Dried Tears... not in vain

:: 2006 5 January :: 11.38pm

I'm throwing all the hints..giving you all the signs..why can't you just see it?

:: 2006 5 January :: 1.21pm

ok well mishy got the last quote... lets see who gets this one...

"This conversation is terminated."

haha good luck all.

6 moos | someone say moo

:: 2006 4 January :: 11.28pm

One of my favorite quotes from a movie.....and you have to guess what movie its from

"I feel like a little worm on a big fuckin' hook"

good luck to you all.

4 moos | someone say moo

:: 2006 4 January :: 12.22am

A fucking waste of time is ALL you've become.

3 moos | someone say moo

:: 2006 4 January :: 12.03am

Today was anything but ordinary. I couldn't fall asleep last night for the life of me so I pretty much just stayed up all night watching the first season of Desperate Housewives. I'm pretty far, I must add. I am so used to being out all night with people and not falling asleep until around 3 AM so last night was definitely a challenge. I got to school, not looking forward to seeing a certain someone. There was a little tension going on there. So anyways, I'm in first hour (Modishers) and Mr. H called him and wanted me to go upstairs to his class room and I figured it had to do with my monologue or something like that. I walk up there and there standing in the hallway is Veronica. I just about died. I kept saying "omg". H then said that she remembered me and I just about died again. I ran up to her and gave her the biggest hug I've ever gave anyone and this hug was differen't than the last hug I gave her when she came in with her mom, not remembering anyone and she had to sit there and see me bawl my eyes out, and she had no idea why in the world I was crying. When we hugged that day, she barely hugged me back but today she wouldn't let go. I knew she remembered me and I was so happy. I've waited so long for this to come. H told me that she doesn't really remember everything in our friendship but she remembers alot of it so I just have to fill her in on the rest and then she told me she remembered me bawling when she came into school and she had to ask her mom why I was crying and her mom said because we were basically best friends. She told me she felt bad that I was crying but it's not her fault this happened. All in all I'm really happy that she remembers me. She asked me who about six people in our drama class were. She didn't remember them at all. But anyways things are slowly getting better for her and that makes me really happy and now I feel like a moron when we talk because I don't know what parts she remembers and what parts she doesn't so I have to ask her and either way I feel stupid but this is all worth it�..

jacqui-chan

:: 2006 3 January :: 4.39pm
:: Mood: calm

Blah.
School today. That sucked. But it wasn't as terrible as it could've been.

I think everythings good right now. I love him so much. It's nice just being with him. Right now he's laying on the floor beside me pretending, once again, to be asleep. There's been so much drama. But somehow I think it's worth it. I guess we'll see.

Hope everybody had a good first day back. Bye loves.

tonyp.

:: 2006 3 January :: 1.56pm

well i had a good new years
but everything else has been pretty uneventfull which i dont really mind. im reading a really good book right now its called the gunslinger and its by steven king, its not a horror which is suprising.
im getting ready to go to chad and have him show me the ropes real quick that way i can finally start on what i need to do. i also need a REAL job to make actual money so if anyone knows if anyone is hiring let me know please.
mt older brother has kindny stones which sucks but he will be fine, hes tough.
but other then that thats about it.

3 moos | someone say moo

bleedingsun

:: 2006 2 January :: 7.59pm
:: Music: Arrested Development

Cereal in an Ash Tray

This has been the best Christmas Break ever.

New Years Eve day Amanda took me to Lake Michigan and we walked along the beach. It was glorious! And we saw the Ringer and Fun with Dick and Jane. She also bought be Arrested Development Season One DVDs, which we watched all of last night.

I also used all of my Best Buy gift cards and the 100 dollars that I had to buy an mp3 player. Let me tell you something...

it is AWESOME!

15000 songs is more than enough.
For now.

See you tomorrow.

:: 2006 2 January :: 5.03pm

You pretty much just ~~lost~~ me.

So walk away like you always do.

:: 2006 2 January :: 12.17am

Your results:
You are Superman
Superman
100%
Spider-Man
75%
The Flash
70%
Supergirl
70%
Green Lantern
65%
Robin
50%
Iron Man
50%
Wonder Woman
40%
Hulk
40%
Batman
40%
Catwoman
20%
You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Jacqui-Chan

:: 2006 1 January :: 9.21pm
:: Mood: frustrated

New Years
New Years is my favorite holiday. Basically always has been. It's just fun. But not this time. This time it sucked. JD had a bunch of people over. I was excited because they were all people we both got along with. None of his friends that I feel uncomfortable around were gonna' be there. Except they were. Tyler and Lyndsey showed up. It's not that I really don't like them, though they aren't my favorite people,it's just that I don't feel like I can completely be myself around them. Anyway, when I got there JD wasn't even there. He went with Caleb, Tyler, and Lyndsey somewhere. Then when he got home he saw Josh, who'd also just arrived, and gave him a "man hug". He didn't even acknowledge me. I was pissed. I said something and he just looked down at me with no emotion whatsoever and grabbed my hand for, literally, 2 seconds. I could've killed him! That's how it went basically all night. He either ignored me completely or said maybe two words, all unkind. I was going to break up with him. That was the last straw, everybody noticed how he was treating me. They asked me what was up, and I didn't know. No one treats me like that, especially not in front of everyone, and gets away with it. So Matt, Ashley, Tyler and Lyndsey all left at around 11:45. Then JD started being slightly more normal. (though not completely.) When the ball dropped we kissed, obviously, and everything seemed to be getting better. It stayed better until Josh left. Then Caleb was my only companion. We sat at the bar drinking and talking (no not that kind of drinking... well he was... but whatever.) We talked about everything. JD was just ignoring everyone but Greg while they played video games. My anger with him only increased the rest of the night. Finally he decided to go to bed. (We both slept in his bed.) So I told him we needed to talk. He said "no", and I told him I didn't really need his opinion since like it or not it was happening. So I told him everything he'd done wrong... all he did to piss me off completely. Then I told him I was sick of it. And finally, when he wouldn't stop being stupid about it, I told him to just go hang out with Greg again because I didn't care anymore. He told me he wanted to go to bed. I said, "okay" and just let him lay down. He tried to get me to face him by rubbing my back... but I didn't. I was too mad. He just turned over and said, "fine, goodnight." All I said was congratulations. He asked me why, and I told him that he's officially pushed me away. Then we just layed there, something was said, but I can't remember what. All I know is that I turned around and told him to look at me. He wouldn't, so I put my arm over him and he grabbed my hand. He held on tightly and kissed it. That's when he started crying. He said he was sorry, he said it 3 times. I just took my hand back... I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. I didn't know what to do, he was such a jerk to me... but he was sorry. I love him, and I knew that I couldn't just leave him. Especially not like that. He kept crying, he said he didn't deserve me. That all I did was love him and care about him even though he was a jerk. He told me he was a bad person and didn't deserve such a good life. I asked him why he'd acted the way he had. He told me that he'd, for some unknown reason, thought he wouldn't care if I left him. He didn't want me to, but he wouldn't care if I did. But then when I had almost done just that a few minutes prior, he'd realized he was wrong. He said he felt terrible. He said that the only reason he'd acted so stupid lately is because he didn't know how to react to someone really loving him... he said he was so used to being used and being angry with his girlfriend that he just did it. Almost like habit. He said I meant the world to him and that he never ever wanted me to leave him. It was insane. I fell for it. I hope it wasn't just a scheme to get me to say. I really want him to have meant it.

Anyway, today he wasn't so good. Caleb wouldn't just leave his house tonight, so now I don't get to see JD. Not that he cares too much. I told him I think we should take a break, he asked me if that was what I really wanted. I told him no, because it's not, but that I thought we may need it. I told him the official decision tomorrow when I see him. I was crying, he asked if I'd be okay, and I told him no. He said he loved me, more than anything in the world, he said he really did. I told him the same. Then we said good-bye. He said he'd call me back tonight though... which is good. I think. I just don't know anymore. This sucks.

So yea, fun stuff. I'm done now. Chao loves.

-Jay-

brokenmentality

:: 2006 1 January :: 9.19pm

so i think i've decided that im gonna go on doing pageants. i think i have the right kind of personality, and if you do those things right the scholarships you get are amazing. i could PAY my way through college and be making a difference at the same time. if i really set my mind to it... i dont think i'll win all of them.. but i definatly think i could get down to the last 10 or so... and either way.. i know from experience that the pageant process itself is an amazing experience. plus i have a pretty impressive resume for one. i decided this while i took a bath tonight.... honestly.. a candle lit bubble bath is where you come up with and figure out the BEST things. plus my mom has a skylight.. and nothing is more relazing than listening to a gentle rain.

im scared about high school ending.. ANXIOUS but scared.... and for the first time in my life i have a plan. its so reassuring to know where i want to go with my life. and if i change my mind about this whole interior design thing.... at least i'll have a great side hobby to fall back on later in life! we went to schulers today and i found this book that was just amazing. it was 40 dollars.. but covered every (well im sure not EVERY) aspect of interior design.. even down to tips on creating your sample board. i think im gonna get it tomorrow. and when im done with this entry im gonna look at different colleges and their design programs.

its just so exciting to have an outline for my life. i've never had that before. i've never been sure about something so HUGE. im extremely indecisive. VENDING machines are a hassel for me! wayyy to many options! so when it comes to my life, and where im going to be in the future... you cant even imagine how confused i get. i havent ever delt with the whole "future" issue before. i just kind of made it through school.. and here i find myself at the end, and i was about ready to break. what kind of 17 year old doesnt have a career picked out? well i'll tell ya from experience.... a very normal one! i now know that im just lucky that i've chosen a career... because you cant just do that overnight. i dont think we should be rushed into deciding the rest of our lives! and i was feeling really down because i thought EVERY one had it figured out except for me. that is NOT the case. design is a passion that i've been practicing for years... and i didnt even know it! my room has always been a haven for me.. and a reflexion of my style. when we lived with brandi i was going crazy because i didnt have a space of my own. it sucked! i need that one place that just screams ME everywhere ya know? i'm very big on personal style.. and even though yes, i do wear abercrombie sometimes... i like to think i have my own style. its the little things that make me unique. i just love fasion and i think you're home should be a reflexion of everything that makes you feel like YOU. ughh.. im just SO excited!

*smiles really big......

with all these "plans" or whatever.. i've realized that in order to stay confident and focused i HAVE to get in shape. im not toooo far from it.. but far enough. i need to have alot of energy. i have a good head on my shoulders... and like i said in my last entry... i dont have any type of negative thing affecting me. that means i have no excuse not to suceed. i just have stay in shape and be on my toes. i am SO ready to embrace life. i wasnt put here to sit in cedar springs the rest of my life. and yeah.. everyone "hates" Cedar and wants to get out... but ya know what.. this is my home. and has always been my home. even though i know that there are bigger things out there... i know that in littler nowheresville michigan.. theres a small town that holds all my memories and the foundation for the rest of my life! i dont think you're SUPPOSED to want to stay in your hometown for the rest of your life! and lets face it... Cedar Springs is all over the united states. there are towns just like ours in every single 20 mile radius of every state... just a few different variations.. and some BIG cities like new york. dont be naive and think that this is the only small "hick" town around! this is our starting place.... not ending! be thankful for that! whether you want to admit it or not... this town has helped make us who we are. if we lived in LA we'd all have much different ambitions.

im just so content with my life right now.... and its so wonderful to feel this good!

:: 2006 1 January :: 10.39am
:: Music: Azure Ray - New Resolution

New Years Resolutions
Hmmm well let me think of what I want my new years resolution or resolutions to be. This could be a long list or a very short one. It all depends on how much I'm gonna write.

1. Be more open minded about things
2. Speak the honest and complete truth to anybody
3. Be a better person (I know like how can I be any better)
4. Don't let any little problem snowball into a bigger one
5. Get in better shape (I dont need to lose any weight just get more muscular)
6. Be nicer to everyone and I mean everyone
7. Let people know exactly what I plan on doing and not just a jist of it
8. Work harder
9. Be cleaner
10. Become even more family oriented
11. Be the best boyfriend I can be and support Jess in all her endeavors
12. Dress better
13. I just love this number so I wanted to put it in here anyways. lol
14. Be a better friend to all of my friends and even a few of my non-friends

and those my friends are my new years resolutions and I hope some of those I can put towards you all. bye everyone and happy new years

Joey

:: 2005 31 December :: 1.52pm
:: Mood: tired

I count the days that we have spent apart. I've got a bad liver and a broken heart. There's no salvation in the comfort of you. I finally realized your tearing me apart.

I think what hurts me the most is the fact that you don't hurt at all.

jacqui-chan

:: 2005 30 December :: 8.37pm
:: Mood: lord knows
:: Music: What Not to Wear

more...
Yet another moment of absolute control ruined by weakness. I was at JD's today, to make stuff for his mom's new years party, and when I was done cooking I brought him to his room so we could be alone and talk. I told him that he'd been acting like kind of a jerk lately, not to mention acting like I have the plague. He asked how... I couldn't tell him. He looked at me in that "I know what this is working toward" way, and I lost it. He was so sad and so... I don't know... not angry, maybe frusterated, disappointed. He was just not happy. But I gave him the only example I could find in my blank mind. Then he went on to tell me that he was only acting that way because I have been irritating him. Now really, the only reason I've bugged him at all is because I won't just let him get off the phone or leave in the middle of a conversation. I need closure with stuff, I need everything to be totally fixed before we leave each other. He doesn't ever want to finish though! It drives me bonkers... really it does! When I told him that he just went silent. We sat there not talking for a long time... which was bad because it gave me time to figure out my next move. Or more to decide that what I thought I should do, I really should do. So I hugged him, he barely hugged me back. Then I kissed him on the cheek and he asked me "what now?" I couldn't say anything. The words wouldn't come out. I needed to say what I had planned, but I couldn't... it was terrible. I think he got where it was going though. Finally some words came, but not the ones I planned on. I said "nothing's ever going to change... I mean, you said yourself you'd never change." He asked what I meant. I said "I want things to change back to what they used to be, but you said you wouldn't change." I told him that I'm sick of coming last with him. I want to be first like I was before. (by first I mean before his friends... not important stuff.) I let him know that he's always been first with me, because, though I love my friends and still hang out with them, I love him and he is my best friend. He used to be that way with me, he even told me I was his best friend. Lately though it's been all about him friends or him, not me at all. He doesn't even consider me anymore. I work a lot anyway, so it's not like he can never see his friends or anything, he can.

Wow, this is sounding really selfish now that I read it. Jeez. I still do want to be number one... he is with me. I just, I don't know. I need him to be a shoulder I can cry on. I need him to hug me and kiss me and tell me everything will be okay. I need to believe that it really will be okay just because he said it. That's how it was before. When I had my surgery, when my Grandma was in the hospital, even when he had his surgery. I knew everything would be okay because he said it would. And it was.

So maybe I am being a little selfish, but everybody deserves to be selfish sometimes right. This is my time. So there ya' go.

Okay I'll shut up. I've rambled enough. Chao loves.

:: 2005 30 December :: 5.46pm

Puddin Flop (as Stacy/Dani says)
Last night once again was fun as always. Like Stacy said this is mostly just going to be more for my benefit than anyone else's. I went and hung out at Danielles house with Big Nasty, Ryan Case, Dan, Tyler, Shane, Dustin, and of course Stacy. Stacy and I decided we wanted to make bacon randomly and we had the worst time making it and then like an hour later we were finally finished. "The dacon is bangerous" lol one of Stacy's wonderful lines. Then at like midnight we went to IHOP and I said I wouldn't ever go there again after what happened to Erika and I but I went anyways since I wasn't just going to not go with my friends and it wasn't all that bad. Our waitress was extremely weird and we were all trying to be nice and all of the sudden she asked someone at our table "how they wanted their meats?" and I looked at everyone and they were all trying not to laugh and all of the sudden I just busted out laughing and I made Ryan and Dan bust out laughing too. She was definitely odd. And then when Ryan, Tyler, Shane, and Dan went by the Rockford Church some kids threw snowballs at Shanes car and they stopped and got out and beat them up. It was pretty funny to hear about but I didn't see it since I wasn't riding with them and at first when they called us we didn't believe them but it really happend because when we got back Dan's face had a huge hole in it and was bleeding and Ryan's face was swelling up. I couldn't believe it and then on the way to IHOP a cop pulled them over because Shanes lights went off because Ryan said "they were jammin' too hard"...I don't know but I just couldn't stop laughing last night. We always have some great times.

I should get going though because I'm hanging out with Logan, Emily, and Justin later.

So everyone have a good weekend.

<3 Ashley

3 moos | someone say moo

Jacqui-Chan

:: 2005 29 December :: 10.56pm
:: Mood: anxious

Wow...
I told JD that I'm sick of it. I told him that I need him to stop acting so distant and start acting like he did toward the beginning of our relationship. I said that I needed him to no longer be a source of my stress, but a relief (as he was before). And then I said it was his decision, either we work this out now or we take a break. I told him it's not something I want, but I feel it may help. I also told him this was not an excuse to hook up with other people, but something that may fix our relationship. We would be able to see if we can last without eachother. If we both want to go back, then it was meant to be. If not then we weren't. Simple. So there we go.

Ya' know why I started to think we need a break? Because he doesn't kiss me anymore, not really. Only when he leaves or when he gets to my house. All he wants anymore is... well... not kissing. He needs to stop, because I'm sick of this. So yea, that's my fun, Thursday night story.

Peace.

:: 2005 29 December :: 3.28pm

Stop, stare, and watch me burn. Someday it'll be your turn. You can't fool me. I can see all the things that you didn't want me to see. You threw my heart away and thats the price I paid. I know it's never fair, you promised me you'd always be there but you never really cared.

:: 2005 28 December :: 11.53pm

What the hell am I supposed to say to that? Seriously. I don't think I have ever been so shocked in my entire life. That is the nicest most weird thing ever.

Stacy: I have to tell you something and I know what you told me wasn't supposed to be anything exciting but my news is. It's actually pretty much top secret. No joke.

bleedingsun

:: 2005 28 December :: 10.13pm

My computer has a virus. What is the best anti virus protection stuff? I know nothing about it.

What's happening is it won't let me go to msn.com, it takes me to needupdate.com. I'm sure other stuff is happening, but I don't know what.

Help, please.

:: 2005 28 December :: 10.14pm

You cant save me, you cant blame me

My life is brilliant, my love is pure I saw an angel, of that i'm sure

Your the one i want to chase, your the one i want to hold
I wont let another minute go to waste I want you and your beautiful soul

Shine on, you want me to shine on, and you know i love you

:: 2005 28 December :: 11.23am

Last night was so much fun. I love you Stacy, Mishy, Dani, and Brittani. Devin and Ben were also pretty awesome guys. Nate on the other hand, let's not go there. Stacy and I are sluts, we rocked their worlds, end of story. Kidding we aren't. We stayed out all night and we went to Morningstar, Vertigo, and Skelletones. It was so fun. We met Trisha, Natalie, and Brittani there too. Dani is the worst driver ever. I'm not kidding. We almost died a few times. She just drives downtown in GR and she doesn't even stop at red lights or stop signs. The worst part about it is that she doesn't even realize that she runs red lights and stop signs. So I figured that most of us didn't really want to die so I made sure to tell her where she needed to stop and go at. We went to Bens at around 1 and I was playing video games with Mishy and at first she was losing so she just quit and I didn't really realize this until afterwards but I got so into the stupid game. They have this video of me and I'm like freaking out while I'm playing it. It was hilarious. Anyways we didn't get home until like 4:30 and I slept probably about three hours so I'm sort of tired but I'll be okay. I had so much fun and we are going to do it again.

"Use my strong hand"

"105.4" lol

I didn't realize that if you wear a skirt in the middle of winter, it made you a slut but then again what do I know?

12 moos | someone say moo

:: 2005 27 December :: 9.59pm

I have the eye toy play 2 and the eye toy game.....i love them so much and they flipping rock hard core *rock hands* yeah go me.....hahah anyways ttyl all bye JOey

Jacqui-Chan

:: 2005 26 December :: 11.12pm
:: Mood: contemplative

You piss me off...
I just want it all to stop. One day, just ONE DAY could we not fight. And I don't mean because we won't see eachother. I mean because we love eachother, and because there's nothing to fight about. Please? That's really all I want, just to be happy. You know I don't feel anything for ANY other guy. I want to be with you... no one else. I feel terrible for what I said to you downstairs. And yet it was the truth, I did mean it. It's bad, I'm not a great person because of it, but it's the truth. It felt good not to be the one who was upset for once... it felt good to know you finally knew how I'd been feeling. I'm sorry that I said it, but I couldn't help it. I needed you to know that you felt the same way you'd made me feel countless times before. So now you know. Lets never make eachother feel that way again. And Wednesday, when I see you, it's an us day. Period. No one else... just the two of us. Then we can just chill, work anything out that we need to, and be happy from now on. Okay? Good.

No more anger, no more fights, no more saddness. Finally, life will be perfect.

TonyP.

:: 2005 26 December :: 8.35pm

god i hate being sick. i threw up three times. the first was really bad (there was actually blood in it) and i was freezing my balls of. so i took a hot bath at 6:00 in the morning.
christmas was awsome...i got my tattoo stuff and i know ive said this a thousand times but im really excited and i know all of you are getting sick of hearing that. i had fun with ben today. to bad he couldnt stay longer. well thats about all i got so say so.....bye