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werealljaded
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2004 17 June :: 1.52am
oo i forgot...noah is moving to orange county, cali next june and invited me.. NICE. i can finally get outs this hell hole and move to the one place that i have always wanted to live. that would rock. i guess now i have a good excuse to not let myself do anything with him.. lol it could mess up my chance of moving out..
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 17 June :: 1.25am
:: Music: thrice
i was driving home tonight..on 95, and it started POURING... and i had the music blasting, and i am nuts so i sped up... i love driving when it's raining, time seems to slow down and for that little while, it's almost as if it's just YOU. and i was feeling kinda eek and crazy tonight, so i was nuts and doing like 95 in a mini storm. i don't think i really have that big of a fear of death. i'm not suicidal or anything like that.. it's just that i know if i am meant to die, i will....so i don't go about trying to prevent it all the time. simetimes, i wish i had something to hang onto...
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 16 June :: 6.23pm
i know he thinks i just blew everything up, and i know i annoy him when i do this, and i am most likely just pushing him away.. but if i care about it... then it shouldn't be "no big deal"....and i am sick of thinking that everytime i open my mouth, i am just going to say something he finds stupid. i am so happy when he holds me, and when he gives me that look.. but lately we have been kinda jumping on each other on almost everything we say... he is just sooo fucking chill and never thinks anything is a big deal, and me..i'm a girl and think everything matters, and i also read into EVERYTHING. i just want to stop the bickering and just be back to cute again. i dont want him to not want to be with me bc of all this shit. the other night when we hung out..it was just nice.. i dont want him to think i am too much of a bother... i don't know, maybe i'm not worth it... i mean, i was raised not to think i was worth the time of day and that no guy would "ever fall in love with you bc you're too much of a bitch"(thanks dad)... and it sucks bc maybe he was right.
it just sucks bc i dont think i have ever cared about someone this much.... i am the girl who shuts off her emotions... and i'm not this time..and i hate it, i feel like a big ball of emo. and i feel like matt thinks i'm nothing but a big ball of emo and is getting sick of me. i always think EVERYONE is getting sick of me.
1 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 14 June :: 11.41pm
:: Music: Thrice- can't wait to see them tomarrow night!
is there a big after party when we die?
in all honesty...where the hell do we go when we die? this was on my mind tonight, and it's kinda eekking me a little. i KNOW there is a God, i don't care what anyone thinks, that's my opinion and if you don't agree, then that's you. i don't believe in religion.....or that we have to live by a book or in a certain way for God's love...i just think that's he's always just THERE.
but, is there a heaven and hell? or will i come back as of my dogs puppies? or..even worse, do our souls just get stuck in our bodies after we die to rot away with our flesh eight feet underground- oo man that would suck. and whose to say we have souls? that's a scary thought, not having a soul....no no, i think we have souls. but where do they go to? i have a hard time putting faith into ANYTHING... hints why i have been single for over a year and hate everyone....if i can't have faith in people that i see EVERYDAY, then how am i supposed to put my faith into something that has no REAL eveidence, facts, or anything besides the bible to retell the tail? i guess that's what faith is all about, believing in the UNprovable.....
reply with your opinions....
7 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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loserxdork
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2004 14 June :: 8.08pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: from autumn to ashes
i finally went to the mall.
i love you all <33
pictures when the digi gets fixed! :-P
29 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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Im-sorry
[ illusionofgaia ]
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2004 14 June :: 12.05am
:: Mood: p(~~)
:: Music: Failure by desinger jeans - From first to last
this is me
i have posted an image of myself, i don't really have much pics of me thats one of the few i have here ont he pc. so if u want to see me.... the asian... go to my journal. www.woohu.com/~illusionofgaia... wonderful.
4 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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Im-sorry
[ illusionofgaia ]
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2004 13 June :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: d(^^)
:: Music: Cuves and Laces - Famous Last Words
Thank you for welcoming a bored asian kid
The last entry i made in my journal was intended for this... hehe oops i made a boo boo and anyways this is what it read:
Hello i joined here a few days back and i want to thank Jaganshi and Aerli for welcoming me. So thank you. I'll post something more interesting next time i get on woohu. well tata - aaron paul
and yeh Aerli i am asian hehe.
1 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 13 June :: 8.26pm
:: Music: my hotel year
crazy timessss
MANNNN..... so, i went to my first fetish party last night. wasn't as crazy as i was expecting it to be, there weren't people having sex in every corner or anything too nuts, just some funky dressed people. BUT, it didn't end until after 4, and dear Stephanie had work at 8. needless to say, i ddint get up for work. my mother called to wake me up ( i was at my aunts house with matt), and i just put my phone on silent. that was at 7. by 10, i had 99...yeah, that's right 99! missed calls.... and i got woken up in the scariest way possible. my dad BANGIGN on the window outside trying to wake me up. i thought that was bad enough, but i called my mom and she told me that he came into the house and saw me in bed with matt and freaked out and went outside bc he was worried about not being able to control himself. i guess that is one of those things you DONT want to see as a father, your daighter in bed with another guy. it just freaks me out that my dad came into the house wo me knowing it. eeekkkk. i'm so glad he just went outside, he probably would have killed matt.
i hate him... my dad... fuck him.... he's not even my real dad... one of these days, i will meet my real dad, and i will live happily ever after. haha- yeah right
i don't know, matt and i didn't hang out that much this week, as apposed to the last 2 months of EVERY FUCKING DAY... we had a few breaks, lol. but the thing is- i didn't mind. it doens't consume me anymore, i am hanging out with a lot of other people- not dates, but just a lot of cool people. i used to want to see him every day, now i dont really care. i guess i am still a little eeek about the whole thing. i just wish i could read his mind. i wish i knew if he is just having fun or he will want to be with me eventually. bc if it's just option one.... then i'm done..and if it's option two... i dont know. would we even be good together? there are so many thigns about him that just tweak me, and the same for me. at times, i think he honestly does hate me. and visa versa. i don't know, i feel like we've already been goign out for so long. i jsut don't get it, it would be dick of me to get with anyone else, yet he's the one that doens't want a relationship....another one of the worlds mysteries..MATT
with a smile on my face
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im-sorry
[ loserxdork ]
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2004 10 June :: 9.35pm
Three Colors:
1.black
2.red
3.yellow
Your name is:marissa
You love:cheese fries from outback!
You want:derek<3
You wish:i could have a father who loved me
You have:good friends
You need:love
6 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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im-sorry
[ loserxdork ]
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2004 10 June :: 9.35pm
Three Colors:
1.black
2.red
3.yellow
Your name is:marissa
You love:cheese fries from outback!
You want:derek<3
You wish:i could have a father who loved me
You have:good friends
You need:love
with a smile on my face
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im-sorry
[ 0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0 ]
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2004 9 June :: 4.52pm
:: Mood: Ha.
Little Filler-outter
Fill this out and post it in the community
Give me three random colors
1. Purple
2. Black
3. Red
Your name is: Emily
You love: books
You want: some Pocky.
You wish: pigs could fly.
You have: a blacklight lightbulb.. that I believe to be deffective.
You need: some more band-aids..
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 8 June :: 11.37pm
my knuckles are sore from punching my steering wheel about 100 times tonight.
i suck at life
ouch
3 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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Im-sorry
[ illusionofgaia ]
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2004 8 June :: 12.30pm
:: Mood: d(^^)
:: Music: Saosin
.....
Fill this out and post it in the community
Give me three random colors
1. Purple
2. White
3. Maroon
Your name is: Aaron Paul
You love: Cristina
You want: to die peacefully at the end.
You wish: People would stop being assholes. Fucking wonderful.
You have: One truly wonderful bestfriend, a very uncomfortable family, and the girl that i will never leave.
You need: New jeans to go with new shoes.... fucking superficial... wonderful
2 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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Im-sorry
[ illusionofgaia ]
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2004 8 June :: 12.15pm
:: Mood: d(^^)
:: Music: Mookies last Christmas - Saosin
hello
Hello, my names aaron. I found this community just today and i thought it was full of interesting people so i joined. Tata - Aaron
From throat and eyes came winter and reasons
I'm told to carry on
Sad overwhelms my senses drown oh I feel dependent
The feeling that you are honestly gone
I can't shake it... - Saosin
1 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 8 June :: 1.08am
i have been goign non stop lately.. i'm getting burnt out. what would be awesome right about now is a weekend get away.. anyone want to fly to a far away place with me? going to bed at 3 and waking up at 7 for work just isn't cutting it any more. tonight was my first night home on months, and i had company, so it didn't really count.. hmmm
with a smile on my face
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