..Love is Blind..

:: 2004 28 June :: 6.59pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: how come // D-12

if i can sum up everything i learned about life s0o far, in 3 words.... it goes on. <3
today was... eh.

woke up around 2pm after talking to carlos 'til 4am cause he wasn't tired because he just got home from miami from the beatdown. kanye. so jealous. neways... he talked to me... cause i needed a good talkin' 2. needed some sense smacked into this blonde's head.

after i woke up... he called me cause him & avi were supposed to come over from boca, but avi was bein' a dick and not answerin' his phone. w/e lol. i'll see the boca people s0on, i gotta car & a license comin' my way.

i needed to get my mind off things... s0o i cleaned the house. kept myself very busy the whole day. worked just fine. then i soaked my foot again... i took pictures, i hafta put them up here lol. *squeaks in disgust*

pj called me like 10 times but i missed the calls. s0o i called him back & he wanted to hang out cause he wasnt gonna go to delray to see the Atlantic people tonight cause he just got home from baseball. but i told him i was already plannin' on stuff to do 2night. s0o idk, he wants to make sure "the tiny one" is ok cause he doesn't want me to be gettin' hurt. u know. "i told u, if i can't spell the boy's name, u got no business being with him cause it'll turn out bad." lmao sry pj, but ur lack of intelligence doesn't need to predict my future.

ahhhh chance is over. (my brother's friend) they're listening to their wigger music. ugh. i'mma go sit outside with my mommy, carol, and booty girl.... call the cell xoxo. <3

1 and hold it tight. | take my hand..

:: 2004 28 June :: 12.10am
:: Mood: excited

today was a good day.
talked to jonah all day.
finished my collage today.
ryan cleaned his truck & stopped by to say hi before he left for boca, wanted to see my foot =)
brittany came over, we went to get ice cream & stopped to see ariel. =)

i took the bandage off my foot, ew it is disgusting looking lol. but thats ok... i put a few bandaids & a sock over it, so it doesnt get infected & i dont have to look at it.

2 and hold it tight. | take my hand..

:: 2004 26 June :: 11.57pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: My Happy Ending // Avril Lavigne

s0o much for that happy ending.
i want to see u. i want to be with u. i want to spend time with u. i want to kiss u. i want u to hold me again. i want to love u the right way. i want to say that u r my boyfriend.

you ARE everything that i want.

i want u back.

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were [meant] to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just f.a.d.e. away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending.

Dmx504boyz: everywhere i looked i thought i saw u
HCOblonde31: =/ jonah!
Dmx504boyz: wut
HCOblonde31: i love u.
Dmx504boyz: love u too

jackie stopped over to see how i was doing. =) love ya & thank ya for keeping me company. xoxo went out to dinner with the family & friends. came home... listening to this song over & over again... and cutting out words from my old magazines.

i wish jonah would come & keep me company.

o yes... mr. camilo called me tonight =) we talked about stupid shit... mostly, he made fun of me for being blonde... believing his record for not taking a shower was one month... and other stuff. i gotta call him sometime next week he says.

wayne from UCT thought i was a horny girl cause things on my journal like "girls just want to have fun", "sex drives are outrageous", and "undress me". but jackie told him i was a virgin & an angel at that. i might be able to go to their show at skatezone on friday... if i'm not doing anything... and then meet them afterwards? *shrug* we'll see. <3

goodnight. <3 loneliness is taking over.

2 and hold it tight. | take my hand..

:: 2004 26 June :: 8.35pm
:: Mood: wore out
:: Music: jesus walks-Kanye West

woo..today was alotta funn!!..we went to tha rapids..it wuz koo..we got there around 10 in tha morning and left around 6:45 ish..even tho we had a good time ALOT went wrong..lol..first i got a concussion on a ride..lol.. i went on one of the new slides called the "baby blue"..i dunno..lol..maybe u've heard of it..itz this big blue slide and u twirl around and all..then u get dropped into this bowl kind thing and swirl around that and fall thru a hole into a 7ft pool..so as i was swirlin around that thing i knocked my head..next thing i knew..i was surrounded by all these lifegaurd ppl..lol..now i got a big lump on the back of my head..and while that happened my bathing suit top snapped in tha front where all the shells were..yea major boob action when i came to..talk bout embarrassing!!..i ghetto-ed it out for tha rest of the day tho..and it lasted..lol..then i went right back on tha ride..my mom wasnt too happy..she was soo freaked out..she wanted to leave afta that..but we stayed..then we did all tha other slides..then i got my "sun headache"..thats wha i called it..lol..itz that if im out for long periods of time in tha sun i get all dizzy n shit..so i left my brother on the lazy river and told him to meet me back when he was done..cuz we were gonna start leaving soon..45 minutes later he still didnt show up..so i freaked out n looked all over for him..another hour later i found the kid..my mom was pissed at me cuz i left him alone..blah blah blah..but i found him..lol..thatz all that matters..so where was he u ask?? hitting on these girls..lol..its his bday so i cut him sum slack..so while i was going crazy lookin for my brother before my mom killed me..one of the lifegaurds was trynna holla at me..he was scary lookin..he jumped over tha bars fromthe lazy river to the bridge i was standing on and wuz like "dont i kno u from some where??"..and he wanted my number..then his i guess supervisor came yelling at him..thats when i got away..lol..yea so that was pretty muhc my whole day..exciting??..lol..ayy..im so tired..the sun really wore me out

bocaheath05

:: 2004 26 June :: 1.34pm

i don't understand it.
he knows how much i care for him, how strong it is. he loves her.

do these things only happen to me?
last night i didn't know what to do. up till quarter of 1. most of it laying in bed or sitting on the floor in the bathroom to not make any noise.

i can't handle it. i can't tell anyone. i need to tell my feelings. i need someone.

9 and hold it tight. | take my hand..

:: 2004 26 June :: 2.27am
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: your the only one // maria mena

I NEED ADVICE / OPINIONS
recently my parents have caught on to my 14 yr old brother smoking... they have caught him before smoking cigarettes in the bathroom late at night. he got punished badly, n it was upsetting... but he did what he did.

now i KNOW he is up to it again. tonight i walked outta the bathroom at about 2:15am & smelt smoke... it was funny because the only person who does smoke... is my mom & she was sleeping. so i went to my brother's bedroom door... and i smelt it more. then he came up from behind me because he was in the kitchen & goes...

tommy: "what r u doing?"
briana: "dude, ur room smells like smoke!"
tommy: "idk y."
briana: "maybe because u were smoking?! duh"
tommy: "no i don't do that stuff."
briana: "yuh ok" *walks away*

5 minutes later.

tommy: "briana come in my room for a minute."
briana: "what?"
tommy: "idk what to do, its just addicting, plz don't tell mommy & daddy, i know its wrong, but i can't stop."
briana: "tommy, i have to. what if this shit kills u in 15-30 years? or what if u drop the shit on the floor & the house catches on fire or something? what if u wind up with lung cancer at the age of 18? u obviously don't understand the stuff is wrong, nasty, and needs to be taken care of!"
tommy: "i know but please don't tell them because they will get all mad."
briana: "tommy, i can't stop u from doing it, n obviously u can't stop urself, so daddy & mommy need to stop u, because they have their controls of doing so. its just to take care of my brother... i gotta make choices i don't wanna, but its for ur own good."
tommy: "briana, please!"

and i walked away...

should i tell my parents, or not? i know he doesn't wanna suffer from being grounded... my dad yelling, etc. but i don't want him to suffer death early. =/ i'm so confused.

leave comments & help me out. PLEASE <3

:: 2004 25 June :: 9.10pm
:: Mood: thinkin...

these are all my favorite poems that pac wrote

I Cry-
Sometimes when I'm alone I Cry,
Cause I am on my own.
The tears I cry are bitter and warm.
They flow with life but take no form
I Cry because my heart is torn.
I find it difficult to carry on.
If I had an ear to confiding,
I would cry among my treasured friend,
but who do you know that stops that long,
to help another carry on.
The world moves fast and it would rather pass by.
Then to stop and see what makes one cry,
so painful and sad.
And sometimes...
I Cry
and no one cares about why

When Your Hero Falls-
when your hero falls from grace
all fairy tales r uncovered
myths exposed and pain magnified
the greatest pain discovered
u taught me 2 be strong
but im confused 2 c u so weak
u said never 2 give up
and it hurts 2 c u welcome defeat
when ure hero falls so do the stars
and so does the perception of tomorrow
without my hero there is only
me alone 2 deal with my sorrow
your heart ceases 2 work
and your soul is not happy at all
what r u expected 2 do
when your only hero falls.

And Tomorrow-
Today is filled with anger, fueled with hidden hate.
Scared of being outkast, afraid of common fate.
Today is built on tragedies which no one want's to face.
Nightmares to humanity and morally disgraced.
Tonight is filled with Rage, violence in the air.
Children bred with ruthlessness cause no one at home cares.
Tonight I lay my head down but the pressure never stops,
knowing that my sanity content when I'm dropped.
But tomorrow I see change, a chance to build a new,
build on spirit intent of heart and ideas based on truth.
Tomorrow I wake with second wind and strong because of pride.
I know I fought with all my heart to keep the dream alive

In The Event of My Demise-
In the event of my Demise
when my heart can beat no more
I Hope I Die For A Principle
or A Belief that I had Lived 4
I will die Before My Time
Because I feel the shadow's Depth
so much I wanted 2 accomplish
before I reached my Death
I have come 2 grips with the possibility
and wiped the last tear from My eyes
I Loved All who were Positive
In the event of my Demise

In The Depths of Solitude-
i exist in the depths of solitude
pondering my true goal
trying 2 find peace of mind
and still preserve my soul
constantly yearning 2 be accepted
and from all receive respect
never comprising but sometimes risky
and that is my only regret
a young heart with an old soul
how can there be peace
how can i be in the depths of solitude
when there r 2 inside of me
this duo within me causes
the perfect oppurtunity
2 learn and live twice as fast
as those who accept simplicity

:: 2004 25 June :: 8.56pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: how do u want it-Tupac

my brother jonothon was at my dad's since last nite..so the house has been madd quiet..itz weird but i missed the kid..lol..so today i wuz home alone..i had my music blasted..and no one cudd tell me to turn it down..it wuz great..lol..i watched sum t.v..saw an old movie..it wuz called "interview with a vampire" with brad pitt, tom cruise, and kirsten dunst..it wuz actually not that bad..then i watched my all time favorite movie "above the rim" thats the one with tupac and shawn wayans..i loveeee that movie..it's so new york..lol..brings back alotta memories..then my mommy got home and we went SHOPPING!!!..lol..spent $100 on an outfit..i kno..thatz bad..lol..but it's cute..im debating whether or not to wear it for my bday..but my mom said it's not dressy enuff..grr..neways..it's a jean skirt..a lil on the short side..with this really cute belt..it's one of those skirts with the creases..i guess thats how u can describe it..lol..and the top is a tank top..it's brown..and it has this really cute pattern on it..with sum beige n blue..it's cute..and i got this hat that matches perfectlyyy with it..it's my p.i.m.p hat..lol..its also brown..and i bought these flip flops that go with the outfit too..then i bought my brother a silver bracelet for his bday..it's tight..im sure he'll like it..so tomoro we're headed to the rapids..cant wait!! havent been there since 8th grade n theres alotta new rides..:D

5 and hold it tight. | take my hand..

:: 2004 25 June :: 3.00pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: stuck on u // stacie orrico

just got back from ashley's house =D
s0o thursday... me, ashley, and shane went to the beach. talked, got burnt... yeah =) s0o glad we get to hang out again. then we went to hang out at her pool. the water wasnt cold, but we talked about the old stuffed animals that she had & we used to name & play with lol. then around 7:30ish her mom picked up Bret & we all went to the movies to see WHITE CHICKS. it was so funny... but it wasn't funny that shane was mistaking me and ashley for some ugly chicks in the theater lol. o and bret with the damn penny lol. i swear he was smoking something... but then... ashley saw the guy on the penny too. but i know she doesn't smoke.. so maybe... bret is normal... lol. we'll give him the benefit of doubt. but anyways... after the movie... we dropped them off.. and then hung out at home. changed into the pjs, u know how us girlys do. we talked a bunch, tried on skirts, and then talked to shane & jonah. that was cool. tried understanding guys.. but of course that doesnt work. =) um... we went to bed around 3am & woke up around 2pm. =) then we sat in bed and talked but i hadda go cause i had a stupid podiatrist appointment. o well.... maybe i will see ashley tonight or something... ((besides we best friends need to spend as much time together as possible... making up for all the years we've missed....)) considering i can't go to city place tonight anymore because of what just happened with my foot... i shall explain...

so i went to the podiatrist for this bump on my foot which hurts a ton. i got it because i was wearing flip flops at ATLANTIC & something got stuck in my foot... well... my mom pulled it out & it became infected because of whatever was in my foot.. s0o finally... we made an appointment to see the podiatrist. we thought that all they would do is tell us what is going to be needed to be done & make another appointment to have it done... well.. instead they just said, "we are going to numb ur foot, cut around the 'wart' ((which is what we found out it was because of the infection, yuck)) and we will get to the root, remove it & then bandage it up." that sounded horrible. so i get the shot... and cry because the shit hurt like hell... and then i waited a good... 40 minutes before he actually started doing anything to remove it. well... when he started cutting it... i felt a pinch, and then that pinch became a sting and that sting became..... the feeling of the blade cutting my foot. OUCH! i was about to die. yeah... so i screamed, he stopped... i became light headed because i havent ate much in the past 5 days or so. and it was just like having an f*ing baby which i am sure is worse.. but still lol. anyways.. that ruins my plans for the night because now i can't go to cityplace with jonah. sux. o well..... my mom was like, "why dont u have him come over 2morrow. i'll go pick him up, if he wants to come and see u." which i thought was sweet.... except... i highly doubt he would want to. but if he does, it would be nice.

ummm imma go now cause i need to eat my yogurt. considering this is what i will be doing for the next 2 days because i can't work. grrrrr.

2 and hold it tight. | take my hand..

:: 2004 25 June :: 1.27pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: lose ur mind

white chicks was a funny ass movieeee!!! i loved it so much..we were there crackin up!! "i wuz checkin for DNA"..lmao..any body who hasn't seen it..GO..u'll like it if ur like me n like stupid-funny movies..the wayans brothers are hilarious..so i got to chill wid meli, eric and amir..we had a good time..eric's plannin a nite when we can go play pool at don carter's when meli gets back from new york..that shudd be fun..last nite i talked to carlos n he told me he's going to 103.5 The Beat Down!!..not fair..lol..i wanna go..he sed kanye's gonna be there..ying yang twins..tony sunshine and the rest of terror squad..it's gonna be in miami..bayfront park..ayy..well i wanted sam n amara to sleep over tonite n hang out..but amara's gotta help nadia wid her party so she cant come..and im pretty sure sam's still at her grandma's..:(..and meli's leavin to new york tonite..nobodyz here..:(...newayz..we're going to the rapids tomoro for jon's bday..and next week we're going camping!!..lol..hmmm..never been camping..i wonder how thatz gonna go..:/..i started painting sum furniture this morning..more sponge painting..lmao..yea i gotta finish tho..well right now i talkin to amir..so i'll update lataz

:: 2004 23 June :: 11.20pm

everything only remains ok for like 10 minutes and then i feel completely stupid for talking to him... like i'm retarded or something. w/e

2morrow ashley e, her boyfriend & his friend & i are gonna hit up the beach. it should be fun <3 then we're gonna chill... ya know... i'm sleeping over there... =) BBFL if it wasn't for u, i don't know what'd i'd do. xoxo

7 and hold it tight. | take my hand..

:: 2004 23 June :: 3.26pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: UNREACHABLE // ASHLEE SiMPSON

redid woohu.
i couldn't find a header that i liked.. cause i was looking for something very specific. but when i find it, it'll look ten times better.

anyways... jonah asked me why i haven't changed it yet. considering what i used before as the layout... was kinda... related to us. right? but its like... crazy. i'm not used to not saying, "hey! i love u, MUAH!" the worst thing was when he told me that he heard an avril lavigne song, and he said he heard the line, "there goes my happy ending." at least he knows what he's letting go of... it just gets me frustrated... because if he feels that he is letting go of something worthwhile then WHY is he doing it? a break... but... grr. gosh i feel like cory from boy meets world lol. how i hate his curly hair.

so anyways, jackie called me at 1:30am last night. she didn't have a place to sleep, so i told her that she could sleep here. i didn't ask my parents, but i guess they didn't mind when we woke up and she was here. *shrug* but she left to get her haircut & i... am bored. dude, i have to take a shower, & uh... neil is a funny kid lol. random, i know. but i'm me, so =P but uh... i could go for some good ol' COLDSTONES & some bowling at DON CARTER'S in skirts, so i can twirl around and do a cart wheel & forget i have a skirt on... like i have done before. anyone up for it? =) holl-er. 254-8483.

we were already beautiful together --ASHLEE SiMPSON

:: 2004 22 June :: 11.56pm
:: Mood: ditzy
:: Music: CONFESSiONS // USHER on MTV

everytime i was in LA i was with my x g/f - usher <3
space. that's all we need.

i'll survive whatever his decisions come to. <3

[EDIT]
MoFo1788: hey u kewl for the mountain climbin next wendsday
HCOblonde31: i THINK almost positive... but i dont know when cheerleading practice starts, but i'm up for it... if i dont have it
MoFo1788: aight
MoFo1788: were tryn 2 ride tri rail in the mornin to mia
MoFo1788: get a limo 2 the place
MoFo1788: climb for like 3 hours
HCOblonde31: lol goin in style eh?
MoFo1788: go back to the station go to this cuban coffe place and then cum home
MoFo1788: its cheaper then a taxi
HCOblonde31: really?
MoFo1788: a taxi would be like 45-55 dollars for a ride there and thats for 4 people
HCOblonde31: eek
MoFo1788: we could walk?
HCOblonde31: i'm down for that too lol
MoFo1788: limo would be like 25 per person for both ways i think