One day, I promise, you'll be everything you see in your dreams

One day, I promise, you'll be everything you see in your dreams

:: 2004 10 March :: 4.10pm

I need a fresh start, a new place, a new everything. My mom is always talking about North Carolina and when I graduate, that's where shes moving, cause she doesn't want to take me away from here, cause it's where I've been my whole life, maybe we can move now. I think I'd actually like that :-\

with a smile on my face

skittlicious

:: 2004 10 March :: 4.10pm

with a smile on my face

werealljaded

:: 2004 10 March :: 12.01am

i need you to show me the way from crazy.......
~jimmy eat world

ps- matt was the last entry you read too emo?

with a smile on my face

werealljaded

:: 2004 9 March :: 11.35pm
:: Mood: hungry
:: Music: jimmy eat world...

i need a good role model...

Vivian...this one is for you

She's never alone, because she's scared of what she might say to herself
Always drinking in the backroom of the bar where everyone turns in
A half-hearted grin
She won't be afraid as long as that prescription keeps going through
And all the happy pills make her look like cardboard cut out of someone,
I use to learn from
But on the phone, she's telling everyone,
that there was a blue sky, she left behind
And there's a place that no one knows about,
Away from integrity she writes a book in her head that nobody will read
Whatever you say, please don't talk about the time when she was young
Apparently that was a different person and so long ago it's strange to me,
there's no history
But there's a past and she's telling everyone It must be a garden,
that wouldn't grow
With roots of shame, too sensitive to blame to herself as we watch he drown,
I can't save the queen without a kingdom or a crown
Somewhere in this lonely game of sympathy there is a selfish dream
That makes me sick
Standing on the high wire while you're on the ground
To you what is dangerous is safe and sound...
YOU LET ME DOWN.....
-no use for a name, you let me down

with a smile on my face

LOSERxDORK

:: 2004 9 March :: 6.24am
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: metallica

life sucks :(
omg i feel insanely sick right now and im thinking im gonna have to go to school. I think im going to get dressed and then lay on the couch so my mom know's i don't feel good. i've been absent from school SO FUCKING MUCH already but like i feel sick and i can't stand it. Mannnnnnn, this shit really sucks being sick and all, and we have to move. Our landlord isn't renewing the lease and shit because they say 'they have to do work in the house' and me and my mom know that that's just a sack of shit. We looked at 2 apartments in queens and they were aright. I don't think i could live in queens...im just not that urban of a girl but hey well see. My mom talked to my principal and my pricipal gave my mom a list of towns that we would move to that i would still be able to go to pace. All this shit always happens to me like honestly 1 good thing happens to me and another bad thing happens to fuck it all up. Sucks, but what can you do? nothing. Well, i hope everyone's life is going better than mine right now :-/

i<3richie

with a smile on my face

LOSERxDORK

:: 2004 8 March :: 10.09am
:: Mood: really shitty
:: Music: fallout boy

bored and home sick :-/
im really sick and i can't stop coughing and im bored and can't fall back asleep otherwise i won't fall asleep later so im stay up.

I scored a 88% on the " Sex Needs?" Quizie! What about you?

2 kissed me to die | with a smile on my face

LOSERxDORK

:: 2004 7 March :: 9.46am
:: Mood: alittle tired
:: Music: nothingface

going to meet the new landlord when my mom gets home - i hope he likes us, my mom seems to like the house plus i can go to PACE still because the house is in east rockaway about 6/10ths of a mile or something? lol!

i<3richie

2 kissed me to die | with a smile on my face

werealljaded

:: 2004 7 March :: 1.18am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: coach k's KRAMER mix

???
I was hanging out with Susie Q tonight...we've been friends for over three years now (I <3 her). i love hanging out with her because we understand each other....we don't really gab or gossip or anything, just chill. we both have a lot of shit going on at home, but never really go into the details. we're the same way about opening up. up until about a week ago i never even knew how much she hated her home. is that odd? is it weird that i dont really share anything with one of my best friends. possibly my BEST friend? we just enjoy each others company, and goof off.

Tonight she told me that this is the first time she has seen me get "emo" over a guy. in these past few years she has never really seen me care about a guy. i hardly do. it's safe that way. well.......i have been hanging out with this incredibly awesome guy in the last month or so and i am starting to care. i don't even want to hang out with any other guys. but i don't know. he's one of those impossible guys to read. so what the hell am i doing? i hate being a dumb girl.

with a smile on my face

LOSERxDORK

:: 2004 7 March :: 12.41am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: blink 182

nothing really to update about
i dont really have anything to update about. i took a survey and i was gonna post it here but i accidentally deleted it. OH WELL. well, i went to bellmore for about an hour and hung out with bryan (that was fun...not) then i took the train home and i saw sammsta and jenn <-i love those girls with all my heart. i went home and i talked on the phone for alittle bit and now im about to call richie. blahh aright lovers have a good day!

i<3richie
derek is sexy
jaymes bfffl
OD we had some good times
tim=amazing
josh has a NICE CRACK!

with a smile on my face

LOSERxDORK

:: 2004 6 March :: 1.34pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: dont want you back - eamon

well, im bored amy left like an hour ago? im babysitting my little sister alexis. bryan just came on and im going to his house around 7 and i dont know when im leaving. OD got me in the worst mood yesterday before dance but i really dont wanna talk about it and maybe if you guys are lucky i'll update about everything that he said later. i wanted to get fucking twisted last night. close, but no ciagar. i went to amy's house for alittle and we watched american pie and then her dad drove us back to my house cause we were gonna meet up with brian and 3 of his boys. that didn't work out too well because they got pulled over for speeding - GRRR and then they went home. i talked to bobby last night for alittle but thats it. hopefully tonight i'll get fucking twisted as hell :-/

i<3richie

with a smile on my face

skittlicious

:: 2004 3 March :: 8.22pm
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: maroon 5 // this love

I was brave, I conquered, and then..I was defeated..
I think it's funny how when people break up, people who were your best friends, when they break up with one another, suddenly, you're back in the picture. But I mean, dont get your hopes up, because then they find someone new, and suddenly, you're no one again. Fuck that, I'm not doing it again, yeah, we're friends, but you can't use me as a back up friend. Screw you.

This week sucked, so much. I hate FCAT days, they should just give juniors // seniors the days off, I dont' see a problem with that. Here are some lovely pictures from this past weekend, there's lots...enjoy!

SHOW AT PIS FRIDAY...
title or description nicole and peter!
hazen! what a cutie ;]
duncan and nick!
hazen and duncan!
paris paige and ilana
haha, nicole walked me out to my car, cause she's a lady. And we thought it'd be nice to document how sexy our two cars are next to each other, hers is on the left (86' cressida) and mine is on the right (89' cressida), we're so sexy ;]!!

REN FEST PICTURES...
title or description

the guy at the end, how lovely =)
they were playing a song on her boobs

hahaha my dad got picked at the ren fest, it was funny. ;]
I kinda liked her hair, so I took a picture, it's a pretty shade of purple..

ME..

I was really cold and bored, so I took a picture of my pink blanet and me<3
title or description

I dunno how it happened, but it turned me red! =\
my spiffy new pants i got in the mail yesterday, the best part about them...THEIR TOO LONG! haha and on the butt there's a star, well, it forms one, lol..yeah..

Comment and love me!.

<3mandyy
x to the o.

p.s. TOMORROW IS LINKIN PARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 kissed me to die | with a smile on my face

werealljaded

:: 2004 3 March :: 1.14am

i hate mean drunks. you know the type of people who when they get drunk, they decide to tell you every little thing that pops into their head. some people can say the nastiest things when they are a tid bit tipsy, i mean things you wouldn't even say to your enemy. example tonight when i was told that i am not wanted in this house after i graduate and i better be getting the fuck out. pretty ironic considering the fact that we have had so many fights with each other because i wanted to move out and she wants me to stay at home.

she can be the coolest woman ever. but when she drinks, she is totally different. just plain mean. i mean she can make the coldest heart cry. i try so hard to hide my hurt from here. it's so hard to stay emotionless when you have someone you love calling you the worst names ever. i don't let people see me cry, not even my parents. someone i used to date, didn't understand why i beleive that no one will ever fall in love with me....and my friends think i am just fishing when i get insecure. well how is a girl sopost to be when she is brought up being told she is horrible, selfish, a bitch, and just as good as her dead beat father who was kicked to the curb years ago?

1 kissed me to die | with a smile on my face

werealljaded

:: 2004 29 February :: 6.41pm

so tonight was weird.....i'm hanging out with travis...but the whole time i am thinking about someone else. i don't know why, but i still erally like him. i felt so bad that i had to make up some lame excuse to stop chilling with travis.
and travis already brought up the commitment issue. any of you that know me, know that the easiest way to scare me away...is say the word RELATIONSHIP. unless i am 100% doubtfree about someone, they can't mention that or else i can't help but push him away out of fear. so i freaked tonight.
why do i freak so much? argg ever since i can remember i push guys away as soon as they get close. and the few guys that i havn't shoved out of my life and actually wanted something from...well didn't want me.

with a smile on my face

LOSERxDORK

:: 2004 29 February :: 9.47am
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: switchfoot - we were meant to live

soo last night biancas mom picked me and amy up at my house and dropped me,amy, bianca,and christina off at 7-11. we had some guy to buy us beer but the 7-11 guy said that he knew it was for us so he wouldn't sell it to him, we were soo fucking mad. so finally amy found someone to get weed and we walked to KFC in oceanside and waited there. while we were waiting an undercover cop in a crown victoria with tinted windows that were rolled half up tells us that he's a taxi and asks us for a ride we were like nahh no thanks. umm i think he was trying to get us for prostitution - lol. soo amy gets the weed and shit and then we had no where to smoke it so we walked down lawson and everyone smoked. then we start walking towards wendys and we notice someone is following us and we got scared - HAHA even though it was only big black mike, lolz. sooo we get to wendys and were just chilling there and then biancas mom calls her and her and christina left. then amy called brian and we walked back to my house and yeah i tried to get eric over here,and then eddie and then kyle but none of it worked cause it was like 1 in the morning sooooo today im going to go with my mom to get my grandma to the doctor. should be fun times update later :)

iheartodandrichieandhim

3 kissed me to die | with a smile on my face

skittlicious

:: 2004 28 February :: 10.38pm

I have the dreamstreet song in my head, thanks to Solange...thanks =O.

<33

with a smile on my face