joeydomina
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2006 26 June :: 12.21am
I'm so lost right now
Well let me see.... Jess and I opened up so much to each other tonight. I'm trying to get into college because I feel i'm gonna need it more than I thought. I want to be a better person and i feel thats what i have to do. I'm thinking maybe Emt, Degree of arts, or something else that i'll take that i'll like. oh well i dunno even if i'm smart enough. I guess I'll have to see what they have for financial aid or grants. well I'm gonna go bye all.
JOey
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2006 25 June :: 10.44am
:: Mood: contemplative
Going camping the best break from here I could have had.
It was so wonderful and smokey smelling. And I think I came out unscathed, except for, perhaps, a small bug bite that is developing on my right foot. It's itchy.
I don't regret anything I have done. If I regret it, it's like exiling a part of me. Everything I have done is always going to be apart of me, whether I like it or not. We all have room for mistakes, and some fill that room sooner or more closely than others. But you only fill that room when you feel like something is a mistake. The door to my room hasn't been open in a while, and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I'm not talking about petty mistakes, either. I'm talking about huge life changing, crying for days mistakes. I use to think everything was a mistake, that I was a mistake. I'm not sure exactly where I belong, but I know I'm not a mistake anymore, and whatever I do, and whereever I go, whoever I meet, I will be lucky to be there and do that, and talk to them, and see them, because I'm here, and by some will I can, and so I shall.
I suppose a lot of that does not make much sense to anyone but me. That's fine. You never understand sex in a trashy romance novel until you actually have sex. You just can't understand some things until you feel them, and even then, you still may not be certain of them exactly. Perhaps we find solace only in the end. Perhaps we never find solace. And that's okay with me.
"She told me son, fear is in the heart of love, so I never went back..."
lushness?
michelle
3 moos |
someone say moo
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joeydomina
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2006 23 June :: 1.16am
Wow I cant Wait
wow.....only 5 days left until superman returns. its almost unbearable.
1 moo |
someone say moo
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snowman
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2006 22 June :: 6.16pm
court tuesday the 27th
4 moos |
someone say moo
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iron-cipher
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2006 22 June :: 12.14pm
Jessa I have something important to talk to you about / offer you we need to talk. How can i get ahold of you? Sign on AIM or call me @6166483769 or something the sooner the better.
4 moos |
someone say moo
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ladybug04
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2006 21 June :: 10.57pm
Where are you?
Well.. nothing is new. I've been running a lot lately and spending more time in karate for blackbelt training. I can't wait until my test.
I hope everyone's summer is going really good.
11 days until my bday.
I'll never have what I really really want.
someone say moo
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joeydomina
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2006 20 June :: 11.45am
Not Much News
Well today is 10 months since the day I asked Jess out. God it's been wonderful. I can't wait to start our lives together. With everything thats gone bad so far and we've still stuck together nothing should break us up. Unless she learns the truth that I'm a male stripper.... rofl, like that would ever happen I get money to get off the stage haha. so umm yeah comment if ya want or something. bye
Joey
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m&ms487
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2006 19 June :: 9.06am
:: Mood: distressed
It's unbearably humid. And it's only nine in the morning.
Working again today. I am looking forward to Tuesday and then to camping. I need to get away for a while, and hopefully that will give me what I need.
There's always an exception to the rule,
Always a better choice,
Always a better soul somewhere,
Always a louder voice.
What makes us think we can change our worlds?
What makes us even try?
Somewhere, sometime, we think we are that better one,
We think the world we will defy.
But that is not so,
so often our words are lost,
So helpless, so frail, so terminal,
life cannot be infused in a coffin of dust.
michelle
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joeydomina
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2006 18 June :: 11.07am
Wow
I can't believe its fathers day. Hmmmm what to do today. oh i know how about what i did yesterday. sit alone in my house like i've been for the past oh lets see all weekend and watch soccer since there's nothing better. if anyone wants to hang out please Please PLEase rescue me and call me or something. life sucks being alone here. all i have is one bag of cookies and one popsicle.... oh and two burrito's.... its a varitable feast. so call me if ya'll want to do something bye Joey.
696-5990
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ladybug04
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2006 17 June :: 11.36pm
Just got back from camping like an hour ago. Yesterday was Alyssa's 18th birthday.
Happy 18th Birthday Phil!
and in only 15 days it's my birthday. (but I'll only be 17)
4 moos |
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swimfan14
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2006 16 June :: 3.19pm
:: Mood: Happy
:: Music: Broken-Seether
So Stacy decided that I should update this, so here I am. I love Stacy so I guess this is only for her. She's pretty much the best.
I've been really busy. My weeks consist of a lot of shopping, hanging out with Luke, and hanging out with my friends.
Yesterday I went swimming at Luke's and he pushed me in the pool and when we were racing to my car he hit me with the door on acciden't and he almost knocked me out. I thought that was pretty rude! Haha j/k.
Today I hung out with Lisa and then later on tonight my cousins from Los Angeles are flying in so my family is all going out to dinner. I'm so excited to see them. I <3 them.
This weekend I have a lot of open houses to go to like always. Pretty soon they are almost over with. I have like five to go to every Saturday and they get really boring after a while.
Next week I'll be with my cousins.
The weekend after that is Emily's baby shower and my grandma from Florida is flying in.
In July we are going on vacation. We haven't decided where we are going. Last year we went to NY, but this year we are going somewhere else.
In August I'm going to California for a few weeks. I'm really stoaked about that. I'm definitely a California girl at heart.
I miss Luke. He's gone today and tomorrow for basketball. He's always gone for basketball, but I'm gone for most of the summer so it's pretty much even. I feel bad about that, but I'm always gone for the summer, and that's the way it's been for my whole life.
Oh yeah, my dad is buying a new house. It's pretty sweet and it has an alarm system in it so for all the times when he's gone for work and me and whoever stay there, we don't have to worry about being killed. That's always a plus.
So I guess that's about it.
It's weird when you think nothing's changed, but really everything has.
<3 Ashley
17 moos |
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m&ms487
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2006 16 June :: 7.52am
Last night I looked into the sky and saw only how lonely we all are.
I keep trying, but I don't know for how long. I'm running out of steam.
michelle
2 moos |
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Kate
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2006 14 June :: 10.09am
Goodbye.
12 moos |
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m&ms487
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2006 13 June :: 8.35pm
:: Mood: distressed
The other morning I read a horribly depressing novella. It's call As We Are Now by Mary Sarton.
It's about an older lady who is a retired teacher, who never married, and is put into a nursing home run by two uncapable, corrupt, and inhumane women.
The woman, Caroline, slowly starts to lose her hope of ever returning to a normal life. She is constantly emotionally battered and humiliated. She becomes childlike in the way others treat her, and in the way she becomes frustrated with simple things.
Eventually she can stand her life any longer. She asks a friend to bring her lighter fluid every so often. Eventually she sets fire to the nursing home, and presumeably kills everyone inside: herself, the ameoba like dirty old men downstairs and the two women she hates.
I don't want to be like that when I'm older. I don't want to revert back to a childlike state. I don't want to know my life is almost over.
I do understand the frustration, the need to escape. However, the degenerate course of her mental state throughout the novel, slight, but noticeable, make her commit an act that she would have deemed unnatural a few months earlier. Desperate situations drive people to desperate acts. The old and incaplable are left to their own devices.
I know I keep rambling on, but the novel touched me in a way I will not realize for many years. I will probably not even remember it (the novel itself), however, I will always remember how vividly the author constructed a picture of Caroline's degeneration, and the thought I must never end up that way: alone and desperate.
I've been working a lot lately. I have fourty hours this week; a sizeable check. The future is starting to look shading and every time I do it I feel I am one step closer to fucking up my life. However, the boredom and drudgery of every day life always counter acts that feeling ( not the best choice, either, but what the hell...).
Am I falling into the cycle that other before me have? I'm at a jumping off point right now. I could choose to work at Meijer the rest of my life (oh, i know, a promising vocational choice...), become a begrudged, senile member of the working class, get married, stretch out my vagina and other organs numerous times by having children, watch them grow up not having everything they want (i wouldn't give them everything they wanted, even if I could, however), worry about debt, and how I will stay sane, and hopefully make it through all that just to retire with a broken down body and a mind lacking the refreshing breeze of valueable knowledge and thought.
Or I could go to school.
Choices, Choices...
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live. ~Flora Whittemore
-michelle
1 moo |
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 11 June :: 6.42pm
And that's what I get for trying to be nice to you....
Some things will never change.
someone say moo
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Kate
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2006 11 June :: 11.02am
Going Away
On June 14, I am leaving to work at a summer camp in Wisconsin. I'll be back August 12, and will leave again for Poland August 24. Who knows if I'll ever be back again after that. So.. I'm having a party to see people one last time.
Where: Jessica Schmidt's dad's house (the one in town)
When: Monday, June 12 (today)
When: 5:00 - ?
Old friends, new friends, I don't care. Whoever wants to come can come, just as long as I know you. No alcohol or drugs.
If you have any questions or need directions, you can call me and Jessica: 616-696-1747
18 moos |
someone say moo
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joeydomina
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2006 9 June :: 5.41pm
Selling a sword
Hey all i'm selling one of my swords if you are interested here's a link for it. the price is about 125 new so i'm thinking about 85 or so.... let me know k...
http://xde.xanga.com/fbaa0be06443359236208/b39704315.jpg
1 moo |
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ladybug04
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2006 8 June :: 1.27pm
I have been doing lots of PT this past week. Black belt training started last Saturday. I have a demo tomorrow in Rockford at 6:30. I do have a new partner this year though, he's 12 years old and bigger and taller than me, and he's not as good as my last partner, but he's learning. (wow that's a runon sentence) but oh well, that's my update.
24 days until i'm 17!
1 moo |
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alastar
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2006 7 June :: 11.30pm
Prader-Willi Syndrome
The trail of blood followed you like a shadow.
Inescapable.
I picked up your scent.
Perfume mixed with sweat.
Indescribable.
It tempted me to follow you. I was coaxed by the crimson trail and the smell that twisted through the trees. Leaves crunched and twigs snapped beneath your feet and all the while I was asking, praying, begging for something to rip apart. Something to feed upon.
Give me something to devour.
______________________________
When I'm ready, it will come.
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 7 June :: 1.03pm
Seriously just shut up.
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Jacqui-Chan
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2006 6 June :: 10.03pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: softball world series
ARIZONA WILD CATS!!!!!!!! They could go all the WAY!
So, I'm almost sad we don't have school anymore, but not at the same time. It sucks not seeing everyone as often, but then again there are things and people I'm glad I don't have to deal with daily anymore.
This week has been so deadly... and it's only Tuesday. I've had tennis camp and softball practice the past two days. Plus yesterday I did tennis then softball then more tennis. It wore me out. Today I had tennis from 7:30 to 9 this morning and then softball from 10-noon. I didn't even get to go home between. So when I got home I ate lunch and ended up falling asleep on the coach... but that only lasted around 10 minutes. Then stupid Steph woke me up, so I went up stairs to sleep (I was WAY tired). That nap lasted 2 hours. This is like a milestone people. I do NOT take naps... ever. Ask JD, he always got annoyed because I would hang out with his family or just watch TV instead of taking a nap with him. It's not my fault though... it's just not normal.
So yea, I'm pretty much in get-over-him-quick mode now. I'm sick of being jealous when he likes someone else... and I feel idiotic playing the jealous ex-girlfriend role. It's so not my style. But you wanna' know a secret... I have a crush on Caleb. Yea, JD's best friend. What can I say? I liked him freshmen year, we had a biology fling... of course no one will understand that unless they were there. But yea, I told J that, and he said it was cool. You could tell he didn't like it much, but he did predict it. When we were dating Caleb described his dream girl and J said it was me to a T. He said if there was anyone he'd be glad to see me end up with besides him, it would be Caleb. Only issue here is that Caleb is (or at least was) in love with my best friend. Gotta' love crazy triangles of crushness. Yea, fuuuun stuff.
Oh my gosh... do you know what makes me mad? Well, not mad exactly... just annoyed. Work. That place is evil. Beth is making me work on the 4th of July since I've had so many days off. But that sucks because I actually started to go to the fireworks and stuff as of last year, I was suppose to go with a coulple friends... and I can't if I'm at work. This job is seriously gonna' start to suck when Ken and Phil leave. Carl already quit, and Kati (I think) did too. Jamie's gonna' be my only friend there! Well, none of the afore mentioned people was really my friend, just people I had fun talking to and working with. Kyle and Drew can be fun too, it's just that I don't feel as comfortable with them. I don't know, if I had another option I'd take it... but I don't. So all I can do is hope it's not that bad. I have the farm too anyway... so we'll see.
Okay, I should jet now. Have a beautiful day loves.
-Jaq-
P.S.
ARIZONA WON THE 2006 WOMEN'S COLLEGE WORLD SERIES!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT!!!!!!!
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m&ms487
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2006 6 June :: 10.45am
So this is how it rolls: List ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any 'comment speculation'.
1. You make him SO happy, You'll like what he gives you.
2. I want to do it again.
3. I hope to god it will all work out.
4. Thank you for your insight.
5. I want you to always be here, but I doubt you will be. I will miss you more than anything in the world.
6. You don't know you're gay.
7. I think it's cute that you don't know what you're doing.
8. Your ackwardness is what makes you wanted.
9. You need to get over yourself.
10. I love you, pips.
someone say moo
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m&ms487
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2006 6 June :: 10.34am
:: Mood: confused
So my life's focus is working now. You don't know how much that sucks.
I don't want to waste my life, but it's so tempting.
I'm reading Girl Interrupted. I started about an hour and a half ago when I woke up and I'm almost done with it. It reminds me so much of so many things I thought I was the only one who thought them.
I have trouble with that, putting what I think into words. I just can't describe some of the thoughts that go through my head. They are so painfully abstract.
I'm not quite sure exactly what is going on anymore, but I guess I never really quite did in the first place. I'm on the painful edge of being an adult, but still living at home with the same rules I had when I was twelve. I defineately do not do the same things I did when I was twelve.
I'm ready to go, but I'm obligated to stay. This debate will last a lifetime.
someone say moo
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snowman
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2006 5 June :: 9.44pm
Hopefully, 16 days till i am part of the U.S. Air Force.
someone say moo
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swimfan14
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2006 5 June :: 12.11am
Weekend
Friday I went to Luke's house and then I went to Veronica's open house and then I went back to Luke's.
Saturday I went to Elyse's house and then we went to Annalise's and Stacy's open houses. This old guy at Stacy's was trying to hook up with my mom, until I told him she was married. Hmm. Later on we went to the Kenny Chesney/Dierks Bentley/Carrie Underwood concert. It was pretty awesome. It's always fun being surrounded by drunk people who are either stripping or hitting on you. There were limo's parked outside so Elyse and I went into one that was unlocked, but it turns out there was someone in there. I have no idea who it was.
Today I went out to breakfast with my sisters and then I went to Luke's for a while, went to the mall with Elyse, bought a pretty sweet Dior bracelet and got my new iPod since my old one had something wrong with the battery, and then I went back to Luke's and hung out with him and Ryan.
I'm pretty stoaked that it's Summer. Who wouldn't be?
Ashley<3
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