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Aaron
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2003 14 October :: 1.51am
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: The day the world went away, NIN
Everuthing withers to nothing, nothing is all i crave
I'm beaten, i'm bloody, with both my blood and theirs, and i'm sick of fighting already, but i've one the first battle... but yet, so many lie ahead, even tonight. but as i take my place if she falls, i take my place right here for now, in here arms, but i know you hate reading that over and over again, don't you?
-YYYYEESSSSS-
hmm...my mind is static, i think i might have the upper hand already. but no reason to get lazy, lots of work to do, and it's only ten to eleven, so what am i tired for? who knows. well, fuck, i'm not pissed at anyone right now. if devon were right here, i might not kill him. no, scratch that, i would. and i'd make it slow and painful. let him live for a few years, but cut off certain, extremities while he's asleep, and once those heal, move to other ones, until all that's left to take is his head.... ooohoohoo, thinking about that makes me worm and fuzzy inside, i wish he would read it, would someone givew him this adress please? then i will combat him verbaly until his weak optimistic brain is pulp, oh look, brain and brian are spelt almost the same, even thought they totally contradict each other.... well, i'll wait for tori to post now.
6 have a little |
faith
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Aaron
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2003 13 October :: 3.07am
:: Music: The day the world went away, NIN
clearing my head
ok, this is the last for tonight, i need to try and get some sleep. tomorrow i'll wake up and try to forget about what kalie said or what happened to maddy and focus on tori. yeah, that makes me feel better anyway, even if it doesn't solve the problems. but if kalie wants to go and lie up a perfect strom and kill us all, what the hell, and madeline doesn't seem to want tomuch help right now, so maybe i'll just let it blow over. well, good night. and i think tomorrow, well.................maybe i won't, maybe i'll chicken out, but who knows? i might, i might not. but it's 12:05 and i have jazz band in the morning at seven fourtyfive, so i need to ry to sleep, so byby.
PS i think it's funny how maddy acts like her apin doesn't effect me, yeah, she kinda screwed herself when she spilled her blood to me, so now it is my buisness, and sean will hurt for this, as long as i exist in the hearts of my friends, sean comfort will hurt.
faith
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Aaron
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2003 12 October :: 10.22pm
:: Mood: enthralled
:: Music: thegreatbelow, nine inch nails
well, here it is. we all have a place, so go and find it, and help the fight, or wait for life to pass you up, either works.
2 have a little |
faith
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Aaron
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2003 12 October :: 3.35pm
i love her too much to let go now. so i made that commitment, that godfucked commitment, but who cares? i have the only thing i want. i'm happy. wow. that doesn't happen very often when she's not around
2 have a little |
faith
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Aaron
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2003 12 October :: 10.40am
:: Music: sin, NIN
PS
I hope that PS thng in tori's journal wasn't about me. It would make me feel so much like they thought i was a toy, like only what they wanted mattered, like i wasn't a real person with real emotions and a real life, not some simulative drone for their plessure when ever they want it. why am i even bitching? i know it's probably not about me at all. but i'm still paranoid. she's rubbing off on me.
1 have a little |
faith
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Aaron
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2003 11 October :: 4.05pm
:: Music: white flag, by god knows who.
Tori
i missed you, even after two hours and twenty minutes i felt sick and totally deprived of you. i never, for a minute ever stopped thinking about you. well i guess that's love. i have to go, so i'll see you later.
2 have a little |
faith
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Aaron
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2003 10 October :: 10.22am
:: Music: NIN piggy
Never let go. this is where i belong. in her arms, never let go.
6 have a little |
faith
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Aaron
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2003 9 October :: 11.39pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: the day the world went away-you guesed it,NIN
Tori
today, as i leaned my head on hear shoulder, and held her hand, and kissed the top of her head, taking in the vanilla scent, and felt her head resting gently on my chest, irealized i could feel every thought and emotion running through her head, and the only reason it took me that long was that they were about the same as what was going through mine. love, a hard feeling in side, and cold. but pleasently cool, not freazing cold, and not a metallic hardness that just makes you upset, no, it was more like a wet cloth on your forhead in a sweltering heat, a refreshing and relaxing feeling. but i realized something else, i don't have to hide anymore. she has such a strong will to her, a power i don't think she even knows about. it's what will free her soul of her mind and hearts conflict, so that she can be herself, love, live, and lauph. that reminds me of one of my own quotes...
"life, love, frendship, you will want them all when you live, but you will need them all to survive"
I have her to survive, and i won't ever let go. no matter what happens, they can't take her from me now, i'll kill to keep her. she's mine, mine, ours, and mine, and i love her, more than most things, more than anything, but yet, i fear.............that maybe, i'll hurt her. no. not like they hurt her. they mean to hurt her. you can cut them without meaning, but you can only scar them if your trying.
5 have a little |
faith
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Aaron
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2003 9 October :: 10.30am
:: Music: Silence apocalyptica
now i know, once and for all, and it pains me a little, but the scars will fad, especially ten years from then. but until that day, in a matter of months, i won't let go of her. i don't care what they say or do about this. they're all just more bricks in the wall. i love her....
3 have a little |
faith
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Aaron
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2003 8 October :: 11.53pm
:: Music: terrible lie, Nine Inch Nails
My final potatoes
ok, that's mother fucking it, i've chosen my potatoes, and to hell with it all... i'm sick of hiding, i'm sick of holding back, this anger keeps breaking out in small bits and it's hurting other people... today, i blew up and almost killed madeline and hit my mom, and then i like, yeah, hid in my room for fourty five minutes. of course, i had a vision, and it scared the shit out of me, but now, no more hiding, no more holding back, i'm fucking going all the fucking way. i'm over the deep end now. don't try and pull me back.....
4 have a little |
faith
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Aaron
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2003 6 October :: 8.16pm
:: Mood: infuriated
:: Music: Hanging by a moment, life house
Tori, as always
hmm, hm hm hm...... i feel like complete shit ferris, i smashed a little kid named satan, i smashed satan, oh dear, dear dark master, i'm so sorry... well anyway, today i felt an awful lot like she was avoiding me. it was annoying, but i understand why, i'm falling even more in love with you letting go of all i've held on too, i'm standing here untill you make me move, hanging by a moment here with you.
38 have a little |
faith
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Aaron
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2003 6 October :: 1.05am
:: Mood: intimidated
:: Music: Silence apocalyptica
it feels like a long time since the night she said yes. but it hasn't been. what, two nights? well, it feels like a long time, but it's not. maybe she was right, but i've heard no one say that before. well, whatever, if we do we do, if we don't we don't i guess i'll pick my potatoes.... maybe this weekend....it'd be my first one. wow. i'm already thirteen and i still haven't.......that's a weirded out thought. well, yeah.
5 have a little |
faith
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Aaron
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2003 5 October :: 11.42am
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: piggy NIN
wow
i'm actually happy. wow. god fuck it tori, wha'dya do to me? ha...............ahhhh........i wonder when i'll have to fight again......i can't believe it, what they did to you, what we did to you, and well, that's just so much pain...nothing can stop me now.......I'd kill them all, but it's not really their fault, after, they run with the system, their just another brick in the wall......cause i just don't care.....i found it amusing how alex tried act like she was out. but i'm glad she's not, it's not worth it, but now that we're here, it's like maddy's quote, there's no going back, our potatoes are down......i see the truth when i'm all stupid eyed.........the perfect drug.........i love NIN. well, guess it's that much closer to over...
12 have a little |
faith
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Aaron
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2003 4 October :: 11.25am
:: Music: you know you're right, Nirvana, south park theme,matrix fight kungfu fight scene music,( this is the
she's right, i was right, we're all fucking right
Well, now that this is partielly cleared up, i've got some stuff to do......... shit i hate this part, oh well......I have to go before i'm shot by my sister
faith
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Aaron
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2003 4 October :: 11.02am
:: Music: you are the perfect drug, NIN
wow......
i actually believe it. man i was so tired last night that i couldn't remember what i'd said, so i went over the conversation this morning. i was so stupid in them, so so stupid, but i was happy, and i still am, sort of, but yeah........ i've got may head but my head is unraveling, can't keep control can't keep trck of where it's traveling, i got my heart but my hearts no good and your the only one that's understood, I come along but I don't know where you're taking me, i shouldn't go but wrenching dragging shaking, turn off the sun pull the stars from stars from the sky, and i want you, and i wan't you, and i want you, AND I WANT YOU! you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug, you are the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug.
you make me hard when i'm all soft inside, i see the truth when i'm all stupid eyed, you go straight to my heart, with out you everything just falls apart, my thoughts want to say hello you to you, my feelings want to get inside of you, my sole's sole fight to to realize to realize, every little thing just falls apart, and i want you, and i want you, and i want you, and I want you, and i want you, you are the perfect drug, the perfect drug the perfect drug, you are the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug the perfect drug, you are are the perfect drug........................with out you, with out you, everything falls apart, with out you, it's not as much fun to peices, with out you, with out you every thing falls apart, with out you, with out you it's not as much fun to pick up the peices.
faith
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