picture yourself in the perfect world now picture yourself on the path to that world are you there? of course not there is no perfect world or a path to it for that matter so stop trying to tell me it will get better because there is no such thing. what i have here and know is all i can expect for the future and i just have to deal and i guess so do you. Jon broke up wit Holly today... he says they dont see enough of each other... yeah ok if he actually tried it would help n e ways i figured out there will never be any happiness for erin never even michelle said so. this means that i have to plan on a life of sadness which cant be much different then now so i guess im ok there. BIll i luve ya and rob i know you care so yeah i gonna jet Erin

who really cares
ok so i dont cry every nite but damn near close. and as most of you know i ave a major fear of being alone so as you can tell i am trying to avoid it. i got an a on my science test again woohoo. im excited. band meeting tomorrow and oh im going to learn how to play the trumpet yay lol ok Erin

just shoot me
drama drama drama nate got kicked outta school again... jeeze this kid is givin me hell and the funny thing is i want to kill him but cant so its all gravy the whole cj thing dont bother me with it i just dont care anymore i've come to a decision i would rather be with him and cry everynite then be alone m its just tat simple so quit buggin bout it... unless u have someother plan luves to ya ERin

Swirl
your mind says one thing your heart another... why. why can't they just agree for once. i mean tonite for examle my mind told me to go for it and hang out wit one of the most wonderful guys in the entire world. i mean he came and sang to me when i was in tears over my boyfrien. now if thats not the perfect guy i dont know what is. but on the other side my heart was holding me back. you c i guess cj still has a grab on me. i felt guilty for even thinking bout it.... errrrrrr why cant i just let out all my feelings and set everything strait? is is some punishment that i need??? anyways heres a lil poem thing i just wrote :
Make me bleed
i want to die
make me scream
make me cry
i thirve on pain
deceit my fuel
im going insane
eliminating my soul

dripping from inflicted pain
crimson the color satin
ripping my life apart
stop beating my angry heart

covered in death
i need your hate
suicide is stressed
the eternal fate
seeping from the scars
hate and sorrow
life thus far
no seeing tomorrow

hanging by the noose of society
i feel the last bit of life flow through me
pain now pleasure, engulfing my body
now it over, now in eternity

bloody death
well its been quite interesting here at the miller household. to be short my bro is now a rockford ram and all i have been hearing is how much better they are then us. Errrrr. i have never been so mad in my entire life. and then to top it off my mom has decided to turn into a complete bitch. yeah thats rite i hate them all. my family sux just like everyone else in this pathetic rock. and i know the secret is out and bill its all your fault... yeah so i like dylan ross... big woop i have a bf and i would never choose n e one over cj. oh yeah holly was being naughty in art class ask her about it. we leave to florida in 9 days... yay freedom. elese schlump u better watch ur words hun... me n holly is bout to kick ur arse so just b careful. Bill il ove u alto even though u piss me off. haha Katie anne ur my girl and addison yeah even i can do good sometimes. peace to yall bye bye

Kill thy mother
well today has been quite interesting after fngoingout my lil bro is getting expaelled and that family i thought loved me is all just a big lie had made me realize that life isn't all its cracked up to be yeah there are the good times and happiness but once you find out that its all fake you wonder what the helll your here for and why god put you on this horrible excuse for a planet. times like this always make me ponder on life and wonder if all we're here to do is piss each other off what is the point? i mean its easy to say something mean. is that is we just want the easy way out? but to come up with something acutally sensible and polite is something to be admired.

I WILL KILL ME
well i am going to kill my parents both of them. u know the feelin you get when everyone hates you and you hate them? thats how i feel. its like no one cares. like i am all alone here. everythin i say seems to go unheard. no on pays attention. once again my bf is being a dork. he opposes the whole self mutilation thing. he says he need my skin smooth. its my body leave me alone. why can't they all just let me be who i want to be. well i must go die now bye bye love you all.

i hate me
well it's been a week or so since i was last here so i'll fill yall in. i hvae a band competiton tomorrow in jenison go hawks. n well i am about to move out. everyone at my house is criticizing me about everything. it's brought me back to the whole self-mutilation thing.. oh well my n my friend holly ( i luv u holly) had a contest to c who had the most self inflicted scars.... i won wit 44! go me i very proud. my boyfriend is being a jerk as usual. lately he's been very jealous n stuff. i don'y know what to do... well off i got to carve some more shit in my body later dayz