LOSERxDORK
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2004 28 February :: 11.34am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: a static lullaby- lipgloss and letdown
well, i called corey back to tell him i love him and no answer or answering machine - whatever i tried, but thats it. i'll update later tonight when i get home if i go out :-/
i think im gonna start deleting my friends because no one ever comments and it really sucks sooooo IF YOU DONT WANNA BE DELETED post a comment here. ALSO if you wanna be added i'll add you if you comment
<3 laterz
4 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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theintervoice
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2004 27 February :: 3.44pm
this is story i wrote the night of my accident, if you want read...comment if you wish :)
THE END
It must have been 8:55, no rather I’d say 8:45…now this is off the top of my head so it might be a little blurry, before you criticize, just hear me out, because this is the story of how I died. Now how can I tell the story of how I died, shit I am talking to you right now. My car is gone, this was mine, goddamn it mine I paid for it, I drove it, I loved it. I don’t care if it was just an item and a spawn of me but it gave me more life then the love I have for my very own life. This is not the story of my car…the story is of how I died, the stopping of the flow of my blood, the seizing of my heartbeat, the end of my existence that meant so much to some and less to many.
HEREIAMWITHNOAFFECTIONFORTHECHANGESTHATSHALLOCCURINTHEMINDOFASEVENTEENYEAROLDBOY,THEAIRISHOTBUTIFEELSOCOLD.
There are bits of glass and metal in the road that lies parallel to a highway that leads to a beach that I used to go to that is now under construction. Palmetto, yea that’s the road and I hate myself period. It was the sound of rubber starting a scorching hot friction that melted the constriction which kept me sliding into a the back of a Nissan, the rival of Mazda no relation to the story. Nothing to fall back on. I see my self begging for rides for my friends in foreshadowing bubbles of the future. I’m not even a good student to back that up. I am not your favorite person right now. She has reason – I am irresponsible. I grew up to fast but not correctly. The most out of four children oh yes I AM the spitting image of my father, if he had been only as fucked up as me. I should be crying, but I cant because the thought of my mother crying would make me kill myself. All is lost and I should be getting back to the story but what is even the point of writing this, this is not a story about love, friendships, and pacts of self reliance, its not about society, and its sure as hell not about car accidents, or drugs or sex, or comedy, but however in some way it all leads back to all of that, we are all in the same boat, its just that some of us take the harder way to get to their destination. She cries because she missed her French news. Well while I am still in my mode of shock I shall continue to write this useless story while my mother cries because she missed her favorite new program because of me. Because of me her insurance will go up, because of its because she doesn’t have the strength to carry on, and there is no happy ending to this I can assure you that. I hear laughter of fellow classmates mocking poor excuse of driving skills. My lack of knowledge. This was our first soyfest. Great start guys.
As I was saying there is bits of glass and metal lying across Palmetto park road where the 2002 Mazda Protege5, had hit the rear bumper of a Nissan Pathfinder probably in the 99 year of from where I was looking I could really tell because I was too distracted by the shiny blinking lights of the police car sirens…but that’s what were into right? Flashy cool looking lights? Cuz that’s what I was into a few days ago, I had replaced my plain white bulbs for cool blue and red ones to enhance the excitement of driving with me, well I can surely and positively say “mission accomplished, Hamon” there I go going off topic again, stay focused hamon cuz this is all your gunna be hearing in your head for the nexy few years. TONIGHT I killed somebody, I actually killed somebody. Theres is no mistake but my own, and its only 10:00 p.m.
HERES THE STORY
It was 6:30, and sun had not yet risen, “Allez! Hamon Allez! School time” I was wide awake sleeping. I was suppose to skip school but last minute I decided not do it, because I really do wanna start getting good grades in school. Joe and alex understood. However alex skipped anyways. So went to school and went to all classes and learned much. Tension would beat inside from missing homework assignments and the posibility of me running into Jessica.
“Wats up Pat…Brian” I said
Pat replyed in “Is it going to down tonight?”
“You bet your ass it is, SOYFEST 2004” I screamed hoping I’d catch some curiousity in the hall in which people would ask us what soyfest was. Soyfest basically stood for Shit On You Festival, looks like the shit was on me.
The bell rings
“I gotta go to class and do the homework I didn’t last night” said by me with a smile because last night I was running across 18th street naked with bryan to catch some eyes.
In class I could barely keep my eyes open
“Alright everybody pass their homework from last night” implored the teacher
“Shit” I murmured to myself
class went by in 50 minutes, which felt like hours. It’s American history now. I’m remenissing about the days when I would walk Anna to class before I had my old American History class. Truth still hurts.
“Hamon!!!! Whats up, man?” Oto shouts as I walk in the 15 year old portable.
“nothing man, Did you do the vocab?” I hopingly ask
“Nah man, I’m not going to even bother” he said.
thats all i got so far, i'll put the rest up when i write it.
thanks!
5 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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theintervoice
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2004 27 February :: 3.44pm
this is story i wrote the night of my accident, if you want read...comment if you wish :)
THE END
It must have been 8:55, no rather I’d say 8:45…now this is off the top of my head so it might be a little blurry, before you criticize, just hear me out, because this is the story of how I died. Now how can I tell the story of how I died, shit I am talking to you right now. My car is gone, this was mine, goddamn it mine I paid for it, I drove it, I loved it. I don’t care if it was just an item and a spawn of me but it gave me more life then the love I have for my very own life. This is not the story of my car…the story is of how I died, the stopping of the flow of my blood, the seizing of my heartbeat, the end of my existence that meant so much to some and less to many.
HEREIAMWITHNOAFFECTIONFORTHECHANGESTHATSHALLOCCURINTHEMINDOFASEVENTEENYEAROLDBOY,THEAIRISHOTBUTIFEELSOCOLD.
There are bits of glass and metal in the road that lies parallel to a highway that leads to a beach that I used to go to that is now under construction. Palmetto, yea that’s the road and I hate myself period. It was the sound of rubber starting a scorching hot friction that melted the constriction which kept me sliding into a the back of a Nissan, the rival of Mazda no relation to the story. Nothing to fall back on. I see my self begging for rides for my friends in foreshadowing bubbles of the future. I’m not even a good student to back that up. I am not your favorite person right now. She has reason – I am irresponsible. I grew up to fast but not correctly. The most out of four children oh yes I AM the spitting image of my father, if he had been only as fucked up as me. I should be crying, but I cant because the thought of my mother crying would make me kill myself. All is lost and I should be getting back to the story but what is even the point of writing this, this is not a story about love, friendships, and pacts of self reliance, its not about society, and its sure as hell not about car accidents, or drugs or sex, or comedy, but however in some way it all leads back to all of that, we are all in the same boat, its just that some of us take the harder way to get to their destination. She cries because she missed her French news. Well while I am still in my mode of shock I shall continue to write this useless story while my mother cries because she missed her favorite new program because of me. Because of me her insurance will go up, because of its because she doesn’t have the strength to carry on, and there is no happy ending to this I can assure you that. I hear laughter of fellow classmates mocking poor excuse of driving skills. My lack of knowledge. This was our first soyfest. Great start guys.
As I was saying there is bits of glass and metal lying across Palmetto park road where the 2002 Mazda Protege5, had hit the rear bumper of a Nissan Pathfinder probably in the 99 year of from where I was looking I could really tell because I was too distracted by the shiny blinking lights of the police car sirens…but that’s what were into right? Flashy cool looking lights? Cuz that’s what I was into a few days ago, I had replaced my plain white bulbs for cool blue and red ones to enhance the excitement of driving with me, well I can surely and positively say “mission accomplished, Hamon” there I go going off topic again, stay focused hamon cuz this is all your gunna be hearing in your head for the nexy few years. TONIGHT I killed somebody, I actually killed somebody. Theres is no mistake but my own, and its only 10:00 p.m.
HERES THE STORY
It was 6:30, and sun had not yet risen, “Allez! Hamon Allez! School time” I was wide awake sleeping. I was suppose to skip school but last minute I decided not do it, because I really do wanna start getting good grades in school. Joe and alex understood. However alex skipped anyways. So went to school and went to all classes and learned much. Tension would beat inside from missing homework assignments and the posibility of me running into Jessica.
“Wats up Pat…Brian” I said
Pat replyed in “Is it going to down tonight?”
“You bet your ass it is, SOYFEST 2004” I screamed hoping I’d catch some curiousity in the hall in which people would ask us what soyfest was. Soyfest basically stood for Shit On You Festival, looks like the shit was on me.
The bell rings
“I gotta go to class and do the homework I didn’t last night” said by me with a smile because last night I was running across 18th street naked with bryan to catch some eyes.
In class I could barely keep my eyes open
“Alright everybody pass their homework from last night” implored the teacher
“Shit” I murmured to myself
class went by in 50 minutes, which felt like hours. It’s American history now. I’m remenissing about the days when I would walk Anna to class before I had my old American History class. Truth still hurts.
“Hamon!!!! Whats up, man?” Oto shouts as I walk in the 15 year old portable.
“nothing man, Did you do the vocab?” I hopingly ask
“Nah man, I’m not going to even bother” he said.
thats all i got so far, i'll put the rest up when i write it.
thanks!
with a smile on my face
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skittlicious
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2004 26 February :: 1.57pm
all I wanna do is go to the beach to take pictures and NO ONE will go with me, what is this madness!
<3mandyy
3 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 25 February :: 10.57pm
:: Mood: numb
do you ever just get sick of feeling? i wish i could just be totally emotionless....just cut them off. i pretend to be, pretend i don't care about anything, that i don't let anything hurt me. but the truth is, EVERYTHING does. and i don't have anyone to talk to, so i just write it all out....most of it i keep in my real journal, away from public eyes....
well, after a while, you get sick of not having anyone to talk to, of not having a voice respond to your cries. i have plenty of friends that would be willing to lend and ear or a shoulder, yet nobody knows anything..i'm happy all the time, and have no worries. only one of my friends knows about the shit that goes on in my life that i've never told anyone else, and we don't even talk anymore. and the only reason she knows is because she used to live at my house when things were at their worst. heather my love, i miss you! whatever....in 10 years, will any of this matter? i am probably just stronger because of it all. arg, i am so sick of caring..i don't, i'm turned off again.
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 25 February :: 1.41pm
:: Mood: contemplative
Have you ever taken one of those forever long showers with the hope that all the bad shit in your life will go down the drain along with the oil in your hair? i tried that one today. i just wish that it were that easy to get rid of bad memories.
"memories are like a diary that you will always keep with you".... what if you want to rip some of those pages out?
1 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 25 February :: 8.10am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: everyone smoking cigarettes outside yelling
i missed the bus,my mom is mad and drove me to school. i got to school 20 minutes before i ever would have. oh well, i'll update about the day when i get home, k?
bye<3
4 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 23 February :: 10.57pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: mustard plug...playing the ska is dead tour, friday night-halla
this is a poem that a friend wrote about me... AWWWWW is all i can say, along with DAMN
.dedicated to someone else's broken heart.
rock hard exteriors built to shield a terrible disease that seeps its way into an unnoticed crack in the wall.
..he had no clue at all..
he grabbed her hand and kissed her lips
she's jaded and blinded.. headed for a fall.
she sang the words to her favorite song
a song that made her feel
throw her sugar and a smile, and it's her heart you'll steal
but it's not enough, the cut's too deep, she's never gonna let you in on the secrets she keeps
fuck you she screams.
familiar phrase.
every week's another scar from a different boy and a brand new start.
no more wishing on the stars.
she stands alone with old photos that still shine, sees the smiles
and she smiles
so much hope for a return
to make everything in her life alright
but every night she burns
fix this.. fix this
if you'd just come back to fix this
maybe then she'd be able to breathe
and every guy she ever met wouldn't make her lonely heart bleed
at the end of the poem, that "person" who needs to come back to me is my father. julia thinks that the way i handle my emotions and guys is because of HIM. i wonder if this theory could be correct. true, he is a wackjob and i havn't seen him in 17 years, but how does that have anything to do with MY heart? it says in there that i have a different guy every week b/c i wont let myself fall for them adn i push them away before they get to close..wow i had no idea that she knew me so well. I LOVE YOU JULESSS
i hung out with mike tonight, he's a cute kid (horrible kisser), but i don't know, i'm just not getting anything from him. and it sucks b/c now i wish we didn't kiss b/c that means i led him on. i hate this shit
2 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 23 February :: 2.40pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: hold on- good charlotte
well, its 2:31 on monday february 23rd and i would've been out of school - if i had went to school. i didn't go to school today because i felt like shit. my mom went to the doctor. ummm i hate a boca 'meatless' burger with barbeque sauce and it was good. lol very interesting right? i have like $100 i think im going to take my mom out to dinner..today maybe? idk. friday i went to the horse tracks with my mom,amy,and her boyfriend lonnie who is so nice. i bet on a horse (6) and i would've gotten 68 dollars if he won and he came in 2nd place. holy shit was i mad. i would've been up 78 dollars but he didn't win so i was only up 10 lol but i got to keep the 20 that lonnie used for the starting bets. saturday i hung out with sherri,amy,and brian and we drank and shit and then later at night lonnie took me and sherri to get bagels at 24 hour and ice cream at TCBY. it was fun times. well, thats all because sunday was a nothing day and today im sick so im not doing anything today and tomorrow is school. we have to wait until what, april for another vacation? lalala school is almost over. i might graduate half a year early because i am taking economics now instead of in 12th grade. well, i hope everyone is having a good day :)
i<3youall
with a smile on my face
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skittlicious
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2004 23 February :: 7.06am
the carwash i went through yesterday!
 the stuff on the car, was all multi-colored, pretty!
 me in the car, staying dry =)
 water on the windshield
 the big blower things started, hahah..
 the sign telling me what was happening!
I visited my grandparents and their two dogs<3
 I told him to smile, look what he does, silly grandpa<3
out, with my camera, never stopping taking pictures ;-)!
 hahah, jackie got paint on her pants, curtesy of me!
 lauren, i dont know what to say!
 lauren looks like she's beans in EVERY picture, this was us trying hard to keep her looking normal...we failed...brian discovered what things look like blurred, haha.
 heather!
 danielle passed out, poor sickling<33
 dan and his...twitch? haha jk
 this was our sad faces, cause jackie chickened out ;]!!
 on my way out, realizing i should probally clean my car, thank you lauren for cleaning it for me =)
 we should learn how to take a picture
lol, enjoy
<3mandyy
6 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 22 February :: 4.53pm
:: Mood: shitty
:: Music: some shitty rap music
First best friend: samm and jaymes
First real memory of something: sleeping in laundry baskets with my cousin
First real kiss: my boyfriend in 7th grade
First Job: carvel
First screen name: actingbug1
First self purchased album: spice girls i think
First funeral: my great aunt frans
First pets: dog- casper
First piercing/tattoo: my ears
First true love: tomm
First enemy: jessica ragusta
First big trip: florida
First play/musical/performance: i was in project rescue in 3rd grade
First musician you remember hearing in your house: billy joel prob.
Last cigarette: last night
Last big car ride: when i drove to florida
Last kiss: a while ago
Last good cry: ummm when when jack died
Last library book checked out: i dont remember
Last movie seen: ummm save the last dance?
Last beverage drank: snapple?
Last food consumed: mint chocolate chip ice cream
Last crush: him<3
Last phone call: my mom
Last tv show watched: i dont know?
Last time showered: last night
Last shoes worn: my silver and white etnies
Last item bought: i dont remember
Last disappointment: OD not calling me last night :(
Last soda drank: last night?
Last ice cream eaten: today :)
Last shirt worn: my koRn 'still a fuckin freak' one
Here's a New 1 ...
[name ]: Marissa Leigh Fein
[ nicknames ]: riss,riss-ma,rissa,mariss,rissy,lil pissa,shrimp,marizzle
[ born in ]: oceanside
[ resides in ]: east rockaway
[ good student ]: pretty good
[ eyes ]: hazely
[ hair ]: brown with blonde highlights
[ shoe size ]: 7-8 somewhere in that range
Last time you...
[ had a nightmare ]: i dont remember
[ said "i love you" and meant it ]: today
[ ate at mcdonald's ]: in wantagh a couple of weeks ago
[ dyed your hair ]: umm like 7 months ago
[ brushed your hair ]: last night
[ Washed your hair ]: when i took a shower
[ checked your e-mail ]: today
[ cried ]: a couple of days ago
[called someone ]: last night at like 10
[ smiled ]: right now
[ laughed ]: 1 second ago
Do you...
[ do drugs? ]: not anymore
[ sleep with stuffed animals? ]: i sleep with my pug and my yorkie that OD gave me
[ have a dream that keeps coming back? ]: yeah...when i was like 5
[ play an instrument? ]: i used to be able to play violin and clarinet but not anymore
[ believe there is life on other planets? ]: yes
[ read the newspaper? ]: sometimes i do
[ consider love a mistake? ]: depending
[ like the taste of alcohol? ]: yeahh pretty much :)
[ believe in god? ]: nahh
[ pray? ]: nuh uh
[ go to church? ]: im jewish...
[ have any secrets? ]: tons
[ have any pets? ]: my cat dusty
[ talk to strangers who instant message you? ]: yupp
[ wear hats? ]: yeah
[ have any piercings? ]: in my ears
[ have any tattoos? ]: nahh
[ hate yourself? ]: yes
[ have an obsession? ]: haha yeahh
[ have a secret crush? ]: yuppsss
[ collect anything? ]: shot glasses
[ have a best friend? ]: yeah, i love you all so much<3
[ like your handwriting? ]: ehhh sorta its like a combination of print and script
[ have any bad habits? ]: yupp
[ care about looks? ]: alittle
[ boy/girlfriend's looks? ]: nah
[ friends and other people? ]: nah not at all
[ believe in witches? ]: yup
[ believe in satan? ]: nope
[ believe in ghosts? ]: yes i do
Current...
[ dress ]: pajama pants from my bat mitzvah and a koRn shirt
[ mood ]: pissed
[ make-up ]: none
[ music ]: some shitty rap music
[ taste ]: nothing
[ hair ]: straight and down
[ annoyance ]: fake people and shit
[ smell ]: nothing
[ thought ]: emohogotuoytnawi
[ fingernail color ]: nothing right now
[ refreshment ]: none at the moment
[ worry ]: nothing
[ crush ]: why do you care?
Last person...
[ you touched ]: my mom
[ you talked to ]: sherri
[ you hugged ]: uh i dont remember
[ you Instant messaged ]: chris
[ you yelled at ]: my mom
[ who broke your heart ]: ...
with a smile on my face
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 22 February :: 12.10pm
:: Mood: tired/shitty
:: Music: nothingface
im updating now but i have nothing to write about. basically everything was written yesterday when i was drunk..HAHA. umm i'll update tomorrow about sunday and monday at school.
laterloverz<3
with a smile on my face
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LOSERxDORK
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2004 21 February :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: drunk
:: Music: maroon5- this love
im drunk, i got bagels and ice cream. i asked the guy if i was slurring my word...LOL it was fucking funny as hell, i dont know what else to write so thats it. aright? i'll talk to you later
i<3danrichieandod
with a smile on my face
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werealljaded
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2004 21 February :: 8.27pm
:: Mood: bored
hmmmm
last night was cool. i went to a show in west palm and hung out with kay, susie, alixis, travis, brooke and alissa. they're all pretty cool cats.
travis seems like a cool kid. he's a little more hardcore then my usualy, but he's got such a cute face hidden behind the mohawk...lol. i know he is interested in me because he's already asking kay ans alexis to "hook it up".but umm..hi we're not in 2nd grade anymore, spit your own game instead of getting your friends to do it for you. hehe.
i guess matt and i are 100% just casual friends now, i don't even know if he is interested any more...he hasn't called in a while and doesn't seem to want to hang out all that much...oh~well....
with a smile on my face
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skittlicious
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2004 20 February :: 2.25pm
Top Reasons to Date A Paintball Player
1. We aren't afraid 2 get down and dirty
2. We know how to listen 2 directions
3. We at least have a 10" barrel
4. We can fire off 100's of rounds without getting tired
5. We always wear protection
6. We love to be aggressive
7. We like to push hard, but not hard enough to get hit
8. We clean our barrels a lot
9. We always have to have the best 'cocker on the field
10. We're good at moving our fingers extremely fast in small places
11. We can move & contort our bodies into weird positions
12. We usually leave our "condom" on so we won't spray u
in ur eye
haha I need to find me one of those...I think i'm going paintballing this weekend, dun dun dun.
<3
2 kissed me to die |
with a smile on my face
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