. Spok3nFor .

. Spok3nFor .

:: 2009 11 May :: 9.26pm

Its the risk that I'm taking.

I miss doing things for myself.
I like to have an hour at night to myself to get ready for bed, brush my teeth, wash my face have a bath, relax go on the computer, do whatever.
I like time in the morning to exercise lift weights and stuff like that.
I like time to sleep in.
As much as I hate it, I want a second job so that I can have more money. I want to be able to afford the things I want, and be able to do the things I like to do.
But it seems like whenever I have the money I don't have the time, but if I want the time I have no money.
I want to do things like yoga and horseback riding and figure skating and I want to learn pole dancing.
I also want more time to exercise. And more time to look after myself.
I know I'm really selfish, but I just honestly want time for myself.
I've never been able to do the things I want because we could never afford it and I feel like I'm just missing out on life. And I don't want that.

It's complicated and stupid

waiting to grow

angel_bob

:: 2009 7 May :: 11.49pm

I am done with college, kids.

On Saturday, I will graduate as a BA with a BA!

Drinks, guys? Friday or Saturday night would be best. Let me know. Let's party like it's 2009!

6 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow

x-cosmic-sunday-x

:: 2009 6 May :: 9.54pm

Bang bang.

Counselling was good today, we did a really cool activity to analyze relationships.
I was busy busy today, did a lot of running around but I don't feel like I accomplished much.

I went for dinner with Jesse tonight, it was really nice to hang out with him again, I haven't seen him in so long.

I hate when the foodnetwork is on it makes me sooooo hungry

Theres lots I could write about but I'm kinda lazy. I need a good sleep tonight.

waiting to grow

angel_bob

:: 2009 4 May :: 9.40pm

I am doing my final French translation project (Due tomorrow although it has been in my possession for...over a month. I lost it for a while and was afraid I'd have to get another copy.) and my professor gave us the weirdest things to translate.

For some reason, he gave us all old articles about the dangers of these newfangled things called...wait for it...COMPUTERS. Mine is an article from May 1991 about keeping medical records (dramatic pause) ON COMPUTERS (gasp, faint in terror etc.).

My favorite part so far?

No, it's not the part about keeping our precious family history on terribly not safe things called computers.

No, it's not the part where they talk about this whole process being a conspiracy between pharmaceutical labs and an early Apple company called NeXT (who really is only in it because the technology is available and they want to be ahead of the game).

No, my favorite part is where the author rambles on about the things that are going to be transmitted from computer to computer. Things like...photos! And...X-Rays! And...EKGs! And...notes they took when we came into the doctor's office and we talked to the doctor! His biggest fear? The fear that closes the second paragraph? He fears that while computers are in black and white now, someday they may be in color. And they will be capable of transmitting all sorts of documents like calculations performed in spreadsheets that will be able to make 3D plans!

It's great fun but this article is really way too long. Yeah final project blah blah but I'd rather be done with this already. Stupid homework.

Never again after Saturday, kids! NEVER AGAIN!

I love you all.

1 ...sweet love | waiting to grow

x-cosmic-sunday-x

:: 2009 3 May :: 9.24pm

Surrender

I'm not happy. I miss the way things use to be. Not that things now are all that bad. I'm really happy with Greg. I just miss grade 9, that was the best year, I had friends and no worries.

The past two weeks have been pretty shitty.
I could go into detail but I'll just sum it up.
Greg got fired.
He has a huge huge huge dental bill to pay off.
Are car is having a lot of problems, which will probably be expensive to fix.
All that doesn't sound to bad, but the details of it all make it worse.

I really don't like my job, it's boring and I make such shitty money. But atleast its money.

I'm thinking of going to summer school in July, it's only a month and then i'd be able to get my dogwood and go to college. The thought of all that really excites me.

I'm still having a really hard time with liking myself. It's getting worse.
I hate summer, everyone looks so good in all there clothes. And I hate going shopping because I'm so fat and look gross in everything.

Counselling has been going good, its nice to finally have help.
I'm just worried sometimes that nothing or no amount of help will fix me.

I miss having friends. True friends are so hard to find.

waiting to grow

angel_bob

:: 2009 30 April :: 2.53am

Let me tell you about the not terrible at all things I am doing to show you that my life is actually awesome and not terrible at all.
Throw up throw up throw up throw up.

Last class tomorrow. Still have 4+ papers (best estimate has been 5-6) and one exam next week Thursday.

Cap and gown threw me over the edge. Puke puke. And of course people at work can't stop talking about how next Thursday is my last day.

I got that job by the way. Sorry, things got in the way so I haven't talked about it. Remember the one I talked about earlier? I had a French interview after my normal one and I guess it went well because I start the Monday after graduation: May 11. Ugh. Adult life is such a bummer. But full time, one and a half times what I'm making now plus benefits after 90 days is kind of nice, I guess.

I applied to another government job. This one requires a civil service exam. The next testing period is in June and since I have a real world job now, I have to choose a date during the weekend. Of course, the second I got home to set a date, all the testing times at GRCC were taken. Same with East Lansing. And Dearborn. So I could choose Auburn Hills, Caro or Sault Ste Marie. Guess which one was the only city with Saturday testing times available. That's right. Sault Sainte Marie.

So on June 6, I will be driving by myself to the UP for the first time. I have never been to the UP. I have never driven by myself for longer than two hours. And since the test is at 10:30 in the morning, I should leave by at least 6:30.

Is there anything awesome up there? I definitely am going to stop at the locks because I'm a dork and locks are awesome. And I hear there are waterfalls up there somewhere too. I might as well make a day of it. Let me know what I need to see and where I need to go. My camera is definitely coming with me.

Okay I just googled some waterfalls and not only are they a little disappointing but they are also basically in Wisconsin. So I definitely need some tips. Is Sault Sainte Marie a cool town? Should I just stay around there?

I'd like to say a little something here about stupid people but I decided to say this instead:

You have one life to live. You have a ton of time left to live it. (Don't you start in on me about how old you are. Look at how far you've come. You are still young, kid.) Are you really going to waste some of that time worrying about what might happen? There are so many things out there you could be doing. There are so many places to see and people to meet. Stop sitting around worrying about whoever the news is telling you is coming after you, hates you, wants to get you. Stop thinking about catching whatever they say is out there from paper plates or pop cans or popcorn or other people. Are you going to waste this moment of your life inside? Worrying? Scared? Live. Do things. Love. Hug someone, love someone, do something. Just breathe. In. Out. Live.

I have only been alive for 22 years. Do you know how much I still get to do? I get to get married, have kids, have adventures, have grandchildren, live a long life. I get to graduate from college next week with a bachelor's degree. Who knows what the next 22 years hold for me? I am excited.

I love you guys. For serious. I hope you all are doing okay and aren't too stressed out. Just keep breathing and put it in perspective. Papers aren't going to kill you. Exams aren't going to kill you. Do it and get it over with.

I love you.

6 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow

angel_bob

:: 2009 28 April :: 12.45pm

I hate April
Nick's coworker also passed away Sunday night. He was 35, divorced and had two daughters. He had a massive heart attack and never woke up.

The only good thing about this month is that it is almost over.

4 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow

angel_bob

:: 2009 21 April :: 7.32pm

Update
Bad news comes in threes, right?

Nick's grandmother (the one on his father's side, the one his parents are staying with)'s best friend passed away Sunday. Four years ago on the 15th, Nick's grandfather (her husband) passed away.

So at 9 Sunday morning, we all got up and drove up to the house to basically house-sit while Grandma got out.

I got to see the house in daylight on Sunday. I don't know what was the worst thing to see: how small the hole is...the hole that used to be the house, the steps that led to the front door that are now cement steps to nothing, how little is left or the charred leaves and grass surrounding the house, the charred path carved out behind the house to the man who started it all, the ash that threatened to jump the road to take out another house. I don't know.

I think I was in shock before then because Sunday night it really hit me that it was all gone. And Nick's parents are spending their days making lists of everything they had, trying to remember everything they lived with, how old it was, where they bought it and quoting things that have no price. Things like Nick's grandfather's woodworking tools, the baby clothes, his great-grandmother's handmade quilts, his grandfather's guns, the bunk bed his father made, his mother's wedding dress, Jess' cake and all the pictures of everyone and everything.

I feel like I need to be helping out more but there's nothing we can do. I can make food, I guess. I can give hugs. But these lists, the insurance stuff, everything. I can't help.

When they start to look for places to live, then I can help.

Thanks for everything, kids. Love ya.

3 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow

angel_bob

:: 2009 17 April :: 4.08pm

Nick's parents' house burned down yesterday.

Fox17 (We were there when they filmed the news at 10. We watched this story at his grandmother's house while they were up at the house. It was surreal.)

WZZM13

Everyone is okay. Nick's parents were at work. His mother's sister lives with them and works third shift. She was asleep when the house caught on fire.

We went up there last night to see if we could help with anything. The whole house is gone. They went to buy some clothes and necessities but they have nothing. Aunt Jean saved the laptops and the dog. The stray cat that they feed occasionally is okay too.

Thank goodness everyone is safe.

It's so weird to see the house not there. We visited them for Easter and talked about what they would change if they had to build the house all over again.

Nick, Katti and Jess grew up in that house. His family built it themselves.

I am glad everyone is okay but I really wish it hadn't happened. They are staying with Nick's grandmother who lives down the street for now.

I feel like I should do something for them but I don't know what to do. We are just thankful that everyone is okay.

3 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow

x-cosmic-sunday-x

:: 2009 6 April :: 9.48pm

You spin my head right round, right round.

CANUCKS WAS SOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!

First off we caught the 11:00 ferry to Vancouver, we went to the buffet and I loaded up on this cake stuff which clearly had dairy in it so I was of course puking the whole way there, but other than that I enjoyed the ride. Once we got there we checked into our hotel. Then Greg and I went to GM Place so he could buy a new Jersey, he got Burrows #14 who is my favorite, we also bought big #1 hands and I got flashy Canuck beads :) Our hotel was literally right across the street from GM Place which was so dope!
Then we went and got some food, then went back to the hotel and had a quick nap. After that we got ready, put our Canuck tattoos, jerseys and beads on and I did my make up. Billy and mom came down and gave Greg a beer for his birthday and then they went to the bar and we went to the arena. Unfortunatly we couldn't get in until 6 but we just walked around and took pictures and stuff, it was a lot of fun :) Then after what seemed like forever we got to line up at the doors! And! I was the first one in line :) Once we got in I just took off running not knowing which way I was going and Greg got us succesfully down to where the Canucks come out. We stood there for a good half an hour and I don't think i've ever been so anxious/excited in my life. Finally they all started coming out and I just flipped I was soooo stoked to be that close to the Canucks I thought I was going to cry. We got a video of them walking out and how close we were to which is so badass. Then we got pictures and watched them warm up and on there way back in we got high fives from all of them which was like the highlight of my life. Except Henrik Sedin and Demitra which was kinda rude but oh well. After that we went and got our seats which were really decent, they were up on the balcony, first row in the very middle. The game itself wasn't all that great, only one fight near the end and we only scored one goal as opposed to Colorado's 4, and we scored in like the last 3 or so minutes of the 3rd period. But I'm glad Colorado didn't get a shut out. Plus Greg's parents arranged for the scoreboard to say Happy 22nd Birthday Greg Peterson. Which was really cool :) It obviously would have been way more dope if they won but I didn't want it to ruin my night. I had sooooooo much fun!
And I got a souvenier popcorn bucket and drink cup... so now I can watch games at home and just fill my souvenier bucket and cup with popcorn and drank and I can wear my jersey and other stuff and just pretend im at the game :) I'm rambling so much but its cause im sooooo tired and I don't want to leave anything out but its all coming out hella jumbled.
Of course after the game we just went back to the hotel, I was pretty tired by then. The bed in the hotel was soooooo uncomfortable so I had a pretty shitty sleep and I was up at like 7:30 and we left the hotel at 9 to catch the 11:00 ferry, which ended up being way to early because we had an hour and a half wait but we poked around the ferry terminal and Greg bought me another one of my favorite perfumes because they sell them there for real cheap. And its real perfume, I wouldn't buy the fake shit. Ramble ramble ramble.
The ferry ride back was good, Greg and I played the penny game and we both got pennies on the black bottom part of the boat which is really hard to do! And we saw a clan of seals, there was ten or so which was cool. All in all it was a wonderful trip.

waiting to grow

angel_bob

:: 2009 1 April :: 5.37pm

I have an interview next Wednesday for a bilingual customer service job.

That's right, I am actually interviewing for a job using my major.

And I do not like it one bit.

I cannot speak French. What am I getting myself into?

waiting to grow

angel_bob

:: 2009 29 March :: 12.26am

concert yay!
Nick and I are going to our first concert together in April.

I am super excited because the band we are seeing?

It is Cloud Cult.

Awesome songs? Check. Live paintings? Check. Biodiesel-powered and solar-paneled tour bus? Check. I am super pumped.

I really wanted to see them in concert because they are going on a possibly permanent hiatus after this tour. And this tour celebrates the release of their documentary.

They are coming to GRap on April 14. Nick and I are counting down the days.

2 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow

angel_bob

:: 2009 26 March :: 1.39am

Recent Tweets
I am only this awesome when I can't sleep and I'm watching HGTV. The past couple of days have given me some good material too.

@Laure I concur. Got cancer? Have a coke. Need a smoke? Have a coke. Your dog's sick? Have a coke. Want a coke? Have a coke!

I am thinking of running for president but I am not rich enough to pay my own food bill AND save the world. http://tinyurl.com/da6dmo

My sister got a full ride (tuition only) to Smith College. She will hear from the rest next week. Then there will be choices.

I really feel sorry for the poor guy who had to look at reference photos and drawings to do Doctor Manhattan. That poor, poor man.

I have 4 dollars to my name right now. Payday could not come any sooner.

Unless I am retroactively getting money through some sort of time travel direct deposit but then I wouldn't only have 4 dollars.

Someone tell me why you need a chandelier in your bathroom. A chandelier ABOVE THE BATHTUB that just happens to be BY YOUR FIREPLACE.

This is all in your bathroom. The FIFTEEN HUNDRED DOLLAR FIREPLACE BY THE BATHTUB. ON THE WALL. It's not even warming the floor.

I did not catch the price on the chandelier.

Having a chandelier in your bathroom does not make it Parisian. It just makes it ugly. I am going to rate it STUPIDLY OPULENT, HGTV.

Just in case you want to see it. http://tinyurl.com/cva4dg I did not notice how claustrophobically cluttered it was on TV.

THINGS THAT AREN'T PARISIAN: Claustrophobia

Why would you wear a t-shirt about blaming your farts on someone else ON NATIONAL TV?

Yes, I cannot sleep.

Think of a new metaphor, onion layer people. Your house is not an onion and you are not an onion. A banana maybe. Shut up about the onions.

2 ...sweet love...sweet love | waiting to grow

angel_bob

:: 2009 25 March :: 1.19am

I am making a list of emergency places to live in case I don't get a job right away (which will totally NOT happen because I am totally awesome).

Our lease is up here at the end of June. If I don't get something before then, we'll be trapped in Michigan, homeless and living off only Nick's pay (because my work won't be able to keep me on after graduation and I don't want to stay there any longer than necessary).

Obviously a list is needed. Both to calm my nerves and to prepare for craziness.

I applied to a buttload of jobs earlier this week and I'm sending my transcript to one tomorrow.

Now it is just waiting and more searching.

I do not like this waiting part.

waiting to grow

x-cosmic-sunday-x

:: 2009 24 March :: 10.57am

Sunday, I was on the wharf and I fed this seal and then it jumped up and kissed me on the cheek. It was so cute

waiting to grow