Devil Incarnate

:: 2006 8 February :: 4.12pm

this morning had so much promise.

doughnuts, sausage and strawberries.
but my piano teacher is hella crazy and scary.

and also i have a sore throat, mr. aleman makes me really mad and so does sarra b. ug.

and i'm sick again. it's been two years.

:: 2006 6 February :: 9.03am

I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers,
I'll be all right when my hands get warm.Ignoring the phone,
I'd rather say nothing. I'd rather you'd never heard my voice.
You're calling too late
too late to be gracious you do not warrant long goodbyes.

this kind of friendship is too good to let go. we just had a thin part and we're used to being so thick.

i love you.

8 bullhorns | Sound off

:: 2006 28 January :: 2.14pm

ho hum pigs bum.

that was stupid. whatever.

it's bien though. muy bien.

:: 2006 23 January :: 12.25pm

brokeback mountain. real downer. i couldn't sleep last night. i was that upset. i'm sill kind of in a funk about it.

i needs me peepers.

:: 2005 29 December :: 6.04pm

ha hahahahahahhahahhahhahahahahaha.

*glowing. lala la la allalalalalal

:: 2005 16 December :: 11.13pm
:: Music: pashing mumpkins-garewell and foodnight

maybe i'll be like emily dickinson. i'll just live in my parent's attic writing poetry.

maybe i'll get a grip and stop being selfish. maybe someone will punch me in the face.

maybe. i don't want to think about it.

i'm sorry. i can't stop being like this. if i'm ruining your life please stop bothering with me. i'll get you a fruit basket to make up for it.

:: 2005 10 December :: 5.18pm

i'd say i don't care anymore. i think i want that to happen cause i'm not doing a very good job. why can't i have two or three? who says that's wrong? i'm still not over all those stupid things either. it's like it wasn't almost two years ago.

and it's official. again. christmas is horrible. it's so dumb. i don't want presents. i don't want trees or lights or family or friends. i want to do something good for someone who needs me. NOT because it's christmas, but because i should be a good person all year. then maybe i can feel decent. i miss my peepers. i think they're the only thing i don't hate.

i hate everything. la la la lala.

and the paranoia is coming back. good times.

so sad. meh. nothing makes sense. i'm contemplating jumping off a bridge. head's up.

love,
useless.

:: 2005 9 December :: 11.05am

ha ha ha ha i'm homie home home home homies.

just hanging out with griffin and tyrone and apollo. it's good stuff.

i love being here so much. i'm all alone all day and i'm watching boston public. best show ever.

i don't even feel sad. i like school, but i'm not overly attached to anything.

1 bullhorn | Sound off

:: 2005 7 December :: 11.43pm

my last night in 120 shilling. it's good. everyone is being so cute and nice. i wish it had been like this the whole time. ahh. life.

going home tomorrow. my goodness. i'm so excited.

1 bullhorn | Sound off

:: 2005 6 December :: 9.03pm

algebra final finished. i can say that i paid attention, never skipped class, passed all of my tests, did all of my homework, asked questions.
i even though i understood most of it.

that's never happened before.

so if i don't pass we can finally say that i don't get it. and then i can take it again.

or drop out of life. whatever.

and if i do pass. . .hmmm. it's cause for celebration because i can't even add in my head. or count.

10 bullhorns | Sound off

:: 2005 2 December :: 1.07pm

some people make me so sad. if you're drunk at 1 in the morning and wake everyone up and get written up for it you should probably just go to hell. cause i'm sick and even if i wasn't i wouldn't want to be woken up at 1 in the freaking morning.

i almost passed out in target yesterday. that was fun.

and i'm kind of sad to be moving out. christan is being very cool.

:: 2005 28 November :: 10.12pm

there is a violence in me.

anger and resentment all the time. uhhhhhhh.

i'm sorry sorry sorry. i pray all the time, but i don't think i'm doing it right cause i don't feel any better or changed.

and avoiding the situation? is that good or bad? is it right to sit here in the tension and the silence wishing i could not be so mad.

ok.

Sound off

:: 2005 28 November :: 4.04pm
:: Music: motion city-when you're around

sssoooo. tizzle was gizzle. more like grizzle though.

i think i love kids. seriously. i thought i hated the sixth graders, but i don't. even the ones that i thought hated me don't really. they make me feel good even when i don't do anything. and they make me feel weird because i don't remember much of being 11. i don't know exactly how to treat them, but still. . .i'm in complete and total awe.

and the preschoolers are so great and sweet and smart. i love them. if i were a kidnapper my tiny little room would be full of little kids. that sounds kind of sick. that's okay.

ho ho ho. i love cheese its. but you know what i hate?

Nextel Phones. They are stupid and also dumb and redundent. I hate them so much I want to smash them into the ground. No one wants to hear your stupid conversations or that stupid ugly chirping noise. and you don't have to talk so loud. no one cares that much. What is the point of having a walkie talkie unless you're on some kind of crazy mission to save the world. but you're not saving the world, you're annoying me please die in a horrible accident.

chirp chirp die. i will bury your grandchildren.

i'm moving out of my room with jenna skenna. she is nice and isn't stupid and doesn't have a nextel. i won't have to cut myself anymore. and she lives on the cool third floor. i can get away from chuck and all the gansta wanstas.

i love robots, puzzles and jake huizenga.

5 bullhorns | Sound off

:: 2005 27 November :: 4.15pm

my stomach hurts now. i think i left my english folder at home, but how could i have done that? i remember packing it.

everything isn't shitty and still i want to throw up and die.