sendmemoney
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2003 10 April :: 1.43pm
:: Mood: amazing !
:: Music: nerf herder - for you
she's the one that nobody wants and nobody wants to be .
the lonely poet , the lovely disaster ,
the beautifully tragic , beautiful manic
depressed , suddenly smiling wonder .
the one who'll take your breath away ,
day after day ,
until she takes her own .
she's the one nobody can forget until the day she's gone ,
when everybody will
weep over lunch ,
mourn over dinner ,
and have moved on before they have said their good nights .
weaving in and out of crowds ,
weaving stories and casting spells ,
mysteriously cold ,
but heartfelt if you don't look too close .
that's the way she works .
keeping her distance to allow you to admire her from afar ,
believe what she shows you ,
unquestioningly accept the lies and removed deceit .
don't blink , though ,
because you'd hate to miss her
good-bye .
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2003 9 April :: 1.59pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: uberzone - dream sequence
you stupid fucking cunt . i haven’t even opened my mouth yet and already , you’re turning with spiteful whispers for things you don’t know about . sometimes i let my mind wander and i wonder what you would do if i walked up to you and stabbed you ( in the back , to throw a little poetic justice in ) . i wonder if you’d still sit there , smirking , saying things you know i’ll hear about or hear myself because i can see you trying to glance at me without letting me see you . utter something hateful as your last dying words . i don’t think you would be so strong without your cheerleaders at your side , encouraging your slight smile , and those harsh words you never seemed incapable of expressing . you are nothing anymore . don’t you understand ? count your blessings , and you’ll still have enough fingers left over to count the times you’ve turned on me . then when you turn it all around , backtrack , to pick up the things you’ve abandoned in your urgency to dispose of all that means nothing to you , you’ll realize it’s gone . scattered by the wind , or perhaps by your careless actions that also mean nothing to you . maybe that’s when the gravity of what you’ve done will hit you . when you realize you have nothing to care about anymore .
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2003 8 April :: 5.21pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: bright eyes - when the curious girl realizes she is under glass
punches are being thrown
right and left
until the only way out is to
sink to the floor
front row center
crouched, hands covered faces
to protect the only i
dentifying feature to others
and when the Saints come marching in,
you’ll slipinlineunnoticedtoblendin
w i p i n g o f f
the Sinful lipstick that was always too crimson
( blood red even )
to match the stains on your hands
from instigating fights and blaming it on other
from pouncing when backs are turned
and t h r o w i n g the
blade into the bushes
instead of into backs for once.
4 lovers |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2003 6 April :: 1.46am
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: lisa loeb - stay
after night after night of thinking about it , i think i've realized why it's so hard to let you go . it's not me - it's you . you make every girl feel so beautiful , so loved , so desired , that when that's not how you see them anymore , that's what they're used to . i can't really fall asleep without calling you anymore . even if you're not saying those same sweet words , your voice still triggers memories of days when you were . you really know how to treat a girl . love 'em and leave 'em , right ? except you should really work on the "leaving them" part . somehow you can't let go either . you need somebody to love , somebody to care for , because that's what you know how to do , and do well . then you chase them , after weeks of fighting , and they come back to you . but it's never quite the same after the first time around . then one day it ends . you either find someone new or come to terms with yourself and ... that's it . and you leave them . you leave them with midnight phone calls , trying to find deeper meaning in "sweet dreams", or with candles that can never again be looked at , much less lit , without evoking a soft , vague longing for this intangible quality that can never be regained . or , worse still , you leave them wanting you when they know they shouldn't , so they fulfill their unmet needs with scribbles at 2 a.m. on a wrinkled piece of notebook paper torn out of a history notebook , wishing that the paper would belong in there , in history , and it would take weeks of studying before they could begin to remember any of the tragic details . but they can . without so much as glancing at this once-white sheet , now covered , front and back , in blue words and cross-outs where words failed to meet poetic standards . they know which syllable , exactly , that your voice faltered on , and the last word they were able to utter straight-faced before they began to give in to the stream of tears cutting off the stream of bitter , hurt words they had rehearsed the entire three mile drive to your apartment . they know which red light they almost ran because that was where the bomb was dropped on them , and the make , model , and color of the car they almost hit turning into your neighborhood , anxious to get out the words they had thrown together and memorized in an attempt to get them all out tearless , standing strong and unaffected in front of you , with those faded numbers on your door as a focal point in the background . they'd recognize the scent of the perfume of the woman that walked by as they knocked on your door , or the color t-shirt of the little boy following behind her . in-CRE-dibly . again . palmetto and lyons . gold 2002 nissan altima . 120 . ralph lauren "romance" (how's that for irony ?) . dark blue with dark orange stains on it from the popsible in their hand . fuck you .
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2003 5 April :: 3.52pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: iron butterfly - garden of eden
Award winning poetry . haha .
The topic was unity :
Untie the bonds tightly wrapped around them.
Binding ropes, shackles and chaines,
All carefully, deliberately knotted, word for word.
In sickness (but I booked this business trip months ago)
And in health (you watch them, I'll watch the game),
Till death do they part, averting their eyes,
Avoiding the other woman in their bedroom.
It's not for them that they remain one,
But for their three perfect, innocent, wide-eyed excuses.
They live their life blink by blink,
Teaching their most precious possessions not of unconditional love,
But of the black contract that ruined her life,
Unifying the better and the worse,
(the latter more prominent),
In a glowing example of society's demise.
1 lover |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2003 3 April :: 10.38pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: lisa loeb - stay
The sunlight reflecting off her chocolate hair gave it a hint of gold; natural highlights that she despised. He lifted a hand and brushed her hair out of her face, and as she smiled, leaned in and lightly kissed her forehead. “You’re the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me,” he whispered, and she couldn’t stop smiling. “You’re going to be late, though. Can I see you tomorrow?” he asked. She agreed, and they parted with outstretched hands and airborne kisses, like they always did; grasping for each other as they walked each step in opposite directions. She, headed for home before she was discovered to not be in her room, and he, to places she’d never even think he would be going. He never quite knew how observant she was. He never knew she realized that a different song played when he was on the phone or when he just didn’t hear it ring, and his shower excuse soon became as flimsy as his grasp on her hand as she turned to leave. She began averting her eyes when he tried to look into them, even though he never read her as well as he prided himself on being able to, while her mind brewed feverishly with ideas under her composed exterior. Her eyes became dull as she began to accept what she knew to be true, and she lost a little piece of herself every time he told her he loved her. It never rang quite true. The resounding echo always carried an off-key note, while the perfume lingered in the air, never smelling quite as sweet to her as to him. They smiled, they laughed, but the connection they had was lost. She saw it through, denying it to others, and analyzing every sentence, every word, every syllable he uttered. She saw it in his accented goodbyes when he would hang up the phone because she was going to bed and he was … not tired yet. They never recaptured that glow they used to emit, the puppy-love period they had not even begun to tap. Often, friends would blink twice when seeing them together, forgetting they were a couple, and whisper furiously behind turned backs; behind her back. Slowly, while she saw her life crumbling but relinquished her ability to care, her hair lost the shine achieved with sun, and she became grateful. Misrepresentation grew tiring, and the dismal smile never quite matched the glittering hair. Actions became mechanical, and the love made was never quite love, nor had it ever been. Her sense of living through this deteriorated, leaving her with a sense of inadequacy and loneliness. She stayed. Her reason was simple, although nobody understood her logic. She stayed because she was happier living a lie than she would have been facing the truth.
3 lovers |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2003 3 April :: 6.53pm
:: Mood: i'm bouncing off the walls again .
:: Music: still lauryn hill - to zion
oh man . if you know me , this journal should reflect my mood . I DROVE AN ESCALADE TODAY . IT WAS AMAZING . i was in a park , driving the car of my dreams , with a really good looking boy at my side (even if he wears shorts shorter than my skirt ...) . and i picked up like seven boys even if i couldn't talk to them because i was driving a boy's car who was sitting next to me . oh my God . go test drive an escalade . you will be amazed at how pathetic and horrible your own car is in comparison , even though i love my soda bottle car . i think i am changing the name from the reefermobile to the cokemobile because even though i don't do coke haha , there is a coke bottle attached to my car . plus it's close enough to reefermobile . anyway , freakin escalades are amazing . they come with BUTLERS and i am not exaggerating . oh man . i like died . amazing .
1 lover |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2003 2 April :: 10.43pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: lauryn hill - to zion
*~even though the engine was a little shaky and the gasoline needle was below empty , i had everything i needed to keep me going sitting in the seat next to me , keeping me from driving my usual arm-out-the-window , seat-back , pimped-out style . the wind rushing in the open window had my hair flying all over , and nearly drowned out the ‘i want to love you and treat you right’ that was playing , and i wanted to shut the windows and turn it up until i blew my last speaker and take your hands and just make you realize that there is logic behind the order of the songs on the mix cds and the songs that are playing when you’re in my car and the songs on in the background when i'm expecting a call from you . just pay a little closer attention . maybe if you weren’t so focused on kissing my forehead and cheek and clavicle , you’d catch a few of the subtle hints and i wouldn’t have to come right out and say things . but come on . can i really complain ?~*
2 lovers |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2003 27 March :: 6.56pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: ludacris - word of mouf freestyle
i don’t think you understand the extent to which i’m mackin it / driving with the seat back and takin a black ass and slappin it /
i keep my phone on silent because the ring was makin me crazy / and i meet so many hot boys that my memory’s becoming hazy /
you may think i’m lazy / but i just don’t give a shit /
and you may want to get with me , but i’m not turning tricks /
so get back in your caprice or drive away in your cadillac / because to get with me , you have to have a little more than all of that /
get a couple more houses , but don’t bother if you’re not black / and realize that once i’m gone , i’m never coming back /
i have too many options to bother with you if you’re poor / and understand that less than a hundred grand and i’ll be walking out the door / so vacation to las vegas or go and sell some drugs / because i give a little extra points if you’re black and you’re a thug /
and all you stupid white boys with your army haircuts and tight pants / get back in your mercedes and leave the club , cause you can’t dance / but all the rest of you , if you meet the requirements / leave me a message and maybe i’ll call you cause i’m finished with my rant .
hahahaha . i loooove black boys . <33
2 lovers |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2003 27 March :: 1.32pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: aphrodite - 1nce again
** a tribe called quest - 1nce again , the aphrodite remix **
hey , yo , i got to put some action on paper . make sure the verses jump up and spread out like the raver . the only tip i got for a waiter is watch the doorknob , hit me where the dirty dog should have bit me . that was my train of thought , but for so long i fought , now i'm at a level supreme to the devil , so turn up the bass and lay low on the treble , we be the real MC's , and you dead , bring the shovel . revitalize , the vital Tribe , the ladies sweat the style like the squirrels sweat the nuts . you know a fella's good for the moola , don't smoke no woola , read the name , call me slick tip the ruler .
this is the year that i come in and just devastate . my style is great , ask your peoples , can i dominate ? my rhymes are harder than last night's erection . don't play me close, i'll have this mic up in your rear section . my shit is lovely simply meaning that my joint is tight , amping up the mic , making sure production's tight . sometimes i might catch a severe case of writer's block , but by the end of the day you'll be on my jock . my name's malik , my hobby's putting MC's to the test , and if you front i'll put my foot up in your friggin chest . freestyle fanatic, and never will it ever stop . your crew is loose, you might just want to call the cops .
mmm i am sooo excited . merry christmas to me . hahaha <33
1 lover |
i love susan.
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sendmemoney
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2003 25 March :: 10.06pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: lauryn hill - ex-factor
~*no one's hurt me more than you , and no one ever will . *~
i heard another song that reminded me of you today ( and it didn’t hurt that you left a song on my voice mail . great choice of song , even though i already told you , and you don’t read this ) . so then i sat down to write because my lips were bleeding from biting them , and everything i started writing sounded exactly like everything i’ve already written . it’s not my fault , though . it’s only because i started noticing my unconscious habits , and hoping nobody else does . like the way i leave my cellular phone on the table at dinner , because you said you’d call , even though you always say you’ll call and rarely do . maybe i take your unconscious habits to heart too often . maybe i take everything to heart too often , and that is why my heart can’t really take much more . nothing used to reach me . then you had to come and pierce this wall I had so neatly built , a hidden guard against people like you , and you were the one who walked right through it without so much as a backwards glance . i should have kept walking . i should have stopped you when you broke in , but i thought you were invited . you kept walking though . i guess that’s alright . but even when i grab your hand and beg you to stay , you extricate yourself , smile sweetly , and before i can blink , you’re gone . i have no pride left to throw away and run after you , so i just lace up my sneakers and go . i don’t think i’ll ever catch up though . your legs are longer , and your heart is stronger . so maybe i’ll see you around . call me sometime . i’ll have my cellular phone on the table .
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2003 19 March :: 9.22am
sooo i was supposed to be off an hour and a half ago..... hmm thanks to parents fighting eh? well... off to New College today then FSU tomorrow then UF where i'm meeting up w/Greg Pischko & hes showing me around and making me pancakes <3 then down to Orlando and UCF then i come home. fun.
ohhhhh and to those who didn't know, gues who sooooo finally got their license :0P most know by now considering i've been driving EVERYWHERE including Drewski's movie party : Donnie Darko = own. It was sooo much fun & before that I drove up to Boynton where i hung out w/Brian<3 and Abby D. & Miss.Abby made us some wonderful fooood :0) goodtimes.
now for my Brian rant :0P (oh come on.. like you didn't expect it heh)
well suckers... 2 weeks today & guess whos still NOT broken up <3 you are sooo amazing.. it only gets better from here eh?
ohh and i'm soooo NEVER touching you again :0P <3 u.
10 lovers |
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2003 17 March :: 10.40am
http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?p=999&gid=1834599&uid=967153&
Pics that Sara B. took from Shanes party...
I never got around to that :0( but its okay, Sascha's thing was really nice. It was nice seeing everyone again ::sigh::
Maybe its better i didn't go to Shanes...soooo much drama resulted from it its crazy!!!
hmm theres something else but i'll tel you bout it later... maybe.
ciao.
4 lovers |
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2003 15 March :: 7.35pm
i never thought perfect could get perfecter...
today was amazing... (you) are amazing. Thank you.
<3 u.
2 lovers |
i love susan.
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plainmornings
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2003 14 March :: 3.58pm
today was magnificent! heh well nto only was it the last day of school (before spring break) but I saw Brian lotsssssss (:0P) andd I gave blood sooo goo Vivi!
lets see... spring break!!! I'm soo driving to school by the time this weeks over :0)
Tonight I am going to the Grothe's to celebrate the anniversary of Sascha's birthday... I hope I don't cry...
after that i'm soo off to Shane's bday party (where i'll get to seee Brian :0)) and thats my night
o yeah. i'll be gone Wed - Sat.. going to see colleges and fun stuff like that..(New College, FSU, UF & UCF)
catch ya later kids <3
brian is sooo fantastically wonderful, i have NEVER been as happy with anyone else as I am with him... its like that fluttery feeling you get in your stomach times a bazillion and a half... (you) are so wonderful <3
my cool blood bandage + the pimp bow that the guy made me :0)
3 lovers |
i love susan.
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