COMMENT
school lol i have a story to tell... we are in church and father beretta called nikki up and she was like whoa and nikki turning BEAT RED went up there and lol it was cute so she got a wish and she wanted no school friday sooooo thanks to nikki we get out of school at 12 on friday!! yay go nikki lol umm than i came home and did HW-- went to target got a hamper yay! and than umm came home and thats about it i did the normal stuff... i really want to explode stuff out but i cant bc SOMEONE may get mad at me again and i dont want some people to know what i am thinking nd how i feel but i just want to let everyone know but some reason i just cant... and it hurts really bad but i can hold it in a little bit longer before i totally fall apart but the one person i really want to tell dosnt want to hear it and just wishes that we never met- but dont worry about me everybody ill live just a matter of i guess self support?? idk OTHER NEWS

I HAVE A QUESTION FOR EVERYONE...
do you think i have a right to write whatever i want or how i feel or how i think to in MY journal? comment me!

Get over yourself-goodbye
It must be hard to be you -yeah
Living in your life
I was always the one to cry
Now everything-everything-everything is all right
Get over yourself-know why
Cause without you see i do anything i like
Sometimes i stay out all night
now everything -everything-everything is all right

I LIKE THAT SONG

P.S IM FACED WITH A TOUGH DECISION.. AND I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO PICK SO JUST IM ME AND TELL ME YOULL HELP ME IF YOU WANT TO HELP ME BC I SERIOUSLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO AND I WAS SUPPOST TO KNOW BY TONIGHT BUT I DONT AND I KEEP SAYING ILL TELL YOU TOMORROW AND IDK ITS GETTING ON EVERYONES NERVES AND I DONT HAVE THAT MUCH TIME LEFT...

today was good- better i should say.. school was fun i had no classes with those 2 people but i got classes with ohter people i hate and i dont hate my bible teacher but i dont like her i want to have father beattie :0( blahh lol but after me and my mom went to walmart and I SAW CHRISTINE but wow i was so hyper like uncontolably and i know my mom was too even though she wont admit it lol after i came home did hw took a shower and came online- a normal day but when i came on i saw something that my heart could hardley handel lets notget into that though but hope is gone grr lol oh well i am planninh on rearranging my room! i just need to draw a picture well i have to write a letter back to ashley harris w/ my pretty stationary lolol bye bye

today was REALLY FUN ok it started as me just here and being all blah and stuff but than LAUREN COMES TO THE RESCUE lol and asks me if i want to hang out with her so we did... and we took a walk and came across UMMYAY INNERDAY (kind of hard to spell igpay atinlay) dont ask! we found a dead racoon lol so of course lauren goes there and like studies it and im like ew ew ew ew ew and shes like wow look so i went there and i relized it had no eyes just a cute little nose and its teeth were like really white!! lol lauren said it had a funny face its really sad we even wanted to bury it but we couldnt ok b4 i gross you out... than we went back to laurens and went online and i showed her how to use aim and stuff and her mom was jumping around screaming (watching the packers game) and we laughed when they won omg it was sooo FUNNY she was like YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS AND she ran around it was really funny... lol meghan is a very hatefun person example "who is that?.. tell her i hate her- RUN FAST" lol another be there moment.. lol than we went back to my house to walk the dogs... lets say that really hurt and i want to kill that stupid dog!! were walking laurens walking sky i had donnie and a streachy like long leash and lauren that blockhead ran and donnie followed and people relize i have a dog that can run up to 40 MPH and next thing i know im being dragged across the cement and i let go bc idk why and meghan went and grabbed him... ow! my ankle and knee hurt to begin with than i had scrapes and bruises.. lol wow lauren too bad those kids didnt come back so we can throw rocks at them... THIS TOWN HAS ALOT OF STALKER KIDS! hehe well.. the whole day i had really nothing on my mind exept the fact that i want to go to a public school really bad! i have school tomorrow!!! ahhhh oh well lol im really nervous that i will get a class with someone i hate :cough: KELLY :cough: EEK i dont mean kelly MY kelly i mean kelly W GOD NO DEFINATLY NOT MY KELLY!! or the biggest slut in the world I DONT EVEN HAVE TO SAY HER NAME FOR PPL TO KNOW WHO THIS ONE IS.. but i want to actually have a class with nikki!! i know i have one w/ cynthia (chem) and english with joy.. im glad today was good... im def. changing my habits and it may make everything in life better lauren.. im taking your sticky note idea lol ahh so many ppl asked me to sleep over tonight lol but NOO ihave to have school lol ahh well bye bye <3

okk well the only really bad thing that happened is that my dad wouldnt leave me alone at all! i got yelled at alot and i was crying most of the day bc of the stuff he said.. but lets not get into that! marcus and kelly are going out as of today. SO many people called me and asked me if i was ok. yes i am fine i took it better than i thought i would and im pretty proud of myself for that yeah i was upset but that was for like 5 minutes than i relized i should be happy bc 2 people really close to me are happy and that makes me happy too! so that worked and im AOK!! lolol well thanks for caring lol and i got a thank you from marcus :0) he unblocked me but i dont see us talking in the future anytime lol but its ok have a nice day :0) bye bye

today i went to the mall with my mommy and stuff happened but i cannot say really bc my mom payed me $5 and lol first i ran into a wall bc i saw someone and freaked out bc i thought someone else was with him and i was like wow so yeah than the thing i cant say happened than while i walked away i saw the same person and looked to see if someone else was there and i tripped over.. or should i say IN the trash can oh it sucked but it was actually funny ok than i like stayed home than got ready and after that me and jenna went to the movies JENNA I LOVE YOU and i came home got online and AHHH the stooge blocked me grrrrr!! oh well idk why but WHATEVER and guess what though like im not suppost to say certain things here and i wont say all so personal stuff but you know i can still say what im feeling bc it is MY journal and just to piss someone off bc the someone BLOCKED ME even though i dont talk to them only unless i have to ooh im going to be annoyong MARCUS if your going to hate me than ill give you a reason to hate me which i have no fucking idea why youd want to when i tried to be your friend!!! just shows that i and everyone else proved their points GROW UP and stop being a baby- quit ranting and raving when you dont get your way i know im not the only one who said this everyone else just put it so much nicer and that didnt go through so maybe this will YOU put yourself in the postition you are in not me so dont blame me for your mistakes. if you loved her before you met me or anything happened between us than you should have said something so dont blame me for it i mean im so sorry that things didnt go your way and im really really sorry that i feel like this i really am and everyone told me to come out and say how i felt but since you BLOCKED ME ill let it out here even though idk if you look here or not i dont care maybe someone will tell you too!!!!!!! there i let most of it out and i said the -"STUPID SHIT"- i wasnt suppost to say. theres your GOOD reason to hate me and if you get more mad at me for this than you are wierd bc im just saying what i feel it dosnt neccisarily have to be right its just my opinion in which my opinion dosnt count bc im not very important right?
kelly is my best friend btw and i am NOT mad at her so everyone stop asking me! and sorry about this enntry i just exploded not meaning 10% of it okk

lalallalalala
today me n meana woke up early and said bye to dan and conner than me and meana chillaxed for the rest of the day than she left and i ran and conditioned for track for a few hours- first time i ran since who knows when... OW i am very sore now! after that me and my dad were figuring out something on my video game and we figured it out yay!! now i think i may go to bed early today... nothing too bad happened except my dad had a talk with me and yelled at me for i have no idea bc i was like playing with a stuffed penguin lol well ima go to bed or something im not tired my dads just making me bc i have to get up early and run 2 miles than do some sprinting and stuff like that! bye bye

today was good but got pretty bad at the end.. first off i got into various fight with my parents bc they lie to me WAY too much and i told them i was sick of it and i yelled at them and i kind of tried to make them see how it felt- like my mom asked me if i told my dad if nikki couldnt come tonight and i said i did (which i did not) and than my dad said i didnt and im just like so how do you like being lied to? i know it was supid and all but idk any other way bc it just annoys me alot when people lie to me.. especially about loving me which supposidly i wasnt suppost to say anything about it in here but just to be annoying i did and i know you know who you are and i really dont care how mad anyone gets at me for anything i say anymore bc im not going to hide what i feel.. well maybe i will when it comes to somethings... dont ask im a loser ANYWAY today i chillaxed with ham ham lauren meghan danny and conner and we just like did nothing really but got really hyper but it was fun.. when the ball dropped i called people including my cousins angela and gina bc i havent really talked to them... i havent had a family get together with them since my grandpa died when i was 5... :0( more to the story but lets say my family is very broken i guess thats a good word? than i found something else out tonight about who got together with who tonight and 1 pair compleatly crushed my insides but its ok.. you know what dosnt kill me makes me stronger i guess? ahhhh danny and conner are leaving tomorrow for good and i wont be seeing them until like next year :0( it was awesome to hang out with them- there really good friends and i will miss them dearly :0( i do the :0( thing way too much lol oops... well im really tired and ima go eiter to bed or listen to the beyonce cd bc i love the song me myself and I ok before i get into that BYE!

LEAVE A COMMENT
hey out of curiosity... am i a good friend or like a nice person overall?? like leave a comment and tell me you dont have to leave your name unless you would like to i mean whatever floats your boat i just want to like know if i always been there when i was suppost to and instead of asking individualy i decided to put it here so yeah just leavve a comment

okk everythings got so much better i kind of relized that i got really understanding and supportave friends! ok for the past 3 days i havent wrote.. i been getting my energy back :0) yay and im actually out with friends and family and stuff... danny conner sara and meana lauren meghan and lea and my cousin meghan (believe it or not she been kind of nice) were the people i saw.. tonight i baby sat jen's son tyrell. its so funny me and jen are like nothing alike at all she acts like shes like 16 and she looks like it too its really wierd i can tell her just about anything and its wierd having a relationship like this with your older by i think 15 years sister.. i have to count if its 15 but not now. even though her and leah are closer in age and probably closer sisters its ok im just the baby of the family.. one of them lol i helped jen pick out an outfit that had to perfectly match for her party i guess it was fun lol lauren jen has been in love with johnny depp for 15 years watch out!! hehe and tyrell omg that kid changed my outlook on kids i guess in a way he was ok but it was fun... yeah well night!!

today i woke up pretty late like in the afternoon and i woke up in a bad mood i guess bc i didnt want to be around anyone at all soo i played X-2 ALL day nothing else just that... im not a social person anymore for some odd reason, my dad said hed let me go to any friends house and sleep over but i was yelling at him bc i want to stay home and away from people and hes like 'im worried about you blah blah' grrrr dosnt anyone get it? I WANT TO BE ALONE!!!! god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to tell you the truth i want to know whats wrong with me i have no idea why im like this and its making me kinda mad...i am having bad eating habits- i used to be always happy- id have like endless energy- id always want to be out of the house and i wouldnt yell or snap at people but now i am and i have no idea why i am acting like this... but anyway on better note i started laughing at something that id normally cry about isnt that just lovely... its amazing how stubborn guys are these days! hehe what else happened tonight i found out that someone i thought i can trust bc i was so close to her i cant trust anymore!! hint it was the same girl as last night thats all i just had to let some of my bitchyness out now im on the phone with nikki and im giggling like non stop for some reason and im extremely mad ok j/ now the girl im not mad anymore i love this girl sooo much we talked it out and were still bb4l lol sorry everyone bye bye

today got better... in the morning i went to the mall and saw tyler and these 2 other kids so i stayed with them for about and hour and went with my mom and spent time with her. after that i went to laurens and chillaxed with her annalisse and meghan than i left and went to my uncle and aunts for a pizza party it was pretty fun except i got a tummy ache.. after i went back to laurens and than i went home lol i got better except earlier my mom noticed my excessive depression and asked what was wrong and i just kinda said i havent felt good bc i thought i was sick but when i went to laurens and told her i was better so suddenly she got kind of suspicious.. uh oh lol i hope she dosnt identify the reason before i do... im still mad at one of my friends but she dosnt know it yet im only mad bc she dosnt call me after something idk what happens and i call her she DOESNT PICK UP!!! so yeah i guess shell figure it out soon ooooooooooook im not mad anymore at her but - yeah im in tears now i just got hurt so bad by the same person and idk what i can do about it i cant describe my feelings right now.. not to make anyone feel bad but it kills me that i try and try and nothing happens and it dosnt matter how much i care or how i cry like every night and how i think about only him or even how strongly i feel about him nothing changes anything and there must be something wrong with me maybe im not good enough or not pretty or perfect enough thats why i have to change myself and i will...im on the phone with matt omg hes screaming at me hes trying to make me laugh hes like goofing off and screaming 'its oppisite day i said stop typing blah blah and im kinda ignoring him (lol ilu matt) hes being kinda funny though the kid is laughing and singing you'd think hes drunk and im telling him to shut up lol.. steven imed me too and hes helping me yay!! go steven!! kelly i love you like my sis and dont worry about me i will be fine

today was probably the worst christmas ever well the first part i guess i didnt know what was wrong with me i just wanted to be alone i was just really depressed and when people would ask me what was wrong i said i felt sick- lie.. i felt perfectly fine i just was depressed over SOMETHING i thought i was jelous of one of my friends.. yeah (i sinned today on christs bday) i was a little but i was depressed before i found out about that so its not that... that just added on to it all so yeah well i was alone just laying down in my room staring at the celing yeah than it got better bc my friends made me feel better than i got depressed again bc my parents yelled at me for god knows what than the best thing happened I THOUGHT FOR A SECOND I WAS GONIG TO GET THE ONE THING I WANTED my friend said it was surley going to happen bc it was said by the person but guess what IT DIDNT i really should have aited before i got my hopes up bc for real that was stupid of me for thinking that i can get that-- oh ok well i got kinda what i wanted now i guess an im is good too im just really happy that it happened my day just got so much better and wow idk im just all happy now this is probbaly like one of the best christmas's everr! even though it was only 2 words thats okk good enough! its better than nothing!!! okk love yas mwaaaaaa

today was an ok kind of day first off i went to the store with my mommy and did really last minute shopping for the puppies than cleaned a little than went outside with danny and conner and we took a walk. than i saw meghan and we talked again and lauren came out and chased me with a camera lol it was fun except she got some wierd pictures of me and some of a lamp post she was really facinated at that lol i went inside and helped my mom clean a little more and helped my dad cook. we ate dinner than i started to not feel good so i layed down and went to sleep at like 9 bc i was really tired and i didnt feel good... woke up and i think im going to go to bed again lol tomorrows christmas and i hope i get the one thing i want... even though i doubt i will and dont ask what it is bc only 3 people know and it is something money cant buy well wish me luuuck merry christmas eve <3

today was okk wierd but good... well frist i spent most of the day chillaxing with danny conner sara nikki and meana.. than we went to the movies and met up with other people.. it was fun i guess but ahh i am proud i think that i am getting to be more as a friend to marcus bc i wasnt really depressed over him i was actually happy that we were kinda talking and i guess from what kelly said we got along pretty well... well thats good yay!! hmmm... well me and meana almost got run over by cars bc were dumb and we were on del prado which is a main road and i tripped and fell in the street and yaminah like grabbed me and pulled me lolol we were chasing marcus too but it was fun!! but the night had freaky parts to it too... but we wont get into that. okk anyway im getting these wierd feelings that christmas eve and christmas day arent going to be the best i dont know where its coming from i just have that feeling and i hate when that happens lol but i told my friends family and parents not to get me anything for christmas bc the one thing i want is something money cant buy and i know im not going to get it no matter what i do.. but instead of wanting that ill only have parts of it... like a phone call or email would be awesome but i know i cant even get that so why do i try? oh yeah i know bc i actually believed that that can happen yeah i had hope (thanks brittany for the candle and the the talk btw lol) but oh well if i dont get that maybe i can try next year or something or hey even for my bday lol yeah i wish! ok im done lol laterzzzz

today was really ok.. mixed good and bad first i went to costco with my mommy and we bought stuff than kelly came over and we chillaxed than went to lindas and met russels psyco girlfriend i swear this girl is so wierd and than me and kelly came home and listened to music than went back and saw the boats parade and tiffany the wierd girl told us how she tried to choke her sister to death but started to breathe again than how she wants to kill her sisters boyfriend with a bat! omg so me and kelly were distant lol at night than it was great well something happened during that time and me and kelly were all in tears and were so depressed and we kinda yeah well im not gonig to say what we did but whatever lol lets just say alot of my friend imed me and called me and yelled at me wow okk whatever lolol umm byee