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werealljaded
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2004 27 March :: 2.55am
when we first started hanging out, one day Brooke told you that she'd kill you if you ever hurt me. And you said the cutest thing..."if i hurt her, i'll kill myself". well, suicide's a bitch.
you were such an asshole to me tonight and you don't even care. i understand that she is from out of town and you needed to hang out with her and all that jazz...but to COMPLETELY ignore me ALL night. what a fucking asshole. and the last thing i want to see is you two fucking cuddling in the parking lot. that hurt. i know it shouldn't...but it did. and then i text you on the way to the warehouse saying that i really want to talk to you...and you leave as soon as i get there. and when i call you, you weren't even nice enough to answer PRICK! and why would you even bring them there knowing that i was going to be there? you were completely selfish towards me tonight. you didn't seem to care or liek me all that much at all.
and the worst part is....as i am writing this, you are probably jumping into bed next to her. well sweet dreams
i was prepared for her being there tonight and meeting her and seeing you with her. i wasn't prepared to not even exist tonight. you didn't even give me a hug hello..i had to give you a fucking handshake. and everyone BUT you seemed to tell me that i looked cute tonight.
i understnad that you must have been freaked out and not known what to do tonight. it had to of been weird. but you handled it ALL wrong. why couldn't you have waited a minute and talked to me before you left? all i want is for you to admit that you were a dick...that's all. everyone tells me to just forget about you..that you obviously don't care or that it's not worth it. it just sucks for me b/c i havn't liked a guy in over a year...i havn't let myself. well, i got sick of being alone-so i opened up a little. and i got a smack in the face. i know we're not going out, but you say that you "care" about me...what, you can't show it when you have a visitor in town?
and i don't understand it. last night you were saying how you were sorry about this whole situation and blah blah blah. and i was a little upset. but then you held me...and i forgot it all. and then tonight...i see you two on the back of your car. OUCH.
we didn't even have one conversation ALL night. even that groupie chick..amanda knew something was up at the warehouse.
i must be a moron. i just want to talk to you. i guess it is just easier on your conscious to not answer your phone before you go make out with her..or more. and instead i am having to write it all down on this gay online journal that nobody will read.
with a smile on my face
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loserxdork
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2004 26 March :: 12.02pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: some airforce movie or something
im in school right now in the science room and my science teacher and charlie are in here. charlie is watching some airforce movie...heh. todays friday i have dance and then i dont know what else..hopefully something good
i have to start painting my new room and move in my shit
i love you all :)
6 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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skittlicious
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2004 26 March :: 1.33am
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: watching Shallow Hal
We're all alone in this lonely world.
Today was okay? Slowly made my way out of bed around 12:15 :-\! Called my dad and WE ORDERED MY PROM DRESS! Then I got ready to go shopping, went and picked up cake mix, cookie stuff, a card and a balloon. Also along the way I bought myself some sushi to much on :-) haha. Got home, called Lauren, she loves me so she came over to supervise my baking? Haha, She is the cooking master, I just suck. We made a cake, and made cookies. Lauren left for work, and I brought the cake and cookies to the theatre. We sang Happy Birthday to Solange, and we ate the cake, by we, i mean, Solange, Deborah and I, hah, go girls! Then I came home, and went and saw Me and My Girl congrats to the cast, the show was excellent! Came home, complained to my mom that she's starving me, and now I'm bored. I had a glass of milk for dinner, and it was damn good ;]. Here are some pictures because again, I have no life and all I do is post pictures of myself, and the people around me. :-)
<3mandyy
x to the o.
 The cake I made Solange for her birthday =)
 Her cake while we were singing Happy Birthday, the damn sparkler candle!
 Solange and the cake! Look how pretty the birthday girl is!
 simba sleeping<3<3
 My dog peanut, he just woke up 8-)
 My mama gave me this on St. Patty's day, isnt it cute?
 Lauren's sexy new tattoo! And no, it isn't 69 for all you sicko's, it's the cancer symbol, Laurenized.
...me
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 25 March :: 7.09pm
:: Music: our lady peace- spiritual machines
WHOOP WHOOP
i'm just hanging otu at home about to go over to my friends seths house for espetti and meatballs before a party. good times good times.
so i was reading some of my older entries and decided that i get wayyyy too emo on this thing. it's just that i write at the peaks of my moods so everything just seems so much worse. everything is fine, i'm fine, life is fine.....bacon is fine.... and so is your mom.
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 25 March :: 11.51am
he slept in her hotel last night. which means they kissed and spooned all night. which means that he obviously doesn't like me all that much. i dont really care that much, it's good to finally know where i stand.
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 25 March :: 1.02am
:: Music: none:(..but i am craving the used....
so i decided tonight that the thing i hate most about being a girl...is how i tend to over analyze EVERYTHING. i can deal with the blood and the birth...but the mental pain i put myself through EVERY flippin day sucks big whale penis.
for example....one little thing will happen and about a thousand things will run through my mind in about a split second. tonights is how my phone is sitting on my computer desk and NOT RINGING<>. by him not calling, it gets me to thinking about why he's not calling. then it gets me to thinking why do i dare that hes not calling. then i start thinking about how i shouldn't care and try to think up of ways not to care anymore.
i really am wondering why i do.... it seems crazy to me. what's so special about him? i'm just not USED to caring. usually i am the one not giving a fuck and letting THEM bugg over me.BINGO....maybe that's it. it was cute at first. but my mind is sore from all the guessing.
oo yeah..i have a new addition to my life. he's cute and fits in the palm of my hand. and his name is bacon. <>
1 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 24 March :: 9.34pm
:: Music: story of the year
my grandma is leaving the hospital tomorrow morning and then going into rehab.
15 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 24 March :: 9.06pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: alanis morrissete - what if gd was one of us?
just a slob like one of us...
haven't updated in a while. my school had gym today LOL we only have 3 days of gym in my school. today we went out into the woods and we did 'project adventure' type things...it sucked soo bad. we stood on a log and i stood in between spencer and kevin and i swear kevin almost made me fall like 30 billion times..LOL we did some like big see-saw balancing shit, lol. ummm idk we're going out to climb the wall and do the high ropes (neither of which im doing) im not sure when. i have to hand in my economics project tomorrow. HOPEFULLY denise finished the poster part of it. if not im FUCKED bill will shoot me well, i hope all of you have a good weekend.
i hate love you <3
with a smile on my face
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im-sorry
[ Aerii ]
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2004 24 March :: 12.01am
w00t! Only one more poem!
I'm sorry
This is all wrong
It's frozen over
Unbreakable
This is fear
You're sorry?
How does that work
I'm crushed to peices
Unfathomable
Is this horror?
The grass keeps growing
And the cars keep moving
All I wish is that
Things would stop
So I could see your face
One last time
I'm sorry
For what I've done
And what you think of me now
There's nothing I can do about it
You wouldn't understand
4 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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Im-Sorry
[ Jaganshi ]
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2004 23 March :: 10.08pm
Anybody still come here? ECHO...ECHO... echo...
5 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 23 March :: 9.53pm
i havn't been feeling well all day. i'm starting to get sick and it sucks. for some reason i am just in one of those moods to be held and of course.....i have to hug air.
"all parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair"- Mitch Albom.
i need someone to hold me and tell me the complete oposite of everything my parents have ever told me. i need someone to make me feel good about myself.
i think i might move soon. i have nothing holding me back. and THEY do everything to push me away. i just want ME back.
1 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 22 March :: 1.42am
:: Music: smashing pumpkins
the world is a vampire sent to drain... wow, what a good lyric.
with a smile on my face
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skittlicious
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2004 21 March :: 11.11pm
This is the dress that I want, and I'm gonna get it, someway. :-\
<3mandyy
p.s. opinions would be grately appreciated.
4 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 21 March :: 9.20pm
i saw travis for the first time in a while today. i feel like a bitch. he thinks i was using him to buy drinks...umm no. i just wanted to get drunk that night and he HAPPENED to be the one hanging out with me. i think he is just pissed b/c i didn't kiss him and told him that we were just friends. i don't know...kay said that he was really emo over me...but i don't believe it.
i stopped hanging out with him b/c of matt. i don't really want to hang out with other guys, even though we have no commitment. i mean i don't think we do. we're not going out...but i still wouldn't feel right about hanging out with anyone else in that manner. ahh just call me old fashioned
with a smile on my face
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