jburt1
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2004 7 August :: 12.35am
The constant ringing in my ears reminds me where I was tonight: Landmark's Bar listening to jami's cousin's band (the name of which starts with an "A" but is not something I can remember). It was a fun night. That band is actually pretty good. I hated their opening band though! Limp Bizkit wanna-bes if you ask me. I guess it doesn't help the fact that I don't really like limp bizkit. I'm pumped on music right now. I'm still in the process of reading "Nothing Feels Good," a book about punk rock and emo. It makes me realize: you gotta respect the bands; you gotta respect the people that can play a guitar, get up on stage, and sing. Before Landmark's, Jami, Amanda, and I went to Battle of the Bands at grand haven's coast guard festival. That was so cool. I didn't know muskegon (well, the surrounding area anyways) had any culture. There were all sorts of kids there, too: everyone from the I'm-gonna-wear-baggy-pants-and-black-t-shirt-punks to the aeropostale/hollister preps. It would seem ironic to me that kids in the later group would be at places like that, but then again, I am one of those kids. Out of the 6 or so bands that we watched, I only really liked two. I respected the others for what they did, but it was too hardcore for my likes (screaming into the mic isn't very appealing to me). Fallen Idols played there. There one of the let's-scream-and-call-it-a-song kind, but I think they're relatively famous in the GR area. The bands I liked there were Free State and Tears of Juliett, which for some reason sounds familiar. What made the show cool was the intimacy, the closeness to the bands, the laid-back attitude, the bands walking around in the crowd before/after they performed. Unfortuneately, we didn't stay to see who won, but Andre's friends didn't; they got fourth place. Instead we went to Landmarks, which I thought was kinda trashy. It seems to me that bars are trashy in general, but I think it was worth it to see the band. Now I just got to figure out how to get the perm. markered "MINOR" off my hands. Jill got into an accident today, too. I was kinda shocked, especially when she told me the details. Getting rearended at 60mph can't be fun.
give a word, take a word
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jburt1
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2004 4 August :: 9.46pm
:: Music: avril \\\\
I will elaborate on the whole avril lavigne music choice in another post. For now, I just want to complain about how crappy my day was. I even created an away message that reads "Today is not my day..." It started off alright. I worked sandwhich station today and didn't get slammed on to the point where I needed help. Around 2:00 (when my shift was supposed to end) I was still there cleaning and stocking stuff up. I don't mind staying an extra 15 mins (more minutes = more money afterall) but something that Jeff said to me got to me: Next time, you can say something. As in, I should say something to Mike, one of the other cooks, about not leaving me alone with all the stocking stuff. At 2:00 he just left. He didn't ask if he could leave or anything. I don't mind so much, but the thing that gets to me is that none of the managers bother to talk to him about that? If I was to pull something like that, I know someone would bitch at me. But, I have less than two weeks left. Steve asked me if I was gonna stop by ever. I wasn't planning on it, really, but I suppose I could come in once or twice with my family when I'm home for the weekend/holiday. Today was payday, but my paycheck was only for $99. As of tomorrow, it will be gone. I already had to withdraw $85 from my savings to pay my aunt and uncle back for the fridge. I wouldn't mind, but now my savings account is below a grand. Somehow, I just feel more secure having that quadruple digit in my account, although once I start paying my college/cell phone/credit card bills it's going to be gone fast. Oh well. Tonight just sucks because I spent the last 3 hours completely loan stuff for college and trying to find out what books I need (to no use). I don't know how to explain it, really, but today just sucks, as does this post, so I'm going to go find some dinner.
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jburt1
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2004 2 August :: 11.04pm
I feel a lot better tonight than I did last night. Even though I had to work a suicide shift, it didn't feel like one. We weren't too busy, and we weren't too slow. Also, I actually found some common ground to talk about with steve, one of my managers. For some reason he thought I was going to Western!? On wednesday he's supposed to bring in some of his techno CDs for me to listen to. Other than that, life's been pretty boring. I just got my paypal account set up, so hopefully I'll start selling stuff on ebay later this week.
give a word, take a word
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jburt1
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2004 1 August :: 10.26pm
:: Music: yellowcard "empty apartment"
pouring out my soul
I don't know what it is, but I'm just not feeling the same, or maybe I'm just feeling like I used to. Which one, I'm not sure of. I look at myself now and when I was just beginning high school, and I've come a long way since then. But in many ways, I'm still the same old kid with the same old insecurities, fighting the same old demons. I've been slacking off from taking my medication every day, but I don't think medication is going to solve all of my problems. I feel like I'm rotting in this town. I can't wait until I get to chicago, but I don't want to bring all my problems with me. I want to have fun, learn, and make friends...all kinds of friends. And I guess somewhere in the back of my psyche I'm hoping to meet some jesuits who will make God known to me. Yeah, I'm a christian, but a terrible one at that. There were times in my life when I had absolutely no doubt that God existed and watched over me, but those times have faded long ago. I guess I just don't feel like a complete person. I'm hoping that chicago will have all the answers for me, but what if it doesn't? What then? Just today I saw Anchorman with one of my old neighbors, and I feel like a prick for not even saying goodbye to him when I left. I feel like I should've gone out of my way to have some human decency. But then again, what makes my problems so much different than anyone elses? I'm just stuck in that awkward phase between 17 and 23, still questioning what kind of person I am and will be. I hope loyola makes me a great person. Or should I say, I hope I become a great person through loyola. At my core, I feel so shallow, materialistic, and vain, but that's not who I want to be. I'm sure this sounds tacky, but I want to be a true crusader: a person of character, committment, and compassion. I guess it's just hard when the world seems to fail the principals you're taught. I guess that's been enough rambling. Maybe this is just pre-suicide-shift anxiety. Only two more weeks of this stuff, three until loyola...
give a word, take a word
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jburt1
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2004 1 August :: 1.48am
It's not as fun as you'd think, watching drunk people, who are already bad singers, sing kareoke. I'm sure I butchered that word. Which reminds me. I need a dictionary for college! Enough with sidetracking. Amanda, Jami, Jill, and I were going to go to the blue note tonight to watch jami's cousin's band perform. Unfortuneately, you have to be 19 to get in on saturdays. Honestly, what's the difference between 18 and 19? I'll be 19 in two months. Kinda wierd to think about. I'll be 20 when I go to Rome, so I might as well start practicing my future U.S. rights. hahaha. I'm not like that. Today at work my manager asked me if I ever drank before! I told him yes, but that I'd never gotten drunk before. He asked what I drank, and told me no wonder I don't like alcohol. It's a little strange listening to your manager(s) tell you what you should be drinking when you're not 21. ANYWAYS, instead of blue note, we decided to hit up the Village Inn. Not a very classy place if you ask me, but hey, $3 gets you in and you can sing karaoke. Jami, Amanda, and I sang "Roses" by Outkast. Man, that was fun to sing. I bust out during those rap solos in as close to unison as I could get. It was sweet. Especially the ending. It wasn't the radio version. No, you crazy bitch, you punk ass bitch, you bitch's bitch, bitch! Hahaha. Oh, yeah. I think I defnitely am losing brain cells or suffering the results of corruption; I made up an interesting game today. I was getting mad at my cell phone's voice dial feature because it wouldn't recognize kenesha's name when I'd say it. So for the heck of it, I decided to use it and say "bitch" when it asked for the person's name. I bust out laughing when Erin Sprague's name came up. She's really nice and all, but she has her reputation. In fact, I saw her and her family at G&L today. We exchanged cell phone numbers (that's how she's in my phonebook) because she's going to Northwestern this year which is only 20 mins from my campus. Back to the voice dial game. I decided to show my new trick to jami, jill, and amanda. Then I started trying new words like "whore", "slut", "asshole", etc. I gotta tell debbie about that feature (she has the same phone as me). Well, I suppose I should go search for some awesome punk songs to download. Right now I'm half-reading "Nothing Feels Good." I picked it up a while ago (it's my sister's actually) but never got around to actually getting past the third chapter. That book has a lot of great suggestions. Jawbreaker is great early punk/emo band, and The Promise Ring is supposed to be really good too. Well, I'm off to add to my music collection. Oh yeah...I saw the village last night. Decent movie. Twist at the end is pretty good, but makes it one of those movies you won't want to watch twice. It has really good music though.
give a word, take a word
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jburt1
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2004 29 July :: 12.41am
:: Music: "believe" yellowcard
Right now I'm listening to yellowcard on my laptop, talking to someone on IM and watching my cat lick the milk out of the bottom of my cereal bowl. Today was uneventful except for picking up my dorm fridge and telling stacey (my manager) when I will be retiring my career in the food industry (August 15th!). Tonight I finished my book: Mary Doria Russel's follow-up to The Sparrow, Children of God. Excellent book. It wasn't as good as The Sparrow, just because that's the original story and it leaves the reading questioning. This story more or less wraps everything up. Too nice of an ending if you ask me, but it was nice to see that the main character got what he deserved. I wish I wasn't rushed into finishing it though. I only read the ending once, and I like to go over what I read sometimes twice. Plus, it was due back today, so I had to drop it off at the library tonight. Well, I'm gonna let my computer run and download napster. Meanwhile, it looks like my cat is going to puke...
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Fatman
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2004 28 July :: 8.24pm
I haven't updated in a while, so here it is. I'm 18, and have been for six days. Have not gone clubbing yet. Bought a lotto ticket, won a dollar. Enjoying my newfound freedom. Gonna learn to play guitar. Still single. Still fat. That's pretty much it. Peace.
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jburt1
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2004 27 July :: 11.50pm
Shit! I guess I type too much, or I type too slowly. Juding right now, I'd say I type too much. I'll just have to type twice as fast! Updates: I got my laptop from circuit city tonight. It's a toshiba centrino. Toshiba is a good brand. The centrino processor is "more efficient" and extends the battery power. The "mouse" is alright to use, but it's going to take some time getting used to the keypad. I feel like I'm moving up in the world! First a cell phone and now a laptop! Plus, I've been buying a bunch of school stuff this week. You know, the usual: laundry detergent, bottled water, notebooks, trash can, ASPRIN. The summer job is definitely helping me finance all this stuff. My parents are supposed to help me with the laptop. Oringinally they were gonna buy it for me, but I decided I'd rather just split the cost with them. In addition, I'll have my cell phone bills to pay every month. My first bill might give me a heart attack because it's supposed to be my activation fee plus this month's bill and next month's bill in advance. Hopefully there's no other charges to catch my off guard or I might just go into cardiac arrest. In other news, andre got into an accident tonight. Thankfully he's alright. He got the ticket, but I hear he's gonna fight it. I hope he takes that bitch for all that she has! hahaha, I'm only joking. I'm not mean. But if he does fight it, I hope the law favors his side. Oh yeah. Work was extremely interesting today. I guess there was an electrical fire outside on the line. I was standing in the kitchen talking to steve when all of a sudden the lights just started flickering. Kinda reminded me of china when the lights in a building did some crazy random on/off thing. So when the power finally decided to go off, the generators kicked in to give us dining lights. We also had full use of the grills and steamers, but after Trip (the owner) found out what was going on, he told us to close until we got power back. I was hoping they'd have to close for the day, but no. Instead, we did yardwork for maybe half an hour before the power came back. The computers were still down though, so the waitresses and people on drive had to tell us their orders orally. It got a little confusing, especially as we had a flock of people arrive, but everything worked out. That's all for now. I think I got 30 days till college, but who's counting?
give a word, take a word
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jburt1
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2004 26 July :: 1.06am
:: Music: yellowcard "ocean avenue"
Well, well, well. I got back from Detroit tonight. It was just my mom, my sister, and I since my dad decided to "rest up" at home. We had a bit of difficult getting there (due to contruction and whatnot it took 5 hours for a normally 3 hour drive) and coming back (I didn't know there was a difference between 196 and I-96). We had a good time visiting our family though. Rachel is doing well. She's speaking a lot more now, although she is still shy at first. She's also very smart. As my uncle said, she can rememeber the exact plate someone may have used at dinner two weeks previous. My aunt and uncle seem like they're also doing well. They traded their other lexus in for an SUV lexus. Man is that car niiice. They best thing, I think, is that you can control the radio right on the steering wheel! How cool is that? My grandpa, who's in his 70s, is driving this really nice mazda, too. The best thing about that is the new car smell. Mmmmm. Meanwhile, my family is driving the aging contour and the POS wagon. My mom talked about getting a ford explorer, which would be cool, but I"m not holding my breath. Continuing with the materialism...I got my cell phone! At first, I wasn't sure that I liked it but now I'm glad I made the decision to get one. My dad had to sign for it since I don't have credit, but I paid for it and I'll be making the monthly payments. It's one of those picture phones with a bunch of cool features like voice dial. I can can even surf the web on it, but that'd involve paying more, which I dont' want to do. I signed up with verizon so I get 400 monthly minutes, free nights and weekends, and free in-network calling. A good deal if you ask me, besides the fact that I only know 2-3 people with verizon. I've only had the phone for 3 days, but I'm already falling into the dangerous habit of talking and driving, something I told myself I wouldn't do. I was doing it on the highway coming home because I was getting bored and talking to my friends waked me up, but then after Melissa's (I went there tonight to watch The Ladie's Man and play ping pong..man do I suck at that) I was talking with mike while we were driving next to each other going down henry. I came to a flashing red light, stopped, and then went, even though a car was approaching and had the right=of-way. The car made a right turn, but still that coulda been bad. Maybe I should do as linkin park does: "I'm breaking the habit...Tonight."
give a word, take a word
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jburt1
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2004 24 July :: 9.06am
Crap. I've misplaced my glasses and I can't see a thing...well I just can't watch tv without my contacts for that matter. Maybe this will be an excuse to get new glasses? Anyways, two days ago I got my phone. It's pretty sweet. I bought it at radioshack in grand haven because 1) it was cheaper than at the verizonwireless store and 2) kirsten works there, so she got the commission for my sale. I got a one year contract in case I don't like it. So far, so fine. I heard that I can't download free ringtones, though, and if that's true, that kinda sucks. I guess that's not what I bought the phone for. Well, today we're on our way to see my aunt, uncle, and cousin in detroit. My dad's taking the time to "rest up" at home, so me and my mom have to drive their ourselves. It's not difficult to get there, just tedious.
give a word, take a word
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jburt1
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2004 20 July :: 9.33pm
b182 "miss you"
It seems like a lot has happened in the last twenty four hours. For one, Kirsten IMed me and told me she wants to get into Loyola's business school. She didn't even know that I was going there. It'd be so cool to see her on campus though! Also, Lauren IMed me and told me that some of her friends think I'm hot. Sure, it gave me a bit of an ego boost, but it also made me think of the difference between how I see myself and how others might see me. As I told lauren, however, I'm still the same cute loser I've always been. Most "dramastically" though (my own word there), was saying goodbye to emily. I went with her and her family to GR's airport to see her off. It didn't hit me that things wouldn't be the same again until we walked over to the security check in front of the terminals. Emily started crying, and I'll admit I got a little misty-eyed as well. She wrote me a letter that I read when I got home, and that was hard to read. I guess Jonie Mitchel is right: you dont' know what you've got 'till it's gone. Emily and I had something special that I never fully recognized. It makes me wonder where the future will lead. I thought it'd be strange driving home with just her mom and brother, but strangely it wasn't. I'm supposed to get a call from her tonight, so I better get offline...
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jburt1
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2004 19 July :: 11.22pm
My throat hurts like a bitch. According to our medical dictionary, I might have Mumps, but considering the fact that I'm vaccinated against mumps, I don't think it's that. I gotta call my doctor tomorrow. When I went to pick up my prescription today there was a note from saying that I need see him about my sleeping problems. They've been their worst these past few weeks, but during the past few days I really haven't noticed it as much. Maybe I'm just getting used to it. Anyways, Im happy because my dad agreed to sign for my cell phone. Whenever I call people it'll be under his name, but at least it'll be mine. I have to pay the bill, but it'll be worth it. Also, Mrs. Netcott called me today to find out what I scored on the AP exam. She was happy that I got a 3 but knew how much I wanted/needed a 4. It's alright though. I am ecstatically happy for Katie...she showed that test who's the boss, lol. Well tomorrow I'm supposed to go to airport with emily and her family to see her off. It's gonna be strange not seeing her until december, but that's the price we pay for transitioning the different phases of life. Right now it doesn't phase me that much that's going away, but I know this upcoming week will be strange, especially sing I hang out with emily more than anyone else.
give a word, take a word
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jburt1
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2004 19 July :: 1.04am
Our internet's been down for the weekend, and although a lot has happened, I haven't had the need/time/energy/desire to go online. But a lot has happened. Today, for example, I was sick and tired but had to go to church and work a semi-suicide shift. It wasn't as bad, though, because I was out by 7:45 (we close at 7 on sundays). Still, I got a few burns. I kept on messing things up, too. It took my three times before I got this one order right: a special, no mustard. Unconciously I just kept saying "oh, fuck" to any mishap I encountered. To top it all off, Kimmer, one of the waitresses was getting on my nerves. Don't get me wrong, she's actually one of the nicer waitresses, but lately...Today she was talking about giving promiscuous blow jobs, and she looks like she's 60! Worse yet, she keeps calling me Jason! Ahh! I tell myself that I only have a few weeks left and I'll never see her again, so it's not worth it. But everytime she calls me jason I just think "please, don't attempt to call me by name anymore!" Seeing as I got out of work early and wanted to hang out, brandi and nick and some other people came to see White Chicks with me for only $2.00 at the cinema. It was some Star 108 movie of the week thing. Well, it was sold out. Instead, we decided to see Feirenheit 9/11. Great movie. Michael Moore's sense of sarcasim is fantastic as usual. After seeing this movie, I would vote democratic in the upcomming election. I'm not 100% sure of Moore's speculations because some of them seen so...out there. Still, he is a great documentarist. I just look at his work and baffle in how much work it must take to gather every piece of research, every film clip, pick out songs to match to ideas. That's something he's really good at. All the songs in his films go hand-in-hand with whatever point he's making. At one point, it showed army recruiters and the tactics they use to recruit people. Somehow, it doesn't seem ethical; they try to pressure people into being in the army. This one recruiter was telling some kid: "well, can I just have your name and address so that I can mark you off as not interested." Uhm, yeahh. The ending was the absolute best though. You'd only see the humor if you knew the how the phrase really goes. It's president bush giving a speech where he goes: "There's a saying in Texas: Fool me once............(long pause)......shame on you...(another long pause)...and then you'll never fool me again." Oh, we bust out laughing so hard after that one. Despite the comic element, it was a serious documentary. To briefly relive 9/11 gave me goosebumps, and I was horrifed to see charred, burnt, bloody, innocent, lifeless bodies of civilians, or the grieving mother of a solider killed. Off that subject. I hung out with emily for just a little bit on saturday night. During the day I went to target and bought her some going away gifts. I got her a sandwhich maker, a pack of car airfreshners, and a cork board. I was kinda surpried, but she made me a fleece blanket. It's pretty nice. The night before that, Friday, uhm...I don't know where to start with that one. Full-out makeout session (or so I thought of it). Kinda surreal. Pleasent. Awkward only immediately after. It made me think about life. It doesn't help that I'm reading a book about jesuits, but I find it admirable that men can choose a life of celibacy to devote themselves to god. Don't worry, I'm not thinking about becoming a priest. There's the whole catholic theology thing that'd get in the way. But back to my point, I think my life is out of balance. I think if everything where in balance, I'd feel a lot different. But then that got my thinking about something angelina jolie said on jay leno about compartmentalizing your life so that your, sex life is different from, say, your religious life. I've been living by the principal that everything must coincide, so I don't know what to believe. The one thing I can agree on, however, is balance. I need it. Everything needs it to be their best. well I should get going. I haven't slept much in the past week. The nurse from my doctor's office still hasn't called me about my sleeping problem. Strangely, even though I've been sleep deprived, I've been cleaning like I have an OCD and staying up late.
give a word, take a word
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jburt1
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2004 15 July :: 4.08am
Wow, I just got back from my first american club experience. The only other time I've been to a club was in Italy. I had a blast when I was in Italy, but this was fun too. To celebrate andre's birthday, jill, jami, amanda, and me went with him to club maxum in grand rapids. When we got there no one was dancing, but by 1:30, about the time we left, it was packed. The dance floor was so hot too. I could feel the sweat dripping down my face. By the time amanda and I retired from the dance floor for the night, but they finally played "Overnight Celebrity." Not that I was waiting for that song or anything, but I could definitely "get my groove on" to that song. Jami didn't have the best time, because two different guys made her feel...uncomfortable. I hope andre had a good time though, since it was his birthday. Afterwards we all went to Steak-n-shake for some food. They have good fries (it's been a while), and their chocolate mint milkshake is good. Andre dropped me off at home. He seemed to have had a good time. I gave him the cone emily and I "obtained" for him. It's a huge-ass one. Well, I gotta be at work in less than seven hours.
give a word, take a word
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jburt1
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2004 13 July :: 11.43pm
not a good day...
So I go into verizon wireless this afternoon to sign up for a cell phone. All night and morning I had been debating in my head whether I should buy it now or wait until the end of the month. I wasn't sure that I wanted to pay $40 bucks for the first month when I wasn't really gonna start relying on it until august/september. Anyways, I decided what the hell. I'm here, I might as well do it. I knew there was a credit check involved. I've had a visa checkcard for the past 6 months, though, and I was told I should have some credit from that. Well, I don't think I do. I mean, it could be worse; I could have bad credit. But when you have no credit, it's hard to get places in life. It's hard to get a cell phone, for example. In order to buy one under my name at verizon, I have to put $400 down. That's 400 bones that I won't see until the end of the contract. If I sign a two year contract, that's two years worth of interest I'm losing, not that it's that much anyways, but still... Well I end up leaving. I headed over to american eagle to look for some jeans, but I saw someone I knew working there, and since I wasn't in too great a mood from finding out I am not credit-reliable, I decided to leave, lest I'd have to talk to this person. After this I get home to a bitchy/crazy mom. Fortuneatly it was just a temporary flair-up. She's better now. Still, it's so frustrating to deal with sometimes. Anyways, my dad left a message for someone to call him, so I did, and I found out that our green car is dead. (RIP magical station wagon!) This brings both good news and bad news. Good: we don't have to have a station wagon anymore and we can get a new car. Bad: we have to pay for a new car. It's a little distressing. My dad's looking to buy within the next two weeks. My family is rather dependant on two cars, so with one car it's kinda difficult to function. My mom, however, wants my dad to wait until december, when our other car is paid off, to buy a new one. There was a time after my mom's car got stolen in 6th grade when we functioned on one car, but then again my sister and I rode the bus to school and the store was within walking distance. After we moved to the house we're in now, my parents decided they couldn't get by on one car alone and bought the red one. For a while they had double car payments. But now that my dad's job situation is unstable, I guess so are our finances. I have this thought that life is just easier when you have money! Anyways, if we do end up getting a car soon, it better have a CD player. One of the downsides is that the money that we'll have to use to pay for the car, could've gone to help pay for my college education. Oh well. I'll be a naked, entertainment-starved college studnet. My dad seemed to distraught about the car, so I didn't think it was the best time to ask him if he'd buy me a cell phone (since the damn phone compnay doesn't trust me). A few nights ago I had a dream where I was smoking. Emily said that means I'll have prosperity. Not to be materialistic, but I hope that's true. By the way, it just dawned on me tonight that emily's only gonna be here for another week. I gotta savour this time. Tonight we went to the cold, windy beach and watched the storm over the water. Lindsey Earnest and some other park ranger (Malady?) startled us with their bright-ass flash lights, but at least they weren't all authoritative and bitchy. Well I'm gonna try to get some sleep.
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