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m&ms487
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2006 25 September :: 7.50pm
:: Mood: contemplative
Waking up this morning was the toughest thing I've done in a long time.
I am incredibly sick. I even skipped a class. I only skip a class for a really good reason, such as sitting in my dorm trying not to throw up.
I really want some hot chicken noodle soup right now. That would make me feel better.
Your selfish needs polluted my perfect night. When are you ever going to learn? When is it not going to be about you anymore? When will you open your eyes and see the world that you so desperately claim to know so much of? Your actions are not beautiful, they are not heroic. They are just another intelligently masked motive for self gain, for pleasure.
There was a time when I thought everything you touched was beautiful. I thought you really understood how everything worked. I thought you could feel how life changed us minute by minute, hour by hour, through painful thought, tearless loss. Now I see you're the same as everyone else. That was my fault, my mistake, for you are only human, and I shouldn't have expected anything more out of you than anyone else. I'm terribly sorry for that.
michelle
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m&ms487
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2006 24 September :: 8.59pm
I had a really fun weekend. I went home and saw everyone, did many things, you know what I mean.
I went to shakedown street and priscilla's for the first time Saturday. It was definately awesome.
I had such a long night last night, I got about two hours of sleep. I almost fell asleep numerous times while I was driving back to Central. That wasn't too great.
I will be back for red flannel.
I like jello.
michelle
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snowman
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2006 23 September :: 6.18pm
well jackass 2 is fuckin sweet
3 moos |
someone say moo
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Jacqui-Chan
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2006 22 September :: 2.57pm
:: Mood: annoyed
I am a fucking homecoming princess, and that would be WAY hott, except that I have no PRINCE!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!! Stupid parents. My parents are letting me go to Homecoming still, and to Red Flannel. HIS DON'T EVEN WANT HIM TO GO TO FUCKING PROM!!!!!!! NOT COOL!!
I'm so pissed right now, it's unbelievable! I should be happy, I should be freaking out and telling everyone, but I'm not! I'm MAD. I want to be with Josh, I would give up all this crap just to be with him. Screw homecoming, I was only excited because of him! I love dances, but I wanted to dance with HIM... that's it. No one else!!! Now I'm gonna' have a nice dress, a nice sash, and no date. Fun.
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2006 22 September :: 9.53am
:: Mood: contemplative
I went out to breakfast with my parents today. It was very, strange. I felt like I didn't belong to them anymore, however, that's not a bad thing. I think it startled them when I followed the waitres to the table, instead of following them following the waitress (I know this doesn't sound like a big deal, but with my family the actions and unspoken moves you make are very important). I could see in their eyes that I had changed.
They are getting old. I could see it in their eyes. It feels so good not to live at home that I'm almost dreading the summer when I'll move back in.
They are on their way up to Beaver Island for a vacation.
I'm leaving today after my english class at noon. I'm going home, and they aren't going to be there, and it's going to be like old times.
I'm very excited for this weekend.
michelle
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someone say moo
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Jacqui-Chan
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2006 21 September :: 7.52pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: 89.9 Way FM
Scared...
I told my parents. I couldn't help it. I couldn't explain to them why Josh's parents didn't want us to go to homecoming without lying or telling them. And I am SO sick of lying. I'm sick of all of this. It's exhausting. Luckily my mom said that this feeling is punishment enough. She said it's easier to be punished by someone else than by yourself. That's what she likes about Steph and I, we punish ourselves before she even gets the chance.
My dad wasn't home when I told my mom, though. So I have to figure out what he'll say when they get home from the store. Josh scared me by saying that my parents were "there". I thought he meant his house, but he meant Meijer. I was FREAKIN' out! I do NOT want my parents and his parents to be talking about all this. I somehow think that'll make things worse. So yea, it was scary.
Anyway, I should go before they get home and freak out on me for being on here. Love you all. Hope to see you tomorrow, not dead.
Chao,
Jacqui
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m&ms487
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2006 21 September :: 4.16pm
So i WAS going to the writing center to get someone intelligent to proofread my paper, however, they are closed at the moment. It's only four in the afternoon. How can they be closed?
Eh. My paper is too good for them anyway.
Right.
Michelle
1 moo |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2006 20 September :: 10.11pm
I finally got done with my english paper. Who doesn't love Transcendentalism? Seriously.
michelle
4 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2006 20 September :: 2.28pm
I'm so tired. I feel like my head is so...confused. Perhaps it's just been from lack of sleep, although I've been getting eight hours a night. I really need to take a nap, but I can't for some reason.
It's horrible.
michelle
7 moos |
someone say moo
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Jacqui-Chan
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2006 19 September :: 9.06pm
:: Mood: drained
Forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head.
So things were a bit better today. Josh had his car back. The notebook wasn't the one with the songs, his dad just wanted him to think it was. He had his phone back, and now he's just grounded. He went to taco bell with Ron after school and was SO excited. He said if his parents found out, though, he'd be shot. He still has to move out immediately upon turning 18. I don't get it. How can you be that terrible to your child. Especially after the crazy terrible mistakes you made? Honestly! It's just stupid!!
I didn't tell my parents. I couldn't do it. I kept thinking "they love me and are proud of me now... they won't be if/ when they find out." I guess Josh told his parents that I told mine though, and they made it sound like they'd talked to my parents already. But they haven't. They couldn't have, my parents would not be the type to wait for me to admit it. That flat out shoot me. I don't know what to think I guess. I just want everything to be back to normal. I almost stopped by his house on the way to work to say "hey" to Tyler (he was in the yard with Zeke), but then I realized I'm not allowed there at all anymore. So I waved as I passed, it sucked. It sucks that they've lost all respect and love for me. It sucks knowing that I lost what I'd just recently gained, and it sucks even more because it was over something stupid that I didn't need to do.
Ugh, I still shiver when I think about it. I can't stand the tone that his dad had, or the look of dissappointment on his face. I hate the scared and sad look in Josh's eyes. I hate the look he had when he was trying to pretend that everything was okay, when I knew nothing was. I hate remembering all of it, but I can't make it go away. This just sucks. I love him, and loving someone should not cause this many problems.
Anyway, I should jet. Love you guys. Thanks for the support, I really do appreciate it. You rock.
-Jay-
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m&ms487
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2006 19 September :: 7.56pm
I am going to kill the piccolo player that sits next to me in U band.
I know how to play my fucking flute.
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2006 19 September :: 2.24pm
I can feel the wind cut through my sweater. That same sweater that seemed like last night, but so many nights ago, you gave me, to keep me warm. I recollect this moment not as a moment of passion, or love, or even burning desire, but of one of friendship, of caring, of compassion. The three of us went swimming together that night. I was so scared of the cold water. I'm not sure exactly why. My body was cold, but so was my soul. And underneath those stars, that night, my body was renewed in that water, with both of you, and I felt whole. I felt as if all the world was content. I was content. I was shivering from the cold midnight breeze, and I felt childish with the sand between my toes, but I was content. I was happy. That was how summers should be. That's how summer was.
michelle
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m&ms487
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2006 18 September :: 1.29pm
When I grow up I'm going to be a teacher.
someone say moo
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cockroach
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2006 1 October :: 9.23am
iv been back 6 days nothing differnt
5 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2006 17 September :: 7.24pm
Do you remember when we went camping and made criss cross potatoes in the Wok?
Do you remember when we learned how to play Mau?
Do you remember how it was?
It was wonderful, wasn't it?
-michelle
2 moos |
someone say moo
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cockroach
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2006 16 September :: 8.07pm
i moved back to michigan iv been back for 5 days
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2006 15 September :: 6.50pm
:: Mood: crappy
I miss my music terribly.
I'm in University band, of course, but it's not enough.
I feel so empty without it.
I don't think you could ever understand what I mean.
michelle
1 moo |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2006 15 September :: 6.36pm
:: Mood: contemplative
Friday. Music to my ears.
I only had one class today, but eh...I stil had to get up for it. I'm feeling a little under the weather. I hope I'm not getting too sick.
I'm coming home next weekend. Since everyone loves me so much, I'm sure my schedule is going to be jam packed. Right.
If you want to hang out, leave me a comment and I'll make some time for you inbetween eating my parent's food and watching T.V from the couch.
michelle
7 moos |
someone say moo
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snowman
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2006 14 September :: 9.36am
permant injuries...
2 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2006 13 September :: 11.33pm
Sitting here in a computer lab that won't accept my flash drive because it's too new, and the printers don't have any toner so I can't print my Speech.
Lovely.
I'm going to get a job. Yay for me.
I'm going to bed now. To sleep. I like sleep. I love lamp. And the Romantics, they, well, they love nature.
2 moos |
someone say moo
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Iron-Cipher
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2006 13 September :: 10.41am
Not that they will probably see this but I made a few people sigtings today. While waiting in the ridiculously long line for the bostwick parking ramp I saw Kate and her mother walking down the side walk, well kate was doing more of a hobble seeing as how she was on crutches. I also Saw Jess with her boyfriend Robby walking along the side walk. She has pretty long hair compared to when I saw her last, anyway she looked quite melancholy. So yeah I finally saw some people I know, but ironically that is all I did is see them no talking :( Have a nice rainy day all.
2 moos |
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2006 12 September :: 5.26pm
:: Mood: crazy
I just got done eating dinner. They have some really good clam chowder here!
I've resigned myself to the fact, that yes, I actually do have to get a job-and soon.
It's so foggy out right now. I couldn't even see the towers from the library, and it's only like a quarter of a mile away.
We had some roommate bonding time last night. We sat in a circle in the bedroom with Korn blasting drinking out of some red solo cups.
I was just going to write something, and then I got distracted by the Macs in the corner, and now I can't remember what it was. But to be sure, it was an ingenious, witty observation.
My memory is starting to get the best of me.
Stop smokin'?
What do you think?
michelle
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2006 11 September :: 10.42am
I MADE A LINK!
you have no idea how fricken excited I am.
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2006 11 September :: 9.54am
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: She's Got Freckles
Wheatland
Wheatland was amazing. There were so many people having a good time. I even saw my CPS 100 professor there. It was Krazy.
I loved all the music. I loved all of the people. I loved being so mellow.
I especially loved the Greek pizza.
And I loved it not being the salt, too.
Everything will be okay now. I really needed that time. I'll be okay, and you'll be okay.
I can't wait until Red Flannel!
-michelle
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