I want OFF this rollercoaster.

:: 2005 10 April :: 2.58am
:: Mood: sleepy

Going to join the trend.

I got my prom dress today! :o) It's blue and white and has beaded flowers and a sash thingy. So fun. And I got a purse that matches it perfectly for 8 dollars! I love dillards. Yay for the wellington mall.

Ok, it is waaaaay past my bedtime and my poor puppy wants to go to bed.

:: 2005 9 April :: 4.53pm
:: Mood: lethargic
:: Music: "Help" -The Beatles

Don't really have anything to write, just felt like updating.

Last week sucked, almost as much as the week before. I lied. The week before was one of the worst weeks ever. But last week still sucked bigtime.

I spent four days at the vet this week. Sasha's been limping for a few weeks now, even though she's been on medication. So the dr wanted to take some x-rays. So I took her in....I think tuesday..before school because they have to sedate her to take the x-ray. Dr. Boss also said that he would move her leg around a little to try to get a better idea of what was wrong, since she wouldn't let him move her leg while she was awake. So I went to pick her up after school, and dr boss had left. So dr. Vladimir showed me the x-rays, and apparnently her bones have grown after the surgery, and now they need to "clean out the joint." So I spent the rest of the week trying to get in touch with dr. Boss. He finally called me back Thursday night, and said that they needed to go back in surgically and pretty much do what they did before. Except this one is going to be less major than the last surgeries. But anesthesia is still expensive. So I need to come up with $500 ASAP. Any ideas? She's off her medication now, since it's not really going to help anything. She's really limping. And I can just see on her face that she's in pain. I feel really bad. She needs to have this surgery soon.

I have no idea what the hell is wrong with the junior class. We had NHS elections on Wednesday, and 2/3 of the presidential candidtates spent their speeches totally bashing kyle. He was really upset about it too. And rightfully so. I hate when people do that. None of those people have been involved in what we've been doing, they don't even know. We've put in so much time for NHS this year, the club has done more than like any other year. And those stupid juniors have no idea what they're talking about. All of the officers kinda took the blows at Kyle personally. Because it's not just the job of the president to do everything. Bashing Kyle by saying he hasnt done anything is bashing all the officers. And I've done way too much work this year to take that kind of shit. So, needless to say, I'm pretty pissed off about it.

Umm...there was something else I was going to talk about here, but I forget.

I'm really worried about Mr. Dalsass. He seems really...upset or something. Concerned. I really think he has like a brain tumor or something. It sucks majorly.

Yesterday was the SNHS/French Club soccer match. It got off to an interesting start. Tom and Zeek painted their faces blue. It started raining soon after we got to the field, while everyone was warming up. But we didn't really care. Then Mr. Logan came out and said that Mrs. French had not talked to Dr. Weigel about the event, and that he had been sent to send all of us home. But Mrs. Youngman was there to save the day! She said that she was there chaperoning everyone. So.......rock. Then Sicard showed up to ref. The only person that was MIA was Chris Love. WTF?! He never told me he wasn't going to be there!! But it was fine. Spanish teachers came, along with their random noise-making devices, and the game began. It rained off and on during the game, and I had a good time yelling at people while they were playing. XD It was tied 2-2 for a while, after SHF had been down 2-0. So then we pretty much went into sudden death because we had to end the game to get Tippu to the hospital, since his ankle swelled up to like 3x its original size after he fell. So Zeek scored the winning goal, and we all cheered and yelled and took a group picture with our trophy. I really hope that this becomes an annual event. Even though Chris Love pretty much told everyone it was his idea. -.- Oh well, I'll deal with it.

On that note, I am kind of getting pissed off with a lack of credit for what I've been doing. Not only at school, though the NHS thing and soccer match idea stealing things are certainly adding to it. I think my biggest beef is with college stuff still. It's still a little bit of an open wound. I just worked my ass of for two years with the specific goal of getting into Penn. And it was hardcore rejection. Just like that. Nice try, but you're not good enough. Home stuff isn't helping either. I wish my parents gave me even SOME credit at all for financing my own college education. I heard my dad talking on the phone yesterday with an old friend about how I'm going to college next year, and he made some finance comment. I don't remember what it was, but it was a general complaint about how expensive it's going to be to have two kids in college. And I was like fuck you. I'm paying for it. I didn't say that though. Because anytime I bring up the fact that I worked my ass off so they wouldnt have to pay for my college, they argue with me about it. Oh, my apologies....you certainly may have to pay a few hundred dollars a year. Oh no! How will we manage?! If they spend more than $1000 a year on my college stuff, I will be surprised. And I just wish a little bit that they would be grateful about that. Just like...thanks Laur, for working so hard. Now we can use college money for something else fun. But oh no wait, I forgot. There is no college money. Even if I would have gotten into a good school, I wouldn't go. It's just starting to piss me off, the whole college thing. I just want to get out of here and actually go to college.

Sorry for the bitterness, it just goes along with the events of the week.

Today/tomorrow I'm going prom dress shopping. I'm thinking about getting the blue one from wellington. I'm going to go to town center first though, to see if there's anything good there. Hopefully shopping for pretty dresses will put me in a better mood.

Tomorrow is the volunteer appreciation lunch at church. I'm really glad. There will be tons of recognition there. That's part of what I love so much about teaching sunday school. Every single week Kim thanks me for coming and says that I did an awesome job with the kids. That's something that I know I'm really good at. A talent. And it's nice to be good at something, and have someone point it out to you. It just gets old, the self-assurance. I'm sure you all know how I feel.

Gonna go to the mall now. Wish me luck on finding a good dress.

2 wave goodbye. | Pull the lever.

:: 2005 2 April :: 2.23am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: "Eleanor Rigby"//"Blackbird" -The Beatles

So I get home to this message:

12:46 AM
Hey Laur. This is Will. Alright, here's the deal: we are at Emil's [21st] birthday party; we are somewhat inebriated, and we just shaved Jeff's head. I'll repeat: I took a pair of buzz clippers and shaved Jeff's head. With the help of Ian Knabe. Now if that's not the moment of the month of April, I don't know what is. Anyway, I'll talk to you later. I thought you might like to know. See ya.
End of message.

Wow.

So, needless to say, I called him back. He handed the phone to Jeff, who claimed that the thing was an April Fool's joke, and that Will was too drunk to know it was past midnight. I knew he was lying because...what a stupid April Fools joke. Plus, I could hear Will in the background yelling "C'mon! You can't do that to me. Tell her." So then Jeff told me that Emil had made a bet. And lost. And he had bet Jeff's hair. So I asked what he bet on. Emil bet that you're unconscious during lasic eye surgery, Peter took him on that bet, claiming that you are conscious. Jeff called a few people...his roommate who had had the surgery, and, in fact, you stay awake. So since Emil had bet Jeff's hair and lost, it had to go. So they shaved his head. Jeff gave the phone back to Will, who then gave it to Ian. So I talked to Ian for a minute then told him to give the phone back "to my extremely drunk brother." So Will told me a little more of the story, and tried to say that he wasn't that drunk. His proof was that he was not as drunk as the time he called me to tell me he was gay. Having a 21 year old brother is proving very interesting. Eventful, even. So he said that had he been as drunk as the time he called me to tell me he's gay, he would also have shaven his head. This poses a small problem. Will had craneostenosis when he was a baby and had surgery on his skull (explains a lot). So he literally has a scar from ear to ear going all the way across his head. And it's not a normal scar; it's one of those frankenstein scars that has a big line with little lines going across it. And he has an internship interview monday. I'm glad he slowed the drinking. Will with shaved head = bad.

So...it was an interesting way to end my evening. I'm currently looking for someone to go to the Dave Matthews concert with. Any takers? Tonight me, amalia, and amanda went to City Place to see Robots. It was a really good movie, but there was this guy who brought in his 2 year old who wouldn't shut up the whole time. I'm pretty tolerant of little kids, but that kid was obviously too young to go to a 2 hour movie. And the movie was at 10:10! The baby should have been asleep. And as if that wasn't bad enough, the guy's cell rang during the movie....and he answered it. I hate when people are just blatantly rude.

I made a shocking discovery on the way home from city place. I have NO WORK this weekend. None. It's crazy. We decided it's a sign of the apocalypse.

Three weeks till prom. Four till grad nite. The next week after that is IB exams. I have three days of school in May...2, 6, 12. Crocco is expecting us to show up for lunch on days that we have exams so we can do IB music stuff. Yeah...not happening. Hopefully I'll still get the diploma after I fail IB music miserably. Not that it matters.

College rejections really suck a lot more than I thought they were going to. Ms. Kelly said she was surprised I got rejected from Northwestern, not so much Penn. I'm meeting with her Tuesday to work on financial aid for Penn State. I'm thinking I should just save myself the trouble and go to UF. It's a good school, has a good vet school, has the majors I want. Plus I think it will be cool to be at the same school as Will. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea. I think we'll really get along well when we're within range to hang out, but not living together. Although it will be weird to like go out to lunch with my brother.. o.0 Besides that, he'll only be there for another semester or 2. Depending on what he decides to do for grad school. But...getting rejected from Penn after working so hard to get in is really a burn. I wasted a lot of time. Yesterday I was in a screw them I don't care phase. This afternoon I was very angry. Now I'm just depressed about it. It just sucks. It's one thing to phone in stuff and get a B. It's another thing to know you worked as hard as you possibly could on every aspect of something and still not be good enough.

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people

Eleanor Rigby
Picks up the rice in the church where her wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window, wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Father Mackenzie
Writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near
Look at him working
Darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there
What does he care?

All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?

Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people

Eleanor Rigby
Died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father Mackenzie
Wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved

All the lonely people (Ah, look at all the lonely people)
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people (Ah, look at all the lonely people)
Where do they all belong?

This one may be more appropriate.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird fly, blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Sorry for the inordinate amount of Beatles. You know you didn't read all the lyrics anyway.

:: 2005 30 March :: 9.34pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: "When Irish Eyes Were Smiling" ("When Irish Eyes Were Watching God")

Ok, so it's finally time for a NYC entry.

To quote the little tricycle kid from the Incredibles: "WHOA! THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!"

No pun intended with the Wicked reference.

So let's see how much of the trip I still remember.

Wednesday, March 16
Kristen, Gabe and I decided to leave history a half hour earlier than we were supposed to, because we couldn't take any more of that class, but it was harder than you may have thought. At about 30 seconds till 2, Ierace once again walked out of the class. He came back in about 5 minutes later, but sat at his desk, and the whole class was silent for about another 5 minutes. So the three of us just kept looking at each other, and everyone was telling me to go, but there was no way I was gonna get up then! So as soon as Ierace had talked a little, we got up, and he was very pleasant about it, told us to have a good time, etc. We got outside and started breathing again. So then we went to the band room and joined the percussionists and no-class-ers. Played some cards, then took the bus to the airport. Getting through security with 101 people was interesting, but luckily there wasn't much of a line. So we got to our gate and were sent off in groups of 4 to go get dinner and hang out. After we ate a bunch of us came back to play cards/chess, and who walks through the airport, but Regis Philbin with his wife. It was so funny. Crocco ran over to us, grabbed Kristen's shoulder, and said Look! It's Regis!! So after about 2 hours we got on the plane. I sat on the aisle next to Dimitar, with Mr. Gregory across from me. It was a pretty fun plane ride, but I didn't get any sleep. So we arrived in NJ, grabbed our checked luggage, and headed off for the airport. That was one fun bus ride though. First, some background info. When my brother asked where we were staying and I told him NJ, he said "haha, b.y.o. air freshener." So we got on the bus, and what was hanging from the emergency exit in the roof? An air freshener! One of those pine tree things. I so took a picture with my phone. We also had some funny New Jersey jokes. Keep in mind, New Jersey is dirty. Along with Mexico, tequila, Talahassee, and Vivec.

1. Me: Newark takes advantage of the night to use the darkness to hide the disgustingness of their city.
2. Gabe: I wonder if there is anyone here from NJ
Me: Beelzebub.
3. Gabe: The devil went down to Georgia....from NJ.
4. Me: New Jersey is to the United States as Ethiopia is to Africa.
5. Thomas: During the industrial revolution New Jersey experienced more changes than a bunch of babies at a beer drinking contest.
6. Thomas: Gabe, I'm tired. As soon as we get to the hotel room I'm flopping on the bed like Dick Cheney after a triple cheeseburger. (as per adam's request, this quote was grifted from Capitol Steps)
7. Me: It needs five toes.
Amalia: No because the....oh..

Needless to say, there were many laughs on that bus ride. It was a good start to the trip. And good thing Gabe keeps a clip board in his backpack so we could write all that down.

Thursday, March 17
The next day was the parade. We all went down to breakfast, then had a marching rehearsal in the parking lot at about 10:30. It was fun because everyone in the hotel watched us from their rooms. Then we ate lunch in the hotel before departing for 5th Avenue. We got there and waited in this alley for about three hours. It was cold. We had many cuddle orgies to keep warm. It was really fun though. We met cool people. There was one guy who explained to us how a bagpipe works! We also had fun talking to the Notre Dame alumni who were behind us. Lots of people on the street enjoyed drum line's cadences and our subsequent dancing. Finally at about 4:30 (an hour late) we stepped off. The parade was amazing. I was so glad to be on the end. And it was the end that was away from central park, so I got to see the people the entire time. Many drunk Irish-Americans yelled stuff at me. Apparently Meredith got three separate marriage proposals. We went past everything though, Central Park, Trump Tower, the Met, the Plaza..it was awesome. Mind you, I had never been to New York, so my first views ever of Manhattan were from the middle of 5th Avenue. Quite an experience. We had this guy who took our picture from the top of some building, and our lines were SO STRAIGHT!! It's awesome. At the end of the parade, we had a bit of a pep talk from Crocco and Lerner, and they told us that they had to make a decision as to whether we would be able to change or go to the bathroom before the NY Philharmonic concert, and they chose going to the bathroom. So we had to wear our band uniforms to the concert. A lot of people were very disappointed/angry. I was not one of them. I was perfectly fine wearing my band uniform...I mean come on people, we were going to see the New York Philharmonic!!! So we grabbed our yucky chicken dinner and ate it on the bus, then went to the concert. It was such a great concert. Famous actors played the speaking roles. The only one that I had heard of was Marcia Gay Harden (sp?), but the lead guy was someone Amalia really liked. I forget his name now. But the show was hilarious. At times, it was hard to stay awake, I'll admit it, but I did not fall asleep. It was a running gag for the rest of the trip to "wooo" through the "chink." Wooo.. Don't be offended when Un Jin runs up to you in the hallway, makes some sort of hand gesture, and says "Chink!" This is a reference to Midsummer Night's Dream. So after the concert we regrouped and headed back to the hotel. We were all exhausted. I had room check though, so I was a bit later getting to bed.

Friday, March 18
The next day we woke up early, ate breakfast together as usual, then went over to catch the ferry to go to the Statue of Liberty. It was really awesome. The Statue was a lot bigger than I thought. I took TONS of pictures. Then we got another ferry to Ellis Island, which was cool. It was not my favorite part of the trip, so I guess it's good we did it early, because I thoroughly enjoyed myself, not having much to compare it to. :o) I did buy an Irish flag in the gift shop.
We then headed down to South Street Seaport for lunch. Man did it smell! But the mall was fun.
After that we went to the Museum of Natural History, which I was really excited about. I think that's the only place we went where we got to see everything we wanted. I spent a good amount of time looking for a stegosaurus, and I found it!! Then we looked for Adam's tigers, and we found them too. We also saw a lot of interesting things. Like a giant sloth. And a big prehistoric moose. Tons of pictures there too.
We ate dinner that night at Charlie O's Shubert Alley, which was a lot of fun. We got a really good table with everyone together. We also tried to buy Vaidehi. 50 cent long time love. And two fwee egg woll.
Then we went to Fiddler on the Roof. It was simply amazing. Words cannot do it justice. Harvey Fierstein was awesome. I heart broadway.

Saturday, March 19
Breakfast again, where we hear announcements and whatnot. First thing we did Saturday was the Uptown/Downtown bus tour. Our guide was ...knowledgeable. We saw EVERYTHING. I was happy because we got to see the theatre where the Late Show is taped, and Rupert G's Hello Deli. We stopped at a pastry shop, in Central Park, and at Ground Zero. Again, TONS of pictures. Like 80. Crazy.
Next we went to Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum, which I thought was gonna be kinda weird, but it was really fun. Some of the wax figures were really good. I think my favorite was the Beatles. After we went through the museum, we went to see this movie thing, and while we were waiting for it, there was this game show-ish thing, which Un Jin participated in. It was a Jessica Simpson themed thing, and Un Jin kicked ass, which is kinda scary. He did win a free wax hand though, which was fun. The movie kinda made me dizzy, it was weird.
After the museum we ate at Mars 2112, which was so awesome. The whole thing is made to look like Mars. Entertainment - $2. Ms. Crocco knew our waitress from elementary school or something, so they had a weird reunion sort of thing. Then we played in the arcade.
Then we went to Times Square for our group picture. We waited for the light to turn red, then ran out into the median. There was some confusion, as there was another photographer there taking pictures of cars. o.0 But we eventually got ourselves grouped up enough to take the picture. It turned out so good! They "rewarded" us for being good taking the picture by giving us 20 minutes in the Virgin store. When we got back to where the buses were meeting us, only bus 2 was there, so we had to wait around in the cold a little. I was going insane, because we were standing right outside this store that had an awesome phantom shirt that I really wanted to get, but I knew I couldnt go in and buy it. Eventually I lost control of myself and asked Mrs. Lerner if I could go in the store for 30 seconds with a group of 4. She looked a little confused, then said she would go in with me so I wouldn't get in trouble. I hadn't brought my purse with me, since we were just going to take the picture, but luckily I had $20 in my pocket. I ran in the store, found the Phantom shirt, and went to buy it. Then when I was checking out it turned out the shirt was $27! I was about to cry, and I asked a few people outside the store if they had any money on them, and then Mrs. Lerner said she would spot me 10 bucks. She rocks!! I paid her back as soon as we got on the bus, and revelled in my Phantom glory for the rest of the trip.
As if the day wasn't enough, after we finished up in Times Square, we went to the Empire State Building. Granted, this was not the most enjoyable part of the trip, as we waited 2 hours in a 90 degree basement in winter clothes to get to the top. But once we got up there it was worth it. It was such a clear night, you could see for miles and miles. A bunch of people complained about having to wait so long, but I was glad we had...going to the top of the Empire State building had to be part of the New York experience.

Sunday, March 20
First thing we did Sunday was our "optional non-denominational religious service." About 15 people showed up, and the first thing Crocco did was raise your hand if you're Christian. Would have been bad had it not been 100% Christians there. But it was Palm Sunday, so..yeah. We had an old testament reading, a new testament reading, a devotional type thought for the day, then we held hands and said the Lord's prayer. Afterwards I went back upstairs for a few minutes, then we all headed down to breakfast.
First thing on the agenda was the Metropolitan Museum of Art. This was one of my favorite things of the whole trip. Probably ties with the Bronx Zoo, both of which fall drastically short of the parade. We spent a while in the renaissance section, then went to modern art. We were looking at this awesome joan of arc painting, when I turned around and looked into a room. First thing I see, on the wall opposite of the door that you see when you look in: Monet's Waterlilies. I went almost as nuts as when we found the stegosaurus. I went into that room, and the whole thing was Monet and Van Gogh. I took soooo many illegal pictures. I did actually get yelled at in that room for taking pictures. I would have felt bad, but none of them were flash pictures, I was doing no harm. We also found a Picasso room. Unbelievable. I bought a few postcards in the gift shop. Rock.
At breakfast on like the second day or something Crocco asked how many people would be interested in taking a ride on the subway, and nearly everyone raised their hands. So after the Met we went to a subway station and took that to Grand Central Station to eat lunch. It was pretty cool. One of my favorite pictures is all of us in the subway station.
After we left Grand Central we went to the Gershwin Theater to see Wicked. It was amazing. What a great show. I took some illegal pictures there too...not during the performance, but of the stage setup before it started. I thought Wicked had some cute twists, although they were predictable. I tend to ruin most endings for myself. I still haven't decided if I like Wicked or Fiddler on the Roof better. I think they're incomparable.
We ate dinner that night at Fridays, and none of us could finish our dinners, so we all gave them to Shane. He literally had a mountain of fries. I think he took them back with him to the hotel. Other highlights of that dinner include interesting soda drinking contests that I got on tape. That's all I'm gonna say.
After dinner was another highlight of the trip: Ice skating at Rockefeller Center. It warmed up a bit, which was fine. I got tons of video footage of everyone skating, as well as lots of pictures. We took a group picture (group of 8, not 101) with Mrs. Lerner after skating, and it's another of my favorite pics. We went back to the hotel and sacked out.

Monday, March 21
Last day of the trip. I think even though we were having an amazing time, most people were ready to go home. It was hard coming out of school straight into a trip where we were just going the whole time. Everyone was exhausted, a lot of people were sick. Most people were just generally cranky. It's hard to be around the same people for 6 days, 24 hours a day. After breakfast we went to Macy's, which was having its Flower Festival. It was really pretty. There were flowers everywhere! We went all the way to the top floor, then back down. Yay for wooden escalators! One thing that I did like about the trip was our moderate amount of freedom. When we went to Macy's we could be anywhere on 34th from 5th to 7th. I got a nice picture of the Broadway/34th Street sign. I had a thing with street signs this trip. So many famous streets...5th Ave, Wall St, Broadway.. We had lunch at Pizza Hut, only because it was cold and we couldn't find anywhere better, and then we went to some street vendors for shopping. I bought my parents t-shirts because I hadn't found any good souvenirs on the trip for them. I bought my grandmother this pretty butterfly box at Macy's. I also bought Will an I <3 NY shotglass. :o)
After a good 2, 2 1/2 hours at Macy's and the surrounding area, we went to the Bronx Zoo, which was the part of the trip I had been most looking forward to. We saw a bunch of birds of prey, some aquatic birds (yay penguins!), sea lions, polar bears and brown bears, monkeys, and TIGERS!! I was so excited to see the tigers. I enjoyed them even more than the stegosaurus. I got some really great pictures too.
From the zoo we went to the New Jersey mall for dinner. Got a bit of shopping done. We spent most of our time in KayBee Toys.
At the airport we got a group room, which was really nice. Free sodas and pretzels. The flight back was a lot better than the flight up since Amanda was able to switch to sit across the aisle from me and there was no one next to me. Plus the in flight movie was Bridget Jones 2, rather than Fat Albert, and everyone knows Hugh Grant is adorable. o.~ We got back to school and everyone pretty much went their separate ways quietly. Amanda took me home because my mom was in Orlando, and I just went to bed for about 13 hours.

Enjoyed the rest of my spring break, but was pretty unproductive, which I paid for later. Eh, I deserved a break. All in all, New York was awesome. I seriously took 490 pictures. No lie. It took 3 hours to upload them onto snapfish. Let me know if you want me to email you an invitation to the album.

Man, that was a long entry. What can I say, the trip was very eventful. Great way to go out of band. :o)

2 wave goodbye. | Pull the lever.

:: 2005 15 March :: 8.33pm

Someone just called my phone and said,

"Is Kelly there?"
"No."
"Who is this?"
"Who is this?"
"Where's Kelly?"
"You've got the wrong number."
"No I dont, bitch, put Kelly on the phone."

D:

I hung up >_>

:: 2005 13 March :: 12.54am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: "Past the Point of No Return" -Phantom

Today was fun, for the most part. I did a lot, and that's unusual. My days as of late have lessened in activities, although increased in work. Today was full of things that I actually wanted to do.

Woke up early and went with Amalia to the humane society to play with puppies. Some of the dogs in the pen were really annoying and/or agressive, so we ended up leaving early. There were some really cute kittens in the office who were like 5 weeks old. I took a picture of them.

At 1:30 we met at amalia's house and went to the renaissance festival. It was fun! Tons of drunk scottish people. More fat men in kilts than I cared to see in a lifetime. Gabe, THomas, Kristen, Katie, Stephanie, Joe, Caesar, and....other people came too. We found some other people there...John, Gabriel, Sam who used to go to atl, and john's sister. We kinda just saw them on the way out when we were going to the cars. I tried to buy this ocarina, but they were $16!! Everything there was so expensive! I ended up buying this cool rose made of feathers. I'm gonna tie a black ribbon around it. ^.^ We had a good time cheering for Green at the jousting. Lessee...what else did we do.. oh! There were faeries there! Hehe, they were really stoned. Mostly we just walked around and went to the shops. We did go to the LIVE COMBAT! 20 MINUTES! THAT WAY! Which the guy with the bag pipe was advertising along with his non-dancing friend. That was fun only because we got to make jokes with the scottish guy the whole time. I was insulted that he wouldn't dance for us! Mean. Haha, I hope he didn't think I was serious. That guy was really awesome though, so much fun to talk to. I also enjoyed that girl sitting in front of us at the jousting who said Gerard was hot. : ) It was just fun hanging out. We've been so stressed lately...this was a good release.

Speaking of releases...after the fair kicked us out, me, amalia, and amanda went over to this playground right by the car. We went on the swings. It was fun to be like we're 4 again. Even though we do that probably more than we should. This guy carded me when I tried to buy these swords for THomas because you had to be 18 to hold any of the swords or buy them. *sigh* I guess I'll be glad when I'm 40.

After we left the fair we went to blockbuster and rented History of the World and Robin Hood Men in Tights. Then we went back to amalia's house and ordered pizza and watched the movies. We really scared the pizza guy. A lot. He was very frightened. The movies were fun though. No matter what amalia says, I still think Robin Hood is funnier than History of the World. Although the french revolution part is pretty good.

On the way (or out of the way) to take Amanda home we went to Walgreens to pick up medicine, and we had a very long chat on the way home.

At this point, I'm not sure what to believe. I have about 6 people telling me different things. My beliefs on the matter change daily, because I'm not sure who to believe. There is mounting evidence pointing in one direction...the opposite direction from what I want to believe. Should that mean that it should be considered truth? If I recognize a more logical situation as the situation that I dont want to have happened, does that mean it's more likely to be true? It's not like I'm making up evidence in my head to make this happen, it's the opposite. Evidence literally keeps popping up, falling into my hands. I just don't know what to do with it. I thought that this problem went away, but it keeps coming up. Maybe I should just ignore it? At this point, I dont think I could ignore it if I tried. I think I'll just wait to see what happens next.

4 wave goodbye. | Pull the lever.

:: 2005 12 March :: 8.00pm

Lmfao. I'm over Jenns house.. yesterday was her birthday, and today we were going out to eat to celebrate.

Well, we went to Applebees, and Jenn was wearing her "Vote for Pedro" shirt. We had the coolest waitress, and she came up to us and started just randomly talking about Napolean Dynamite.

She kept asking Jenn if she wanted a refill for her dew, which was like, every five minutes. XD It was great!

But when we finally had to leave, I wrote a note on a napkin that said,

"Dear Lyn(n),

Thank you for the yummy food. You were a very cool waitress person-lady. If I shall ever see you again, I will probably not remember you. Thank you for the refills.

Love, Us."

And Jenn drew Napolean Dynamite's "Liger" on the side and I wrote "VOTE FOR PEDRO", and we left her a five-dollar-tip wrapped up in the napkin. We tied it to the balloon that she gave Jenn for her birthday, and wrote "TO LYN(n)" on the Balloon so she would see it! XD

Yes, we did the (n) lmfao

But some dude cleared away our table and read the note and went to get our waitress. Like, fifty other waiters/waitresses came with her, too. We had them all laughing so hard!

Then we ran up to her and she was like "Oh my god! I'm going to show everybody, and then I'm going to frame it and put it on my fridge!"

It was so great- we had so much fun. It made our day!

:: 2005 10 March :: 5.11pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: "Masquerade" -Phantom of the Opera

I'm updating again. I need to remember to do it more often.

I'm gonna say this once more, because apparently some people are selectively illiterate. That last sentence came out more cruelly than I intended. Regardless. If you are reading this journal, please COMMENT, at least once, so that I know you are here. I get freaked out when people randomly read my journal and I don't know. o.o

Masquerade
Paper faces on parade
Masquerade
Hide your face so the world will never find you

Tonight is NHS induction, apparently. I feel out of the loop. Although, I must say, it is my own inability to pay attention at meetings that made me forget. It's not my fault, I'm taking pictures the whole time!!

English oral came and went. I got "Blackberry Picking." It sucked. Eh, actually, I cant really decide how I did. I did in fact make up a word. And use it. More than once. But that's ok, it's not as bad as "everywhereness." Ms Zap did give me a few smile and nods as I was talking, but for most of the oral I did my best not to make eye contact. So really I don't know how I did. And frankly, my dear...

My french oral is the day we get back from spring break. In a way that sucks, but I think I will be less nervous going on the first day. I think it was everyone else stressing about english orals that made me so nervous.

My cat has decided to be really cuddly. It's odd, but I'm not complaining.

Even though we're nearing exams, I think a lot of the stress is lifting. We're done with most internal assessments, done with most orals, done with other...stuff. CAS. Or atleast I will be done after this weekend. I'm surprised at how quickly all the CAS added up. I ended up having to use only 15 hours from tutoring at SRCS. That was kind of my last resort filler CAS. The heart walk really helped a lot, because they gave us 15 hours. I think I'm gonna do 2 more hours at the humane society saturday before the renaissance festival, and that will give me 50 hours from them. Even though they still don't know who I am.

What else...not much.

I took my grandmother to see Phantom last wednesday. She was really happy that I was taking her out. I talked to Duda a little before we left, and he told me I should have seen her the night before, she was ecstatic. He didn't exactly use those words, but the message was the same. He's still working on his English. It was so funny, when we got home, he wasn't there, but he had left a message on the answering machine. "Hello Mrs. Gray. I am..here. I'm here....to eat. I will be home seven thirty. Goodbye." I have no idea how the two of them live together. Actually, I don't have as much trouble seeing that as seeing how Duda lived with Granddad. He was so intolerant of other cultures and races.

Ms. Kelly finally faxed that rec letter to Penn. I have proof. It makes me a little nervous though, because they sent me two notices about it, both of which I told her about, and they post decisions in like 3 weeks. Wow. Yeah. Three weeks from today. Scary.

This weekend, even though I have a bunch of work to do, I'm going to take a break. Saturday should be a lot of fun at RenFest. Basically this weekend is going to be for me. I have some stuff to do for the trip, have to do the chem lab, have to write up CAS stuff...I think that's it? I'm not going to touch my french oral until break. I may do some work on the group 4 project. I'll email steve weagle this weekend. That can't possibly be all the work I have to do. You know, it's sad when I consider that not a lot of work. *sigh*

Today Timbo told us that fourth nine weeks of english everything is pass/fail. Good for me, because I have like an 82 right now with little chance of getting it up to an A. This way I'll end with an A. Not that it matters.

We have like 5 more weeks of school. Ever. Rock.

I'm really looking forward to the end of the year festivities. Grad night, senior celebration...yeah, I think that's it besides graduation and the accompanying parties. It will just feel sooooo good to be done with everything. Although, I must say, the looming IB exams are not really scaring me yet. Maybe the french one. But that's all. I am surprisingly calm about the whole deal. It's like...I know I am going to get my diploma, unless something crazy drastic happens, so I am trying to enjoy this last quarter. All of the mushy sentimental crap hasn't really started that much yet. I'm sure it will really kick in when we get our yearbooks. When is that, by the way?

Alright, I better wrap this up and go get ready for NHS induction. Hopefully I'll post more frequently. When I have time.

:: 2005 7 March :: 6.00pm

The Mystery between Santa, Heaven, and God::

hamoyes: God is actually Santa Claus. When people die, he flies down in a giant golden helicopter {aka 'the light'!} and takes you to a giant island in the sky that living people cannot see. When you wake up on the island, you're like 'WHOA!!' and it's all heaveny and peaceful. Santa tells you that if you help him make toys at Christmas {elves!}, he'll let you live forever in eternal bliss. But the fuckers that are like 'oh hell naw' and jump off fall so fast that they fall into Hell.

:: 2005 2 March :: 8.12pm

mm,

POCKY!

:: 2005 1 March :: 9.53pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Cherry Monroe - Painkillers

its 4:11AM.
they all went to bed.
ive been thinking of things all day..
i didnt want to bother you too much earlier. i know you were busy.
so i wrote this so that you could read it later when you had time

do we need a cure?
maybe we can just quit.. just forget what you do. forget the people you
know. not suicide.. just walking away from your whole life. NOW.

why not? because they love you? because you love them? because
youre afraid to be alone? because you wont get the money and
the car and the girl/guy and the house? the fufillment of following
through a lifes worth of hard work doing the single job youve
chosen to specialize at? why cant we just get up and disappear
one day?

what do you do when everything that you know means nothing?

keep trying to grab onto this one reason to live.
keep trying to understand a dream i know has no meaning
putting together random facts, words and statements looking
for some universal pattern. some concept that everyone else
was born with but i have to learn.. somehow.. the hard way.
if i cry during a movie at the part where the director wanted
me to cry.. then are those tears even real? all the hundreds of
people who worked on that film knew i was supposed to cry at
that moment, so how can that be authentic?
so do i stare at the truth and burn in its honesty
or do i just find happiness in a blind lie?

i keep hoping i'll wake up one day and i'll suddenly know
some cosmic truth. like a scalding shower suddenly switched cold.
i keep hoping that something will happen that will let me know
the next piece of the puzzle. maybe someone in my family will
die and then i'll know what to do next. it'll be all cleared up
once my tears dry and im on my way home from the movie
i'll know the whole plot then, and i'll know what comes next.
what if there is no truth? nothing to believe in?
what if we are all just here? and when you die thats it.
will it really matter what you did when you were here?
does it matter if you did well? if people hated you or liked you?
or if if you were happy or sad?

if two people are in a room. just sitting there.
why do they have to react to eachother?
why do we talk to eachother?
kill eachother
love eachother?
we used to pray that we would be hit by a car.
injured.. deformed.. disabled somehow so that we could say
LOOK! SEE? THIS IS WHY I AM THIS WAY! THIS IS MY EXSCUSE!
i dont care.. i cant make myself care.. i cant get out of this
bed and shut the door.. so i'll sit here and listen to you screaming
at me. sweating under this blanket til i rot right through the frame
and into the floor. its summer and lovers are with one another,
smiling and laughing, content with one another so nothing else matters.
expression? communication? survival instinct?
who cares. he says. i love you. she says. sigh. they say.

i'll try to call you tomorrow..

-� l0cke

:: 2005 22 February :: 9.47pm
:: Music: "Think of Me" -Phantom of the Opera

White People Love Wayne Brady Because He Makes Bryant Gumbel Look Like Malcolm X
I've decided to update, if for no other reason than so I don't have to look at those last few entries whenever I log on. A lot has been going on, and nothing has been going on. This is really crunch time, and I'm definitely feeling the heat.

If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

My planner is extremely full. All the time. Last year about this time I lost a week. I think this year I lost February. How is March 1 next week?! Wtf is that?! I still have to read Native Son, have to look at my history IA again...CAS...Group IV projects start tomorrow. I really don't want to think about it.

Today in English there were these incredibly annoying morning (mourning?) doves outside the window. Like DIRECTLY outside the window. And they were really loud. Somehow, and I'm still not really sure how, a series of strange events unfolded. For some reason, Kyle got up to go scare away the birds while Timbo argued with Danielle over what type of bird it was. Then Timbo went over to the window, after one had flown away. Then Ben got up, opened the window shouting "Let me make noises at it! It will mate with me!" Then Timberlake started to pass out papers, and when she got back over to the side of the room where ben was standing, half out the window, she told him to sit down, and SPANKED HIM! It was the funniest thing that has ever happened in that class. Ever. Half the class sat in stunned silence, the rest were hysterically laughing/crying. It was just so funny. Unbelievable.

Argh, I can't wait to go to college. I just keep telling myself that it will be different. Whether or not different is good, I need something different. I'm just so sick of things right now. I think this happens every February. I just get sick of things. I need a big change. Or a big vacation. New York trip should help a bit. Especially followed by a decent sized break. Maybe I'll go to Disney then. I just want to be done with this. I want my oral(s) to be over, I want IB exams to be over. This four years of preparation for these freaking exams is starting to get to me. I just think that senioritis has majorly sunk in.

I have recently felt an overwhelming sense of longing. For what, I could not tell you. It's just a ...bleh. Not depressed. Different. I dunno, I just need something. I'm thinking it's college. I really need to start my life.

There was something else I was going to write, but now I forget. Oh well.

I went to the mall today to buy clothes for the concert, and I got some awesome shirts! : ) I'm not going to describe them now, I'm debuting them on thursday. Fun.

I like my irish/scottish/australian friends on myspace. They're cool.

Saturday me and Amalia went to do some CAS at the humane society. It was really fun. We started out working with some bigger dogs, but...it didn't work out very well. So we wandered around for a while and ended up going in a pen with a bunch of puppies who had kennel cough. A bit of a risk, but I dont know that it would live on my clothes until I got home. I think it's pretty much dog-dog contact. Besides, both my dogs are vaccinated for it. The puppies were SOO cute though! We named them all: Fred, JackJack, Nana, Murphy, Tito. We only found out later that they were all girls. lol. Oops. I think maybe we're going back this weekend after the street painting festival.

Everything that needs to get done just isn't going to get done. There is no way that I can do the history internal assessment, read native son, do the chem lab, start group iv project, write the spanish civil war essay, and do random other hw all this weekend. Why is my weekend so full and it's only Tuesday?!?!?!

I'm too stressed. I need a break.