all things must surely have to end

:: 2007 9 September :: 10.58pm

Just go here:

http://www.active.com/donate/ltnMadiso/2130_Rachely

:: 2006 1 October :: 12.48am

I know the prayers are doing great things, I can tell because things turned out better than expected, with the exception of this bad news. But I can't help being so negative about it. Why does this have to happen to my family? We're good people, and we're so close, this is devastating to us. There are people out there who are more deserving of this than us. Not that I think anyone deserves this, it's terrible, I just don't think it's fair. I know, life isn't fair, but this is going to end up killing me. This is illustrating my inevitable fate. It's going to happen again, it's going to be me. It may be a long time, but it will happen. And I hate leaving every night. It's a terrible situation to be in and it rips my heart out to leave her there alone.

This is going to kill me...

:: 2006 24 September :: 9.18pm

Please pray for my family...

I just want all of us to get through this

:: 2006 4 September :: 11.46pm

I've changed my mind.

I can say with absolute certainty that it will not ever happen again.

I deserve better.

:: 2006 18 July :: 10.03pm

You didn't even fight...

so I guess I did the right thing...

rachely

:: 2006 5 July :: 11.23pm

Well hello old friend... it's been a while...

There have been some changes in life. I'm starting school this fall. I'm very excited about it. I'll finally be doing something with my life and I'll get to meet new people while I'm doing it. I'll also get to pay on my student loans for the rest of my life because Davenport is pretty damn expensive.

And I'm alone once again. Things just weren't going in the direction I wanted. I still care very much, but I don't think either of us were very happy anymore. Once I go back to school I don't know if I would have time to fight for a fading relationship anyway.

My big problem at work is gone =] He was transfered and now I have Marya. She's great and makes work so much fun.

I have a myspace now... Sorry Andy. But you have one too so I can't feel too bad about it...

1 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2006 28 April :: 12.33am

so. i'm going home tomorrow. blah blah blah. everyone is always like I can't believe how fast this all went! And I'm all, you weren't thinking that when you were in Hispanic Culture. It's gone by all normal. That's it. I don't know.

But I do know one this. This year has been fucking awesome. Not saying that I haven't been down, but for the most part. I'm in love with this place. Sure, Kalamazoo has a higher murder rate than Detroit. And a higher STD rate than the whole state of Michigan. And we live on a hill. But it's still a really diverse and fun place. This campus is amazing. I don't even care that I live in the Valley and I"m disconected from main campus.

This place is beautiful in the springtime. With the pond and the geese and the fountains and the blue sky. AMAAAZZZINNNG. There are flowers all over the place. I walk around and listen to my Ipod and I just want to sing and dance and hug strangers. Or at least smile real big.

And the people! OH! I was overwhelmed at first and nervous and my eyes were tired, but now. . . This valley has more people in it than high school. And even though it's really loud and I hate all the drinking that goes on, there's other cool stuff going on too. I've never met so many great and fun and openminded people. It's mind boggling. Fucking nuts. And you end up getting so close to a person when you share 14 feet of living space.

And all the stuffed I've learned. I feel so smart sometimes. High school was a horror story inside of a monster. I feel so big here. Like I'm about to burst at the seems at any moment. It's the best feeling. I don't even know where to begin with all that I'm feeling. It's like I'm leaving summer camp, but it's much bigger than that.

I love Jenna. She's too awesome, and I'm gonna miss her soooo much. And then there's everyone else that i've made friends with. It's so cool. You don't ever not have anyone to talk to or see. I'm going to miss them a whole lot. This is such a cool community. Just my side of the building is. . .great. sigh.

Plus all of this has made me closer to Jake. We're so much stronger now. I love love love love love love love him.

I had an amazing job, which almost hurts more to leave than school. I love my kids. I can go on for hours about the reasons why preschoolers are the best people on the planet. There so honest and so sweet. Even the naughty ones. And they have no idea about anything. The world exsists for them and that's it. But you can still mold them and love them. ahhhh.

It just feels so fucking sweet. I know what I want to do with my life, I'm crap my pants happy and I know I'm not done growing up. But I'm going to live my life before I do all this settling down business. I feel very mature and very excited about my sweet life. I'm not going to be the girl from cedar anymore.

I'm Sarah Ruth Cohen. And I'm awesome.

6 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2006 25 April :: 9.51pm

okokokokokokokok.

spanish exam. done over. yay. good. piano exam tommorrow and then i'm basically done. i just have to do my online human sexuality exam clean my stuff up and make out with jenna. that's it.

THEN ON TUESDAY I START MY NEW JOBBBIE! yay for me! and thanks JESSICA WILDE. no we're gonna see each other all the time. maybe we'll go out and get crunked after work. ha hahahahahah.

tomorrow i'm having a dance party with the peepers
that'll be sweet.

i'm so burned out right now. like i've never even been so weary. ugh. i almost lost my patience today with the kids. only one more day.

at least i got to eat lemons for dinner. and i got a free sensual massage. good times.

:: 2006 24 April :: 8.10pm

okay. one exam down. only two days left at Arcadia. sad sad.

5 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2006 19 April :: 10.03pm

Oh my gosh. Best night ever!

Sarah Weddington is probably the most awesome person on the whole planet. I think I'll have to be an official femminst in her honor.

seriously. nicest person ever.

and i never thought that much about abortion before. i never was emotional about it anyway.

so this is what i think: stay the fuck away from my uterus.

if i had the oppurtunity to move to canada and jake would come with me i'd be gone in a heartbeat. this country is moving backwards and i'm not going with it.

ps-jessica benzer, she compared fighting the pro-choice fight to LOTR.

:: 2006 15 April :: 10.15am

is there any way to make this all go away? i just want to be happy and actually hold on to that. i just feel any motivation and good feelings ebbing way.

3 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2006 13 April :: 11.37am

so i'm back and badder than ever. i know that isn't even correct, but i mean that i'm a bad-ass. you know how i roll.

i'm not even fully functional and i'm still badder than you. i can't even walk up stairs and i'm such an m-fing baddy mcbadderson sack.

also i can't sleep. freaking a. i went to bed at 10:30. didn't fall asleep til almost one woke up again at 4:30 to read and then woke up again at 6:40 to go to menards and fill out an app. i'm a monster. then i helped jake jump start his car and drove all the way to the zoo and didn't pass out. then i dragged my bag upstairs without any help.

you can't even touch me.

i miss jenna and i don't know where she is and my belly hurts and i'm hungry. and i don't want to put pants on.

okay and these people owe me:
Chris Best-One Georgia Book
Jessica Wilde-Ditto (sorry I keep nagging, I just love my little bookies)
Travis Macdonald-How to Survive the Loss of a Love (I know you don't even read this, but it's not called how to survive the loss of a book) IF ANYONE COMES IN CONTACT WITH THIS CHILD OR HIS TWIN SHOULD NOTIFY HIM OF MY ANGER.
Biondi-The Diary of Marie Antoinette.

That is all.

6 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2006 9 April :: 11.18pm

two days till i go under the knife. i'm trying to tell myself not to be scared, but i am.

oh the other side though. school is almost done. i don't really know if that's a good thing. i get to lose more friends. yay. and i still don't have a job.

why am i so unhireable? seriously. i don't know if you know this, but i'm kind of a big deal. but fer rel though. i like working and i'm smart and responsible and i have good references. i also have experience. i don't say this much

but what the fuck?
i was harassed at my last job and i had to fucking quit, i didn't even call osha or anything. no one even tried to convince me to stay and make them behave. and those guys didn't get fired or in trouble. and then no one would hire me.

i'm blaming cedar springs for this. it's forever tainted my life.

FUCK YOU CEDAR FUCKING SUCKING SPRINGS.

1 sheila rides | daphne descends

:: 2006 6 April :: 11.33pm

am i ever going to stop being such a child? why can't i just stop it? or be calmer or not such a hugh bitch.