:: 2007 1 June :: 1.19 pm

A serious update on my behalf. If you don't like it, piss off.
In some ways I feel like I have messed up my life, yet I feel like I have everything I need and I'm happy.
I have lead it in a path that would take a very long time to reconstruct if such events happened that would cause me to fall flat on my ass.
I know that if Mike and I ever split up, I wouldn't be the same.
It would take me a very long time to get over it and even then, I don't think I could fully get over it.
I used to be a pretty independent person.
I could hold my own, and I didn't need a guy there all the time.
But I was very unhappy and I made a lot of decisions that I'm not proud of.
I let my mother get the best of me.
I am very happy with Mike, but sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out for this whole relationship thing.
Maybe its that I'm still in shock that we have been together for 19 months.
Whatever the reason is, it doesn't explain why I keep screwing up.
Why I can't put my sarcastic, bitter, 'could-give-a-fuck-less' attitude in the closet.
I feel like I have to do everything I can to see how long before he breaks.
I feel like I keep screwing up all the time, or saying the wrong things, to see what will happen.
To see if he's had the last straw.
Why does my brain have to be so cluster-fucked with thoughts and emotions all the time.
Guh!

1 *gazer* | *watch the stars fall*

:: 2007 31 May :: 2.55 pm

The heat has me cranky and tired.
Im not very much fun to be around.
Today was a miserable day at work.
Oh and let me tell ya if I felt like typing out how my day went, trust me you'd get every last detail.
So I will just leave it at this.
Christine is a fat fucking lazy skank ass that smells like bad fish and dirty socks.

Anyway.
Baseball tonight in Palo.
Woohaa!
Im too tired to even sit here.

8 *gazer*s | *watch the stars fall*

:: 2007 28 May :: 10.49 pm

Thoughts on my birthday
As my birthday nears, I'm not as excited as I was last week or the week before.
It's not going to be as grand as I had anticipated because more than likely I won't be able to afford to do anything.
I'll be taking the day off of work, but it won't be to do anything I'd like to or will be enjoying.
Something has me in a mood right now.
Well more like all day.
Mike told me that he'd try to make my birthday special for me without having to go out and spend money.
It was sweet.
This morning he woke me up at about 2, and told me that he thought we needed to spend some quality time together.
That he wanted me to be awake with him and watch a movie and cuddle.

Hopefully Jamie quit calling Carley.
And I also hope what Mike and I said to him, didn't make matters worse.
Mike started in when he called me a 'fucking dead beat'.

3 *gazer*s | *watch the stars fall*

:: 2007 26 May :: 6.19 pm

So no fair with Carley today.
That bummed me out.
I was really looking forward to it.
Instead I went to the Car show, ate elephant ears and watched the smoke show with Mike and Darielle (his daughter).
Now I am waiting for Buc and Mike to get back with the car so I can go to dinner with my dad, sister and brother in law.
My arms are cold and tired.

*watch the stars fall*

:: 2007 25 May :: 8.34 pm

So my tara and my katelyn have finally graduated.
And still 2 years later, I do NOT miss high school at all.
It was fun while it lasted, but it was time to move on.

Blazin' buffalo & Ranch Dorito's are my new favorite.
Except they need more of a ranch flavor to them.

Right now Wayne is here looking at Mike's truck.
He's interested in buying it.
My Carley is coming over tomorrow!
We're going to Sheridan Fair it up!
There's PONIES!
It's a little rinky dink springfest.

I also have to make time for my sister and brother-in-law.
Perhaps they will join us all at the fair tomorrow.
oOoh!

1 *gazer* | *watch the stars fall*

:: 2007 22 May :: 5.27 am

Baseball 4 nights a week is going to be the death of me.
My birthday is nearing.
17 days actually.
Im way excited.
Red Lobster for Carley and I!
Not sure what else though.
Mike isn't getting very excited about my birthday.
Oh well.

Tara and Katie Graduate on Thursday!
Makes me feel old.

*watch the stars fall*

:: 2007 18 May :: 3.11 pm

Things seem to be holding themselves together.
I went back to work on monday.
It was a little rough trying to get back in the swing of things, but I managed to get myself through the week.
I realized that I function better if I sleep less.
Actually, I have a hard time falling asleep or feeling tired before 11:00.
My last day through Peoplelink is the 28th, and then I transfer to Manpower.
Unless GRC decides that they want to hire me in full time.
I sent a rather lengthy email to the head HR personnel today.
I thoroughly explained my reasonings behind why I believe I should be hired in, with details of what my daily tasks entale.
I, being a temp shouldn't be doing the computer update, the paper work, making labels, or full-time employee annual testing. (There are other tasks but my mind fails to remember them).
I also became line leader when I returned back to work, because Micki went to Rockford to work on third shift..
Total crock if you ask me.
I care about my job because I fear losing it, but I don't care enough to blow or kiss ass to get a raise or promotion.
I signed a job posting to work in service, but I won't get it.
I spent 3 hours doing computer testing today and then I was frowned upon because my line was behind.
Not my fault by the way.

Mike got his lay off slip last night.

Sorry, I am just in the mood to piss and moan about whatever I possibly can.
It started at 6:00 this AM.

3 *gazer*s | *watch the stars fall*

:: 2007 14 May :: 5.15 am

I go back to work today.
Im not that excited about it.
I enjoyed being laid off but the lack of money sucked.
Unemployment was paying shit.
Mike is losing his job in two weeks.
Its been awhile since I've seen 5 AM.
And I think I got up way too early.
I slept wrong on my neck.
If you haven't noticed I feel like complaining right now.
Meh, whats the use.

*watch the stars fall*