right about now is the time where i say...screw this shit...and i should just throw in the towel. i really could care less. i'm so opiniated right now. i just want to throw something. who to blame? the program? i'm guessing, yes, that and the students. it's all just a joke. if i were somewhere else, i know it would be different. and yet, i make it worse for myself by spending huge sums of $$ over the summer just to fufill myself. and it works, until about now where it wears off. summer wore off at the end of marching season and now grand valley is wearing off nowish. i could just skip the rest of the year and be really happy. i feel so strongly about it right now, and i know i always feel this way, just not this stongly. what would happen if i quit? could i still pursue my dreams and goals. i know i would piss a lot of people off and let a lot of people down, but shit, who am i doing this for??? me, or other people. i need to be like brent, and start doing this for me and not for everyone else in this world. i care too damn much for everyone else's stupid ass feelings. i want to scream at the top of my lungs right this very moment. i shall refrain. sick sick sick sick sick. but whatever, we'll see what happens. i need to not think. and i need to cut my diet in half so i'm not a freaking cow-a-bunga chick for summer. shit.

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