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2003 29 November :: 2.22pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: p.o.d. - will you
i don't even know anymore..
so last night jim was like "yeah, i'll call you when i get home." he didn't even fuckin' get home until 1:30 a.m. or so he says and thats why he's calling so late. so i was like okay whatever.. and being that today is our one year anniversary- i figured he'd be like "happy anniversary" or SOMETHING. but of course not. he didn't say shit. a week or so ago we were talking about what we were going to do today and he told me that we were going to the mall, movies, dinner, ect. i kept asking him what we were gonna do today and he was just like "i don't know" "who knows" i'm like okay..? i got really pissed after about 4 minutes, because 9 out of 10- he didn't remember. so i said bye and hung up.. but he didn't call back. so i was just like "fuck it" to myself.. cried for a while. a long while. watched a movie, cried after the movie. did something bad, cried some more. went to sleep at 4:30 or so.. i thought maybe he'd call me back and say something nice, tell me that he didn't forget.. or something.. but no. he didn't.
my aunt called at like 9:30 this morning, because i was supposed to go to centry three with her and my gram, but i didn't go. who the fuck wants to go somewhere when their heart has literally been ripped out of them? i feel like shit.
i always feel like shit anymore.
maybe i'm wrong, maybe he didn't forget.. maybe he'll call me in a little bit and talk to me and say happy anniversary and tell me how much he loves me and everything, but i doubt it.
i'm doubting everything anymore.
//.jena
"your lies leave scars on my wrists"
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2003 28 November :: 11.13pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: legally blonde on tv
bad day
it was just a bad day today..
You are Sally. Jack is your love but he doesn't
even think of you that way. you long to become
your own person and get away from your
posessive creator.
What character from Nightmare Before Christmas are you???
brought to you by Quizilla
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2003 27 November :: 5.31pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: bush - glycerine
happy thanksgiving everyone.
well, first off i'd like to tell everyone happy thanksgiving! and i hope everyone is having a wonderful one, with friends/family.
i was up my aunts, and a lot of my family. i would just sit in my chair and watch them. now about 1/2 of them have little kids, and my cousins greg and tiff just had a little girl about a year or so ago.. and i would just sit and watch how my cousin greg would look at her. you could just tell she was the center of his world. it was so cute. hailey [thats her name] is so cute. very very cute.
so i'm glad about everyone being up there.. but i wish more people could have made it. my pap isn't doing to good, so who knows what will happen, ya know? i just wish some people would understand that.
i think this year was the first year i actually stayed ate at a table with some people. i usually just go off by myself and eat in the living room- or whatever. but hey, i can change.. right? =]
jim said he was going to be out around 3, haha fuckin' yeah right. i hate when he tells me something and then doesn't do it! he could call me or something. but no. no no no.
i don't even care.
i'm in a pretty good mood- even though i am disappointed in him.
but hey, what else is new?
it'll be a year for jim and i on the 29th of this month. ONLY 2 DAYS AWAY! ahh! it's so scary! but it's wonderful. =]
i'm gonna go back up my aunts. like i said, i hope eveyone is having a wonderful thanksgiving!
xoxo.jena
"i made the choice to finally go because i can’t stand this pain. it’s time for my last tear to fall and me to smile again."
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2003 25 November :: 5.54pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: smile empty soul - bottom of the bottle
please do this.
my mom e-mailed me this site for Campbells soup. they're helping the people that need food.
what you do is [first CLICK HERE.] and then click on you favorite team of the NFL. [or if you don't have a favorite team, vote for the Pittsburgh Steelers. ;) ]
please do that.. just imagine what it'd be like in their shoes.
xx.jena
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2003 23 November :: 7.27pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: talking to jim
got what i wanted
yeah, jim stayed home from work yesterday.. and today. =)
we went to the mall today- i got some stuff. (3 new shirts.)
that's all.
xx.jena
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2003 22 November :: 1.59pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: silence
nothing in particular
jim was supposed to go to work today, be he got really sick.. so he's not going in until 5. which is good, cause that means he'll get to spend more time with me. but i think he should just call off the whole day. so i can go over his house and stay or something. yeah. i think i'll try to get him to do that.
i'll update later with the results.
xx.jena
"they lie in bed with nothing said, as she gently falls asleep.
he thinks about how life would be if they didn't meet."
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2003 20 November :: 9.04pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: jims playstaion game
...
i just came down from my aunt and uncles.. [my gram and pap live with them.] and my pap is back from the hospital the other day. i just went up and saw him.
he's not doing so good.. but it's better than we thought he'd be..
now we can just pray, and hope for the best.
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2003 16 November :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: content, in a pretty good mood.
:: Music: talking to allison [amys sister]
_!@#&?
i just got back from wal*mart.. some things i bought:
2 cards for jim [one for our 1 year anniversary, which is on nov. 29.. and one to give to him tonight.. because it's cute. and i love him to pieces.]
a "big jim" [LOL it's this HUGE candy cane.. but they call it a "big jim" hahaha] that's also for jim.
letter stickers
and thats it.
we stopped at subway. and i got a sweet onion chicked teryaki sub. mmmm mmmm good.
right now i'm helping allison with her math homework. oh yeah.
okay, sorry amy hopped on the computer for a couple minutes.
so right now i'm pretty bored.. i miss jim. even though i saw him today..
i love you jim.
xx.jena
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2003 15 November :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: radio
my blob
aww.. look: it's my useless,
but cute, BLOB!
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2003 15 November :: 3.29pm
:: Mood: high
:: Music: silence
laga and other things..
so last night we went to club laga to see tear her eyes. ahhhh.. what an adventure on the way there, and the way back.. right amy? lol. we had fun.. oh yeah we did.. haha.
some funny moments:
-- HAPPY SACK TIME
-- Tampon rental.. haha
-- Me going out the In door
-- The LJS hat
-- The guys' faces at BP
-- Me and Amy dancing in the parking lot
-- CORN SQUIRTERS!!
-- PURDUE?! ::points:: IT'S HERS!
-- Ahhh Amy!! I'm so stupid for not talking..!!
[thanks amy.. i stole this from you.]
this won't mean anything to anyone other than amy and i.. haha.
I went down jims house around 12:00, and just got back at 3:20. and here i am writing in my journal.
i'm hungry as shit..
xx.jena
"Know what I'm thinking? No. Neither do I; frightening, isn't it?"
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