and then i come to find... everythings ok....seen this all before...but that was yesterday...try to walk right through these messes that ive made...just let me enjoy...the life that i have made...

Are you going the wrong direction? God allows u-turns.....lmao....what in the fuck??? I know you are all wondering what that is there for....Sara said that to me today... ha...amusing isnt it? It made me laugh... in her face...

Today fucking sucked... I said two words last hour... No and No... It was awesome... I hate talking... grr... it pisses me off...

These songs are seeming rather positive today.... better than I used to believe they were...

Angie is now on my list of people who believe my life is perfect... ha.. excellent... another person that really doesnt know shit and doesnt give a fuck to find out... not that I would tell her anything about me that she didnt need to fucking know anyway.....

I love Marilyn Manson....

"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away"

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself

Her mouth was an empty cut
And she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a polaroid that
Lost all her dolls

........Im tired of this now........
I want to go play with my blades and take a few pills.... make it all better for a few moments.... while the blood is flowing freely I will be feeling awesome....but when it stops I have it all to do over again.... and again... and again.... until I realize what I am doing...

I Hate
You are the wind beneath my wings.
The grill across my face.
You are the fuel in my machine.
That special place.

You are the sunshine of my life.My first and only love.
You are the apple of my eye.
You suck my blood.

And I Hate you more than life itself.
I even hate you more than i hate myself.

I hate, therefor I am.
I am, therefor I hate.

Another nail in my coffin.
Another thorn in my side.
Another gun to my temple.
(Goodbye...goodbye)

And I Hate you more than life itself.
I even hate you more than i hate myself.

I hate, therefor I am.
I am, therefor I hate.

You are the final destination.
The calm before the storm.
You are the worm within my own self.
I died when you were born.

(I died when you were born)

And I Hate you more than life itself.
I even hate you more than i hate myself.
I Hate you more than life itself.
I even hate you more than i hate myself.

Agh...my indecisiveness.... It is one of the worst things about me... minus just me as a whole...

I wish my memory were horrible...then... Bryan would no longer be a part of me... without the fact of 3/23 remaining *cough*

Goodness.... my pile of mistakes is getting rather large...

Ive seen this all before....but that was yesterday....

I need to clear my head... but I have currently found that is merely impossible... If it were to work... there would be too many happy people anyway...

Ellen....thanks for you expressing your advisory talents tonight.... they were very needed....

I cant explain the way that I feel....

Ahh.... I love music... without it I dont know what I would do....

I dont want so many days off for Christmas... from school... I want to be at school... I can only imagine what will be going on at home...

It all only gets worse everyday... more shit arising and me thinking more about what has happened before... Why must we have memories?? They only hurt you later...

I talked to Bryan today... I miss him... so much... I just cant admit it to him. Its all my fault anyway... I would seem like a really bad person If I told him I still liked time.... I am such a bitch...

Ahh... I am suprised they let people my age buy Razor Blades at wal-mart...

I want my lip pierced...and my hair dyed black......

You can file that under "No Shit"....

Sara said she wouldnt bother me anymore today.... :) Yay..... No more speeches about God loving me....

Powder is a really interesting movie.... as well as White Oleander... I like them both... Alot....

I want a scalpel for Christmas.... I dont think I spelled that right... but I still want one... I wanna see how sharp they really are.