run away for this place is no longer stable
i am so tired. of everything.

i am tired of tying on little bells to my feet and dancing for everyone. they expect me to be so happy all the time. its just way too hard for me right now.

besides that, im sure everyone already knows that i am getting glasses. and that they are rectangular. no, they are not "emo" glasses. and you can keep your stereotyping to yourself. i know it can be hard though.

i had my prism concert yesterday. no big. i played when they told me to. that was the extent of my excitement.

off to do schoolwork.

lets stay forever in a star-wrapped imagination

and im looking through the glass where the
light bends at the cracks and i'm screaming
at the top of my lungs pretending the echoes
belong to someone i used to know

and we become silhouettes when our bodies
finally go

cobwebs of silence echo through my ears
so here is my easter, and the joys of easter-ness. feel the burn, santa.

i got a gift certificate for a cd and chocolate. i also now share the brother bear dvd with my sister and brother.

went over to aunt sue's house. sue is cool. we talked. i ate food, and my grandmother gave me one of those big bags of m&m's. yum. it couldve gone better, i know. but hey. at least my cousin wasnt stoned.

as most of southwest florida knows: angry rain sucks.

i had no power this morning. well, i did. but you see, it flickered on and off like a hyperactive six-year-old with a lightswitch obsession. and you know that can never end well. so my power went completely out and had to do almost everything in candle light. oh. joy.

my computer is fried. im updating on my mom's. but, im pretty sure i cant fill you in on much more because she is having a fit that i take too long online.

anyways, here is a poem i wrote. feel free to point your fingers and laugh.

"Alone with myself"
Soft jasmine fills the night air
the ivory scent a sweet pleasure
as i walk into the drizzling horizon
the tiptoes of cold dancing on my face
alone with the stars as they wink and fade;
alone with myself

Dew-covered grasses cold from the night
the feel of emerald between my toes
i make my way through deepening rain
the embrace of chill skies a rose in my cheeks
alone with flowers soaking in life;
alone with myself

Small whispers and secrets seep into thoughts
a smooth flow of music given by clouds
stepping in the symphony of ebony and pearl
the caress of sounds soothing rogue dreams
alone with the wishes of thunder and fog;
alone with myself.

run through the constellations in a breeze of loneliness
i thought i should update. so here am i, look at me update.

happy easter, everyone :)

i went to old navy with sydney yesterday. we got the most awesome bags. they say 'rock & london roll.' how sweet is that??

erg. i dont want to be here. i hate doing nothing. and then knowing that i should be doing something.

one of these days, i will write a long entry. it will have poems and stories and jokes and you will enjoy it very much. i kid you not.

when you wake in a world of darkness and mystery, remember me along the way
oh man. hey you know that math test that i christmas-tree'd? 55% BABY! all guess, and i almost passed. how much does that fucking rock!

ana, you are too cool.

me and sydney are british geeks!! dont hate. we are going to be the coolest children in london!

my dad's friend tim came down from pennsylvania. he brought his wife and two daughters. (alliy and beverly). we went to the bistro 41. then we went to brookstones. then we went to black hawk cafe and i got a mocha. mmmm boy. i didnt talk that much. it was kinda boring, really. alliy is sixteen and beverly is in college i think.

i think im still a bit wired from that coffee.

softly spoken words ring in my ears
yesterday was dumb.

i had a math test. i completly forgot about it. i christmas-tree'd it all the way. i am so failing that one.

people are already studying for the ap bio exam. i guess i should get cracking too. i'll need serious study time.

i have to read romeo and juliet this weekend. and study for a test in english about different poetry stylings, and the first act. joy.

tonight is prom. my sister is going with her friends. julie is sleeping over.

i hate the fucking kids on my street. they were beating up my brother. they were kicking and punching him while he was on the ground. i will kick every one of their asses and bash their heads together. they need to be severely punished. by me, if no one else will. now, my brother is on his way to the fucking doctor because my parents think his shoulder might have been dislocated. if those kids see me, they better run their fucking legs off.

excuse the amount of profane language.

now, off to do more homework, because teachers seem to think that we enjoy it on the weekends. oh wow. watch me rip my fucking hair out and strangle them.

i get lost in the voices of yesterday as they clamor in shrieks and whispers inside my head
we got a white volvo S60 yesterday. its a stick shift. i will have so much fun learning on that sucker.

hmm. i think my head is going to explode. well, i dont know for certain, but it sure does feel that way. its ok though. i'll get over it.

today at school. in a word: headache. all day man. my voice sounds funny. anyways, much homework, so thanks to all my teachers. oh! report cards came in the mail. take a gander:

ceramics/pottery - smith : A-
draw I/draw II - roeder : B+
english hon I - greene : A-
algebra II hon - bode : B
band - daniels & bennett : A+
ap biology - freis : A- BOO-YA!
business systems & tech - lefort : A+

oh yes.

um. here is something to laugh at. i was hurting myself all day. i have a bruise on my arm from a white board. i tripped over a chair. i am a pirate. stubs is a swashbuckler. and a deck-swabber. HA. that is way cool.

i like the song im listening to.
"stuck to a chair, watchin this story about me
everything goes by so fast, makin my head spin
used up all of my friends, who needs them
when you mean everything?"

lost in a woven idea's thinning rivulets
well, as you can see, i have changed my journal layout yet again.

here is my story for today:
went to school for 2 periods, and then got called down to the attendance office so my mom can take me to my doctor's appointment.
i have an upper respiratorial viral infection. and kinda congested too. i get to take some tylenol and then it will make me all better.
we went to the bagel factory afterwards and i got a chocolate chip bagel.
now i am home for the rest of the day.

ha.

sinking slowly into the midnight sky


i felt yucky and sick today.
no school for me.

fall away in velvet whipers
here we go:
the assembly wasnt about sex. to be honest, i dont know what the hell it was about. the only thing i learned is to not sell strawberries for a living.

i had to babysit connor on friday. woo got thirty bucks.

saturday rolled around. this is the day i get to help out at the center, because there are students trying out for visual arts. oooh man. it was so much fun. hey, did you know that school coffee sucks? i mean, its drinkable, but.. i wouldnt suggest it.

I AM A PIRATE!!!

hahahahahaha lmao good times. dude. me and carolyn saw mark barron. what a little monkey. he is skipping 9th grade. come and help me strangle him.
and holy crap. the senior show is freaking awesome! you should run, jump, and skip yourselves over there.

i went to barnes and noble with chelsea and sydney. i had my frappuchino (yum), sydney had hers, and chelsea got the iced caramel macchiatto. ooo i wouldve gotten that.
bought some books, and then went over to syd's house. ahhhh, sydney's computer is slow, but we waited. all for the sake of james.

if you are not already reading it, then go and buy the da vinci code. it is the best book i have read.

your words linger in this darkened room like a faded star
wow, do i hate biology or what. i get to describe how the five-kingdom system is connected to all 55 chapters of my biology book. either save me, or put me out of my misery.

oh man. we had an assembly yesterday. it was cool. but depressing. a man with hooks for hands and prosthetic legs was talking to us. i felt bad for him.

tomorrow we have an assembly about sex education. what fun.

sigh.

i think i might change my journal layout again. im trying to find a good background for an icon i made. i'll make a background myself if push comes to shove though. hm.

oh! and i am filled with happiness at ghost of the robot making a new cd. it will be called gods of the radio :) woo.

forever wandering the winding trail of imagination
i. hate. school.

i was looking at my chicken sandwich today. and i realized how everything is the same. every day. i have the same teachers, the same seats, see the same people, have the same conversations, have the same lunch. even have the same amount of boring, monotonous crap.

i came back to the same place. where everything is like a routine. i walk to my classes the same way ive always done. i get to my classes at the same time. i feel the same feeling of dread.

why cant just one thing change? just the slightest, tiniest little change. maybe i'd look forward to school then.

but sydney wrote me a note. so my day is 3215698793 times more improved.

more essays to do.

there seem a strange stillness to everything, as the evening wears into night
ok.

i wrote a poem that i really like, so i thought id put it up here.

"garden"
you can find me in a dark and fragrant garden,
where roses grow wild and lavendar sings
where all you can hear is the soft wind
but can feel the humming of another time
i walk upon this beaten path
where flowers wind their way at my feet
and i can feel you with me
like the stars' light
with every sigh of branches and all the bluebells' rings
you are here with me
the breeze whispers your name
like the kiss of a falling leaf
and as i lay into the midnight sky
like the silent breath of fog
i can taste your presence
with all my being i walk in you
my feet grazing the dew covered grass
and my footprints forever imprinting your heart.

alright. lets move on to some more interesting things...
im going to lissa's house today. (;
i still have a bunch of homework to finish though. so when i get back to school i will be majorly screwed. ha. ha.

feel the sun like daggers of flame
ok. changed the layout. you like?

hmm.. interesting day today. me and lisa were going to go to the beach. because, i got a new swimsuit and we wanted to look less vampire-ish and tan ourselves. well, we got in an accident. yea, it sucks. there was a minivan in front of us that stopped short and we didnt have very much time to brake. screeeeeech.. pow. it was a fender-bender. i just got a little freaked. and had some whiplash.
we pulled over to the side with the lady. she was british. another 10 minutes. screeeech pow. a crash in the same place. of all the damned luck. woo. man, that spot is cursed. they had more of a fender bender though.
anyways, we were stuck with an $80 fine for wreckless driving. dont ask me why. that cop was an ass.

more biology fun.

happy st. pat's everyone. go out to your local pub and drink. :)

kiss the rain through a blanket of pastels
biology should be a sin in itself.
the very mention of the word should be enough to drive a human insane and wish for better things to come.
or, ms freis shall internally combust and then be sent to live in the eternal flames.

let me suffer and die in silence.

well. i saw secret window twice this weekend. but its ok because that is one freaking awesome movie. i also saw starsky and hutch haha. johnny and owen are the shit (;

i shall be confined to my room for the rest of break to continue my endless work of that-which-shall-not-be-named. (refer to top paragraph)

dance upon the rainbow clouds
oh-my-god-youre-gorgeous!

whoa. good fun in school these past.. two days. and everyday of this week has felt like a friday. its like i mentally go through one school week in a day. weird.

on wednesday i felt like i was 5. i seriously wanted to just slam my books on the ground and throw a tantrum. but i didnt. which is good.

me, car, carrie, and alison all have a lethal fascination with A1 steak sauce. wooo what fun :)

i know i should write a lot more. but as it happens, i am quite the tired one. i guess going to bed at 11:30 isnt good for waking up in the morning hahaha. oh man. ever since ana said it, every time i look at this bunny from the still life we have to draw, i think of it. the first day she said 'wow- that is a hot bunny. you should totally draw it.' i dont know why i think of it though lmao.

ooohhh man. oh man oh man oh man. tomorrow is the last day of school before spring break!! woot!! i can not wait!
.. even if i do have a biology project. darn you, ms freis.

i went to target today. and publix. publix is cool, and you know it. did you know you can buy flip-flops there in the summertime?
you wish you were awesome enough to work there.

hmm.. i wrote a poem that i am actually fond of :)
"Dreams"
Follow me through crashing stars
hold my hand; never let it go
stay with me, your soft soft voice

Lets find our way
through the thickening fog
hold me forever in stormy eyes

Feel the smoothing colors
in the deepening rain
give my lips a little secret

Take me with you
forever in the frozen glory
tell me in the way of rainbows

Taste the grace of dreams
of a place like Neverland
forget anything but you.

I seem to like the endless today
i was remembering some things from when i was little.

boys are silly.

tomorrow sydney is coming over! it makes me feel like
this ---> (:
we shall party.

i slept in today. until 12:10. ah, so refreshing. considering i had been up for 21 hours, it was no surprise, but hey..

im going to get a little book to put all my poems in :) i have some in a notebook thing, but it looks more like a journal, and its a little big.

i have worked up the courage to post one (:

"Shadows of Secrets"
in the corner
of a bright happy room
there is a secret
a secret no one can see
it moves swiftly
like the falling sky
it doesnt touch or feel
its iridescense lurks in your mind
probing the dark depths
even when the light gives you comfort
it is there
its the invisible menace
the fear you've always encountered
and a nightmare that never ended
its a shadow
that thrives in darkness,
yet basks in light
so tell me
tell me your beautiful secret

..thoughts?

im drenched in the sun's frozen glory


You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Im lost in your unspoken words
one word. concert.

ears hurt. throat's sore. kick ass concert.

highlights:
coheed and cambria played. sweet. cool moshers.
saw 'red-shirt mosher'. we agree that he is hot. (:
thursday. easily the best band. they kicked some serious ass. holy crap. i heart them and wish to buy their cd.
afi. ahhhhh. awesome. :D they also did some ass-kicking.

what else did i do? i saw syd, chels and amanda. the security guards are nice. a guy was eating ketchup next to me.
i. had. the. best. seats.
i could see everything. it was so awesome. yea, i know, you're speechless too.

my brain is on its basic level: fire bad, tree pretty.

that means i have no brain cells left to do their job. im left with strange off-topic ideas and serious symptoms of a.d.d.

sleep now.