godessalthena
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2017 28 November :: 12.50am
Please don't make it 3
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goodbye
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2017 24 November :: 5.26pm
I had a beautiful day with a beautiful friend, teacher, and mentor. It's been pretty shitty since I got here, but mostly that was fabricated in my head. I love my family and friends. I love that I can count on them for support.
I never needed to come home. I just thought I wanted to. I think I'll do fine here... I just have to change my mindset from feeling like a teenager in my parents' place to feeling like an adult who is still in charge of her own destiny.
There was nothing causing this to happen. I didn't fall on hard times. I was never forced to do anything. I could have stayed there far longer. I could have probably got on the management track. But honestly, I think regrouping and deciding on a different course, one I will enjoy more, is going to be far better for me in the long-run.
There was no doubt, but just to reiterate, I'll be okay.
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godessalthena
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2017 23 November :: 10.52pm
I try to be sweet and loving and caring and helpful and yet I ALWAYS manage to ruin the night by being a psychotic bitch
Im not made to live on this planet. Im not made to love other humans. Im just worthless. A sack of shit. A piece of useless garbage.
Same as I always have been same as I always will be. You can't change the core of a person, only the nuances surrounding them. I give up.
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godessalthena
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2017 22 November :: 12.14am
I just want a stupid smoke
But no lighter no matches no flint stone
No nothing
>:(
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goodbye
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2017 16 November :: 9.02pm
I do feel like I've accomplished alot there. I showed that I can swim when the tide gets rough.
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godessalthena
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2017 16 November :: 6.53am
My least favorite way to be woken up is by phone call
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goodbye
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2017 11 November :: 11.57am
:: Mood: defeated
Same as it ever was.
2 brave words |
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godessalthena
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2017 6 November :: 3.08pm
I hope it still hurts
The hole I made in your heart the day I left
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godessalthena
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2017 1 November :: 2.07pm
So so tired of existing
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godessalthena
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2017 31 October :: 10.35pm
Sometimes you make me wish I could disappear
It not that I don't listen to you because I do, I just have a hard time piecing things together about people
Maybe it's just me being selfish maybe I feel like you never listen to me either
Maybe nothing really matters and everything is just a big old fucking waste of time we all end up dead anyway
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godessalthena
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2017 30 October :: 2.13pm
i hate that you love them so much. the stories related to me don't inspire trust or confidence and i find myself reaching to make connections that aren't there.
where does this loyalty come from?
why are these drug addicts so important?
but there's no way to talk to you about it. and there's no way to express my feelings without sounding like a dumb jealous cunt.
but i can't see their value in your mind, i can't even see their value to society.
but they are probably right. i suck. i'm fat and ugly and stupid. a waste of time. just like they are to me.
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goodbye
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2017 29 October :: 1.00pm
The rest of my life is a blank slate... and I'm not sure what to fill it in with.
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goodbye
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2017 24 October :: 12.05am
Rape isn't funny. It not only is a vile act that happens all the time and that completely destroys the life of the victim, making jokes about it lessens it's impact, making it harder to be taken seriously and making it more difficult for victims to speak out for fear of victim blaming.
Don't make rape jokes or laugh at rape jokes if you want me to think you're a good person.
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godessalthena
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2017 22 October :: 8.40am
so much debt
so many stupid fucking decisions
i'm a fucking piece of shit and i don't deserve nice things
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godessalthena
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2017 14 October :: 7.55pm
i love the feeling of fresh ink
especially when i know the next session will be the last and this sleeve will finally be done and i can move onto something else is so exciting
i was to get an evil eye on my chest between my wings, get the wings touched up...
i really need to get my back stars covered or fixed because they are just so terrible and i would love to have something awesome back there instead of just some half ass whatever.
but man my legs are so bare
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