perhaps, perhaps....perhaps..

perhaps, perhaps....perhaps..

:: 2003 25 April :: 5.51 pm

well my dad's contract passed. yay! made me happy, all things are better now except for the law suit but im ok about that now:). Im at saras right now, me megs sara and stevie are here....we're gonna go out to jackies tonight. this is sara now and i'm trying to show britt that the space bar really does work.
ok its me now again...the past few days have been a lot better than the beginning of spring break. According to all my friends, a certain guy and i have been acting more and more like a couple everyday, we just need to make it official, i wouldnt mind making it official but eh. i mean...a pillow fight, sitting on the tail gate of his car together, driving together to see a car...thats not couple things at all....right...
anyway...i think im gonna go, people are complaining that im writing a novel...they obviously dont read this very often because this is a pretty short entry

crush me

:: 2003 20 April :: 2.01 pm
:: Mood: sad

yesterday started off soo well....then it all went to hell

two nights ago...its the first day of spring break...i wake up at 7, no surprise, i always wake up early when i dont have to. i spend the day by myself, it was fine, being alone helps me think. but anyway, later at like 4ish megs calls me and says we need to do something, but then my mom said my curfew was gonna be 9 b/c we had a meet the next day and i needed my sleep, well, megs proposed to stay the night at her house, so my mom agreed, and megs and i went to taras to visit her and see how she was doing, then nick and some others showed up and we hung out and ate pizza....fun times, megs and i had to be back by 930 b/c we had to be in bed by 10. We leave taras and 910 and get back to her house and her parents ask if we wanna color easter eggs...i havent done that in so long so i said yes!!! and we did about 20 seconds later the doorbell rings and megs and i ae like wtf? who would be visiting now?? we go out to the door..no one is there, they pulled the whole ring the doorbell and run...turns out it was herringshaw and dan...so we hung out and just talked to them for about an hour...we didnt get to bed on time, then megs and i stayed up even longer talking...that was cool, the next morning we wake up at 620 to get ready, i have the worst crick in my neck ever, i cried it hurt so badly, anyway to quicken this up...i had a 29'10'' in the meet....2 more inches and i could have gotten a steak dinner and 30 bucks....but eh, i'll live, but i hit my PR so i was happy...we leave the meet and on the way home metcalf is like whats up for tonight? and i was like idk what do you wanna do so we agreed to go see a movie, so we did....that made me happy...since he proposed it, maybe he finally is turning a new leaf and becoming social....i still dont get the spral thing though....but anyway herringshaw showed up at the end which made megs happy :)
i get home and mike is hear and hes like my old apartment building is sueing us b/c of some crap that went down with one of his roommates, but they all get sued because all their names are on the lease....along with the suit came a $5000 bill....that wasnt cool..especially now that my dad is going on strike and we're living off of one income...needless to say i wont be going out the rest of spring break...im gonna spend as little money as possible...i even considered quitting track and getting a job to help out, my parents wont let me, but it was a thought.

Happy Easter to all....

crush me

:: 2003 11 April :: 10.20 pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: lots of stuff

Bobcat Relays are tomorrow! im excited, im hoping to finally break thirty feet and get enough credits for my letter:):)
We had the brat put today....all the throwers together, cooking brats and eating, it was great, i loved it, we should do it more often, and i didnt love it just because he was there....but he was one of the guys grilling....mmhmm.....lol
i stayed in tonight, felt kinda lonely...nothing was going on, and no one was online, which means everyone else had something to do, i felt like a loser. i was like, someone! get on and tell me something is up for tonight!! needless to say that didnt happen and i stayed in and watched While You Were Out on TLC...that carpenter guy's kinda hot, and he has an accent, and he can build stuff....yup....
anyway, tomorrow in the meet if i break 30 feet, coach is gonna take me out for a steak dinner, and hes gonna take adam out if he breaks 40...wouldnt that be nice if we both got the dinners? haha
anyway, i guess i should stop writing and get to bed, i gots to be rested for tomorrow so i can bust my PR
~Britt

1 heartless bastard | crush me

:: 2003 8 April :: 6.55 pm
:: Mood: content

nothing really big has happened lately...track meet was canceled today due to weather...i didnt really care, we still had practice. Im procrastinating doing my homework, its only math and spanish, but its the principle of the matter, homework sucks.

I was reading some random journals, and i have come to a conclusion, there are only two kinds of journal entries, there are the im happy and everything is great and let me boast about all my happiness kind of entries, and there are the journal entries about how life sucks, and how depressing everything is, and the people who sound suicidal and feel as if there is no hope for them in the world. I just read one entry from a guy who was depressed because it was the 5 year anniversary of the death of his girlfriend. The guy was also drunk at the time, he was drinking his sorrows away...God be with him in his time of need...

I dont know what my journals fall under, i dont think people really care anyway, no one reads this, no one ever comments, so i guess it really doesnt matter

crush me

:: 2003 29 March :: 11.12 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: disney all the way baby!

I went to herringshaws tonight....so did megs jacoby metcalf and sara....well and herringshaw but he was already there. it was fun, sara and i got there and no one else was there because jacoby doesnt know how to get anyway, metcalf needed a ride and megs was still in Toledo...jacoby was supposed to get metcalf but God forbid he understand directions, so i just said i would go get him since i knew where he lived...so i did and i got there and metcalf was like what the hell? you're not jaccoby, then i let him drive b/c i hate driving at night and he likes to drive all the time...so we get back out to herringshaws and jacobys there so we play with the potato launcher....it only worked half the time and by the end of the nigh it was broken...so we hung out in the new house...that was cool...except metcalf's eyelashes got burned off...well not really, only the tips of them, but thet was his fault...it looked cool when it happened though.

yea....tonight made things more confusing.

1 heartless bastard | crush me

:: 2003 28 March :: 9.22 pm
:: Mood: hmm

well jack's going out with nick now...yet another bet winner...stupid bet winners...i suck...i knew i shouldnt have gone out to jack's that night...at least im not the only one that sucks...thanx sara and megs...although megs could very easily be a bet winner (CLAP CLAP CLAP) haha sorry inside joke that never becomes unfunny hehe...

People keep telling me im close to winning the bet...idk..i hope so

i have to read this book this weekend...i hate reading..i really dont want to but i know i have to, maybe if the weather gets really bad and we lose power i will be forced to read...that'll be the day...

Jack said i made him flirt....he never flirts...what did i do to make him flirt....and with me?! not that i minded, but it would have been nice if i knew he was flirting when he was! why are people so oblivious when others find things so obvious? hmm isnt it ironic that ovblivious and obvious are spelled similar?

track meet for tomorrow was postponed until tuesday....great cant wait...watch me tremble with excitment...

crush me

:: 2003 27 March :: 9.02 pm
:: Mood: confused

yea the last two days have been kind of confusing. I dont know whats going on, im confused and distraught and confused some more. I feel stupid, but then again im being a normal teenage girl. So i shouldnt feel stupid, right?

I feel like such a goob though. I mean i have been hopelessly flirting with him and i think hes been flirting back, but thats probably just my high hopes ganging up on me. I mean no guy has ever liked me, or at least no guy i like has ever liked me back? i mean, whats so wrong with me? i dont understand...so confused

crush me

:: 2003 20 March :: 10.19 pm
:: Mood: aggravated

Track pissed me off so much today. It was maing my fault though, i was being stupid and screwing up and it was making me angry. And my coaches were pissing me off....they werent watching so they didnt know i needed help, and i didnt know what i needed help on because hello! i cant see myself. i mean its not their fault they werent watching...they were helping someone else...but for the whole two hours?! i finally started getting help by the last 20 minutes, but only between the helping of the same person...idk, im not angry that the person got the attention and the help, but then again...im still angry

oh yea...and this assistant coach guy...kenya or something...comes over to the shot circle..madaras was working with adam...and i was there too...but anyway, kenya comes over and is like 'so madaras do we have any good shot people' and he goes yup, right here if we can straighten him up a little more' and points to adam...and im standing right there! i mean, he doesnt have to striaght out say im great, because im not, but im not bad! i throw a damn 29 consistently! thats good for a girl! but nooo! the only good one we have is adam! because he can throw a 40...all hail the boy! honestly i cant help but think i was overlooked because im a girl. i hate that. i mean a little recognition for the hard work i do is all i as. im not asking to be bowed down too, but still....just make me feel like dirt honestly...i dont wanna say it, but it hurt my feelings...in a non second grade way...it actually made me feel like i do nothing and will accomplish nothing...and only because im a girl

crush me

:: 2003 15 March :: 4.14 pm
:: Mood: aggravated

time for contemplation....
yea so its a beautiful day today and i have no one to spend it with. My parents are gone, my friends are being busy with their lives, and im sitting here...gazing out the family room window...thinking.

Thinking sucks.

Why am i alone? i should be out, doing something but no...too many things bother me...like i should stay home because parents will come home soon...or freakin gas money i need and dont have...stupid world causing gas prices to go up...i dont have a job, i should get one, i want one, but i cant work during the season, starting now my life will be consumed by track.

Track.

We lift a lot for track. We lift with the football players. i feel like im in the way up there. i always have to take weights off because im a weakling and they have to turn right around and put them back on. i feel like such an inconvinience to them..i dont know..its aggravating..

Fiddler.

Absolutely amazing. Every one of you guys did amazing...makes me wish i was a little bit more talented...in anything...

Tucker talked to me yesterday...he wants me to hit a 34...keep dreamin'

i feel like i dont do anything lately...im so under accomplished. im weak, not smart and not talented..dont have pity on me though, thats not what i need, its not what i want..

GTCTM finals were this morning...if God asked me for a test to show people they were stupid..id give hima copy of the test i took this morning..

i went to the doctor's last week to get my shoulder looked at...i have enflamesd tendons..meaning its gonna hurt and nothing can be done to make it feel better. i have to ice it after i throw and lift..so i went and got ice the other day, and i got ridiculed by some people...needless to say, i wont be getting ice anytime soon, if all thats gonna happen is me getting teased..

i gave up soda for lent..its been 11 days...longest 11 days ever..

sara said something enlightening last night...yea i know..scary...anyway..its scary to think you like someone else, when youve liked another person for so long..its different

anyway...i guess thats enough, you're probablt sick of reading...you probably didnt even get this far down...

crush me

:: 2003 9 March :: 6.10 pm
:: Mood: grrrr

i hate english
i just finished typing my english paper...i really hate english, it sucks. im not gonna get a good grade on it, because they didnt really explain it, and it as assigned less then a week ago..so yea bad grade coming my way...

i had one of the most confusing weekends ever, but im not gonna type about it now, maybe some other time..

syph got a 1, concert got a 2 and frosh got a 1...we're going to states...whoo..more work...more having to wear uniforms..goo

2 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2003 1 March :: 4.22 pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: instrumental

wow its been awhile..
nothing really big has happened...last night was girls night, but i dont know if you can really call it a girls night, it started out with all girls but by the end there were 3 guys there. sara tara me and jess got initiated last night into girls nite, which is stupid because ive been to like 4 or 5 and im just now being initiated? i kinda figured it out before it happened, because i guess ive been dubbed the logical thinking of the group. but i mena c'mon, you buy whip cream when we dont need it and ask the four of us to go run a errand and we come back to jackie looking out the window for us so i had sara walk in first to see if it was gonna be a right away jump attack or wait until we're all in the foyer to attack, well they waited so when i got in and went in fast i went straight to the kitchen while everyone else got it (tara got it the worst) finall stevie came to get me, and come on you guys think!! stevie is little and you put her against me! she got me a little then i took the whip cream from her and got her worse, i also cleaned up the fastest, i only got hit a little, tara had it everywhere and you could tell, it was funny looking, finally we ate and jack told us she was going to prom with justin, who i still dont know who he is..but anyway i tell everyone we should go dress looking so we go, and jackie you should get the black and white one! but then we go to DQ...good ol' DQ, and tara gets a call from winston, while shes talking to him, he and goph some to DQ and stand right outside the window looking at us and scare us, so no more GIRLS night, theres boys there, we hang out for awhile and go back to megs', we get there, and gophs car is there and he and winston are nowhere to be found, and we're scarred b/c we;re expecting them to jump out, they dont so we go inside, we go back out thinking gophs car is unlocked but then they're standing right there and they ruin our fun, so we stand outside b/c boys cant come in when parents arent home, so we shovel snow on taras car, then the other girls come back, they made some pitstops, and we're standing around looking like retards, and dan drives by, slows down and keeps going...we're like what? why didnt he stop? so i go upstairs to the computer and talk to him and im like, way to drive by and not stop, so i told him to come back and he does, and he cut his hair!! his nice afro is gone, its not bad looking so i guess i approve haha jk, so we're hanging out and i have to leave first because of my stupid curfew....i hate having to leave first all the time...grr..oh well another girls night tonight, hopefully no guys intrude...

3 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2003 17 February :: 12.56 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: mixed

no school today...yay! too bad its really yucky outside and i probably cant go anywhere...but its cool. i already did my spanish and my bio...thats scary, normally its like last minute when i do those. oh well
nothign really has happened today..or yesterday for that matter, ive just been kinda moping around the house, not because im in a moping mood but just because i can, i mean what else is there to do? i watched pocahontas yesterday...heres the thing i dont understand..all those sailor guys were from england yet they dont have british accents...some are scottish and irish and others are just american...i mean c'mon! try and be a little more real...oh well im still a disney supporter i love those movies:)
im thinking of watchin lion king today...this shows how exciting my life really is...

3 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2003 17 February :: 12.56 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: mixed

crush me

:: 2003 16 February :: 10.20 pm

survey stuff
[Current Clothes] pj pants and a hoodie�hmmm comfy�
[Current Mood] slightly stressed
[ Current Music] old stuff
[ Current Taste] melon
[Current Make-up] nothing..
[ Current Hair ] messy bun�as always
[ Current Annoyances ] avoidence�I don�t like it
[ Current Smell ] raspberry
[ Current Thing ] eh?
[Current Desktop Picture ] 4 discs, two shots, and a carry case
[ Current Favorite Artists] warhall
[ Current Favorite Group ] group of what?
[ Current Book you're reading] the color of water
[ Current CD in CD Player] mixed
[ Current DVD in player] bourne Identity
[ Current Color Of Toenails ] silver
[ Current Refreshment ] cranberry juice
[ Current Worry ] lets not go into it shall we?

LAST PERSON...
[ You Touched ] mike
[ You Hugged ] mike
[ You Yelled At ] sara�after james thought it was me saying hi 50 bajillion times
[ You Kissed ] I kissed my gpa when he left this afternoon
FAVORITE...
[ Drink ] fruit juice
[ Color ] red
[ Album ] hmm
[ Shoes ] my crap sandals�I don�t care what you say I like �em
[ Candy ] gummy bears mmm
[ Animal ] monkey!
[ TV Show ] friends�.er�will and grace�and a lot more�
[ Movie ] im a disney girl at heart�
[ Dance ] salsa!
[ Song ] err�
[ Vegetable ]celery!!
[ Fruit ] kiwi or strawberries
[ Cartoon ] daria but nooo its not on anyway�xmen�but nooo its not on anymore
[ Store ] the ones with sale signs in their windows
[ Kiss ] innocent kinds
[ Hangout ] el zarape!!
[ Vacation ] Europe or Australia
Are you..
[ Understanding ] yes
[ Open-minded ] yes
[ Arrogant ] at times
[ Insecure ] at times
[ Interesting ] not really
[ Random ] yea
[ Hungry ] yes
[ Friendly ] can be.
[ Smart ] on occasion
[ Moody ] I think so, but others say no
[ Childish ] yup!!
[ Independent ] not as much as I'd like to think
[ Hard working ] when motivation is there
[Organized ] more like ...disorderly organized.
[ Healthy ] eh... I try
[ Emotionally Stable ] not all the time, but eh... no not really haha
[ Shy ] not really... I�m less shy than I used to be.
[ Difficult ] I can be.
[Attractive ] you judge that please.
[ Bored Easily ] I have the attention span of a 2 year old
[ Thirsty ] yes.
[ Responsible ] yeah
[ Obsessed ] eh..
[ Angry ] only with stupid people
[ Sad ] at times
[ Happy ] yes
[ Hyper ] depends
[ Trusting ] rarely
[ Talkative ] with certain people

Who do you want to...
[ Kill ] no one
[ Slap ] wow... want me to make a list?
[ Get Real Wasted With] mike
[ Get High With ] nobody
[ Look Like ] hmm�.
[ Talk To Offline ] my friends
[ Talk To Online ] some friends
[ Date ] uhh�.
[ Fuck ] no fuckity fuck for me.

crush me

:: 2003 16 February :: 3.59 pm
:: Mood: drained

last night was the dance. nothing big went down..nothing spectacular...but it was still fun. i danced a lot..something i rarely do but it was fun..cant wait until i get my pics back..maybe then i can finally remember what i took pics of.
mike's coming out today..yay! he should be here within the next hour..im happy, i saw him yesterday but only for like 5 minutes so itll be cool to spend some time with him today. i guess thats all

~Britt

ps. have i screwed things up royally??

crush me

:: 2003 15 February :: 10.42 am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: disney:):)

today is coming home....oh the joy...
nah actualyl it should be pretty fun, im giong with a group of friends so itll be a good time. i finally got sara to go, i went shopping with her last night so she could find something...she didnt..so hopefully she likes one of the two tops i have, because she already agreed to wear one of them and she cant back out of it haha
im really sleepy right now, i felt like such a dork last night i fell asleep at like 9:30! i havent done that in the longest time. then i woke up at 8..it was fun. but now im sleep again and its not even 11. i have to be over at megans at 3 today..not to start getting ready then..itll take me about 15 minutes to get ready but my parents are out of state and i hate being home alone, so im gonna crash there for the afternoon. we get to go to el zarape for the dinner before hand...that should be fun, good things always go down when we're at el zarape! woo! idk i guess thats all..not a real worth while entry but oh well..you still read it

crush me

:: 2003 14 February :: 4.19 pm
:: Mood: surprised
:: Music: happy

huh??
happy valentine's day!
normally this holiday really annoys me...it still does, dont get me wrong but not to the same extent. i had a really good day, everyone was in a good mood, people were being nice, i have great friends and life was great. i had to drive the mom-mobile (RIP Nathan...hopefully only until tomorrow) but that was cool anyway i got to play with control buttons. hehe, i seriously am a kid at heart. even though i didnt have a valentine, thats not what was important, i didnt get a candy gram that wasnt important to me, i still felt loved today, today was just a good day. tomorrows the dance...im going, it should be fun, my friends should all go (SARA!!!) i know deep down she wants to go..now i just gotta get her there...i think she's slowly caving...im not going with the intent on dancing with anyone, i actually highly doubt ill dance with anyone, but idc, im in too good of a mood to care right now...life is good right now, so no one screw it up ok?

2 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2003 9 February :: 4.05 pm
:: Mood: productive
:: Music: tatu

woo...bio board done! english done! math done! spanish done! more bio done! homeowrk is finished! woo
today has been a good day...woke up early went to church, pastor gave a very good sermon, the readings were good the songs were good, it was just a really good service. After church i went to grandmas for lunch, Urs and Tara were there i havent seen them in awhile so that was cool, i told grandma what color im streaking my hair and she wasnt too happy but oh well, it'll turn out ok. i came home after that and finished my bio board, read the rest of night so i dont have to do that ever again, did my bio, and my math, and its only 4. i have like 7 more hours of nothing to do...woo!
my mom and dad took my car and got it washed and cleaned out, finally my car is clean! it hasnt been in such a long time im happy. later im going to go out and clean out the truck, i dont think i need all the winter safety crap anymore, so thatll clear up a lot of room. my dad put in my old radio, the one that came with the car sicne the cd player died. im bummed i dont have a cd player but its cool. if i wait about a month my dad will install a 10 disc CD changer in my trunk and i get his little remote thingy to play with! im happy...todays just been a good day :):)

crush me

:: 2003 7 February :: 3.14 pm
:: Mood: i'm not sure

i want more
I read sara's latest entry...it made me think. im happy with me, dont get me wrong, but i want more. sure it sounds greedy, but its human nature to want more than what we are already in possession of. i want to feel loved, i know i can do without it, hell ive gone without it for 16 years now, and im not talking about love from family and friends, i have that, i have that coming out the ass, i want more. i want to feel that there is someone out three who really doesn truly like me, and not me as in the funny, sarcastic, and person you go to when advice is needed or you are in need to be cheered up, i was someone to like me, the real me. i want that person to want to take the time to want to get to know me and like me for the things they find. i want that damn fairy tale romance. well maybe not something that perfect, i want him to be passionate about his beliefs that if we get in an arguement he'd have the balls to stand up for himself and not cave like prince charming would. i want happiness, like i said before, im happy, but i could be happier, i would be happy knowing that someone likes the fact that im in the room and pays attention to me when im in the room, and then think about me when im not in the room, im not asking for obssession, but a mere recognition would be nice. It a fact the all girls like affection, and im no exception, i want that too. i know im sounding greedy but to hell with it, if i had one wish i would like to go forward about twenty years to see if im all alone...thats my fear...i don't want that

7 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2003 6 February :: 4.14 pm
:: Mood: im ok

yea im a loser...no date to coming home but then again im ok with that. but i was talking to my mom the other night and she was like you dont have a date? thats ok, i went all through high school never dating anyone and im happily married and have been for 20 years. i was like thats great mom are you saying im never gonna date anyone? probably not, but still got me thinking...why dont guys want to date me? i know that guys like me, not like like but friend like because i have a lot of guy friends so i know im not intollerable...so theres only one thing left...but we wont go into that..itd make me sad...
so yea

DoesntDoHomework: dotn worry bout adam honestly
DoesntDoHomework: if the guys to dumb to see it
DoesntDoHomework: screw him
DoesntDoHomework: or actually dont screw him, cause that woudl defeat the purpose
DoesntDoHomework: but you see
DoesntDoHomework: guys are so unimporant
DoesntDoHomework: i mean all they are is a penis
DoesntDoHomework: lol

hes my hero:)

crush me