good day sunshine

:: 2004 26 April :: 8.50am
:: Mood: so/so
:: Music: suede-the drowners

another day of school >.>
well its another day of school....but today is a special day, last night robert told me that this girl named j.j. told this ashley girl i was gay, and she has a loud mouth, so today should get rather interesting....*nodnod*

right now im running through the house...looking for my mathbook so i can do my math homeowrk at the last minute >.> so i dont fail...

feh, so i guess i'll update again later *nodnod* im out for now...

Joe

2 meters | roll it

:: 2004 26 April :: 8.15am
:: Music: Hilary Duff - Come Clean

the rain will wash away your past

really?

:: 2004 25 April :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Jessica Simpson - With you

A cold, delightful treat. perhaps one of the more happier things that highlighted my weekend. Maybe having a white creamy substanc ein my mouth makes me joyful?
Haha, my subject is something to laugh about. I got back from Bruster's about 20 minutes ago. Fooled around in the parking lot with Brianna (not liek that you dirtty people, we're gonna be JUST liek Will & Grace) and walked her dog a bit. I love you sweetie pie!! I had a super-swell time.

Weird things happened in forecast news though. It seemed that everytime we went more and more up the road, the gray clouds followed....

i've spilled my heart for you
-Robert

:: 2004 25 April :: 7.42pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: The way- Clay Aiken

weeee updated ^^
i updated the layout...once again! ^_^ isnt it cute? i love it. it took me forever to get the posts to move to the left so i can put that sessy piccy there, but hey, i finally did it^^ *cheers to himself*
yay for me!

i need to redo all the music though >.>....feh...i had to reset my journal...so it has no tunes right now >.< hopefully i can fix that soon *nodnod*

i went to see 13 going on 30 yesterday! ^^ it was soo funny^^ and there was 2 people i new from school who were there, it suprised me... tyler B. was there, and so was natalie ^^

we like all went into the same stores after the movie..it was creepy, lol

well anywhos im talking to kaley right now...and yeah...tommorow is school, and im actually happy to go, because i was rather bored this weekend besides the movies *nodnod* i talked to my loving bf though ^___^

love ya frans ^^

well anywhos im gonna stop writing now, before i get too carried away here...so im out..,

Joe

oh and btw, i didnt delete all my previous entries, you just have to hit "view past entries" to see them *nodnod* i changed it that way, so that my backround doesnt tile all the way down...it looks wierd that way..

2 meters | roll it

:: 2004 25 April :: 11.25am
:: Music: none of your bussiness

FOO

The Spice Girls Are Love | Get The Code

:: 2004 25 April :: 11.16am
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: I'm just a kid - Simple Plan

I never thought about the universe it made me small never thought about the probelms of the world at all. Global warming, radioactive sites, imperialistic wrong adn animal rights! GO!
Someone has something crawling up their butt. Geez, Amanda and Matt were in thier mood yesterday. It might of been because of me and Corine. I'm glad elanna called this morning and told me though that they were in that "mood" all night and it might've not been my fault.
Well, um, ii guess since it's morning, my brain hasn't gotten used to the settings of today. I'll post later today....maybe

i've spilled my heart for you
-Robert

:: 2004 24 April :: 2.58pm
:: Music: echoes in my head

pardon my french you stupid bitch
Well. . . haven't updated in a while.. . . ::laughs:: you guys are lame if you are keeping tabs on my life.
Well, nothing much happened. The usual idiocrity in school and despisement of teenage social wasteland.
I went to the movies with Natalie last night. Saw Home on the Range. Shutup, it's a good movie. I cried in the middle for like 3 minutes....good times.
Hmm....i also participated in thr Geography Bee at school. Final 10 contestants out of 70. Good i guess? I won a balloon and a small candy bar. ::giggles::
Well. . . .i also have a homepage now. It's girly, i know. BUT I LOVE IT.

i've spilled my heart for you
-Robert

P.S: i sent in my 2 dollars for Woohu today!

:: 2004 12 April :: 6.51pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: Beautiful- HIM

yeah, i updated the layout again...feh, lol
well anyways, i think today was odd but good. I finally got to talk to Frans again, i havnt talked to him in almost 3 days ^^ i was soo happy^^ i love him soo much^^ our 1st month anniversary is coming up^^. I talked to bunny today, she dyed her hair again and her boyfriend was over when i called, i dont know him too well, but as long as shes happy im ok with it. i just noticed i know a lot of joes >.>

theres joe B ( bunnys lover)
joey (guard friend)
joey (school kid i know)
joe (another school kid i know)
and of course theres me, joe A ( the A part is an odd story...it goes along with joe B)

well anywhos....i got bored today so i went and downloaded an orlando bloom aim theme....its kinda neat lookin^^ i got in a wierd mood today and took the easter bunny costume, that my mom took home from work, and i put it on and wore it, it looked soo funny...i took the head off and pulled the chest of the bunny costume over my head and made it look like i was like a headless bunny^_^ it was sooo funny.

i also talked to kalyanee today, we watched t.v. for a lil bit than her phone cut off...and she never called meh back, but i guess its ok, i'll talk to her at school. I have french tommorow...oh fun -.- im really good in that class, but some of the kids in there like live to annoy me, and than i have Language Arts the wonderful class with the teacher who happens to steal my most personal notes....right now He knows im gay, and wonderful things about my ex...feh..well i really dont care that he knows, no matter to me..because right now, im in a really good mood, and no one can bring meh down.

I have guard practice once again on wednesday, we're sooooo gonna get yelled at, because i think i was the only one who practiced, but what can they expect? its been 2 weeks without a guard practice.....they should expect us all to be a lil rusty..

well i guess im off to go find something to do.... i'll update this again tommorow maybe,

im out

Joe

yeah i got bored..lol...so i added that in..

6 meters | roll it

:: 2004 12 April :: 2.34pm
:: Mood: bored

weee i took a long survey
1. Nicknames: joe, jojo, shmoejo, yomihura, big blue, joeayyy,
2. Birthdate: 12/20
3. Sex: male
4. Social Security No: I don�t know..
5. Where do u live: cape coral
6. What school do you attend?: Trafalgar middle
7. Siblings and their ages: cindy(15)
8. Zodiac Sign: saggitarius
9. Righty or Lefty: lefty

*********YOUR LOOKS*********

10. Hair color: Brownish blackish
11. Eye Color: Blue
12. height: 5'8�?
13. Do you wear contacts or glasses: none
14. Do you have any piercing: nopes
15. Where do you want more if you do: eyebrow, maybe lip.. and left ear
16. Do you have a tattoo: nope
17. If so what and where: --
18. What kind of shoes do you wear: sneakers

*****************JUST LATELY********************

20. How are you today: umm kinda tired-ish?
21. what pants are you wearing right now? green jean-ish pants
22. what shirt are you wearing right now? grey ck shirt
23. what underwear are you wearing? White red and black boxers
24. what does your hair look like at the moment? odd...
25. what song are you listening to right now? T.A.T.U- not gonna get us
26. what was the last thing you ate? Lunch - - chicken thingy
27. how is the weather right now? rainy-ish
28. last person you talked to on the phone: Um.. alexa?
29. last dream you can remember: one of the ones about Frans ^^
30. who are you talking to right now: Frans, and stephanie
31. what time is it? 2:36 PM

*****************MORE ABOUT YOU!*****************

32. What are the last four digits of you phone #? 7024
33. If you were a crayon, what color would you want to be? erm....baby blue?
34. Have you ever almost died? maybe..i dunno
35. Do you like the person that sent you this? I stole it from another journal..
36. How do you eat an Oreo?: Twist. Lick. Bite. Chew. Repeat.
37. what makes you happy? hehe..Frans and my bestest friends
38. What is the next CD your going to buy? Uhhh.. money?
39. What is the best advice ever given to you?: "watch out"
40. Have you ever won a special award? I dun think so..
41. What are your future goals? Umm.. get married and move outta meh house
42. Do you like to dance? umm
43. Worst sickness you ever had? the flu..
44. what's the stupidest thing you have ever done? Hahaha.. you really think I keep track of all of them?
45. what's your favorite memory? Many
46. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? my looks i guess..
47. where do you shop the most? The mall
48. How many kids do you want to have? Um..it depends on how many my future hubby and i wanna adopt
49. Son's name? i dunno
50. Daughter's? i dunno..
51. Do you do drugs? Nope
52. Do you drink? Eh.. once in a while
53. What sport do you dislike the most? golf?
54. What are you most afraid of? Being forgotten or left behind.
55. how many TV's do you have in your house? 4?
56. Do you have your own phone line? nopes
57. Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Yes :D
58. Who do you dream about? Frans ^^
59. Who do you tell your dreams to? not many people wanna hear em
60. who's the loudest friend you have? alexa, stephanie and me..lol
61. Who's the quietest friend? I don�t really have a lot of those
62: Whos you best freind? alexa
*****************JUST QUESTIONS****************

63. Is cheerleading a sport? yep
64. how many licks does it take to get to the center? Why don�t you try?
65. which came first, the chicken or the egg? I could never understand that..

**************** YOU AND LOVE**********************

66. Do you believe in love? yep
67. Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend? yep
68. Do you have a crush? theres certain guys who i think are cute....but im happy with my lover
69. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes I do
70: Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Beachy place..like hawaii^^
71. What song do you want played at your wedding? come with me by special d
72: What's the 1st thing you notice about the opposite sex? erm..
73. Longest crush: feh..
74. Are you too shy to ask someone out? sometimes..
75. Who do u want to spend the rest of your life with? Frans^^
76. Do you find yourself attractive? Not so much.
77. Do you find others attractive? yep..

******************WHICH ONES WORSE***************

78. Making out with Marilyn Manson or Rob Zombie? Rob Zombie
79. Having your tonsils or appendix removed: What's with the appendix and tonsils? I�d rather not have anything removed thank you..

******for girls abour guys (im a guy who likes guys so ha!) ********

i dont like girls in a sexual way so im only fillin out this one ^^

80. Boxers or Briefs? dont matter ^^
81. Long or short hair? All depends
82. Curly or straight? Also.. Depends
83. Six pack or muscular arms? Both..
84. Good or bad guys? A mixture of the two
85. Hat or not Hat? No hat.. maybe hat tho
86. Ears pierced or not? I like piercing
87. Tan or fair? -ish
88. Dimples? Sure why not
89. Stubble or neatly shaven? Sometimes a little stubble cant hurt.
90. Rugged or sporty? either or
91. Studly or cutie? Both
92. Accent or no accent? i love meh lovers accent! ^^
93. Glasses? dependa
94. Smart or dumb? Smart
95. What sport would he play? Dun matter

*******PICK ONE: THIS OR THAT?************************

118. Lights on/off? Off
119. Do u like sun or rain? sun
120. Mickey D's or BK? bk
121. Do u like scary or happy movies better? Scary
122. Backstreet Boys or NSYNC? Nsync
123. On the phone or in person? Person
124. Paper or plastic? Paper
125. Sausage or pepperoni? Both
126. Summer or winter? Winter
127. Root beer or Dr. Pepper? Dr. Pepper
128. Glass half full or half empty? Full
129. Tape or DVD? DvD
130. Cats or dogs? kittys!
131. Mud or Jell-O? Mud? Who eats mud?
132. Vanilla or Chocolate? chocolate
134. Day or Night? Night
135. Cake or pie? cake
136. Silver or gold? Silver
137. Diamond or pearl: Diamond
138. sunset or sunrise: Sunset -

*******************YOUR FAVS*********************

139. Color: blue, red, green
140. Food? i like a lot of foods..
141. Fast Food: Wendys
142. Candy? All
143. Ice Cream Flavor? chocolate chip cookie dough^^
144. Sport to watch? colorguard?
145. Fav type of music: All kinds
146. Radio Station: I dun know
147. Song: Dun feel like typing them
148. Band: Ditto
149 Number: 7
150. Fav actor or actress? orlando bloom, johnny depp^^
151. Fav. Month? january, august, december
152. Store? Dunno
153. TV Show? dunno..
154. Scent? i have quite a few..
155. Teacher? Ms. russell
156. Board Game: Clue
157 Saying? You Like It!

****************HAVE YOU EVER********************

158. Loved somebody soooo much it makes you cry? Maybe.
159. Smoked? Nup
160. Drank? yeah
161. Ever gotten dumped? Uh huh
162. Broke the law? nope
163. Ran from the cops? Nope
164. Stole something? nope
165. Tried to kill yourself? No
166. Made yourself throw up? nope
167. Been in love? yep
168. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? Of course

:: 2004 11 April :: 3.19pm
:: Mood: bouncy

Happy Easter^^
well its easter, and i got a whole pile of candy^^ im happy,

though i was stuck at church all day ( feh..) and i wish Frans was on, i love him sooo much and i want to talk to him. *thinks* maybe i should go out and get a international phone card *nod nod* that might work ^^; than i can call him and speakie to my lover.

im off school tommorow *sigh of relief* the only reason why i kinda like going to school is to talk to my friends. Im really gonna miss some of them next year, feh, chances are im gonna cry or somethin like that on the last day...im so emotional sometimes..but than again i cant wait til high school because it means that i can drive soon, and all that good stuff^^;

well i told another one of my friends i was gay today.....she found it cute for some odd reason, and wants me to be her best gay friend and go shopping with her.....i dont mind that really*nod nod* i like to shop ^.^ though i want to be just a normal friend, i dont see why my sexuality really matters in becoming a best friend...but i dunno, i'm not gonna dwell on it...though she made me think about something...she was asking me about why i keep being gay such a secret, and why dont i tell more people...i really should but im kinda afraid....because of all the junk that happened about robert telling people he's bi, i dont wanna end up hurt that much emotionally like that. I just dont think i could put up with it, roberts strong when it comes to taking insults and things, i cant stand being called those things really, it makes me angry and sometimes even feel like cryin. I really should set the record straight and come out with everyone....i mean i think the whole school thinks im bi, because of awhile back, when i thought i was..but now im fully gay....and i dunno...i just freeze up when i tell people things like that, i dunno why. Im just very weak emotionally i guess....

Robert. if you read this, i want you to know that you did something i could never have the strength to do. I hope you have the best of luck finding a guy or girl.

And Frans, i want you to know, theres not a day when i dont think about you. i felt soo bad that i could talk to you today, on easter, i need to somehow make this up to you.i love the card you sent, it was soo sweet ^^. i cant wait til im old enough to get outta here and be with you. i love you soooooo much. i was going to call you today, but it was too late when i finally got the phone card and everything. :sniffle: i dont like that 6 hour time difference >.<

well im off to bed to think about all these things on my mind.

byes all,

Joe

I love ya Frans ^^

3 meters | roll it

:: 2004 11 April :: 10.53am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Perfect: Simple Plan (AkA: The music you're listening to right now!)

I haven't been in a happy mood for awhile, ne?
WEll, I changed around my jounral, it probably looks sucky but I didn't want it to seem so depressing anymore. You like the hacker background? I did too, it was a tie between that and snow but I didn't want Robert to think I was trying to take his beautiful background ^.^;

And also, why some of the things look so perfect is because I'm learning html codes!So, I can make the opening theme in italics, bold, centered, alligned to the right, whatever! It's so cool.. I'm so tickled about it ^.^ Maybe I'll make an avidgamers sight and make it all purty! The reason I'm on so early is because I went to church on Easter (Yes, the tingling sensation was driving me crazy) But, I'll let you go do better things!

The Apocripha fan fic is coming along nicely.

See you on the other side

:: 2004 10 April :: 12.48pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Das Wandern

I seem to be comtemplating far too much these days..
If you've noticed have I seemed to be uplifted in anyway? I didn't think so..

My dad thinks I need psychological help. He's such an idiot, of course I need help. Mom suggested family counseling, but I don't want to go back to family counseling. Well, it was more for my dad than me, I hardly spoke. And she says I'm worrying over my possessions, which I probably am. But, I couldn't stand to leave any of my sketchbooks or composition books behind, lest he find the real ways I felt about him, ho sick my mind really is. I don't believe in spilling my heart out to a pudgy old man with glasses who nods and writes on his pad. It annoys me.

I'm taking inventory right now of what I want in my room. Most of my junk, I can leave behind for him but I do want some of the things I have now like my manga collection and my videogames. I must sound horrible, like some overly obsessive person, but I'm really not. Most of the things I want to take are the things that will make my room look better, the way I want it too.

But, I'm going off now to take the inventory.

See you on the other side.

Little Dark Child

:: 2004 10 April :: 11.10am
:: Music: Salt in our wounds-HIM

hey!
well i finally updated my journal, things have been pretty good^^ i went to the movies with mojo yesterday, we saw home on the range....my god...never again >.> but it was nice to get outta this prison called home and hang out with one of my bestest friends.

disregard all the dumb things i posted in the previous posts about being mad at people and wanting to kill someone...because all is good now, i got a bf, schools not too bad, my friends are all doing good, im just happy ^^ though theres been some problems with a certain few friends of mine, but im pretty sure its all good now.

I got to hear my bf's voice a few weeks ago, he called me all the way from holland, i love him soooo much^^ and his voice is soo cute. I love ya Frans! ^^

i went to the mall and got easter piccies a few days ago cause my mom works there, i almost like knocked out the bunny with my rings, lol.

X-treme rocks! we got 1st place in our lake howell competition with a score of 66.7! woo!

and at the championships we got 5th but we still did really good, we got a score of 71 point somethin.. which it like 40 points higher than our score in the beginning^^ I love guard^^

well anywhos im outta here for now, i'll update laters,

Joe

I <3 Frans 4~~~>

5 meters | roll it

:: 2004 10 April :: 8.17am
:: Music: none of your bussiness

grumpy as hell frozed over
I dont know..... i seem grumpy this morning. Maybe the fact that I'm up at 8:17 A.M....but didn't go to bed till 11:30.
Well, I'd like to thank the people who actaully cared about leaving journal comments. Most of my friends (actually, a majority of my friends) don't use the computer for livejournals....jsut for chat.
Hmm....hunger ahs driven man to insanity...today, it has driven me form my computer.

i've spilled my heart for you
-Robert

P.S: GOOD LUCK JENNY+MIKE!!

:: 2004 9 April :: 2.23pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: None

Awkward Days..
It seems like I'm just floating by today. Maybe it's the fact that we have no school today and I don't have anything to do, but it just feels like the day is drifting by.

Kelsea is over at DJ's, I believe. Jocelyn and Joe are oing to the movies, and I can't go with them because I have to go to church and get preached to by some old guy who thinks one MAN created the entire universe as we know it. (And that was a long-winded explanation)

We went to the mall to buy me an Easter/Confirmation dress. Great, just what I want, to be accepted into a society of naive morons. Then again, could I really argue with my father and tell him this was not what I wanted? Not really.. It's quite ugly on me. It's white with pastel blue flowers and soft green leaves. We bought white shoes to go with it. It's quite form-fitting, but it's just not me. I perfer the darker colors that make me look more dramatic than pastels that look absolutely horrid on me. Oh, well. It's not like I'm wearing it anywhere else.

I'll talk to you soon.

Little Dark Child

:: 2004 9 April :: 11.04am
:: Music: what plays in my mind

a hallway of thoughts criss-cross in my mind.....i'm saddened to only hear the echo of empty and grotesque feelings
:sigh: so many people around me have someone to be with.

[x]Mike + Jenny
[x]MiMi + Enzo
[x]Brianna + Casey
[x]Alyssa + her lovers (lol)

Ughh....I feel liek I'm left to the side. whether the person that did it was male or female....amybe it wasn't anyone....maybe it was me.

the sky grays
-Robert

5 meters | roll it

:: 2004 8 April :: 9.22am
:: Music: Story of the Year: Until the day I die

things are looking better
Ha... what a cowinky-dink... the subject I'm listening to happens to be the same music on my journal.
Well....as my subject says, i AM getting better. Not very many people say anything anymore. MiMi, Katie, Alyssa, and Brianna slapped some people across the face. But this kid J.C was being an asshole... oh well... he smells like a wet dog (litterally, it's gross) but I probably shoudn't be saying things liek this on the internet.... it would be rude and i'm nto a rude person. (lol)
Hmmm..... not much to do today.... algebra, computers, back to algebra, U.S Hisotry, and then Science.

i've spilled my heart for you
-Robert

:: 2004 7 April :: 5.46pm
:: Mood: crushed

I still hate her with unrivaled passion.
It is so terribly frustrating, I don't know where I am anymore. I hadn't really thought of Kristin for a few monthes or Morgan either, for that matter. I only worried about the few people whom I'm really attatched to.

Nick
Joe (both of them)
Jocelyn
Kelsea
Kalyanee
Tabitha

The list used to be a whole lot longer than that, but since Kristin abandoned me, it was thown into an inferno and I ran after it, scadling myself to retrieve the charred remains. Everyone says how I have so many friends, but these are the only ones whom I care deep enough to even consider about. I can find flaws about people, sure. And people whom I call friends aren't always exactly my friends. I've wrote in here several times about how my life sucks, but I could never compel to you my true hatred or agony. I could type until my fingers blistered and bled, but you wouldn't understand unless you were me. There is no one I can talk to but myself who really knows how I feel, and do I really expect an answer?

I love Nick so much. With every string of my heart and I wished I lived near him so I could take away all of that suffering. We were a match made in heaven, seriously. He is all I talk about.. or used to. People became annoyed with me talking about him so much so I was quiet. And the light inside of my blackened heart was bright, and never faultered for him. And I cry alot worrying about him. About us. I'm afraid that he will do something stupid to hurt himself or get himself in serious trouble. And that, I couldn't bear. He's put up with me and my cutting, suicidal attempts. My constant moaning and bitching. But I always accepted his adivce. I know he'd never accept mine, because I'm too young and too naive. He's such a strong person, to have put up with his parents for everyday of his life. I absolutely adore him for that. And these words:
BobtheDuffMan: I promise I wont do anything stupid
BobtheDuffMan: I love you too much to die
Make me feel so much at peace, the storm raging inside of me for the past few days has been settled and now the waves barely lick at the sides of the boat, but at the same time, that storm could flare up again any moment at the Furies beckon.

And Jocelyn, the sweetest person I know. I look up to her. Not only because she is my big sister, but she has the coping skills of a Goddess. She's like clay, molding to anything she is given. Sort of like Gumbie (^.^). She's gotten along better than I ever would have if my parents blocked me completely off from the world. In spite, I would kill myself and become something restless. I would haunt them all, still believing myself to be alive. I know she isn't the tender, happy person we all take her for. There is more to her than that. But, she never lets things get her down and she always looks ahead with a smile on her face, knowing everything will be okay.

I was reading her online journal and she mentioned talking to Kristin. Kristin.. I hate her. I cannot describe to you, dear readers, how her name makes my blood boil. It's like in those cartoons where the character gets red and the top of his head blows off, releasing steam. Except my hatred is rooted in anger and sorrow. And I have a million questions that yet to go answered. Why did she do it to me? Was she not my friend? How cold and thick could she have been to actually do something so cold and heartless? but she's perfect that way. She could hate you and you would never know it. She hides it so perfectly behind that face of hers. And then that question still haunts me, why? I saw it in her face the first day I met her. That cold, penetrating stare. I knew, perhaps, I should not be her friend but I wanted to be accepted, to 'fit in' I suppose. She had a fake facade and I could see right through it, but why didn't I stop myself? I'm selfish. I wanted her as my friend and I wouldn't take no as an answer. Maybe she thought it was funny, and that hurts most of all. How could you laugh at someone who looked up to you, loved you, would give anything in the world for you and act like it bothered you none? It's simple, she's herself, I suppose.

And Morgan, oh, how I would love to wrap my hands around her perfect throat and squeeze until he begged for mercy. But I would do no such thing, mercy is for those with humans with hearts, with emotions. I'd like to see the blood trickle from his perfect lips, his beautiful auburn eyes roll back into his head. And I should like then to throw him aside and make Kristin feel the pain to which I was forced to endure. You all think me insane, but what I say is only truth. I would like very much to kill him with my own hands. The hands that can no longer feel. The way they touch. The way they talk. The way they look at one another, it's sickening. And when little old Morgan moves away, I shall think Kristin should be sad and that Morgan might have a little 'accident'.

I leave you all now with this thought that many will argue with me about.

For years man has given meaning to things and objects. The planets, space, the ocean, animals. But why do they give meaning to other things. What is the point, when we, ourselves have no meaning at all?

Yours Sincerely, Little Dark Child

My mood of yesterday has came and went like the tide upon the shore. And I fear upon it's beaches I shall never again see an abalone beauty waiting in the sand.