Once again there are alot of random things on my head
I feel so odd. I could hurt Mary she is so annoying and a bitch.

Our little group is falling apart and guess what I dont give a flying fuck. Its immature and really gay.

I like spending all this time with Krystal.

I feel like I havent been very nice these last few weeks, Like i havent been as friendly as normal. I want to curl up and think about stuff. problem being I have nothing to think about I feel so blank and unemotional Like I dont have a soul or something

Hmm
Ya on Thrusday I broke up with Kate. It wasn't easy, I know that it seems like I dont care, I do and It was hard but we were better at being friends.
-sigh

Aaron hasnt seen lord of the rings isnt that dumb

Fight Club is a really good movie

Mary is a bitch so is Mom.

Complaining got me nowhere in life I am gonna stop doing it now.

The fight within our group doesnt bother me anymore when you look at the big picture were all acting really dumb and immature and once the rest of us relize that we can get over it.

I need to Spend more time with my sister(sam not mary)

Need to talk to my my Cousin Sarah.

Need to excersise

My worst Fear:Being controlled or being vunerable to someone else and Snakes

I am listing the most random stuff

oh well


I dont care about comments anymore

Who am I kidding I love them lol

It feels good to brag...I never get to
I have alot on my mind some good some bad,

Our family got a new computer and it plays dvds and stuff and it has a CD burner and I like it. The old computer is mine so I have my own personal computer.I know we all are pleased. Also since Sam left I have taken over her room and I put my TV and VCR and Computer in there. Mary Sucks I hope she dies in the near future. Dad has been extra nice to me lately...its suspisous lol Mom is a bitch what else is new. Sam doesnt pay attention to me when she gets home. I have tried to spend time with Beau and get to know and stop judging him but what hes done in the past but I have come to the conclusion that he is just annoying lol

Now to my friends

Carinna, I dont see much of you anymore, I dont really have much to say
Lindsey,I think we need to see more of each other
Zach,are we even friends anymore? I can't tell
Krystal,Were doing ok (:
Sam B,Were Fine too
Amber,were ok,sorry about the cavities
Sheely,SOrry about the fights you have expierenced lately
Amy,were ok...I like north people(:
Theresa,Best Friends For Life!! sorry if i forgot anyone but i gtg




All of you better leave comments!!

Aww crap did I screw up again
Sorry I have been such an ass this week...

Fuck this
I'm sick of caring, none of you seem to care about me*there are exeptions*everytime I try to help. you people shit all over it. I'm tired of being good.....

Intense
ahhhh gawd I cant take it much longer, I dont even wanna write about it someone call me plz I cant last forever.

I know I whine alot. but its just in my nature and this siuation I am in just sux.

All I need is one friend to call me and this friend needs to have alot of patience lol

roar
I am in language arts...I am pissed! gawd everything is bugging me


I need my headgear...

Leave comments
I think I am having a good week.No I take it back I KNOW I am having a good week,Everyone else seems to being have the worst week or so it seems.I dont know but things seem different since I got back from break better for me. worst for everyone else*which isnt good cause I want everyone else to be happy*People seem to be paying more attention to me lately everyone seems to be alot nicer to me now.I have blonde hair again,maybe thats it hmmm lol My parents have even eased up on the critism,Kate and I are good. Theresa and I talk more.Krystal and I having been talking alot which I really like.Hell Sam Baldwin and I have been talking alot. The theme of this month for me seems to be talking.In the morning I am always talking at lunch same thing,hmmm I just have alot to say.When I call Theresa I dont even give her a chance to talk lol I even feel less insecure,I dont even fell the fat anymore.I dont know what it is but I like it. maybe it hasnt been the events that have been making it good,maybe its my attitude, I have came to school in a good mood everyday despite the fighting and stuff which I think the fighting is pretty much dying down. Well a message to my friends since I am in such a good mood I would say if you wanted to talk this week now would be a good time to approach me cause I am in a good mood.

Also I expect Comments From
Zach,Carinna,Krystal
You guys need to leave more comments espically in mine cause I really really like comments

There is that funky warm fuzzy feeling again
Today was pretty good. Today Theresa said I had inner beauty and she said I was the most caring person she knew and all this other really nice stuff,Thank you Theresa!
I had along conversation w/ Carinna today, it was nice and I was glad we talked.Dont forget the "plan" Lol
Krystal we have been talking alot more too and I enjoy that alot!!!!! and I do care about you and so do alot of other people

Wiping the Slate Clean
I finally pulled myself together I was a wreck for like two days.I had these massive insecurities and now for some reason I got past them,I am not ugly I know it maybe I am not gorgeous but I am definetly not ugly. So what if I am fat I like to call it husky lol So what if I am dramatic and complain alot its part of my character. I am better I talked Theresa she made me feel better,I have this stupid written journal and in every entry it starts "this is the worst day...." and you know what from now I on I gotta think positive I have to let of go of this grudge agaisnt the world

at first I blamed my insecurites on my friends because I thought they didnt give me enough reassurance, but now I think I am not giving myself enough reassurance
I was being way to hard on myself

Plz leave comments I have only gotten comments From Kate and Theresa lately I love hearing there thoughts I just would enjoy hearing a few more
Hint Hint:ALlison,Zach, Krystal,Carinna,Amber,Lindsey

Good Story
OK today is a traditoion in the dine family residence. Its an exciting meal known as Hot n Ready Day lol You see I dont like warm pizza so I refridgate it. Dad comes home and eats my pizza!!!!!That fricking Mexican eating my pizza!!!!!
anyways he hands me whats left which is the crust Then I had to inform him that He sucks then I left and he ate a total of 7 pieces I guess In mexico they have large stomachs

I dont have some witty subject to say
When you fight with someone thats when you get the other person's most honest opionion of you

In a mixture of my friends,mom,dad,and mary I got some honest opionions

Its not just them, but they are helping me relize who I am and I am not liking who I am. I know its not others opionions that count and most of the time when someone said something mean about me they did have to have felt and/or believe it and there right. Most of the time I would be like "fuck that I am not like that" but now I see why...

I strive for attention,any kind I can find
I over dramatize things just so people will pay a little attention to me.
I am overly dramatic, I make a bigger deal of things then they have to be
I am overally insecure
I just wont be happy
I only see the negative side of things
I am not positive or upbeat
I am not psyically or emotionally strong I cant handle anything
I am overally sensitive
I am jealous all the time

This entry is a good example of all these qualities!Thats my proff

Sometimes I find even when nothing isnt wrong in my life. I find myself quiet and depressed for no reason
When Life is good arent you supposed to feel happiness?
Maybe its a lack of fun in my life or maybe its something else....

I dont want comments saying I am not these things cause I am. I know I am so does everyone else.Hell I dont care if you wanna leave a comment saying I am cause I honestly wouldnt take offense

All this Time I thought my mom was the problem when we fought,but what if this whole Time its been me
omg,omg,omg,omg
I guess I also am a sweet person but somehow I dont believe it.Isnt that weird I dont believe myself that should be the one person I do trust
I mean people do like me,so there must be something right with me!!!!!!!I know that there is good I just need to find it

A Party of Pure Tension
I got back from krystal's party awhile ago. It was alright some parts were better then others...

Carinna seemed to be upset I wasnt a really good friend about it. I feel bad about that.
Amy and I talked alot and I think I am starting to really like her as a friend.
Zach seemed to have a good time he seems happy when he hangs out w/ krystal which is a good thing and it doesnt really seem romantic or anything.
Lindsey didnt go I was pissed.
I wanted Theresa to be there really bad.
I was relieved Kate was there. We had a good time except the part were I had to kiss her infront of everyone we were so nervous lol
There seemed to be alot of tension at the party and I didnt like it I had to keep breaking akward silences and I was running out of good stories lol

Boy oh Boy
I know this boy he is ok but I sorta dislike him. He only sees the negative side of things he refuses to accept happiness,He doesnt live in a paradise but its not the hell he makes it out to be, he is overlly dramatic,He generally thinks of over people and is geiunly a good person...I think, I dont know him too well, he is clumsy and a little flaky. he has good friends but sometimes he doubts it and when he does he wants to kick himself for even thinking it, he can be rude and flat out cruel, He isnt very attractive kinda chunky but he isnt breaking mirrors by the mere sight of him or anything. I dont know what to think of him, I dont know what others think of him

all this time I tried to analyze this boy I relized he was nothing more than a reflection

Boy oh Boy
I know this boy he is ok but I sorta dislike him. He only sees the negative side of things he refuses to accept happiness,He doesnt live in a paradise but its not the hell he makes it out to be, he is overlly dramatic,He generally thinks of over people and is geiunly a good person...I think, I dont know him too well, he is clumsy and a little flaky. he has good friends but sometimes he doubts it and when he does he wants to kick himself for even thinking it, he can be rude and flat out cruel, He isnt very attractive kinda chunky but he isnt breaking mirrors by the mere sight of him or anything. I dont know what to think of him, I dont know what others think of him

all this time I tried to analyze this boy I relized he was nothing more than a reflection