My advise for today
Dear Jus4fun,
You could be rather impatient today in a relationship-oriented conversation, for it seems as if the other person takes forever to say even the simplest thing. Perhaps part of the problem is that you are quite comfortable when it comes to feelings, although sometimes you do choose to remain silent. However, once you decide to reveal yourself, you can dive right in. Paradoxically, you can speed things up by backing off and allowing others the time to put their feelings into words.

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so today i skipped school. me. one who has not missed a day of school since 6th grade, not even for being sick, skipped school. lets see, what did i do. i woke up byt adam calling me at 6am. took david to school, went to shawns house. typed up his paper. went to kellies, surfed online. went to mc-d's kellie ate, i didnt. i saw a jimmy that looked like brett kains. so i tried to txt him, tellign him i skipped. he didnt respond. merg. went to the mall. didnt buy anything. went to millersville. i slept there and got a shower. in addition, i came to a new understanding... im ready to move on and past nick now. hes old news. he doesnt even care. anyways. kellie had insisted on taking two cars up there so i wasted alot of gas because she wanted to get fucked by chris. afterwards she had to just plain tell me EVERYTHING that happened. i mean, im happy for her and everything, but i was having problems while she was fucking this guy and having such "great connections". then she promised to take em twin kiss after dinner. rob called and started an arguement with her which made her depressed and "sick" feeling. therefore, she didnt want to go to twin kiss. i was kinda angry about that. i had to listen to her tell me the inside and outside and back of chris then hear her bitch abotu rob only to be fully rejected. fuck her.

also by the end of the night, i came to the conclusion: why not back off you a little. im moving too fast for you and i know it. ill just ruin the perfectness by pushing ahead too far. i decided that. kellie didnt care. merg. so i went to twin kiss, alone, and got myself a raspberry milkshake. sooo gewd. the calories though. i got a small one because of that. plus to save money. then i went to the theater to hand in some dates to shawn and get my work times. not to mention a certain someone was working... did i know that? of course not. lol! when i was there i found out that brent wasnt working, tyler wasnt working, adam wasnt working. fuck that night. and i have to stay 'til close!!! double fuck. i left movietown discouraged. i cursed myself for thinking so high, like he could like me. me of all people. im so dumb. i need to stop. i need to get away. i need to say fuck it. i need to not care. i want to be able to stuff those feelings away. pretend i ever had them. make them not exist. i guess im not strong enough. how are people who are like that, able to do that? how can an anerexic ignore her stomach's call? how can a person who got hurt so bad by the opposite sex just bag it all and never let anyone touch them again? how is it possible? i wish i was strong like that.
anyways. i have all this work i have to do for school. all of it involves the computer. all of which i am currently not doing. i tried three times to do it, but everytime i get onto the computer, it starts to thunder. not cool. so i was on the phone, talking to drew. the phoen somehow cut out then. i left it go. it rang soon after. i picked it, thinking it was drew. nope. adam. he wanted to talk. how sweet. i think. he was getting back from nyc. he wants to hang out this w/e so i can give him his lessons. dear lord. what am i getting myself into. i think i may hang out with him tomorrow though cause i need to not waste gas due to the fact i wasted it all today.

oh this weather sucks. its all rainey and crappy. yesterday was good. oh and i got online last night and saw the message brett left me: he if you want a ride, i need to know where you live. so get back to me on that" i was so pissed. i got it too late!!! so yeah.

xX.Inspiration.Xx