Sometimes I don't understand why my friends like me so much... I'm not very attentive. I'm not good at having conversations and not being awkward. I'm not a very kind or generous person.

I suppose I'm caring... but am I really? Can any human truly be so? Often times I wonder whether I'm just attempting to fit a role made up for me... One I don't really belong to or believe in but one I feel I must achieve or show I care about.

Do I really care about anything? Nhialism got ahold of me last summer and it's hard for me to shake it, even though I've been trying. It all continues to seem so pointless in many ways.

I'm a few months away from 30 years old and I still can't figure this thing out. I still can't get a grasp on life and society. I still feel like a child. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I feel like a kid dressing up as an adult. I'm sure my height has something to do with it... but I'm just... I'm not ready... for any of this.

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