i just experienced on of the worst moments of my life, so far. she randomly logged off, after she said she wanted to die...or sleep for a really long time. and i started freaking out and i called her as soon as i could. the phone just rang and rang 'til her answering machine picked up, i was really worried. thoughts running through my head:
"did i do something wrong?!"
"why wont she pick up?"
"maybe she is just taking a shower?"
Image instantly runs through my head:
her bleeding with the water of the shower washing the blood off of her swollen, cut arms.

i called three times after, leaving a message 2 of the times.
i was shaking, crying and breathing heavily while holding a sewing needle in my hand. durng my debate of whether or not to dig in, i begain puncturing my arm with the needle.

i didn't cut myself, which is good.

*phone rings* i picked up instanly and it was her, apparently her internet kicked her off and she didnt bother signing back on.she did infact take a shower, but she was alive and unharmed physically.

she applogized many times, and then we hung up.