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She is dangerous for all the ways she is harmless.And please, if they should ask you, tell them you knew a heart like mine.Relentless.

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kate	:: 2005 10 March :: 5.53am :: Mood: hungry Dammit, I can't see my monster. And I didn't know I had so many sexual dreams.. Read more.. what

onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 9 March :: 7.21pm

yep.
fell off a truck today.
sprained my ankle.
3 hours at the hospital because thats how hospitals are.
no work for a bit, and i can't afford that because they don't pay me for not being there
what can ya do.

please, for me, be safe when you are securing shovels in the back of a truck..because you never know when you are going to try and tighten a strap down only to find that its not hooked to anything and the vigor with which you tightend the strap propels backwards over the edge of the truck, causeing you to hit the edge and flip over the side five feet down to the pavement and sprain your ankle. so, in conclusion, its a dangerous world folks, so safety first, always check that your straps are securly fastened before you yank the shit out of them. thank you.

love,
matthew james hinton

:: 2005 7 March :: 8.09pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: Rage Against The Machine - Kill A Man

I beat level four...finally!

This game is a biatch. Each mission is harder than the last. But, that's a good thing. I hate easy games you can just speed through in a few hours.

I'm not feeling well. I was tired all day, and I wasn't in the best mood. It was weird, everything just felt...off.

I hate rain. It fucks my hair up, and makes me look like a douche all day.

I need a new hack.

suspensionrings

:: 2005 6 March :: 2.37pm

actually, it's not even about -- it's about finding someone 'worthy' of giving my heart to. all things considered.

that sounds so goddamn arrogant, but it's true. i have ridiculously high standards. weh.

onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 6 March :: 12.43am

i post this for chuck and chuck alone. dammit.
the car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
and a dark wind blows
the government is corrupt
and we're on so many drugs
with the radio on and the curtains drawn

we're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
and the machine is bleeding to death

the sun has fallen down
and the billboards are all leering
and the flags are all dead at the top of their poles

it went like this:

the buildings tumbled in on themselves
mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble
and pulled out their hair

the skyline was beautiful on fire
all twisted metal stretching upwards
everything washed in a thin orange haze

i said: "kiss me, you're beautiful -
these are truly the last days"

you grabbed my hand and we fell into it
like a daydream or a fever

we woke up one morning and fell a little further down -
for sure it's the valley of death

i open up my wallet
and it's full of blood
--

the monolouge in the song The Dead Flag Blues by Godspeed You Black Emperor

love,
Matthew James Hinton

:: 2005 5 March :: 11.03pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: Interpol - Evil

Have you seen her?

This has been a great weekend. I got Devil May Cry 3, and it's so kick ass! I also got Antics by Interpol, which is a pretty good cd so far.

Anyway, I have a game to attend to. Goodnight.

lookatmemynameisdustin

:: 2005 5 March :: 1.39pm

WHOLY SHIT!

it feels like every time i post on this beast its been years when in reality im just bored. so i feel bad for posting "come talk to me" then some of you said "hey! i remember you. wernt you in that shitty band?" well...no...actually...there were two.
but seriously. throw me a line again,and if you want to come and visit me at work thats awesome to (E. Beltline Marathon station on 3 mile i work the graveyard shift mon-fri).
so yeah, with me...um... F.D. hit the splits for those of you who didnt know/care but seprate projects will be expected form numerious parties. and thats it...your cought up.

WRITE ME!
(not to sound desprate)

with as much love as one person can give to others while being taken,
dustin

Kate	:: 2005 4 March :: 11.25pm :: Music: Radiohead - Backdrifts Art Frahm This amused me. Maybe it'll amuse you too. http://www.lileks.com/institute/frahm/indexmain.html 2 huh \| what

:: 2005 3 March :: 6.06pm
:: Music: Blood Brothers-Six Nightmares at the Pinball Maquerade

Its really intresting to think about how one little moment/event has really changed your life or what you do.
I think how much 1 e-mail has affected and changed my life in the past year.

:: 2005 3 March :: 12.19pm

sometimesijustwanttobeleftalone.
notthisweek.

comeonjumpinonthefunwagon!!!!!!!!

:: 2005 3 March :: 6.53am
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: Coldplay_Don't Panic

I'll miss ya.
I woke up this morning with a huge headache, it hurt to move it at all. I took some Tylenol and figured it was nothing, and that it would just go away once I took a shower and got all ready.Then as the morning progressed, it didn't leave, and I started feeling worse. My stomach is killing me, and it's not a regular tummy pain. It's like this dull soarness, with sharp jolts of pain every few minutes.

I haven't eaten any oranges so it's not that, Taryn.

I didn't really want to stay home, which is why I waited until the last minute to decide if I was. I wanted to see if I would start to feel better at all, and if I did I would have went to school. I hate missing school. I don't really like going, but I really don't like missing it. It just makes you have to do more work in less time. I'm sure glad I have my stuff to write my essay for english with. Dolbee isn't the type of teacher that would give me an extra day.

Well, my eyes are killing me from looking at this screen. I'm going to go lay down. See ya.

suspensionrings

:: 2005 3 March :: 1.46am

. . . i act like a rape victim. i mean, what the FUCK.
i've never been. not even touched, not against my will.
andyetandyetandyet.
what the almighty fuck is wrong with me.

:: 2005 2 March :: 8.06am

i wish it was Friday.

:: 2005 3 March :: 2.42am

Yama's, Llamas, could somebody oil the macaroni gears in my noodle?...
Holy Fuck, Mr. J! Is that you. You decomposed, digitally bearded, open shirt bastard.

Let me pull the thumb out my ass and tell you a taley waley.
It's starts on...whoa, somewhere in July. C'est possible?
click, pop, rewind.
I'd just broken up with Jess, and gotten thrown on my ass. Fucking great. >>Restart<< Now I'm living in Cedar. Things are fucked up as always. Always will be. A bunch of big fucking delusional circles. Nothing ever good. Right? Got another job at the same franchise. Different owner, different policy, different people. I'd forgotten what it's like to live in a majorly white community. Pssh. j/k.
Eh, let's see. I was a wreck. I had these big purple circles around my eyes. It was terrible.
Fast forward>>Ms. K.
A few days after being thrown out. I had the reassuring visitation of an old friend and spark. And though we only spent, like, a day together. I thought things were going quite well. But, difficulties will be difficulties and I'm an asshole.
Thus, not only was I in shitty shape. The 'ol stars orbited my head. Because I'm an asshole.
Fast forward>>
I was thrown out by mom. It was all about stupid shit. Really fucked me up again. Blah. blah. Spent the night on US 131. A rest stop between the rockford and cedar exits. I stayed up the whole night writing stories and shit. It sucked.
Fast forward>>
Nothing much happens. I spend about three hundred dollars a month replacing parts on my Oldsmobile P.O.S.. It's kinda funny. Old people have left, new people have come. Ms. K's seeing Mr. R. I don't know how to feel about that. Everyone's so mixed about my collection of friends. Scenario time...not today. Heh.
Fast forward>>
Ms. M, Ms. C, and Ms.T, and all been very patient with my ass. Thank ya' ma' bitches! I'm the "dude". And I've been skimping out on my "dude" duties. Which is sad, because these are the people that someday, and even right now, I'll be jealous of. Sigh.
Twenty years...still no GED. Just an explicit case of madness. It's quite splendid. mwah ha ha ha!
Any who, Mr. J. The night is old, the day is gone, pull those covers over your silicon body, and don't forget to wear underpants. Yak!,
Dustin

onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 1 March :: 9.12pm

i'm tired of living alone
i've just discovered alone
i feel uncoverd with you
i feel right here
i'm kind of silly i know
i'm not your lover although
i shouldn't bother
i fall for the deep clear

eyes blue
and you know
i'm in line with you here

i've tried to give you enough
i learned from living it rough
i think i know when i must
make myself clear
i'm tired of living alone
and discoverd alone
when i'm uncoverd with you
i feel right here

can't you see
i can fly
but i'm not free

careful you
all alone
clear blue clear

and if you see
i can fly
but i'm not free

it's kind of silly i know
i'm not your lover
although i shouldn't bother
i fall for the deep clear

i can fly through the clear blue

carefree,
dry my eyes in a cool breeze
can't you see i've a soul too
i sappose i really love you will
i'm in love with a lie still
and carefree
i can fly but i'm not free here
i can fly but i'm not free

:: 2005 1 March :: 10.34am
:: Music: The Used - Blue and Yellow

10 days, biatch.

When I awoke this morning at quarter after 10, (*sigh*, such a good time to wake up..) I had the sudden urge to go roll around in the snow. I'm still considering it.

How nice would a snowman look in my front yard?

[Edit]
It is terrible packing snow. I couldn't even make a regular snowball, no way could I make a snow man. I got all ready for nothing.

:: 2005 28 February :: 10.30pm
:: Music: Radiohead - Be Quiet and Drive

I read woohu daily, and I rarely miss a day, yet I update maybe twice a month. And I don't even remember the last time the entry mattered. Hm. I guess I found that interesting. Especially compared to how much, and with what, I updated this journal this time a year ago.

suspensionrings

:: 2005 27 February :: 7.42pm

it's when she leans agains the wall [lichen, cracks in the cement, rust. her eyewhites are yellowed and everything else seemed decayed. she's one with the city today.] and nearly collapses, standing shivering on the edge of tears.

and i try to say, how could anyone. possibly.

and her posture changes slightly and the strength neither of us knew she had straightens her enough to look right into me, and she says, i know i'm not the only one.

and i think she's right. has to be. for my own sake.

:: 2005 27 February :: 1.47pm
:: Music: Thursday

Well, that was a fucking terrible weekend.

:: 2005 26 February :: 7.02pm

oh yes- i also forgot to add...that I SAW BOOBS:) We got hit on by creepy guys, humped, and stared at by old men-wow what a night it was.

Strippers are very giggly.....but "Bunny" i tell you what....she was flexible....

:: 2005 26 February :: 6.59pm
:: Mood: impressed

Go see Constantine! OH MY GOD...the camera angles the special effects it was mind bogglingly good. It looked like a comic book story board from front to finish.

I want to see it again-Im broke and i would pay another $7.50 to see it again-its that good.....im giddly

onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 26 February :: 1.02am

i just don't know what to tell ya here chief..i'm fucked. they ask how i am and all i can say is im still breathing. i tried ignoring it all for her sake but somehow though we barely knew each other, she understands me better than most..or maybe she just puts up with me for some reason. can't be the sex cause there wasn't any. it was only 8 days too..it just boggles my mind sometimes but i prefer not to ask questions and just let this beautiful thing happen. she saw trhough my bullshit though. so i told it all to her, she didn't know what to say but thats beside the point..she wanted to know and that is what matters. i hope it all wroks out like i envision in my head..but those are for me and her only so fuck off if you want to know what i see.

these things..these life issues that one deals with, they wear on the soul..or maybe its just me. i really don't feel right when i work..it gives me no satisfaction of a job well done or any of that bullshit even though i try my hardest at it...it just feels like misdrected effort. i don't even really like being around people here. im scared im going to gain weight cause im a fuckin recluse. i don't want to end up with a job..honestly i think i would be happier in poverty cause money is just another worry..plus its evil. all i need is a bed and a guitar and a lover...thats all i really want too. oh yeah, and ciggarettes.

i don't know, we'll see how it all pans out.

love,
matthew james hinton

:: 2005 25 February :: 12.01pm

i feel very good about things right now.
even though i can be stupid sometimes.
i just let things consume me and it is hard for me to see other peoples side of things. i have a hard time with accepting some things and part of me tells me not to apologize for it but part of me tells me to reconsider.

onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 24 February :: 10.54pm

those are some pictures i took today while driving through the sierra nevada mountains...look at the last one..and you bitch about snow..

love,
matthew james hinton

onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 24 February :: 7.16pm

grandpa.

suspensionrings

:: 2005 23 February :: 7.27pm

Everyone I've ever talked to about this says that I deserve better. Maybe I'm not saying it right. Maybe I'm leaving things out, inserting emphasis where it doesn't belong, blowing up the angst and whine like I always do.

[--]

"It sounds like he's had this thing for Claire the whole time."

"Oh, he's had it for years. [etc.]"

"I mean, when you were down here, he would talk on the phone with her, I could tell the, the connection th--"

"Oh, god, you should see the two of them together. He's like a mother hen."

"Aaaah, well, that sucks, but you really deserve better than that."

"[noncommital grunt]"

My mother speaks with a great deal of commas.

[--]

"That's the thing, though, is he doesn't really give a shit about me one way or the other. All he ever wanted was Claire. Still is."

[--]

He could be content with anyone, but only she can make him happy. He has no standards because none can measure up to her. He's not looking for love, just companionship, something to make the ache go away. But it won't, ever. And unless he finds someone who can tolerate being perpetually second best, it'll continue to fuck things up.

I swear I want nothing more than to bury his pretty little face in the cement.

onceagainistandalone

:: 2005 22 February :: 9.43pm

hit me..

ok..anyways..

im just wondering what did i fuck up now..or what am i fucking up now? its always something..

i i want to fly t'roy out here in may or june..i need him. we will go see the mountains and the ocean.

i was driving the truck at work today by myself..just driving down the road, smoking a ciggarette..listeneing to sunday bloody sunday (which is like the only u2 song i like)..and i spaced out imaging i was driving east on i-80 towards michigan..it was nice..like 70 degrees today..i had the window down..i jsut didn't want to stop..so i "accidently" got lost and drove around for like 15 more minutes. i love my job.

i can't wait until thats really happening though..just me and the open road baby..so cliche but i don't even care..it will be fantastic..a voyage across the heartland..mm..i can taste it.

sleep.

love,
matthew james hinton.

:: 2005 22 February :: 9.50pm

I SAY:

Buy your play tickets from me!
Despite the talk going around, this play will be good -no, not good- great. Bring your friends, bring your family, bring your lover, or go alone. Whoever you bring, be sure to get your tickets from me! There are other cast members selling as well, but.. come now.. don't be foolish.

Kate is your ticket supplier! Don't be shy, go to the play!

suspensionrings

:: 2005 22 February :: 5.52pm

And it still fucking burns whenever he mentions her.

Maroon 5. She Will Be Loved. FUCK you.

:: 2005 22 February :: 3.27pm
:: Music: From a Second story window- I tried vodoo once

Their Eyes Were Watching God
Here is a Little tewg update-
Shows:
March 3-5 OH, PA tour W/Skys Revolt
March 16 Ten bells W/ From a Second Story Window,The ACACIA STRAIN, INTO THE MOAT, AND THE RED DEATH. Doors 5:30 8$
March 26 Skelletones W/Grey Halo, Staleface, and Numb

Thanks to everyone who went to the shows last weekend either at the Kent or the After Math w/ Showbread. we should be putting up a new song on purevolume soon www.purevolume.com/theireyeswerewatchinggod

Peace

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