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2006 27 May :: 11.23 pm
:: Music: Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack
Why...
I am such a horrible person I cant believe it. I have fucked up so many times that it isnt even worth trying to fix. Now that I look back I have broken so many hearts just because I could but I never thought twice about the person that I was doing it to. Like with Jimmy. I really did like him alot and I dont know why but I dropped him for Zach and why I did that I dont know. I think about Jimmy all the time and when I look back on it, I find that I have made a humongous mistake. I should never have let him go to be with Zach. I find that is the biggest mistake that I have ever made. I called him a while back but I dont think it helped any. I wish it did. He was the first person that I really truelly felt for since my first heartbreak which was terrible. Usuallly after a while I have a neutral feeling about things like this but it has been almost a year and I still wish I hadnt been such a bitch because I am really not like that. I wish I could go back in time and change it all. I wish so badely. But I can wish all I want but it isnt going to happen. I only knew him briefly but I really fell for him more than I thought I did at the time.
I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish
I wish
If it were only that easy.
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2006 27 May :: 5.12 pm
:: Mood: exhausted
Fuck
2 zoos are out of control |
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2006 23 May :: 10.10 pm
:: Mood: Nervous
I like to ramble about nothing...
Thoughts are like clouds that casually drift on by. They dont stay very long because they are only thoughts. I have alot of thoughts and for the life of me I dont know what to do with alot of them. Many I keep to meself and never tell a soul. Others I share with my close friends and others I simply share with everybody. But my question is why do I have so many that I cant say to anybody. The things that go through my head is amazing. Alot of times I can organize them but right now I cant. They are good thoughts but I am afraid that if I mention my thoughts to anybody then the thoughts will disappear or turn sour.
I am very content right now but I have so many things floating through my head that I dont know what to do about them. I hear songs or CDs that remind me of certain people and of the good times back then. And then I have a sudden rush of wondering of what might of happened if I had done it differently. Or maybe even simply said what was on my mind at the time. Or maybe just let time pass and see what happened. But most of the time things turned sour because I had something that was repeated and I got screwed over which was really my fault anyway because I took the chance to say it and it was fair game to be repeated.
I have been pretty stupid on certain things in the last 2 years and some of it I regret but it is nothing I can change. If I could do it over again I would think things through more clearly before I had acted.
I think to much and I do believe whole heartedly that that is my problem. Maybe if I just let things happen as they would, without my thoughts, then I might be better off.
But sometimes thoughts are good.
Just not the ones I think though.
I guess.
Conclusion: Thoughts can be good when the situation is becoming bad but when you have a good thing going just dont think and everything will work out.
I am sure of it.
1 zoos are out of control |
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2006 23 May :: 12.16 am
:: Mood: tired
I usually dont post about my track results but I just have to for this.
I ran at the Champion of Champions meet today and placed 8th in the 800 m run. That sounds bad but not when you look at the time. I ran it in 2:29. To sum it up that is getting competive in the girls race. Wth that time I was able to qualify for the Jon Bose Initavational at Houseman Field this Wednesday and I have decided to run.
I am just so excited that in needed to share that.
1 zoos are out of control |
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2006 22 May :: 1.17 pm
:: Mood: crazy
This is rare...
I'm pretty....
I don't say that very often because the majority of the time I'm not but today I am.
And today I don't care what anybody says.
I just am.
1 zoos are out of control |
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2006 18 May :: 10.21 pm
:: Mood: mellow
Sometimes the best things in life are worth losing everything over but then again it just shows what you are really worth to everybody else.
1 zoos are out of control |
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2006 17 May :: 7.35 pm
:: Music: Death Cab for Cutie
Clouds....
I feel like I am walking on air. I just feel like the possibilities for life are endless and that I will never feel sad again.
But come on lets face it, nobody can be happy forever. I guess I just realized that there is more to everything than what the eyes see, but I just don't look that far most of the time. I figure if I keep low key about most things then everything will work out alright.
Forget me because I am already lost with no way to find my way back and you cannot save me.
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2006 10 May :: 10.02 pm
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: Death Cab For Cutie
I do love you....
Katie---- I don't know if you are thinking it but I don't hate you and I am not mad at you in any way. I don't know how often you are on here but I thought I might let you know if I don't get a chance to talk to you. I am almost out of school which means that I will be able to spend more time with you hopefully. I have many things to tell you, good and bad. I swear to you that I love you with every last bit stength I have and dont let anybody tell you any difference because frankly they are dead wrong.
On a lighter note I have a free feeling and I absolutly love it. I can stand being attached or held down. I don't want to belong to somebody because that is not who I am. I will flirt but unless something magic happens the odds that it will carry on to something more are slim. I love being single.
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2006 24 April :: 9.57 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Empty Apartment-- Yellow Card
Nirvana....
Right now I believe I am in some state of Nirvana because I feel like I an on top of the world!!
Theresa did a trial run on makeup for prom and DAMN. I usually don't consider myself very pretty but tonight I thought of myself as pretty as can be. Unfortunetly, I was unable to get a man's opinion on the deal because there were none around. We were going to ask Mikey her son but he was at a friends house. I hope everything goes well for prom. I don't want it to be perfect but I just want everything to go well.
Anyway, I have found that I really work myself for very little. Theresa wants me to work the summer and I would love to but I hope that I can live my life as well. The job pays $200 a week so it isn't all that bad I guess.
And I have found that I am not spending as much time or even talking to the people I love. To name a few, Justin, Katie, Shannon, Rachel, and Heidi to name a few.
Shea-- I will never forget you and even though we may not speak very often when we get out of school but I promise you that we will never lose touch. And I never break a promise.
Justin-- Life has had its up and downs and right now it is up and I hope it stays that way. And to make it fair 'How's life treating you?'
Just four weeks left and I can't wait!!!!
5 zoos are out of control |
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2006 18 April :: 10.00 pm
:: Mood: content
It been a While....
So much has happened since the last time that I updated. I might have already mention that Zach and I have broken up but all hope is not lost for I have find my equal. I guess I say that alot. Maybe he is not my equal but it damn well feels like it right now. My hair got alot longer and I have thinned out a little bit from track.
And I have concluded that I love apple juice and french fries.
1 zoos are out of control |
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2006 8 March :: 9.17 pm
:: Mood: tired
Its Been Awhile....
Well we found Beher and surprosingly he was home all along. what had happened was that he went into a room in the barn that my dad had closed up because Beher was no where around and it turns out he was up there for a week but he is happy as can be and also fatter than he has ever been.
Zach and I are done. I didn't end on a bad but rather a very good one. We still talk and he even stops at my locker to chat in the morning. But now that we aren't together it seems that we are better friends. I like it this way better.
Coincidently I met somebody new that very weekend. I had thought that I was finally single and had the freedom to flirt with whom ever but I met Jake. He is going to school for either vertinary medicine or surveying. He LOVES horses and seems to wonderful. But I keep thinking about Jimmy. It could be because it ended very badly and I feel guilty and really bad at how it ended up or it could be something else. I don't know but I am going to live life as in a take it as it comes.
Other than that, Thats justr the way the cookie crumbles.
I am listening to a book on tape at the moment so this entry is prolly strange and that is why.
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2006 19 January :: 12.12 am
:: Mood: upset/tired
:: Music: Yellowcard
Please Come Home....
Behr has disappeared and it brings me to tears that he isn't home. I don't know where he is and if he is even alive and I can't begin to think that he might not be coming back. The humane society are a bunch of assholes and won't tell us if he is there so we have to go and look everyday until he shows up, if he ever does.
I miss him.
I can't bear to lose another dog again. It hurt horribly the first time and now it will hurt again along with the first.
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2005 25 December :: 9.03 pm
:: Mood: tired
I did get a puppy named Chester for Christmas.
1 zoos are out of control |
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2005 23 December :: 12.26 am
:: Mood: sore/exhausted
I wonder....
If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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2005 19 December :: 3.13 pm
The Keys to Your Heart
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You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.
You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.
In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.
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If Giraffes Could Fly..... |
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