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2004 12 February :: 8.26pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: finding nemo on dvd
i didn't go to school today, i felt/feel like shit. i stayed up my aunts came down the house around 6:00 a.m. i went back to sleep until 6:30 [i catch the bus at 6:45] and then i woke up and just told me mom that i wanted to stay home. so she let me.. and i didn't do anything all day except go on the computer and eat soup. blah.
my aunt bettys being layed out tonight and tomorrow. my mom wanted me to go tonight- but i told her i didn't want to because i'm sick, and just don't feel like doing anything. so i'm going probably tomorrow night. i don't know, i hate those things.. :(
my paps heart rate was only 27 today.. but my aunt said it goes up and down all the time, but this is the lowest it's ever been. my gram called her son [my uncle dave] he lives in flordia. she told him that he better come up to see him.. which means he's not doing well at all. it's kinda scary to sit and watch him like that, and not be able to do anything. everyones always crying- and so am i. i know everyone has to die sometime, but it's too soon. it's too soon.
i don't think i'm going to go to amys, jims or rochelles this weekend. i don't know yet- i guess i'll see how things go with everything. i don't want to leave my pap right now.
i wish jim was here with me. i need someones shoulder to cry on..
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2004 11 February :: 7.16pm
:: Mood: upset
my aunt betty died a couple days ago. her funeral is tomorrow and the next day i think.
my pap isn't doing well. he got back from the hospital last night- they put him on morphine pills to help him breath. his heart is so weak that it's hurting him to breath.. and they're only giving him a couple days i guess. but we'll see how things go..
todays my sister annas birthday. happy birthday anna. we're going up my aunts to have a little party for her so my gram and pap don't have to come down here. it's to hard for them.
no school friday. inservice day.
the staind concert was good, i had fun. i called jim and talked to him for about 5 minutes. and what people get mad over these days. i just laugh cause it's so trivial. amy and i didn't really even sit by each other. her mom sat between us so she could lean back. amy was talking to some guy anyways. we got home fairly early, and i went to bed cause i was a little sick and really tired. i called rochelle like 5 times and left her messages of staind playing on stage.
the guy from try again homes came to get an update from me again. he said "your attendance is good, but it looks like your grades went down in a lot of your classes." i was just like "yeah, i'm trying harder now" stupid people- stay out of my life. i'm fine.
everytime i call jim it's either busy, or no one answers. he said he'd come to annas party- but no- of course not.
thursday after school i'm going to amys to do our history project and staying til friday. later friday i'm going to jims and staying if his moms home, then saturday i'm going to rochelles, and coming home sunday night probably. valentines day is saturday. :) i got jim something cute.. i love his card i got him to.
my sister sams been sick, she went to the doctors the other day. now i'm getting sick. i think i have strep throat.. but i don't know if i really do or not. all i know is that i feel like shit.
oh, i was talking to doug [my cousin] up aunt loraines, and he said that he might be able to get a job for jim working with him in pittsburgh. that'd be great. buuuuuuuut- georges son matt and his friend dusty [doug got them a job there to] didn't come to work half the time, and didn't actually work when they were there.. so dougs boss might not want someone else that doug recommends. but i really hope they need someone else, and do hire jim. that'd be great for him.
thats all i can think of. that was a long entry.
xx.jena
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2004 9 February :: 10.57am
:: Mood: bouncy
yeah, i'm in school. jim went home last night, and i went to amys. right now i'm talking to nichole and becky. nothing is really going on, it's quite boring anymore.
1st period was boring, so was 2nd, 3rd we didn't even do anything.. and this period i actually did my work. and i'm almost done. yeah thats good.
going to history next..
later tonight is the staind & three days grace concert with amy! woohoo. can't wait.
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2004 6 February :: 5.44pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: staind - outside
"all the times that i felt insecure, for you. and i leave the burdens at the door. but i'm on the outside, and i'm looking in. i can see through you, see your true colors. inside you're ugly.. ugly like me."
i haven't been doing anything really, going to school coming home being with jim. [he's been at my house for about 2 weeks] going on the internet less and less. i dunno why, i guess cause jim's here and he keeps me occupied.
i got my report card.. english-74%, global studies-60% u.s. history-70% science-83% algebra-88%, advanced word processing-88%, child development-97%, health-65%. hip hip hooray?
anyways, i've been going up my aunt loraines a lot to visit them and my gram/pap. my pap still isn't doing well. i think my aunt said his pulse is only 32, and usually people don't live when it's under 50 or something along that lines. i forget what she said exactly. her and my uncle went to lancaster for their anniversary. they'll be home late tomorrow.
i think jim's going home tonight- i'm staying here til sunday then going to amys. we're going to school monday and her mom is picking us up and taking us to a Staind concert. [[i promise you jim that i won't do that. i swear on your life, and mine.]] so i'll tell everyone how that went after i come back.
i'm "getting involved" in school.. oh joy.
thats all i have for now.
xx.jena
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2004 27 January :: 8.24pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: some stupid shit
my birthday
todays my birthday. :)
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2004 20 January :: 8.38pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: fingereleven - bones and joints
people can go shit themselves.
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2004 18 January :: 11.10am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: nickleback - figure you out.
..i think thats the name of the song. who cares.
i sat here for about 20 minutes staring at the wall thinking about stuff. everythings always so dramatized. always.
examples:
-my birthday party last year when amy said that jim tried to hit her
-car accidents.. *cough*
-things in school
-people being "pregnant"
-me yelling at jim for nothing
and i also thought about how i love being in drama, i live for it. when nothing is going on, i make something go on.
i think i need to stop that.
but-- if i stop that, what will i do?
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2004 15 January :: 7.28pm
:: Mood: poop
:: Music: switchfoot - ment to live
i guess my sister anna took my money. i got it back, and yeah.. it took us like an hour to get sam & anna to tell who took it. anna made sam not tell, but in the end "annd needed to talk to sam".. anna came out and confessed that she took it. yeah- i'm still missing a couple dollars though. my mom told me she'd just give it to me.
we got our algebra report grades back, we got a 99%. or in points we got 129/130. whoa, i really didn't expect to get that good of a grade, but i'm happy with it.
i also got Alex [the baby in child development] today, i got 100%, or in points a 50/50. oh yeah- i'm such a good mother. i have it with me right now, taking it home for 10 bonus points.. but i don't think i'll get them, because my cousins boyfriend hit the baby in the head.. err. dumby. i almost started crying though, i was so upset.
jim still hasn't called me.. i don't understand. i tried to call his dads and no one answers. if he is at home [since his fone is disconnected] why can't he walk to someones house and call me? i don't understand..
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2004 14 January :: 9.58pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: announcments on the radio
nichole & i presented our algebra project today- it was crap. we worked hard on it, and it still turns out like junk. what the hell. somethings wrong with that picture. i don't even know anymore..
in child development i get the baby tomorrow! i'm actually excited, but scared because what if i drop it or something? i don't know what i'll do. it'll hurt my grade :( and i have at least a 98% in there. damn. i know i'll do a good job. i'm bringing it home for the night for 10 bonus points. hell yeah.
i guess jim's home phone is disconnected- which really pisses me off. he should have called me- he has friends houses to go to. he can call me from other places. all i have to say is he better call me, or see hell raised.
[edit:] i have $55.00 for jims birthday present, only a couple hundred more to go.
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2004 12 January :: 11.19pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: staind - so far away
nichole & i have to present our algebra project tomorrow. i went over her house tonight for about an 1 1/2 hours. we made the rest of the signs we needed, and practiced our skit we made up. [it's actually neat.] i do have to say- i did a good job on my poster i made for it. jim helped too.
jim went home tonight.. i miss him already though. it's hard having him over here for almost 2 weeks straight and then him just leaving like that. i got used to him being here everyday when i got home from school. it sucks.
in child development we get to carry around the fake-babies. yay. [sarcasm] i chose to bring it home and take care of it for a full 24 hours. so jim's gonna come over and help. in case it cries in the middle of the night or something he'll be up, so he'll take care of him.
nothing is really going on in my life. it doesn't suck as much as i used to think it did though- but i don't know, it's jims fault. he makes me happy :-D
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2004 7 January :: 6.59pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: lit - my own worst enemy
immaturity
i slept in this morning, woke up at 6:30, and i catch the bus at 6:45.. hmm lets just say that i rushed. i didn't miss the bus, so i wasn't late for school or anything.
i'm sitting here in my pajamas, jim is playing his playstation game again for about the 5th time. i don't know how he plays over and over again. the same game. but he's weird. thats why i love him so much.
so many people are immature in my school- it makes the whole school look bad. and it just makes their peers look even worse to some people. today i was sitting in 8th period english, and we're reading shakespeare. one of our vocabulary words was "blunt" yeah all of the pot-heads in our class were like "hahahaha it says blunt, i know what THAT means!" ... can you be anymore stupid or immature? yeah it's okay to joke around about that, i wouldn't care.. but they kept going on and on about it. what the hell? i kept thinking about how i'll be out of that school in a little bit, then i can be away from people like them then i realized there are people like them everywhere, and no matter where i go, or what i do.. i'll never get away. that is scary to think about.
my mom made a good dinner tonight, some sorta mac&cheese thing with different kinds of cheese, ham, carrots & broccoli. it was good.
i dread school tomorrow.
xx.jena
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2004 4 January :: 6.45pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: fuel - untitled
some plans
so for my 16th birthday party i'm having a little party or whatever. my mom & i made out a list of people. we have exactly 46 friends/family that i'm going to invite- unless we think of more or whatever.. since my birthday is on jan. 27th, we're going to have the party on the 31. (the last day of jan.. how exciting! haha) so yeah, it'll be fun. i'll get some great pictures from it.
it's back to school tomorrow. damn.
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2004 4 January :: 12.46am
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: fuel - shimmer
nothing new
nichole came over today around 2, we did our algebra report due on monday.. i didn't think we'd get it done; because i'm a huge procrastinator.. but we did. and i'm glad. i think we're still going to make hand outs and/or crossword puzzles. we took her home at 7, came back then jim plugged in his playstation for me i beat the resident evil 2 (Leon Disk 1) then we talked for a bit, and now he's playing test drive 6.
school starts back on monday, and i'm used to going to bed at around 5 in the morning.. errr- that sucks. i'm having my mom get me up at 9:30. if i will actually get up.. i'll try.
mario came home (from over-seas) on new years eve. i'm so happy.
nothing else to say.
xx.jena
oh yeah, my new years resolution: LOSE WEIGHT!!!!!
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2003 27 December :: 5.21pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: the clarks - the river
wtf
okay, the littlest things piss me off anymore.
jim finially called me last night for the first time in 2 days. so i was really pissed off at him. all we did practicly was fight the whole time we were on the fone. --and we haven't fought for a long time-- and i told him that i thought we needed time off; and he said okay. and i said okay, then hung up. he called back probably 5 times, i didn't answer. he didn't call back again for about 5-6 minutes or so.. and i answered. i was crying, blah blah blah, no one cares. now we're okay.
i'm glad to.
so far my break has been nothing but shit. no one has come over, i really haven't gone anywhere; and jim hasn't even stayed over. which pisses me off even more. i guess he's coming over tonight [*i'll update later, to tell if he does actually come over*]
i've been sitting around the house all day doing jack shit. watched my dvd's like 50 times each. i'm just bored out of my skull. so i went out into the kitchen my mom was making a pizza or whatever- and she had peperoni sitting out and i went to pick it up [I WASN'T GOING TO EAT IT] and my mom like grabbed it off me, and i was like "i'm not going to eat it" and shes like "i know" and continues to grab it off me. wtf? that pissed me off so bad.
so basicly right now i'm pretty pissed off, bored, and lonely. but my loneliness overcomes it all.
xx.jena
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2003 25 December :: 11.06pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: linkin park - numb
merry christmas
i'm just sittin here, messin' around with my digital camera i got for christmas. aww- everyone go to my photo album.
i'll be updating my album a lot, so keep checking.
merry christmas everyone.
hope it was a good one.
<3 jena
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