Unknown Alice.

:: 2017 8 March :: 9.23pm

yeah......... but why?

:: 2017 7 March :: 10.23am

endlessly behind at work makes me feel anxious

mandatory overtime makes me mad

i just want a legitimate day off

2 brave words | leave a comment

:: 2017 2 March :: 10.24pm

go see logan you won't regret it

:: 2017 1 March :: 8.05pm

i need to get some ear plugs for jams

because i already am half deaf i don't need help the rest of the way

sometimes the guitar teacher comes. she hasn't really played electric before but her and juanholio are pretty fairly matched when it comes to general skill and knowledge

he gets a special glimmer in his eye when she comes over it's cute

i hate how hopelessly hermity i am. but making friends is hard and talking to strangers that could turn into friends is the terrifying.

meh

:: 2017 26 February :: 9.01am

I had a PTSD flashback last night. Accompanied by long-lasting ticks and about 3 lbs of tears.

That is the first time I've experienced something like that... it was very frightening. It's difficult being out of control of your body and emotions. I really need some help with this. I can't wait to see my therapist tomorrow.

:: 2017 19 February :: 9.27pm

All day has been a painful memory. Tearful moments of wishing things were different than they turned out to be. It's not gone and will never be gone.

My family was here at least. At least they were by my side. That's all I need. I can count on them. It feels so good to just be myself at least with three people on Earth... and a puppy, of course. Judgement-free.

Love and respect and home is all I need to feel right now. It's a big bandaid that's stretched over a deep wound that doesn't seem to heal. One half of the bandaid slips off and support is the adhesive that secures it again. My family is everything to me.

:: 2017 17 February :: 7.01pm

3 out of 4 individuals on the special project team has the favorite animal of a giraffe

coincidence?

i think there's a definite correlation between weirdos and giraffe lovers.

oh and geniuses.

:: 2017 16 February :: 10.02am

there's a hole in the bottom of my heart
and all my blood is spilling into my organs

:: 2017 16 February :: 6.40am

im tired and i am filled with sadness and disappointment with myself

i wish i could erase what happened

i wish i could have been smarter sooner

i wish i hadn't been such a shitty person

being with him makes me feel like i need to forget my past and pretend i was just born yesterday. i don't like hurting him, but i don't like being silent forever.

i just want to give up. it was easier when i wasn't loved.

:: 2017 14 February :: 6.21pm

i love dog stars they make the commute home even better

:: 2017 12 February :: 10.28pm

everything is slightly up and to the left of center

not sure i like it

:: 2017 11 February :: 3.40pm

Headaches starting. I need iron pills to balance my lack of it this week. Every time it's the same thing - migranes all week long. I need to also get a cast iron skillet. I think i'll make that my plan this weekend.

I also need to clean and get my taxes done. I always get so nervous when I have to take care of them but procrastinate because they suck. Some things make me very much dislike being an adult.

I'm going to talk with my parents when they come over next weekend. I'm getting ill thinking about it. But it's something I have to do... this weekend anniversary will be particularly rough.

I can't wait until it's all over and I can just relax and be myself. Maybe I should take some time off during the transition... I could use some days for rejouvenation and mental health. All this vilification is killing me.

I wonder if I'll ever find something good again.

:: 2017 9 February :: 3.25pm

we presented our solution and options for moving forward today to all the big wigs

despite our dry run the hour before hand being really rough, we really pulled through at the end

while we were derailed a few times by the attendees that were not the intended audience, the top 2 executives for our department were very impressed and happy with what was presented

it feels so fucking good to have this milestone done

in just 30 days we solved a problem that's been plaguing the boss man for 4 years.

we are the fucking kings and queens of promise

:: 2017 7 February :: 11.45am

Punch me in the gut just to see if I can breathe.

I'm contemplating something drastic. This choice will affect my whole life.

But I can't keep going on like this.