Rachely
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2004 26 June :: 4.37pm
They're playing right now, right at this very moment... and I'm not there =[ Stupid jobs
Also... I miss you immensely =[ =[ =[ =[ =[
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 26 June :: 1.19am
That's alright, I'd rather not do this. True to every sense, it's wrong.
Something smells like chicken feed, it's cold, and there are twenty-two more days of fun.
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 25 June :: 6.17pm
No, actually I'm not okay.
I feel defective. If I'm such a hot commodity why would anyone feel compelled to leave?
Even the knowledge that he'll be prematurely bald doesn't make me miss him less.
2 sheila rides |
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 25 June :: 10.14am
23 days today.
I still don't feel so great, but I've come pretty far. Esp. since it's been a cool week.
and i would also like to mention that Jessie the Wilde is the person who I am in lurrvvee with.
The Sarah says:
do you like how nothing i'm saying is not makcings sneses?
1 sheila rides |
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 24 June :: 12.19am
So now it's twenty-four and i'm being very not like myself. so much for a mourning period.
as long as it's just one of those things where that's as far as it goes then i'm pretty cool with it.
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 22 June :: 10.54pm
so nearly twenty-five days.
new schedual:
monday-babysat, dozed, cried, went out for pie with mom, barb, amy, hutch. did not eat the crust. talked to a lot of people online.
tuesday- babysat, dozed, attemped to curl someone else's hair which was a failure, drove around a lot. realized that i am not so pathetic that i need to volunteer at the library, but i am a big enough loser that the librarians have me recomend books to other people because i am a prolific reader. ate a taco then went to matt's hoose. cried a little, but did not have any toast.
wednesday-i'm going to meet brenda, go to the gym, go to the doctor, go to walgreens, then have nature date with kevin.
THURDSday- mitch claimed this day. causual snuggling ensues. then off to work. also it's payday.
friday-still open. will probably go to the gym. unless someone else wants me. i'll start the bidding at free.
saturday-ellie date. then work work working
sunday-dad's hoose. i'll probably spend the night cause i don't have to babykill the babies on monday/tuesday for TWO FREAKING BEAUTIFUL WEEKS. The money is probably not worth the boredom.
and i have to find time to:
clean my car
practice estelle
buy hose/nozzle
bring money to robin (probably tomorrow)
wear contacts
take calcium tablets
buy new shampoo
clean room
organize a beach party
here's this for being realistic:
obviously he had to leave me because he is spider man and had to choose between being with me and, thus putting me in danger, or loving me from afar while keeping me safe from the green goblin. he's choosen the latter. I WANT THE FORMER.
boys are easy to trick anyway.
3 sheila rides |
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 22 June :: 1.35pm
at least i'm not posting lyrics. One of those three doors down songs is a good one though. but i am listening to b93.
TWENTY-SIXXXXXXXXX!
1 sheila rides |
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 21 June :: 6.24pm
Missing you fiercely. Still. Times 27. Come back now.
2 sheila rides |
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 20 June :: 9.50pm
So I bought new clothes again. They make me feel better. And I had a really good time with Sam and Rob.
but i still feel scared being home and stuff.
and i'd go back.
and 28 days.
BUT WAIT!
Grandpa was being really funny. He said, "Sarah doesn't like horses, she likes boys."
and I enjoyed that
this week:
m-babysitting. . . MUST FIND A POOL!
t-babysitting and the zoo with sam
w-clean car, practice clarinet, go to doctor. . . hang out with ______? (someone fill in the blank)
t- hang out with ______? then work? i think. maybe i'll go to the gym
f- see thursday
s- see thursday
s- see thurdsay
m-start all over again.
9 sheila rides |
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 19 June :: 2.22pm
My tribute to Jessie Wilde
Good things about today:
1. My hair is not frizzy and I parted it on a different side
2. I bought School of Rock
3. I've been hanging out with my cousin and I almost felt fun
4. I'm going to Grand Haven tomorrow
5. I haven't cried and I'm going to put on mascara
6. It's very nice
7. Twenty-Nine days is only one day more than four weeks.
8 sheila rides |
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 18 June :: 8.22am
I don't think I take thirty more days of this. I hate this house. I hate myself.
This summer was supposed to be so great. Now everything is turned on its head. Once again it's like I'm just exsisting and not really feeling. And I'm not eating. I COULDN'T EVEN EAT STRAWBERRIES. I'm not hungry though. It just makes me sick.
I want to do something, but I'm too nervous. My mom sucks. I know I'm a lucky girl with everything. But I can't focus on that because it doesn't matter. I don't have everything. The person I want is not here. He'll probably never be here again. It's like he's dead, but only to me. I'm jealous of everyone who gets to see him. And any future plans just seem hazy now.
Let's Focus on these things:
1. I am not able to lay in my bed all day. Or sit and stare at things
2. I do have some mighty good friends
3. nothing. this list sucks.
Why couldn't he have hit me or been mean? I can't even get angry. That would be better than being sad. At least then I could release some energy.
3 sheila rides |
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 17 June :: 3.17pm
31.
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 16 June :: 9.55am
I wasn't going to take a shower today. I have 32 days to take a shower.
Yesterday I spent some time with the floor. Screaming at it.
But here are some goals:
1. Start wearing contacts
2. Call Brenda
3. Prevent ostioporosis
4. Stop thinking/Distract myself with anything
5. Practice clarinet
Also things I won't miss
1. Waiting to be let down
2. Secrets and awkwardness
3. His mom
4. His driving
But everything else.
DEAR GOD! WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE WINDOW AND OPEN THE DOOR AGAIN?
but i read the e-mail again. it doesn't hurt the second time. well not as much.
going to see the doctor today.
7 sheila rides |
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 15 June :: 7.42pm
I WAS okay. But now. God.
other people.
33 days until i die
5 sheila rides |
daphne descends
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sugarmouse0587
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2004 14 June :: 12.06am
I think my summer will be a bummer. There were so many things that we were going to do. And now? I'm dying. No not dying. Just sort of withering. I'm okay if someone is distracting me. Or if I'm working.
But this can all be very comical. Getting dumped. For the next 34 days I'm going to take myself on a magical journey to feeling better. That's right. . .deadline.
Thirty-Four Things I've felt in like the last five minutes.
1. Sad
2. Worried
3. angry
4. small
5. tired
6. overwhelmed
7. betrayed
8. rejected
9. abandoned
10. remorse
11. nostalgic
12. bitter
13. nervous
14.senstive
15. sick
16. dead
17. wired
18. clingy
19. scared
20. crushed
21. lonely
22. hysterical
23. mopey
24. wasted
25. disconected
26. vunerable
27. pathetic
28. lost
29. weak
30. ugly
31. quiet
32. desperate
33. uncomfortable
34. crazy
3 sheila rides |
daphne descends
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