jeff's mom and eleanor's entire family (well, her mom, sister, and her) were thoroughly dissapointed in jeff's way of asking me, and had discussed the matter with him and shown him the right way to ask a girl to a dance. that was quite amusing, and somewhat flattering. it was nice that people cared about my feelings after i was asked. :0D

now the weeks sort of mush together. i kept flirting with jeff...finally he started the whole 'hug thing', and just this week i was granted unlimited hugs. well, as long as i had a reason. i can't misuse the privelege, though i think i do.

and today i started the holding hands thing. as i said before, i regret that i was so forceful. my mom was kind of pissed at me. not becuase i was going too far for her liking, but because i had completely forced him into it. i realize her point, and will take her advice to lay off a bit. it's kind of hard to when everyone is screaming at you and pushing you into him. but i can work on some self-control and patience. that never hurts.

but anyway, i just thought it was odd how my crushes sort of change and grow in spastic ways. it's kind of interesting to think back on what i could have done differently and what might be different now. well, i'd better get to bed. afterall, i stopped studying for french early so i could wash my hair and get some sleep. goodnight!!

7 comments | Talk to me