you make us celebrate christmas in September so it's not commercialized

Today I have figured out that Christmas is a sham.

I spent some of my morning at church. That was fine. But most of my time was spent at Woodland, sulking.

Normally I hate shopping. I detest spending money, especially on myself. So I was wandering through the hell, looking for gifts and:

A. Not finding anything good for anyone but myself, and knowing that I can't spend it for myself and knowing that if I was to buy it, I would hate it.

B. Not having enough money to buy more than one gift. Or even two nice and cheap gifts.

C. Wanting to buy my mom a present, but couldn't figure out what she wanted.

We ended up going into a store with her. She picked out her present. I threw the little money that I had at A-Ron and left the store while he paid for it.

So there is no suprise to Christmas anymore. We all know what we're getting so it's lame. It's one big expensive stress-causing hype.

...And of course A-ron was being a selfish brat.

...And of course the whole ordeal gave me a headache. I couldn't eat. My body is rejecting food. Again.

I found myself annoyed with all the people. Also scared of them.

I'm hoping to reach a conclusion that Christmas is about Christ. But I know I won't because I'm not religious enough.

The only time I felt good today was when I gave some money to one of those Salvation Army guys.

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