Dried Tears... not in vain

:: 2006 8 March :: 10.49pm
:: Mood: tired

Tonight was fun. I hung out with Emily Esch and Elyse until the game. Emily always wants to drive my car but when she asks me we are always on our way somewhere so I always say no but then today she asked me again and I told her she would have to call my dad and ask him if he would let her since he wont let barely anyone drive it unless it's him or me and I really didn't think she would call him but she did and sure enough he said yes because she is definitely one of his favorites out of my friends. They sat there and talked on the phone for like five minutes. I was like seriously just drive lol!!

Once I get everything straightened out and I begin to enjoy life...something happens. It happens because there has to be some kind of event that hits me in the face and makes me realize that it's not all gonna come easy.

Part of me just can't let go of the past and the other part tells me I have no other choice.

Having that talk with you made me realize that we have so much more in common than we ever thought. We are almost like the same person and it's good to know that someone thinks the way I do. I guess you always understood those things in me.

I think this is how things are going to be and I'm really happy right now. For once I finally feel like this is something real.

4 moos | someone say moo

snowman

:: 2006 8 March :: 9.38pm

i think its time that i grow up and realize that, craig is just tryin to make him self feel better.

i heard something very good that really hit me

the way people live their everyday lifes will make them a good or bad person.

i dont have the time to fight with craig, there is no point. there is too much in life and life is to short to worry about what one person says about me.

:: 2006 8 March :: 12.41am
:: Mood: Lonely
:: Music: James Blunt - You're Beautiful

youth group and dodgeball
tonight is dodgeball and youth group at my church. if anyone is interested give me a call on my cell if you want to go.... but you do kinda have to have your own ride or at least give me a few bucks for gas or so..... its really really cool. everyone is invited. except that one kid named leonard domina..... oh how i hate him.

Joey

someone say moo

:: 2006 7 March :: 7.51pm

Everytime we touch I get this feeling and everytime we kiss I swear I could fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last. I need you by my side. Everytime we touch I feel the static and everytime we kiss I reach for the sky. Can't you hear my heart beat slow? I can't let you go. I want you in my life.

brokenmentality

:: 2006 7 March :: 12.15pm

stacy: bdlaaaaa

hahahaha.....

:: 2006 6 March :: 10.53pm

I'm not exactly sure what I should say. Everything I do is a mistake. Your attention is attention. It doesn't matter if it's real or fake. I'll take it if I get it. I've made up my mind. I'll do it over any time.

You're over it, over me. Present just physically. Last words from the dying scene, you're over me.

:: 2006 5 March :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Motion City Soundtrack//The Future Freaks Me Out

<3
I think I'm just being paranoid. I always feel like I need to know what's going to happen and if I don't know what's going to happen then I freak out. It's not really necessary but I can't stand that feeling.

This weekend was extremely exhausting. I barely slept. Friday night I went out to dinner with my family in Lansing and then I went to my friend Missy's house. She also models with me. We went ice skating with her two sisters Holly and Katrina and then their friends Tori and Haylie. It was really fun. They have an ice skating rink at their house. Weird? I know. Saturday we had modeling from 11-6 which was the exhausting part. Afterwards we had a fashion show and international dinner. They both we're really fun. Sunday we went to church and then I just went to my dads for a while to see him before he left and then I came home.
A few pictures from this weekend.
Read more..

When I got home today I found out that my mom put a phone line in my room so now I have my own internet. It's actually quite nice. I'm just being a lazy ass right now and I'm laying in my nice comfy bed talking to my friends on my laptop.

This week should be a busy week. I'm most likely going to all three basketball games on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday with Lisa and Elyse and then Tuesday i'm hanging out with Cohen and then Thursday I'm going shopping :D

tomorrows monday..what a drag.

I would stay here if I could but I know it wont do any good. Maybe one day you'll understand something in me. It's something I gotta do. It's not you. It's something in me.

I still love you.

Did you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?

tonyp.

:: 2006 5 March :: 7.58pm

well moms been in the hospital for the past week and shell be gone this week to, shes in i.c.u..
all ive done latly is play D&D which i cant complain but i still am kinda down. i went to breakfast with david the other day which was fun. hung out and played video games. everyone in this family is fighting and angery and worried and its pretty annoying i wish some of the adults would relize there are more important things to do than fight.
but like i said im pretty down..i guess the doctors are saying my mom might not make it which is pretty sad but shes not gona give up even tho here body already is. they have her on a resporator and shes got pumps on her legs that keep her blood moving. they say the cemo triggered it and now shes gona have her second treatment on tuesday so i have to keep my fingers crossed that it wont get worse.

5 moos | someone say moo

:: 2006 3 March :: 4.04pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Ne-Yo//So Sick

Today was...interesting..to say the least.

Haha yes apparently Mr. McDonald did forget he had a seminar class so Mishy and I just left. We went out to eat and to Starbucks.

"Ashley, taste this, I think she gave me eggnog, instead of cafe' vanilla".
"Okay...*sips* mmm.."
"Doesn't it taste like eggnog?"
"...I've never had eggnog."
*both laugh*

Haha thinking about that still makes me laugh. I don't even know why I tasted her drink if I've never once tasted eggnog.

And yeah I'm really happy about what I said too. I'm just happy in general. I hope everything works out for the best.

I need to go pack though. I have to go to Lansing all weekend for modeling. I'm pretty stoaked for that business!! I'll bring my laptop with me. Haha I'm talking like I'll be gone forever but I'll be coming home on Sunday.

Well I hope everyone has a good weekend. Stacy we'll hang out next week because I miss you!

Love Always,
Ashley..........

You sit completely unaware of what I'm about to do
I am nervous that you won't be my lover. Oh, I adore you.

5 moos | someone say moo

brokenmentality

:: 2006 3 March :: 9.02am

soo.. there's some seroius talk about us moving to Tennesse sometime this summer. that would be the most wonderful thing.

i was talking to Keegan about it last night, and im not worried about leaving him, because more than likely, he'd come with us. i just hate michigan, and i hate cedar springs. i know that sounds bad because i was the red flannel queen, and i guess hate is to strong a word. cedar springs is my home, and no matter where i go, where i end up... it will always BE my home. and regardless of what anyone says, we will never FULLY get away, because this town harbors all of our childhood memories. we are who we are because we've lived in Cedar Springs, and i'm not ashamed to say i'm from a small town, because there is a "Cedar Springs" all over the U.S... what i hate is the routine of living in the same place all my life. what i hate is living in a town that is so closed minded and traditional. and what i hate is living in a town who's known for dollar stores and pizza places.

Tennesse on the other hand, is absolutely breathtaking. i've known that i wanted to live there since the 5th grade when we went on vaccation to the Smokies. i'm not a big city girl. i dont want to live in an expensive appartment for the rest of my life! i want (corny) a big back yard and a little yappy dog that barks at squirls bigger than it! i want a window FOR ONCE with a view. and i want and desperatly miss that feeling of connection with a power so much greater than myself when i look at the mountains. thats what i want. there's nothing here for me. after school... there's NOTHING here. i would have a hard time leaving my friends... but i'd deal.

the one person i could NEVER leave though, is keegan. at least not right now. not when he's my best friend and a big part of my life and quite possibly future. thats why if we leave, he'll leave. we're not about to give up on something so beautiful.

so.. perhaps this a goodbye to miserable winters and tanning salons?! i guess we'll see.......

:: 2006 2 March :: 6.48pm

Open For Business
Well all I am officially open for business so if your parents are interested in my services have them give me a call at (616)901-4044 or 863-6051

$13 a month (this month is 10)
45 gallon carts (small I know but its all I can afford)
Pickup on Monday for the west side of Northland
Pickup on Friday for the east side of Northland
From Sand Lake to Rockford area

Thanx to all who support me

:: 2006 2 March :: 3.25pm

Fate fell short this time.

Nothing is forever and the time comes when we all must say goodbye to what we knew.

Goodbye to everything we had taken for granted.

Goodbye to those we thought would never leave us.

And when these changes finally do occur and when the familiar has departed and the unfamiliar has taken it's place, all any of us can really do is to say hello and welcome those new feelings.

You're the one who has to live with yourself.

[Stacy: I have no idea where you are but I really need to talk to you.]

:: 2006 1 March :: 10.20pm

What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away and never knowing what could've been and not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do.

My heart is breaking and you're still faking a feeling that you will ~~never~~ know.

tonyp.

:: 2006 1 March :: 12.30pm

well god damn.....
after only one day at wicked ways i have already been replaced.....
just because i did one bad belly button and i wasent experenced(sp). i feel like i let myself down, no i let myself down and ben. i was so frickin proud of myself and i screwed up. well i need to focus on tattooing anyways. but like i said im still proud to say i was an employee of wicked ways which in my mind is one of the best tattoo shops in michigan. theres a tattoo convention coming up on march i think 15,16 and 17 or its 17,18and 19 but it dosent matter im gona go to that cause it will make me feel better. but yea now my life sucks again.....

brokenmentality

:: 2006 1 March :: 9.02am

me and keegan got a hampster sunday.

his name is Sushi and just might be the cutest thing i've ever seen. (exageration... but awwww, hes the cutest)

we had our leadership convention monday, and last friday i had to send out the award of excellence. im so relieved to have two major things lifted off my shoulders. i was majorly stressin. but its all good now.

now if only yearbook would go smoothly.

someone say moo

:: 2006 28 February :: 10.42pm

Tonight just made me realize that this isn't going to come easy.

It's pretty much now or never.

It's just one of those things where the stakes are high. Sometimes it's forever and sometimes it's goodbye.

All I can say is I'm not going to be the one to regret this.

tonyp.

:: 2006 28 February :: 11.57am

well yesterday was my first day at wicked ways. it was pretty cool i guess. the place is soo soo clean. i think ill like it there but i have to get alot better at piercings if im gona stay so im gona need some people to practice on. i only work mondays, wednesdays, fridays and saturdays. i went to dinner with erica davy and ramiro after words which was fun to i havent eaten that much in a long time but yea other than that theres not much else that new so later.

:: 2006 27 February :: 10.55pm

hellz yeah

ok here's the skinny

I have a one ton dually f350 w/ flatbed that i'm gonna put sides on.....
a business name, an investor, and to top it all off my family is behind me on this

now i ask all of you to help me in encouraging your parents to buy my service over other garbage companies

here are some of my incentives to them using me instead of another company

My company will have nothing but friendly and timely service
We charge no more and no less than $ 13 dollars
Once a week pickup either mondays or fridays
None of the have it out by 4 am stuff
I do have a limit on the amount of bags to be set out but it is at 6 large bags
You will talk straight to the owner/worker no middle man
No contracts to service
Customer oriented service

How's that for a business plan BOOYAH

Joey

someone say moo

:: 2006 27 February :: 10.29pm

I saw your face in a crowded place and I don't know what to do because I'll never be with you.

But it's time to face the truth. I will never be with you.

5 moos | someone say moo

TonyP.

:: 2006 26 February :: 11.47pm

well i guess there is some gold in all this grey

i got a job at wicked ways tattoo and piercing in comstock park.
well i dont really want to say i have the job because im going there to work tommorow but he can say that im not really what hes looking for but i dont really care because i doubt that he'll say that.
but yea thats all i really wanted to say is that im the piercer at wicked ways.

:: 2006 26 February :: 9.50pm

I have a dream
Well let me see...... whats new..... I am gonna start a business, now what kind of business

My business flyer

Bam thats what kind

let your parents know..... oh and they have to ask for joey

thanx bye,
JOey

:new - well it is a garbage company for all those who didnt know what refuse meant jk. but yeah it wont be up and running for about two weeks i think. yeah um yeah

:updated picture that is my now actual flyer

13 moos | someone say moo

m&ms487

:: 2006 26 February :: 7.46pm
:: Mood: scared
:: Music: Handel - Messiah

It's quite cold in my house right now. Maybe I'm just the one that's cold.
Finished reading Madame Bovary. It's a very interesting novel. It reminds me of a quote that I heard on a show a little while back that didn't even make it a full season:

"Men are romantics pretending to be realists and women are realists who pretend to be romantics."

I remember hearing that and it struck me. I'm not quite sure I know exactly HOW it struck me, it just did. I believe it's very true. Very realistic. It must have been thought of by a woman......

I'm very scared about the next few months. I'm so busy. But sometimes that really works out because I use that little time that i have a lot more wisely. I don't sit down and watch tv for a few hours, I get my homework done because I know that when I get that done it will be time to go to sleep, then time to wake up and go to school or work and do the same thing all over again. I like how it keeps me busy. I just get tired sometimes. I get scared that I won't be able to get what needs to be done done. I need to memorize my scales very badly. I have exactlly 29 days before S and E and limited time before my auditions for the school of music. I wish I had memorized them when I was in middle school, it's so hard now. I hate our education system. They keep the fine arts, but only enough to the point where students know where they need to get after all of it to make things happen, but they don't have the training they need to make it, and they know it. I know it. I met so many talented people at honors band. They knew so much. I felt like I was in sixth grade again. I think I was more naturally inclined than most, but they had training, and that's all that matters. They've had tons of music theory, expensive private lessons, and opportunities to perform and support from their school that I can't even imagine. I get told by people every day that I just need to settle for how horrible some people in our music program are, and I know how good people can be, how "good" i am, but compared to everyone else out there, how far behind I am and how much more ahead I could be if only I had those few opportunities, and now here I am, almost at the end of the line, getting ready to jump off the airplane and I don't even know how to work my parachute. It might as well be a suicide jump.
But I can't settle, because I know that when I get there it'll all be worthwhile, but can I get there? How? That's my question.

4 moos | someone say moo

:: 2006 26 February :: 5.57pm
:: Mood: Annoyed

The longer I tried denying this, the worse I feel. I've come to realize that pretending I don't hate you isn't making anything better. The truth is, I've never hated anyone more. Sometimes I say that I hate someone when I'm talking to one of my friends and i'll be like "oh yeah I hate him/her" but I never mean it. Things are differen't with you. I truly hate you and nothing will ever change that. I don't feel bad for saying this. You have no idea how much you've ruined things. You're so fucking ungrateful and selfish that I can't even stand it anymore. I seriously hope you choke.

Glad that's all out in the open now.