an update is in order. so lets see. been getting alot of jessica alba pictures for meredith. she seems to like her as much as i do...however she pail in comparison to meredith. -drools- sorry, i miss her alot. and it doesnt help that well...were not going there.
anyhow
next tuesday is the last begining windows class! yay! no more idiot windows!
now whatelse is of importantance.
hmmm...
yes
ummm.....
well im going to see Charile and the Chocolate factory on sunday, then hopefully out to dinner and then hopefully back to the movies for the devils rejects ^.^ . Yeah i know im a dork, but i don't care. it will be the first date meredith and i have been on in forever, and lately, im thinking we both need this as bad as anything else.
Please just be happy for me and don't think I am a dolt.
God.. I can finally breathe.
So, we're back together.. sort of.
We talked for a few hours and we decided that we need to work on everything. We both need to change and make our relationship better to keep it stronger.
We're going to take everything slow and slowly get to being normal again.
It's not like everything is solved and we're completely happy.
We need time.
All I know is that losing him would be the worst possible thing that could happen to me at this point. All the rumors have been cleared. Every little question has been answered. [Edit:The rumors were true. And the answers were false.]
It's not perfect and I'm not all joyous, but I'm much, much better.
I can finally stop crying and just eat something.
Thank you for all the support. Especially from the people I didn't expect it from.
I'm still kind've a wreck and complete drained of all energy.. but it'll fade and hopefully I, no we can just be happy again.
I love you.
On a side note, thank you most of all to Matt. You've been here the most. And today was awesome. What a good fucking talk. I mean, you even got burned by a McDonalds employee.
Digi mon! Digital monsters!
Save me.
I've called everyone I know or they know to try and find him.
I left three messages begging him to call me back, only to find the phone to be turned off when I tried again. I figured my annoyance would be enough of a bother for him to just fucking talk to me.
I'm sure he cheated on me.
I know he lied to me.
I have no idea where the fuck he stayed last night.
It's like he was waiting to be single so he could just go back to being a piece of shit low life.
I tried to save him, because his friends are too fucking selfish to support him being a better person. And realize that there is a time to grow up.
It's not that I dislike any of his friends personally. I do like them, I just wish they would help him be better.
I've found that I've never loved someone as much as this and that I didn't realize what I had until it was gone. And now it's gone forever and I'm going to spend months crying, trying to just not waste away to nothing.
I loved him.. so fucking much. And what do I get? I get cheated on, lied to, and betrayed.
After one stupid fight.
I want to die.
It's fucking insane how things change so much.
True love? Bullshit.
You're the one person I thought would never hurt me. Ever!
I can't do anything.
I tried to sleep, I just cried.
I tried to eat, I just got sick.
I try to occupy my time with this stupid fucking computer and t.v. but nothing helps. I wish my memory could just be erased and I could be ok again.
I had to leave work because I couldn't stop crying and I was too weak from not eating for two days.
I've never been so hurt in my life.
I can't believe you ruined me.
I'm a complete and total wreck.
Yours forever?
Forever must not be too long.
You ruiend everything. I didn't even get to expierence half of what a real relationship is. There was so much ahead of us that I was looking forward to.
I can't eat.
I can't sleep.
I can't stop crying.
I can't even catch my breath to just breathe.
I feel like I'm constantly going to throw up.
Everywhere I look there's something that is his or reminds me of him.
Everything I do reminds me of him.
I can't escape and I feel so betrayed, angry, used, stupid, lied to!
The worst thing is, is that he doesn't care at all.
He's taking it fine.. while I'm here fucking dying.
He was like my God damn air and you can't have that just be with you one second and gone the next.
And I can't ever get him back. And that.. kills me more than anything ever could.
I just don't want to feel like this anymore.
I know it's only been one day, but I can't take it.
One day is way too much.
Maybe I just don't get it. I mean, I've never been there right? I suppose I'm a hypocrite, but I have just cause. In any case I'll get over it and get on with my life. I just need a little time.