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jus4fun06

:: 2004 26 December :: 7.31pm

maybe... one day...
maybe, one day... everything will work itself out in the end.
maybe, one day... i will be beautiful.
maybe, one day... you will understand what i want.
and maybe, one day... i will be happy.

xX.Inspiration.Xx


Cocopuff

:: 2004 26 December :: 10.24am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Matchbox 20- "3 am"

Merry Christmas

Wow!! Christmas has already come and gone... its weird becasue it doent even feel like december.. this year has flown by, but so much has changed...

i didnt get much for christmas under the tree but thats cuz i got my class ring and i went to St Martin with Manda.. but i got a few things.. including 300$ on scratch tickets and a 500$ pack of corvett stuff...

yea so its the day after christmas.. and what are manda and i goann do... duhh stuff are faces go get high and stuff are faces again... so bubye

~Lizzy

xX.Inspiration.Xx


xonixieox

:: 2004 25 December :: 3.08pm
:: Mood: angry

wow its fucking christmas and my family still treats me like shit.. every single one of them.. Dj is the only one who is ever nice to me but hes not even here right now... at least when he gets home maybe he will take me to gini's or something! man.. what would i do without bang? i would be nowhere.. i would fucking kill myself if i didnt have them or julie.. those girls are my fucking life!!!

thats all

ohh and quotes for my aim so i dont loose them when i go to my computer

"A failing love is like desperately hanging on to something precious; not wanting to give up, but your hands feel the pain. And, when you finally let go, you're free from any pain, but your hands are empty."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Not all scars show, not all wounds heal, somtimes you can't always see the pain someone feels."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

a million words couldnt bring you back i know because i've tried, neither could a million tears i know because i've cried

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"When it rains, look to the sky and think of the drops of water as tears from angels."

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"Kissing you is like dancing in the rain; it is an exciting kind of sensation that you can't help but fall in love with."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

anyone who thinks sunshine brings pure happieness has never danced in the rain

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ok thats really all now!

*edit* ohh ya and im getting so pissed at people breaking plans and shit.. and being like oooohhh ya i cant do this.. i cant go here.. i forgot to tell you! grrr i hate when people change plans last min. or dont give an answer right away and then you get all excited and then the plans get ruined! that really pisses me off.. thats one of my pet peeves and now im just gunna not make plans with people becasue whats the point.. for like 3 days in a row they have been ruined or changed or some shit like that so w/e im done with that shit now! ok needed to get that out ! *edit*

-Nik

xX.Inspiration.Xx


jus4fun06

:: 2004 24 December :: 7.04pm

[{white//perfect//pure//perfectly pure//}]
she watched the being. she couldnt call it a human. it was too beautiful, to perfect to be human. the being looked at the rosebush. the branches brown with winter. a touch of its finger grew a rose. palest pink yet contrasting against the white snow. the being plucked the flower and looked at it in great concentration. then fit its mouth around the flowers petals and swollowed it. she could see sharp, little teeth cut the petals making it bleed. she cried at the site. something so beautiful swollowing something equally beautiful contrasting against the white of the snow. it was so white. so perfect. so perfectly pure. i want to be perfect she screamed even though nothing came out.

xX.Inspiration.Xx


xoxchubbyxox

:: 2004 24 December :: 1.47pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: rich girl

blah...
well tomorrows christmas...and it doesnt even feel like it...it seems every year my enthusiasm for christmas is decreasing. oh well. i got a few presents for christmas so far...but ita ll just reminds me of how much i miss natick. i dont know. nothing else is new...i guess i have to babysit on new years and the 26th...which really sucks. my aunt from FL is coming on the 27th.... oh yeah and im on birth control...and its for regulation lol! figured id share. well nothing else to say i guess. i miss everyone, and i really want to visit soon, but i just dont know about that.


oh yeah...picture of me and michelle...:)



please leave a comment.

6 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx


jus4fun06

:: 2004 22 December :: 11.17pm
:: Mood: missing you
:: Music: cold//crossfade

she listens to the song over and over again... trying to find reason for him leaving her. its her only key... her one hope... the bright light that she holds on to so afraid to let go... again the words echo in her ears... i never ment to be so cold...

2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx


jus4fun06

:: 2004 19 December :: 9.03pm

it snowing here. yeah. i like snow. i love looking out after it snowed at night and seeing everything perfectly white. i wish i could be perfect. i try so hard to be pretty and nice... but its so hard.

xX.Inspiration.Xx


xonixieox

:: 2004 19 December :: 5.18pm
:: Mood: crazy

computer!
wow my computer sucks and it broke again so i havnt been onlner for a really really long time :/ ya that all i gotta say.. comment!

1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX | xX.Inspiration.Xx


Cocopuff

:: 2004 18 December :: 2.13pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: Kelly Clarkson-" Since u been gone"

long timeee

wow its benn soooo long since i have written in here... well umm what have i missed... ohhh umm 11-10 which is a day i cant forget... and i went to St Martin with Manda which was funnnnn...i wish i was still there... other then that i havent really left neone who really reads this out on nethin special... all i do is work...then go to johns and go to school... i have no life lol wich is y i stopped writing in this thing... but i guess ill try and star writein in here again....

Lizzy

2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx


xoxchubbyxox

:: 2004 18 December :: 12.00pm
:: Mood: ok
:: Music: ...

...
i know i needed to update, i just have nothing to say.





comment please.

2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx


xoxchubbyxox

:: 2004 15 December :: 9.59pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: 1985: bowling for soup

??
i have no more to say. i dont think any one reads this thing anymore.... my life feels so surreal. why the fuck am i in merrimack new hampshire? sometimes i cant believe it. and from the way people are acting...its like i was never in natick either, and i dont blame them. i dont matter anywhere. the feeling is so empty...its impossible to describe.

who knows, maybe tomorrow my opinion will change. every day is different here. and sometimes i hate waking up in the morning.

i dont know what i am going to do.

xX.Inspiration.Xx


xonixieox

:: 2004 13 December :: 11.25am
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: here for the party x Gretchen wilson

weekend
well the dance was friday.. amanda didnt come.. dont ask me why becasue she never even called.. then on saturday gini slept over! she ditched me the whole time to be with dj, eventhough she has a boyfriend.. w/e im not having her sleepover evr again! ohh well.. so ya im in ms Navarros room wwith my love traci anne cole!! ya so thats all for now.. we are getting ourt rings today!!!!

ohh ya and I GOT A COMPUTER IN MY ROOM!!!!

-Nik

2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx


xonixieox

:: 2004 10 December :: 10.59am
:: Mood: amused

havnt updated in a while.. well im in ms navarro's right now with amnada and gini.. we are the only ones in here becasuse everyone else took first lunch.. anyways everything is fucked up lately.. i want to quit cheerleading and supposidly i have a "Big mouth" ya whatever.. dance tonight.. going with christina amanda and gini

thats all

-Nik

xX.Inspiration.Xx


xoxchubbyxox

:: 2004 8 December :: 8.28pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: toy soldiers: eminem

uhm....
well i guess i really needed to update....lol.

today i had a crappy day at school, it was block day and those always suck...ha. im putting together sketchbook of a bucnh of drawings, it has like 150 pages and ive done 6 drawings of celebrities so far...it will be cool when its all filled. yeah...interesting i know.

werll afterschool was much more fun, me and michelle worked very hard on our bio project lol. we spent about 20 mins total on that part, then we hung out in her room, then ate then sat aorund the computer...and then took a bunch of random pictures. i had lotsa fun it brought back memories of the older days i guess.

anyway, im really excited for christmas, i actually could afford a couple decent presents for a few people.

i cant believe how much things have changed in the past months. i couldnt even picture me moving to new hampshire, and im hereand its not as bad as i thought it would be. moving was the hardest thing ive had to do in as long as i can remember. but maybe...ill be really happy here.

you really never know....

xX.Inspiration.Xx


jus4fun06

:: 2004 8 December :: 4.07pm
:: Mood: angry/sad/defeated

i am so fuckin pissed off. so the other day i looked in my bag cause i thought my journal was in there, but it wasnt. i thought i had simply took it out sometime and didnt remember it. i soon forgot about it. in first i had nate being... well... nate. i heard him say something like, "see, i told you she was a bitch." and "shes obessessed with travis. all she wants is to ride his dick." they were passin somehthing back and forth. amber said, "dont you want to give it back to her?" nate said "no, we were ripping them and burning it last night." i believe it was amber who got up and threw something out. i just assumed they were talking about some old note i wrote to travis, back when. i got to leave class early cause of sectionals. i was pissed, but only at the fact that nate was acting like a dickhead, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. so sectionals was boring and i got out really early. i was waiting in the hall to see shawn and i saw nate and amber walk by me. amber was like, "shes gonna cry." i was like what the m-th-fuck. so i went to class and ignored them. i was all happy and all then i have justin who goes, "danielle, i got this from an anonmous third party... can i give it to you?" i was like sure. so he hands me my journal cover, torn off. i like started to shake and i almosted cried. everyone was like, what is it. i was like, the cover to my diary. i had to take a mother fuckin test. a hard test too. my essay had fragments. i swear. in the test i was bouncin my leg cause i had all this adrenalin in me and i needed to yell at nate. i knew his class was somewhere in the history wing. so i asked to leave and find nate. my teacher went, "what are you gonna do?" i was liek yell at him. so i left and search the classes. i couldnt find him at all. i was like whatever... fuck it. and i went to guidence and told my conciler. he called nate down and nate denyied everything. i knew he took it. i went back to class. my teacher asked me if i got carted down to the principal office cause i was gone so long. i was like no, i went to the guidence office. i went to third. in third i had the brillant plan to dig through the trash cause i remember about how amber threw something out. so when we let out for trash, i went to my sociology room and dug through the trash. at first i thought it wasnt there but then i found it. i marched to guidence and gave it to mr. mckinley. he said somethign how i need to write a statement. i didnt do that yet. i went to lunch and told my lunch table and carrie made me go to the office to report nate and travis for harassment. i did and i had to write everythign down. im awful at writing things. id rather say them. then the secretary in there had the nerve to tell me i was up to somethign all cause i happen to know tyler and he was movin closer. she said, "its a coudince(sp???) that you come down while hes here." meanwhile im like all upset. half crying. half shaking. ready to beat nates ass and she tells me im up to somehting. that was the first time in like 2 years since i went to the principal's office. motha truckers. then dr. donely yelled at carrie for stayin with me. she was helping me by being there and he yelled at her to leave and said she was skipping class. i cant stand this school. after third i marched up to nate and flipped out on him. well, course im not any good at flipping out so i liek said the same thing over and over again, "nate, how could you do this to me," while im like bawling my eyes out. nate, in his gay ass pink shirt just said, "step the fuck back bitch. im not afraid to choke a bitch" i just kept screaming at him. then i pushed him and ran away. i was amber hess staring at me. i saw all the mother fuckin hoes staring at me. i couldnt take it. i cant believe he would go and do that. then all these people inform me that they recall nate or travis talking and/or seeing a book of mine. thanks for the help guys. i remember that yesterday nate said something about "gonna get it" and amber asked what. and he was liek, "youll see." how could he do that??? and this past summer he came over i was like protect me. he said, from what? i was like everyone who tries to hurt me. he was like, i wont let anyone hurt you. now this.

xX.Inspiration.Xx


xonixieox

:: 2004 1 December :: 9.27pm
:: Mood: pretty good
:: Music: blahhh

fkjgdhbg
well today i had a better day! practice was gay but then we went back here and chilled and practiced and danced and listened to b-itty sing drop it like its hot... i almost fucking pisseded my panties! lol wow im really hyper we put on cmt and did the rockaway! hahaha im such a character.. then gini went home and me brittany donald and dj are chillin here downloading movies.. actually we are downloading the polar express the grudge and EDWARD SCISSORHANDS!!! yayy!

ok thats all for now! ypiieeee more dancing to do! yay!!!


*edit* ya so iwas reading my "friends" journals and i found some bitches talking shit.. now im a bigger person so im not gunna name any names but honestly lets all act like we are in the 5th fucking grade.. lets all talk shit behind peoples back becasue we are all to pussy to confront them.. or.. better yet.. lets have other people confront them.. that sooooo much better... well HAHAHA this is me laughing in any bitch like that's face.. hahahahahhaHAHAHAHAH *edit*

-Nik

4 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx


jus4fun06

:: 2004 1 December :: 4.33pm
:: Mood: hurt

i wear the make up thick around my eyes to hide all the pain inside
i am sick of people. i mean... no offense... but i just am sick of it all. i dont want to have any relationships. and im not just talking about boy/girlfriend ones, im talkin about friends too. i am just sick of all the emotions and responsibilities involved with people. i put my trust into people and they just break it over and over again. i always get emotionally attatched to people and it just hurts when they leave. i am seriously sick of everyone. why cant you all just leave me alone???

xX.Inspiration.Xx


xonixieox

:: 2004 30 November :: 7.25pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: frosty the snowman x my phone

cheerleading
ok so i was getting excited and i actually thought that i could make varsity and then at the first practice thing i realized that im dreaming an empty dream that will never come true.. honestly why not quit while im ahead! seriuosly im going to be on jv for the rest of my fucking life and its all becasue im fat ugly depressed and i am a fuck up! thats all it is! i dont even know if im going t go to the tryout on friday becasue i cant do it.. im just going to be on jv for my entire fucking life.. like i would fucking be excited if i made fucking alternate but thats not going to happen either because i suck!! i cant even believe im crying over this shit but it just means so much to me... cheerleading is really the only thing holding me together!

on another lighter note!! if no one starts to comment im done with this journal.. i know people look at it and everything but if you dont start commenting its gone!!

-Nik

4 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx


xonixieox

:: 2004 29 November :: 10.11pm
:: Mood: actually good!
:: Music: none!

well im waitnig for my mom to comer home from work because she is working till ten tonight!!

today was banquet and i got MOST SPIRITED! i also got a $10 gift certifigate to bicfords!! YAY!!!!

i have 2 boyfriends.. there names are toby and kenny.. i have pictures...

that is toby baby
laying on the couch ;)

hahah and this is kenny!!!

in the pool!!

haha im sooo funny.. what can i say.. i like older men!!!!

-Nik

xX.Inspiration.Xx


xonixieox

:: 2004 28 November :: 6.46pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: forever december x tabitha's secret

blahhhhhhhhhh
well today i went to the mall with Gini Britt and julie and we met Becca and Em there!! awww i miss Bec!! lol we went to johnny rockets and ate good food.. i guess i had fun for the most part. until the end.. well anyways so ya then i actually bought a shirt in hollister.. but it is really madd cute! i love it! tomorrow is the football banquet :/ blahh..

ya so i get home and i get shit for my room being dirty.. and its all clothes becasue when me and my brothjer switched rooms he left all of his shit in the closet! so ya i kept telling my parents to make him clean it out but they dont care so i decided to do it.. so i threw all of his shit onto the floor in the hall way 0:) lol so ya then he got pissed and took off my closet doors and threw thwem at me! lol i have a big bruise on my knee but w/e after it hit me it hit my 300 dollar camera doc thingy that i paid for by the way.. so i bitched and my dad was like you fucking deserved it you little bitch! grrr i hate him so much im gunna make him pay for it.. not even Dj.. hes such an immature little baby like he's slamming all the doors around right now.. its his whole family.. they are really gay.. like when they came over for thanksgiving i was taking a nap in my room and they were like bitching afterwards .. ok well if im asleep then they have to fucking deal with it! i honestly dont want ot live anymore.. my life is full of pain and hatred.. theres only like 3 people that actualy love me so i dont know i think it would just be easier for eveyone. including me to jyst kill myself or die :/

-Nik

xX.Inspiration.Xx

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