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m&ms487
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2007 1 October :: 11.25am
I hate the girl that sits next to me in communication theory. She always comes in, much more loud than she should, sits down, sprawls out, and reeks of cigarette smoke. That's when she is feeling well enough to show up.
It's a lecture hall and the seats are really small and close together, and she insists on sitting sidesway in the chair, so not only does she take up all of her space, but half of mine as well. I hate that I have to sit there for fifty minutes with her leg touching mine, knowing that she is looking at my notes and always saying the wrong answer when she gets called on.
I would move, but I'm not giving up my first row seat. Never.
It just irks me.
My public speaking class was canceled today, but I still have to stick around campus to meet with my acting partner so we can practice. Boo.
Tonight, fundraising meeting, and I have to put together my new folder that I bought. It's pink. I finally decided that I'm going to make this position my own, and I'm not going to use the previous Chair's folder anymore. It's a step toward empowering myself and building up the fundraising committee in the fraternity. It's a step, no matter if it's just a symbolic one.
It was raining and cold when I woke up this morning, and the government wasn't shut down. I was enthused by the first, disappointed by the second.
Looks like it's going to rain all day.
Michelle
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 30 September :: 11.01am
:: Mood: complacent
I just wanted you to know that I'm wearing the necklace and earrings you gave me two Christmas's ago for the first time. I thought they looked quite beautiful, and I just wanted you to know.
I love you, and I'll see you tonight.
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 29 September :: 11.20pm
:: Mood: blah
Rueben has left to go to a party. I'm watching fourty eight hours and cruising the internet, and going to sleep very soon.
Supposedly a woman drugged her husband, shot him, cut him up with a circular saw, stuffed him in a couple suit cases, and threw him in the Chesapeake Bay.
That's what I call tough love.
I laid in bed all morning after I got home from my homecoming responsibilities. It was wonderful to snuggle up in my fuzzy bathrobe while Rueben made me whole wheat pancakes with real maple syrup.
There are drunk people in the hall of my apartment. I'm use to it by now. It's a million times better than the dorm.
1 moo |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 27 September :: 1.08pm
:: Mood: amused
The settling has finally come. I'm settled into this semester: my classes, work, schedule, just settled.
It's a big relief. I can handle it all. I am handling it all. I've been very productive in the past few days getting out cook books that the frat is doing for a fundraiser. It's a big fiasco. They were suppose to be here in February; they arrived the end of August. We also have no mailing information for the people that ordered them. So, it's my job, with just a name and the amount they paid, to track them down. I had four left. Now I only have one.
If anyone wants to buy a Chippewa Marching Band cook book, let me know. It's twelve dollars. It has lots of good recipes in it, including drinks.
We still have to sell 180. Oh god.
But I'm going to the Alumni 'tent' on the morning of Homecoming at seven in the morning to set up a table in hopes that some alumni will want to buy them. We need to sell a lot to break even.
Classes are going well. I got my exam back in my public speaking class and, with extra credit, I got a 100, which was a huge relief. I have a high B or low A in just about all my classes. Some classes haven't really had any assignments, so I'm not sure yet.
Work is going better. I know people now. I know who to ask for what, and the rules and everything. I basically know what I'm doing. And, I'm giving away a lot of my hours, or asking for at least one day off a week (which they give me!), so I'm not working the ungodly 32 hours a week that I could.
Oh, and we're coming home for red flannel.
Michelle
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 22 September :: 11.31pm
I feel like shit because I'm sick. I knew it was coming. I knew it. And I had to work, and of course that meant that I had to close the desk, thus working until eleven.
And I'm not going to lie. I shut down the pc at the desk, and when I left, the SC was trying to get on it to flip the lanes over for tomorrow. And I shut the computer down, so he had to wait for five minutes for it to reboot. I just smiled and him and walked a little faster. Wow. I'm a bitch.
But seriously, I thought he already had it done.
Whatever.
I'm over it. And I'm going to go take a shower. A nice warm, steamy shower. Well, maybe not so steamy because it's like seventy five degrees in here already....
And today was just like yesterday,
You couldn't even tell the difference,
You said all the same things you always say,
And tomorrow will be the same.
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 20 September :: 1.11pm
Frida Kahlo.
Selma Hyack with a unibrow. I wanted to shave it during the whole movie....we watched "Frida" for the past two classes in my English 333, Literature of Latin America class. If you want to see Selma's boobs...oh, and her having sex with another woman...it's the movie for you; but I digress. It really is a good movie, and yes, sex is a fairly good chunk of it. Frida was married to Diego Rivera, the famous Mexican Muralist.
I was entranced with the movie. I need to see it again. I think I need to see it a few times before I'll be satisfied that I've thought about the things in it.
Everyone should see it if they get a chance.
Warning: There is a bit of gore (i.e. when she gets pierced through the vagina with a handrail from a bus during an accident).
Happy viewing.
2 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 15 September :: 10.32pm
When I'm back home I feel weird. I'm a totally different person. I honestly feel like I'm in high school again. A perpetual senior.
I don't know what it is. Maybe just being around the familar, my house, the road where I live.
I'm surprised that, as much as I hated high school, I am as fondly nostalgic as I am about it.
I have to study for my exam for foundations of communication theory. I think this might be a tough one. Communicationt theory is not my thing at all.
I found out last night that I'm getting a Little. That's a prospective member of the fraternity and I'm her "Big" brother that's suppose to help her through the initiation process over the next twelve weeks. I'm very happy, but I don't feel old enough. She and I are the same age.
I guess we'll see how it works out.
I'm doing well in my "big girl" english class. It's literature of non-western cultures, and I'm one of three sophomores in the class (everyone else is a junior or senior). We had to write a five hundred word paper (critical analysis) on a novel. The average score in the class was 37/50, and I got a 47/50...AND she asked me to send her an anonymous version of my paper so she could put it online as an example for the other kids in class....this makes me happy.
Michelle
4 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 12 September :: 2.12pm
The best feeling in the world is to wake up in the morning and go to Rueben's room, lay next to him, and feel his warm, sleepy arms tightly curl around me.
That's what love is all about.
2 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 12 September :: 12.39pm
The big drama in my life right now is tracking down a two thousand dollar scholarship that I was suppose to be getting from the university for academics, but they took off my financial aid for apparently no reason.
I'm just fine without the scholarship, but I would still like the money.
If I could get this scholarship back, then I could quit my job and just focus on school and the frat.
That would be nice.
I've been fairly overwhelmed with work and school and the frat...and I would love to be able to just focus on school and the fraternity...which I love dearly.
We had open rush last night and nineteen people signed up to get more information. That means we might have about twelve people rush this week! Yay!
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 10 September :: 8.37am
Wheatland was amazing. I got some henna tattoos and made a hemp necklace, and wore my Mike Gravel T-shirt and had people ask me about him. I listened to a ton of great music and danced a little, too. I also got a little obsessed with Llamas...but that's a story for another day.
I have class in about an hour. I haven't done any homework for a while. I'm slacking. This is going to be a busy week. But I'm still on a Wheatland/Hippie high.
Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?
[on Mike Gravel shirt, not my own genius]
It's so shitty that Mike Gravel won't win. I shouldn't say he won't. There is always the possibility that someone will shoot the eight candidates that are in front of him. But, until he is totally out of the race, I will do everything I can do educate people on his existence and stances. I'm surprised that I haven't talked about him more on here. I want him to come to speak at CMU. That would be the shit.
Mike Gravel:
Exposed the Pentagon Papers
Filibustered for five months to help end the draft
Alaska Senator in the seventies
Anti-War
Pro-Choice
Full LGBT rights (including marriage)
Universal Healthcare
Fair Tax
Decriminalize minor drug offenses and emphasis prevention and rehabilitation instead of jail
Honest....
Seriously, visit www.mikegravel2008.us
If you like him...let me know...I'll make you a shirt or something.
Also, facebook groups Mike Gravel 2008 and Rock08.
Or, add him as a friend on facebook.
Check it out.
3 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 6 September :: 11.06am
Sitting in the UC, eating my salad....
I went to the financial aid office and asked them where my honors scholarship was...the two thousand dollars that they took off my financial aid for no apparent reason, that I don't really need, but would like for rent and such.
They said they'd get back to me.
After this, I'm going to pearce computer lab to type up some minutes from my fundraising com. meeting and to print off my grade report and class schedule for the secretary (so they know I'm really in band and I have a good enough GPA to be in the frat).
Then, I might go home for a bit...but I have my acting class at two, then a pre-ed major meeting at six, a play to watch at seven thirty, and then my frat meeting at nine thirty. Then we're going to go shopping to get food and supplies for wheatland, which is tomorrow.
So busy...
I hope it rains tonight. I hope the rain comes pouring down and makes little puddles on my window sill.
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 28 August :: 4.40pm
16 credit hours + Fraternity + 20 hr/wk work = overwhelming?
I had to pretend to forge through strawberry jello in my acting class.
I want strawberry jello now.
2 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 26 August :: 6.22am
The earth is still.
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 24 August :: 10.12pm
The job is going better. I've gotten over most of the ackward phase where you're not sure exactly where you fit in and who acts like what. They only gave me three days next week, which is fine because i have sixteen credit hours this semester. I'm looking forward to staying busy.
It's been really hot out and the apartment doesn't cool off easy at night, so even though it's seventy out right now, it's still eighty five in here...but there are fans, which help.
It's about time to go to bed; I have to work in the morning. I fall asleep to the sound of sirens and tires hitting the pavement: my own genre of urban music.
2 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 22 August :: 2.08pm
It was warm out today. Too warm. Fark news: Redheads may become extinct because of global breeding (rueben says it's old, but I still find it disheartening).
My kind is going extinct. oh noes!
We went and bought our books today. It was upsetting. Just about three hundred for me, four for rueben.
At least my acting class doesn't have a book.
Miners? Yeah, they're definately dead by now.
2 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 20 August :: 8.29am
I haven't disappeared into the chasm known only as mt. pleasant. I'm here. really. I just don't have internet because my apartment apparently has wireless and my computer is too old to do that.
First day of work went well. the apartment is great. lonely, but rueben will be here soon.
I thought i had a lot more to say. i certainly did when i was thinking in the shower this morning...
someone say moo
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kate
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2007 19 August :: 1.35am
:: Music: Regina Spektor
Fotografia, Uniwersytet, Spac.
I never realized how uncomfortable this little box is to type in. It's shoved to the bottom left corner and no more than an inch and half high. The white background is pretty depressing too. I guess it's the perfect atmosphere for sappy Internet blogging.
There are a lot of things I want to do with my life. I wonder about if I'm doing them. I feel like I'm trying hard, but not making it very far. Why am I going to Alma College? I have proved that I'm a city person. I'm a street photographer. I'm going to a school with an excellent photography program.. but the school is in the middle of nowhere. In the middle of Michigan, to be exact. Not that Michigan is nothing. I have grown very fond of my state over the last year. But after living a year in Warsaw, I simply won't survive long in a small town.
It's money. It's all about money. If I had money I would drop Alma and go to study at Griffith University in Brisbane, Australia. If I had money I would buy a decent camera and photoshop. I don't have a camera right now. Can you believe that? I have this feeling of hopelessness without it.. this nothingless. When I was in the UP this weekend, my camera broke. I can't afford a new one. I want a nice one though, not just another digital camera every tourist or mom has. Sometimes I wonder who I'm kidding though. I don't know a damn thing about photoshop, about aperature or other camera technicalities. I feel like I know little more than the average photo taker. I guess that's not important though. What's important is that I take photos because I love to do it. I get frustrated, though, when I think my photo could be so much more, but my camera makes it look pixely or ruins the colors. I try to convince myself it will be better when I start college because I can get a job and save up for things like a nice camera, lenses, and I'll be taking classes to learn all of the ins and outs of photography and exercise my ability. But it's difficult to take a photography course with no camera. And it's difficult to get a camera when you owe the school $1,200 before you can even start classes and I've got less than half of that in my bank account. All I can do is rely on my parents once again, even though they can't spare the money. It only adds to the amount that I owe them. Maybe you shouldn't owe your parents, but I know they don't have much more money than I do, so I feel obligated.
I've been thinking about Poland a lot lately. I always think about Poland. Why is it that life works out in almost painfully ironic ways? My best friend is in Hungary. I know a language that will probably never help me in Alma, MI. My camera breaks a week before I start photography classes. Heh. All I can do is laugh about it. I accept that I need to work harder having circumstances like this.. most of the people I love the very most are all around the world. I will probably only see a few of them ever again, and then maybe only once more. And I know that I'm going to meet many more people that I will cherish.. and never see again. It's something I accept in traveling though.
I wish I could study in Australia. I really want that the most. I wish that the school would be more helpful to me and I wish I knew what my plan was for even the next year, let alone the next four years.
Perhaps I'm complaining. But who looks at this anyway?
God I hate money.
Justine.. you take really beautiful photographs. They make me feel everything at once.
Perhaps I should sleep. It has been a long day.
2 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 15 August :: 12.22pm
:: Mood: complacent
Change is upon us.
I leave on Friday to move into my apartment in Mt. Pleasant. Classes start on the twenty seventh, Wheatland is the weekend of the seventh, the shower is before my brother's wedding which is on the thirteenth of October.
Then comes my parent's moving.
When I come back for Christmas, I'll have a new house in a new place. Actually, it'll just be the place I'm staying until I move on again.
All the lists and the planning in the world can't quench my anxiety.
I'm happy that Rueben and I will be living together. It'll be nice to be with someone I can get along with.
Oh, what am I doing? Rambling on like this? Another symptom of my anxiety, I guess. I have to go pack. I'm behind. And I have a dentist appointment in an hour and a half.
Here I go, out into the world/ Looking, searching, for something to/ Hold Onto.
Michelle
2 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 13 August :: 3.02pm
Odd moods. Misaligned Chakra, or something? Not sure.
I have lots of packing to do. I wish I didn't have so much stuff.
2 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 8 August :: 7.25pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Pretty Baby - Vanessa Carlton
It's amazing how some make up, music, and clothes can put me in a good mood. I was rummaging through my closet looking for 'lost clothes' - clothes that i haven't worn in a long time, but still like. I couldn't find any, so i decided pull out my luggage that's been in there since i got back from college this spring...and i found it full of clothes that i forgot about! And it's all cute stuff, too, and, i tried on some pants that didn't fit in april, but fit now! (even though I'm bloated to the gills). I didn't really gain any weight when I went to college, but i've lost about ten pounds this summer, so all my stuff fits a lot better! AND I put on make up and covered up my zit that comes every month from hormones and trimmed and shaped my eye brows and curled my hair a little while listening to some up beat music and I FEEL HAPPY!
I know, girly stuff. Ew.
In other news, I painted my old night stand/ small bookshelf silver and wrote quotations about books on the sides and top of it in black permanent marker. It looks really awesome, and the great part is that the words cover up the horrible paint job. I realized that 1. I'm bad with spray paint and 2. I didn't get enough. Oh well, it's done now, and it's not john deere yellow anymore, thank god.
I talked to a Brother from the frat last night and got a little anxious and guilty about an upcoming project, but I feel better now that I realize that I didn't do anything bad, and now, after thinking on it a bit, I realize that it's not so terrible, or difficult, or terribly diffcult, or rather, not as much as i supposed it to be earlier.
I'm excited for the next couple weeks. Transitions! I'm leaving my Meijer, moving into my first REAL apartment, and starting up at a new Meijer with new people and new drama and new everything. I'm really happy with the classes that i'm signed up for, and really excited about band again. AHHH!
Michelle
[edit] This happy entry brought to you curtesy of off-brand midol.
1 moo |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 6 August :: 1.32pm
:: Mood: cold
Back to the simplest terms: listing
Things I hate:
Wasting ten minutes of my life arguing with a moronic, toothless old woman about the price of cheese she thought was on sale, but wasn't.
People who do a rolling stop at stop signs.
People who go before me when it's my turn at a four way stop.
People who pass me when I'm going the speed limit.
People who do the last three things within two minutes.
Feeling restless and uncertain.
Hot weather.
Going to work for a four hour shift.
I think that's it, for now.
5 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 30 July :: 9.50am
:: Mood: awake
My last day at the Rockford Meijer is two weeks away. I'm happy to get out of there. Everyone that's cool is leaving for college, too, anyway.
I'm finishing up on packing; I've been accumulating boxes. I'm excited, yet nervous. My first four days in my apartment are going to be alone because I have to move in early for work.
I keep on having dreams about it, the apartment, that is. Odd, odd dreams.
I'm going to the library today to donate some books. I'm trying to file my life down to a couple boxes that I can store at my parent's house until I'm thirty. Everything else will just be stuff that I need to live: clothes, make up, bedding, etc.; basically stuff I can fit in my car.
But my precious books. I'm leaving them. Donating most, saving the rest. They were my friends during those summer months when there was no school. Their stories helped me to reason, to analyze, to imagine. I know, I know, it all sounds so corny, but I guess that's only because there is truth in my statement.
But then there was critical analysis. It open up worlds of understanding for me, but it ruined me forever. Rueben is right. I can no longer read a book simply for a good story. I am constantly and incessantly analyzing whatever I can get my hands on: setting, characters, mood, tone, the list goes on...
And it's ruined for me. Simply ruined.
I traded the magic of a story for reason and analysis. I've discovered so many things through it, but that doesn't make it better.
Sometimes the best things in life are better left unexplained.
someone say moo
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jacqui-chan
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2007 26 July :: 8.46pm
Hmm.
Josh and I are over forever, and most the time I'm okay with that. He was such a jerk in the end that I know I can do better... or I hope. But I still get upset when he wants other girls. like, gorgeous was what he always called me, it was our thing. But then he just called some random girl that he barely even talks to gorgeous... like it didn't mean a thing. i can't help being a little offended... and sad. i try to ignore him and i remind myself constantly how stupid he is, but sometimes i have an overwhelming feeling of sadness that i'll never hold him or kiss him or hear him say "i love you" again. i guess that's normal though. i'll get over it eventually. i just wish eventually would come sooner. it seems like i keep taking 2 steps forward and 1 step back though. i wish it could just all move forward instead. meh, i'm so sick of being sad and missing him... or us as the case may be. i just want to forget it all. i'm trying so hard to eliminate all memories, but i know i can't ever do that. he'll always be a guy i loved, whether or not he's a big dumb jerk. i hate breaking up, i hate feeling sad, and most of all i hate feeling like i did something so wrong. hmm... whatev. i just need to stop thinking about all of this and move on.
if only all that was as easy to do as it is to say!
1 moo |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 26 July :: 4.38pm
Oh, and today is my three year anniversary with Meijer.
I think I should get a couple of gallons of booze and celebrate.
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2007 26 July :: 4.24pm
:: Mood: contemplative
I finally have it all figured out. Well, for now, at least.
I got ahold of the Mt. Pleasant Meijer, and my first day there will be August 19th. I called my apartment place and arranged for early move in on the 17th (four days early, and an extra $68, but at least I'll have a job, now).
Now I just have to get the electric turned on and buy a shower curtain. Oh joy.
I've begun packing today. We're all moving on, and, fittingly, I'm listening to 100 years by Five for Fighting.
Charlie moved out today. He's gone. I'll be leaving in three weeks. I'll be gone. My parents are moving to their new house in October.
When I come back next summer, everything will be different. My parents are ignoring the fact that I might be coming back. Every time I talk about my bedroom in the new house, they correct me, saying that it's the "guest bedroom."
How horrible is that? I'll be a guest in my parent's house. I'm in limbo. I don't have a 'home'. There is my parent's house, and then the place(s) that Rueben and I will be renting for the next three or four years.
Unfortunatly, I get very attatched to places. I've lived in this house, in the same room, for my whole life. Going off to college helped a lot to break that attatchment, but still.....everything is changing...
It's just all so......scary.
1 moo |
someone say moo
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