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:: 2005 21 January :: 3.26pm
:: Mood: phretto
:: Music: seinfeild

w00t! Sophie is my fwend. Heee heee heee. ELECKTRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6 did | Tell me

:: 2005 20 January :: 7.52pm
:: Mood: annoyed yet content
:: Music: metallica-- fade to black

dude, so dad came over to drop off my sheet and he said that my mom wanted him to come to papa roach with me as a freakin chaperone!!! Dude, im so freakin pissed! I'm not a stupid 4 year old that needs to be babysat, and im not gonna try to sneak into the beer thing, and im not gonna stand there and let some 28 year old hit on me! But having dad go and sit in the corner is better than not going at all, which would be the alternative. God! Why does my mom always have to be the nazi! All my other friends have moms that let them do stuff! and recently its been worse, she has to call everyones parents before EVERYTHING just incase i might be snorting coke or something. Gawd! Who does she think i am? im not a little meth child! I'm not gonna get drunk/ high the second she turns her back! It fuckin pisses me off! grrrr! Why do I have to have a police dog for a mom? A fat bitchy police dog who wont let me go anywhere unsupervised...

I'm sorry chris! I love you! talk to me if you need it, k?

Yay for arbys! haha

despite todays crapness im in a good mood.

:: 2005 20 January :: 4.01pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: crazytown-- butterfly

yay! I'm ungrounded! WHAT NOW BITCH? Lol. yeah. Ooh! I got a ticket for the papa roach concert!! Dude, its gonna be so frickin sweet! I talked to cyler a bit ago and we got things cleared up, which is cool cuz its very exaughsting ignoring someone all the time.
My dad was being sooooo weird this (last) weekend! I wrote chris a note that said stuff on it (ooh stuff! lol) and then i was gonna throw it away... but it musta fallen outa my pocket cuz my dad read it... i was sooo pissed! i thought my mom was more like.. reading noteish. but yeah.... nothings really new. my attention span is really tiny right now so i think im gonna go, lol. w00t! I must be on da crack again. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

:: 2005 12 January :: 4.52pm
:: Mood: grateful
:: Music: Britney spears-- toxic

THANK YOU!!

to everyone who cares about me. I love you all! Danny is a worthless peice of shit and now we all know it. I'm groovin like a groover, so dont worry about me worying about him... oor something... lol. Anya, im sorry if i ignore you, i love you oh-so-much!!

6 did | Tell me

:: 2005 12 January :: 4.42pm
:: Music: let the bodies hit the floor-- drowning pool

talkin to marissa, shes so cute! Ha ha shes such a prep. Total valley girl but what ever, lol. I can just be preppy with her with out caring about... stuff..

Nothing's happening... I hope im un-grounded this weekend cuz i have alot of plans... i think.

Fri-- Maybe go to the CV version of the rubber chicken. Its called the groovy shoe or something
Sat-- chill with Viv
Sun-- Girlie day w/ soph? Ohh crap... its marissa's debate thing... both?
Mon-- No School!! I hope we can do the girly thing on monday, i promised marissa i'd go w/ her like a month ago... literally.

Holy hell im hungry!!

I made the coolest glasses today! pipe cleaners are the shiznit!!

��+�__�-}D

Omg, i still like spikey... grr!! Boys are evil. I cant help it. we talked today... ^^

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!

:: 2005 11 January :: 3.41pm
:: Mood: melancholy

sdgsjf,dmugtrmgfd
THANK YOU!!!!!

To everyone who cares about me. You mean so much.

Chris, you're the bestest! Thanks for what you said, and are saying now on IM. It means alot that we can talk

Kim- Im sorry im such a bitch to you. You're so sweet to me, you know that i love you, right?

Tori- i cant begin to describe what you mean to me. Words would ruin it.. lets keep it at an "i love you!!!!!!!", you know what i mean.

So yeah... i was really depressed.. and still am. But i dont want to think about him.

I just felt so... vulnerable. I told him emotions that really... mattered to me and he just treated me like... no one. but i guess i am no one to him.

Why do i always try to be happy at school? It dosent work.

I havent talked to Mando, yah yah, or Mofo latley.. Soph was really nice to me today. I felt a little bad that i was mad at her, but they did it as much.

I just feel like a 4th wheel and everytime i try to tell them.. they say sorry or w/e but then they do it again..

i dont know. i want whipped cream.

I wanna see if i can get high off it... J/k j/k.... but really...
ok bye!

:: 2005 10 January :: 7.02pm
:: Mood: flirty

w00t! I'm back... for now... Yeah, so i got grounded for the whole new years eve fiasco.. that sucked. But now my science grade is a C so its cool. Last week sucked. I felt very... ditched and lonley. But today has been better.
SCRATCH THAT
Dannys on... He cant come this summer
SilentXEternally: wanna hear so even shittier news
shpadoinklebunny: umm... ok
SilentXEternally: im not coming this summer either
shpadoinklebunny: what?!?!?!?!?!?!?
SilentXEternally: yea i have to get a job and stuff
shpadoinklebunny: get one here
shpadoinklebunny: !!
SilentXEternally: i cant cuz i live here
SilentXEternally: its a residency issue
shpadoinklebunny: bull shit, you could still get one here
SilentXEternally: and i cant work for a month and quit my job
shpadoinklebunny: yes you can.
shpadoinklebunny: so your not coming at all?
SilentXEternally: if i do it would only be like 2 or 3 days
SilentXEternally: but i doubt i will
shpadoinklebunny: oh
SilentXEternally: cuz i have to juggle summer school, work, band, and guitar lessons
SilentXEternally: and college prep
SilentXEternally: im taking SATs this summer as well and im gonna look for scholarships
shpadoinklebunny: danny..
shpadoinklebunny: i think maybe it would be better if we didnt talk anymore
SilentXEternally: ?
shpadoinklebunny: its too hard for me. I live you still and its pretty obvious that im just the girl you get action with when your here. I can't handle it. If i dont mean anything to you... why try?
SilentXEternally: well i wasnt looking for any relationship actually, i just figure we were friends, and i get action with pretty much every one so w/e
shpadoinklebunny: so i really dont mean anything to you?
SilentXEternally: i didnt say that i said we are friends, how could we be more then that, i live across the state, i have at least 10 females that want my nuts at all times, its hard for me to have any sort of serious relationship with any one
shpadoinklebunny: im not asking for a relationship!
SilentXEternally: and in all seriousness, my heart belongs to some one else
SilentXEternally: i just havent settled down enough yet
shpadoinklebunny: good bye danny.

and so it ends...
omg.

omg omg omg

i meant nothing to him
i loved him and i meant nothing to him.

omg im so fucking stupid
omg

8 did | Tell me

:: 2005 9 January :: 9.30pm

for some reason I'm oddly at peace with things

I feel all torn up inside, this way and that, just ... reverting back to my old state
but things have changed and I'll never get back there
a mixture of the darkness creeping into my skull, current factors in life and such things have left me oddly complacent if that makes any sense

still, sometimes I feel like running straight into a brick wall

4 did | Tell me

:: 2005 1 January :: 12.52am

happy 2005
I'm drenched in cider, half a bottle on me, half in me
had a good night, partay, running down the streets ect. screaming my lungs out

it's been a long year, and there's time to recap later, but my sunglasses are a year old and ... well let's hope for a good year eh?

:: 2005 1 January :: 12.08am
:: Mood: infuriated

Why do i let myself do this to myself?

:: 2004 31 December :: 2.50pm
:: Mood: drained

Thank you Tori, Tasha, and Chris. Y'all made me feel better last night. I'm feeling better about it. Sophie called and Anya talked to me and i feel better knowing i have friends. But this is especially to Tori and Tasha. Tori-- Even though sometimes we seem like exact opposites i can always talk to you about theese thing without fearing that you'll judge me. Tasha-- I hardly know you but you freakin rock. We have to hang out. Thanks for what you said. It made me feel un-whorey.

Ok. Now that thats out... Me and Danny had some fun yesterday. Morgans Par-tay was cool. Except for when the molestation turned creepy and i felt like a whore in front of my best friends and the guy that i like. Yeah that wasnt cool. Dont worry Cy-muffin. i still lobe you. That was just... one time thing i think.

Todays new years eve! Im goin down to first night with a buncha peoples. It should be fun. I hope Danny will come down. He's going snowmobiling so i cant call him... Hes leaving tomorrow. Sometimes i wonder if the happy-ness is worth it because the sadness is so... over powering of the happy. Ya know?

6 did | Tell me

:: 2004 30 December :: 9.01am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: AFI-- the celluloid dream

Ok so i was a wee bit emotional last night. But i was thinking about me and danny alot last night and if i mean as much to him as he does to me. But i was talking to nate this morning and he said some pretty sweet things that kinda reassured me...
shpadoinklebunny: i just wonder sometimes if i mean anything to him..
poisonedheart235: You do Nora, don't worry
shpadoinklebunny: or if im the girl he gets action with
poisonedheart235: No, the girls he gets action with are the ones back in Federal Way that'll spread their legs in a split second for him
poisonedheart235: I think he actually cares about you
shpadoinklebunny: really?
poisonedheart235: yes
shpadoinklebunny: thanks alot, i kinda needed that
shpadoinklebunny: *hug*
poisonedheart235: AHHH
poisonedheart235: *dies*
shpadoinklebunny: lol
poisonedheart235: sorry, I'm deathly allergic to "happy"
shpadoinklebunny: haha
shpadoinklebunny: my bad...:-\

aww how sweeeeeeeeeeeeet. So i think im gonna go over to Mercedes house (who happens to be Dannys neighbor... what a conicedence!!) and umm.. do.. my.. homework.... Hahaha. then tonight is morgans Par-tay. w00t!

Last nights movie sucked ass. I fell asleep in the theatre! It wasn't scary at all.. then again.. i was thinking about other things.... *smile*

i do alot of ...'s. Ohh well.

:: 2004 29 December :: 6.24pm

fucker cant come

:: 2004 29 December :: 6.07pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: weezer--undone

im at sophies. We went and saw Irobot and then i went back to her house where we watched Mean Girls and Dogma and she did my eyebrows. Mandy called me and said that Danny had been looking for me all day so i called him and he said to call him in an hour so i did and he was gone so i called his cell but i was disconnected or something and i called mercedes and sophies retarded phone said the call couldnt go through or some shit. But whats evah. Eaurgh, im excited to see him! I hope mike isnt there...

:: 2004 29 December :: 10.20am

1)What is your favorite color?--res
2)Have you ever loved somebody outside your family? (or thought you loved them)-- yes
3)What is your favorite number?--9
4)What is your favorite word? (be serious)--platoon
5)Have you ever cut yourself?--yes
6)Are you depressed as you are answering these questions?--no
7)Are you only filling this out cause you have nothing better to do?--lol, yeah
8)If you had to choose Sex, Drugs, or Music what would you pick? (one of the three interview questions to afi you can view at mtv.com)-- right now? music
9)Is your life boring to you?--sometimes, but other times it can be very eventful
10)What is your favorite band?-- Prolly AFI or the spice girls
11)How many questions did the longest quiz have that you've taken?--umm, purple?
12)Did that last question make sense?--no not really
13)Can you see yourself snorting cocaine 14.3 years from now?-- talk to me in 14.7 years...
14)Do you think you'd ever do drugs? (assuming you havn't)-- smells like BACON... nice shoes.... *twitches*... lol.
15)Why are you still filling out these stupid-ass questions?-- because i feel like it
16)How far would you go with someone? (you don't have to answer..that's kind of personal)-- i dont intend on dying a virgin..
17)Do you care about yourself?--yes
18)What's your second favorite color?--blue
19)What's your third favorite color?--pink
20)What's your fourth favorite color?--i dont know....

:: 2004 29 December :: 10.04am
:: Mood: hungry

Hes here!!! Well not like here as in my house, but here as in, in spokane. Muwahahaha. Im going over to sophies today, i hafta ride the bus downtown, ugh!! I think i'll be late to meet her... oh well, lol. I saw meet the fockers last night. I was spazzing the entire time. I'd start thinking about him and go all spazzy and twitchy. I feel kinda bad that i didnt trust Vivi not to flirt w/ him. She knows how much this means to me. and how much i like him. I need to call Mercedes about tomorrow. I'm so excited!!

:: 2004 28 December :: 11.24pm

why can I never find the words to what I really need to say?
why do I ask that question when I know the answer?

:: 2004 28 December :: 8.32pm
:: Mood: bouncy

ohh my lord...... an hour and 24 mins till hes here!!! I know i wont be able to see him for a while but just the fact that he's less than a mile away makes me want to run over there and jump on him and lick his face, lol. Mandy gets it, lol. Im twitching all over again, hfgkfkdhndgfjgdfjkbndfmg,

:: 2004 28 December :: 2.45pm
:: Music: Pixies

my blood tests came back good
so I guess it's just my nadalol that's making my blood pressure spike so spuratically
I guess this means I have to get into better shape, I can already take cyler down using only my legs, what more do they want?
so I'll take up running, starting in 15 minutes, do some more crunches, push ups? eat more raw citrus, got myself a crock pot so I can make some stews, get healthy, this is my new years thing
got some great cds
saw the life aquatic last night with eric, it was pretty good
maybe I'll start to generally do better now, maybe if I get out more, take up running and cook myself better, regular meals my blood pressure will balance out and I'll do better generally
anyone want to join me in this little thing?

:: 2004 27 December :: 7.34pm

So i prolly wont see him untill thursday.. as hes getting here late tomorrow and going freakin snowmobiling on wednesday. That sux a bit but at least im still gonna see him! I freaked out when nate told me. Yeah, im a dork like that. But w/e. im at nanna and skip's i want to leeeeeeeeeeaaaavvvvvvvvvve. i dont like old people.

:: 2004 27 December :: 4.18pm
:: Mood: ecstatic

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!! HES COMING TOMORROW AT 10!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. im so freakin excited, im like, twitching. i can hardly type. hsoifhPAQEGFTujidgfdgvjftrl;gn

:: 2004 27 December :: 12.46pm
:: Mood: chipper

talkin to gabe and tori. I should be cleaning, but i wont. 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!! 2 DAYS!!!

:: 2004 26 December :: 10.02pm
:: Music: Eurotrip-- scottie dosent know

i was in a weird mood earlier and wanted to listen to rap, so i downloaded get low and milkshake, heh heh.

ATEENS ROCKS!!!!!!!

:: 2004 26 December :: 8.11pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: micheal Jackson-- Thriller

Im at mandys and we be kickin it old school, Micheal Jackson yo! Haha. Earlier we were playing nintendo and listening to mandy moore and S Club 7, then we watched Spice World. Its a total blast from the past. We went to the mall and just kinda talked. We saw Jordan and hung out with him for a while. Lotsa fun. Mom was being a bitch this morning. Thats not new though. Hahaha. 3 days!! wow i've been counting down for like a month. I need a life, hee hee.

:: 2004 25 December :: 7.41pm
:: Mood: full

I will never eat again.

I think sophie's mad at me. She hasnt talked to me in a while. Then again maybe i'm paranoid and need a life. All of theese are possible. I dont want to hang around with all the olds, but i feel guilty when im on the comp cuz they all know im avoiding them. Maybe i'll just go read my book... God i wish the sims worked. Im so pissed about that. You have no idea. Its sitting here staring at me and i wont be able to play it untill next weekend, if ever. I COULD buy a new video card, but thats expensive and might not work. GRRRRR!!!!!!! I'll go drown my sorrows in sugar now.

:: 2004 25 December :: 5.38pm

i miss maya. I found her blog and it made me sad. Remembering all the good times and such. I hardly ever talk to her anymore. *sigh* I hope she dosent forget me. She was so awesome.

:: 2004 25 December :: 4.39pm
:: Mood: annoyed

so my Unky worked on the comp FOREVER and we finally decided to un-install the Sims. I'm rather pissed off. I mean, it was my bestest chrimbo prezzie and i cant use it! I hope to gosh that it will work on Dads compy. I might shoot myself if it doesnt. But why the hell did they make a game that isnt campatible on so many peoples computers? Its STUPID! GRR GRGGRGRGRGRGGRWSJKghdjmn,mdjk;fdzNF. phew. Ugh i dont wanna eat anymore, but the food smells soo good. I've eaten so much candy today... its not even cool. Mandy and me might hang out tomorrow. If i were nice I'd make her install it on her comp and come over and play it all the time... but then i'd hafta share. Ha, im so friggin selfish sometimes. Oh well, learn to love it. I guess, or brainwash me. That would be kinda cool actually. Being able to brainwash people. You could be like "hey gimme all your money!" and they'd be like "No!" and then you'd do your little hypnotyzing thingy... ok im gonna shut up now... The sugar is kicking in. I need to um, leave...

:: 2004 25 December :: 2.30pm

still dont know what to do about the Sims. Looks like i might not be able to play it on this comp since its over 5 years old. There is the chance of installing a new drive, but it might not work. After mom kicked me off the comp a while ago i sulked in my room for a bit untill i got bored and started reading one of the books she got me. Its called House of the Scorpion and its actually pretty good. Ugh. I want to play the sims so bad!!

:: 2004 25 December :: 11.23am
:: Mood: confused

ok so i'm installing a new drive... then it says to re-install the directX off the CD.

What the hell?

I hope i dont break it.

:: 2004 25 December :: 11.14am

it says i need a directX 9.0c graphic adapter. I have one of those. If i could fix things i would totally know how to do this. I know what they're saying. The problem is the drive for my video card.. thats simple. I just dont know how to fix it. Damn it. I wish i spoke computerese!! I've been waiting for the Sims 2 to come out for like.. a year! 4 days.... i think...............