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2003 24 September :: 9.14 pm
I am gross and i am ugly and i obviously dont deserve to be happy like all of my other friends. Im sure that no one could say anything honestly that would combat this. Despite what others think, if things could actually go my way i would gladly let them, but sadly i am left to scrap together this so called life and make something sort of bearable out of it. there you go. i tripped before the race even started. Everyone go have fun and be pretty and forget about it. I'm sure you all already have.
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2003 15 September :: 4.05 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: jayhawks<3
pretty little hair do, dont do what it use to.
Always thought I was someone
Turned out I was wrong
Oh god.. sometimes i feel like such a nobody. Whatever.
I think it's brought on by this jacob stuff... everyone thinks he is so great and i just get by. He has so many friends and hes popular and everyone loves him. There are just somethings i cant compete for/in. and besides that i feel like a nobody anyways.
All those cute like "emo" girls and their cute boyfriends and im still single. I just feel like crying over the patheticness i exist in. Ive been pretty content this junior year, but as always this is bubbling under the surface.
Seriously i wish mY so called life was still on.. it would be my favorite show. -->
Angela: The worst feeling is suddenly realizing that you don't measure up. And that, in the past, when you thought you did, you were a fool.
I feel like charlie brown.
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2003 3 September :: 5.17 pm
i think the most important thing that i learned today was that my guitar teacher was once very close to Johnny Depp. my life is now complete.. somehow
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2003 25 August :: 9.23 pm
:: Mood: too c00l for you
don't apologize, i hope you choke and die
well, things are less confusing now. I've figured it all out and life just sucks. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
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2003 19 August :: 10.37 pm
:: Mood: foolish
jason and i are friends
life is confusing for me right now
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2003 16 August :: 10.38 pm
:: Mood: okay
Don't waste these moments as they pass
"Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
And taking your advice I'm looking on the bright side And balancing the whole thing"
and "Thou shalt love what is possible"
I learned a lot tonight. Jason and my friendship is over. I'm done trying. Yet, i learned that if you find someone you are attracted to you should try and if it doesnt work, well then its not the end of the world. There will be someone else.
...Let's see how long this lasts. (though i'm pretty sure it is final... one way relationships/friendships dont work)
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2003 16 August :: 2.17 pm
:: Mood: furious/tired
one of these days these boots are gunna walk all over you
Who the fuck does Jason Prover think he is?
he is nobody to me, starting today
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2003 13 August :: 6.40 pm
my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me, so won't you kill me so i die happy.
best 1st day of school yet. that's not saying much. I dont know how i can stand being so close to him. He makes me dread yet look forward to school this year. He is it and he is killing me because i cant have him. At least its not for lack of trying. He makes me quesy and nervous and shaky and scared and content and crazy, soo crazy. I wish i could control this.
oohh .. and travis transferred to my school??? what is that hahaha
So long sweet summer
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2003 12 August :: 10.33 pm
:: Mood: nervous/ okay
:: Music: queer eye for the straight guy
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
"Girls can't resist a guy with an eyepatch"
I'm experiancing the final hours before school. scary. I spent some of them eating ice cream with dana.. so typical of this summer, which makes me laugh. I guess this summer has ended on a good note. dude im going to miss summer...freedom. I just hope i dont throw up tomorrow.. or something like that. wish me luck.. i need it
" I barely get by being me"
I love singing along to sublime and dashboard with my friends. thats what makes everything fun. To officially end summer I cut off the necklace.
ps. i like guys with cool glasses
You and me were kings over the parkway tonight
And tonight will go on forever while we
walk around this town like we own the streets
and stay awake through summer like we own the heat
Singing "everybody wake up(wake up)it's time to get down
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2003 9 August :: 4.23 pm
:: Mood: scared
I'm glad that i could have such a great friend like Jon. We had a really long talk last night and i agreed with what he said and i'll try. I had lots of fun last night.
p.s. im going to implode in a couple of days
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2003 4 August :: 12.53 pm
:: Mood: numb
:: Music: the clash
From here to eternity
Since last night ive become numb to it all. I've just decided to accept all the things i wrote in my previous entry as facts of my life. I mean I have great friends and I do very well in school and im talented.. cant have everything.
Oh yeah i had a lot of fun last night.. with my friends.. so thank you.
I will be alone forever i just have to learn to accept it. good day
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2003 4 August :: 12.30 am
:: Mood: unhappy/ like a fucking wreck
:: Music: bright eyes
the art of losing
i think i'll just go find that cliff Jon and Ryan always talk about
The problem is i dont want to die.. i want to live .. truly live
oh fuck. im crying and i promised myself i wouldnt.. i havent cryed all summer. This is hell
I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.
I am nothing. I am just some persons friend or sister or daughter.
And im incredibly Unattractive
I wish i even had the option of breaking someones heart, but sadly i get mine broken
Guys:2.5 Sarah:0
I think im going to vomit at how disgusting i am.. and no one can cheer me up because no one even comes close to understanding this immense pain that continues tp plague my existance.
i am so weak
I have never won anything in my life
Fuck,
Nobody
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2003 1 August :: 12.21 am
:: Mood: amused again
:: Music: radiohead
'when you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye'
Stacey is pretty [hot.. whichever you prefer] ... how can i compete with that?
oh and i saw my problem first hand and i declare that im a hopeless cause. wow.[ am i really that bad?] I need to change soon, because i see where ive been going wrong.. kind of crazy and sad no?.. new people always create unnecesary drama.. I wish I could break some hearts for once.
ps. dana and i plan to run eachother over for maury and hot celebrities
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2003 31 July :: 12.31 am
:: Mood: amused
the manuever
um.. im so stupid.. and no one is picking up their phones.. no one will ever like me .. ever.. just to clarify that
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2003 30 July :: 12.06 am
:: Mood: the bad kind of bubbly
:: Music: god loves ugly
when i say lets keep in touch, i really mean i wish that you'd grow up
tonight was fun. i was supposed to stay in and do work, but ya know.. ugh im going to pay for it... it's reallly hard typing with only one hand. i really need to stop disapointing oprah. how can one person become so ugly in a matter of days.. damn bubble.. damn sun.. damn skin. but back the fun. how come our plans never go right? it was soo cool too haha.. coldstones so many times...and i played life with jacob and heidi and it was funny. Jacobs hilarious and i really like heidi, she's cool, and im not just saying that because i have to. and really i dont like a lot of people so i'm happy for them.. they are too cute.
hmm yeah i suck.. damn sun and all that stuff
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