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m&ms487
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2006 1 December :: 11.23am
Class is cancelled. Lots of snow. Oh, goodness is there a lot of snow.
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m&ms487
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2006 30 November :: 10.41pm
Jackie's hair is pretty and my curling iron is too large for her.
That is unfortunate.
I pushed the button good.
I'm very proud of myself.
Where are my fucking smokes? Seriously.
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m&ms487
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2006 30 November :: 6.20pm
I am SO fucking pissed.
Okay, nice little speech class, teacher doesn't teach us anything, gives us a study guide, I study the study guide, I take the exam.
I did better than the class average of 31/100.
I got a 41/100.
Now, the best grade I can get in that class is an 86%. Great.
And I hate that girl in U-Band, too.
Fucking bitch. The director moved her because I asked her to.
And she says, "Why did Sarah move me? Is it because you don't want to sit by me?"
My reply was, " I'm not going to lie, I don't like sitting by you."
"Well," as she glared at me like I was the most horrible person on earth, "I didn't want to sit by you either. You know, most of the things I said to you WERE true."
Yeah, I guess getting your head out of you're ass is pretty hard when it's as big as yours, bitch.
Whatever.
Now I remember why it was a good thing I didn't go into music. It's so I don't have to deal with bitches like that for the next five years.
[Edit] Test may not be as bad as initially thought. After talking to Jessie, I realized that, since the test was out of 50 multiple choice questions, I couldn't have gotten an odd score, it would have to be even. Therefore, I may actually have an 82. Have to discuss this with the teacher, but I believe I am right. Everything else I'm pissed about, though.
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m&ms487
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2006 30 November :: 10.15am
On the verge of the big final speech. I guess I wasn't thinking when I choose my topic (pro-choice) because I realized this morning that most of the people in my class are quite conservative. And, i'm pretty sure I picked it because I found out that another girl is doing pro-life, and I couldn't really sit by and let her do that without putting my two cents worth in, and so here I am, all dressed up and ready to talk about abortion.
I know what some of you are thinking: Baby hater! Murderer! Fetus Killer!
Except, that's the exact reason WHY I'm doing this speech (that, and my teacher allows it). Being Pro-Choice, is NOT being Anti-Life or Pro-Abortion, it just means that I recognize the societal need for abortion in some instances. It doesn't mean that I think every woman should have an abortion.
Well, I think I got that out of my system. I guess I just needed to rant and defend myself a little before I went out there and whatnot.
And the ironic part, is that I'm not even graded on the topic, or the content, but on my delivery and organization.
In other news, the dorm was very loud last night, as I believe there were lesbian fights and perhaps a little wrestling going on. At least, that's what it sounded like at three o'clock this morning.
Michelle
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m&ms487
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2006 29 November :: 9.42am
I was late for my computer class today. I woke up about six minutes after it started [why is this starting to be the trend for me? I don't like waking up and shouting 'fuck!' and running out the door].
So i get into class [a huge lecture hall] and I start my way down the aisle and choose the fourth row back [i normall sit in the first row]. The prof notices me, and stops lecturing and says, "you can come and sit down in the front."
I explain, "I had a rough morning."
"It's understandable, my oatmeal was hot this morning. It was rough."
And he continues his lecture.
After class the girl who sits next to me tells me that the professor waited [in a class of 120] five minutes to start class becuase I wasn't there.
I don't think he even knows my name.
College is strange.
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m&ms487
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2006 28 November :: 12.49pm
Jenny:
I miss you! We NEED to get together over Christmas break!
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Upchuck
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2006 2 November :: 7.01am
What is the ultimate torture for someone who writes all the time and is good at it?
Getting graded down on your writing.
I got a paper back that I wrote awhile ago for my Bio Lab. I got 18.5 out of 25. And I got marked down for grammar and flow. GRAMMAR AND FLOW. How do I get a B+ in my capstone which is all about your ability to write, and can't manage it in a stupid Bio class. To make matters worse, the kid in my group who always shows up late, never does any work and mooches off of me and the other guy got a 21.5 out of 25. Are you kidding me?!
Now I'm glad I didn't do well on my lab report. I totally bombed it and I know it. It's okay. I just hope it's worth her time to give it the grade it deserves. However, no matter what grade I get I'm still going to pass the class. I did the math. I don't like her. I gave her a horrible evaluation at the end of the semester. I mean, she didn't even know what we were doing in that class. She never got the instructions right and got lazier and lazier throughout the semester. This is one of the true professors I really dislike.
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m&ms487
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2006 27 November :: 9.59pm
So I slipped and fell this morning while dressing in the dark. Bruise on shoulder, a constant reminder. Sweatshirt smells like it's been locked up all its life. Exam tomorrow. What do I know of Snarl words and Allness? Index cards transformed into flash cards with a few marks that make up words of a transient language. Silence, Social Clocks, Haptics. These words mean something to someone, but not me, not yet. In a few hours sleep will knowingly approach, and the day at an end, and what have a I got? Weary eyes, tuition bills, and words. Words that I will forget after the impending exam, because these words mean something to someone, but not to me, not yet, and not for very long.
Michelle
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m&ms487
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2006 26 November :: 8.26pm
Driving home brought so many thoughts into my head. I have an immense fear of those around me dying. That's probably my biggest fear. Some nights I lie in bed and think about things as if someone was dead. What would I do? What would I feel? It always makes me start crying in the end, and I feel like I've committed some sin, as if thinking about that persons death is equated with me wanting them dead. How would I feel if I thought about them dying tonight, and then they did die tomorrow. Then all I'm left with is guilt, and all I have done is lie in bed before sleep overcomes me.
I've been lucky. No one close to me has died. I know it will happen soon enough. I don't wish for it, but the truth is, no matter how much I or anyone else wants to deny it, is that we all secede to death. It's our final end, an end we have little control over. I thought I had control over it once. It had control over me.
My grandparents are old and frail. They act with dignity, but they are slowly realizing death will come soon. They are planning the rest of their life for their death.
Do I plan my life for death? Do any of us? Do we wake up in the morning, watching the sunrise, or falling out of bed, or dreading another monotonous normal day and think of death? Should we? Would that circumvent the reason, whatever that reason may be, why we are living?
If we thought of death everyday, could we enjoy life? Are we meant to enjoy life?
Are we suppose to be "grieveing the sun" on it's final journy to the horizon? Or are we suppose to ignore the inevitable, find some shallow work to busy ourselves with, and only recognize the end when it comes knocking at the door to your [trailer, suburban two story, houseboat, yacht, mansion, cardboard box] home?
I am reminded of death when I look at my grandparents, the leafless trees, the brown grass, and deer splattered along the roadway.
Perhaps we are never meant to come to terms with death, only await it's inevitability. Freedom from our imperfect bodies may be our biggest birthday present. I once thought it was.
Michelle
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Atman
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2006 25 November :: 3.39pm
:: Music: Hints, Allegations, and other things left unsaid
Go man go!
Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone. I hope yours was fun and enjoyable.
I had a good time as well, our standard thanksgiving, except heather tagged along this time. I fell asleep which is a first for me, I don't typically have that happen after meals, but I blame the fact I'm trying desperately to keep this cold away that david could possibly have given me, so I guess my body just decided to shut down to be safe.
Friday I went to see Happy Feet, and there could be a giant bitching about that, and what it meant to me, but I'll spare you. We'll just say I wasn't impressed. What bothered me is on the ride home, I said that I didn't enjoy the movie, and my dad said, "Well, just remember when you were little, we went to see a bunch of movies that I sure as hell didn't want to see." I asked which means and the first one was KaZaam or that crappy one shaq was in. I laughed, because that was really a bad call, but then he started listing off other movies that we both had seen and that I thought he wanted to see too. It kinda stung, because when we hung out when I was younger, I wanted both of us to have a good time, and that was and IS still important to me. I understand the why, but...meh, I'll drop it.
As of late I keep getting ideas to go down a career with gaming, but I really don't see how any of that could ever work. The due date for classes next semester is tomorrow, and I still haven't actually picked anything, because I don't know what the fuck to do. I need to pick a major and minor soon or some such bullshit, but I'm still clueless. All I've done is narrow shit down, but its not even to the point where it is overly helpful. I guess I'll just do another semester of whatever the fuck isn't taken with a few things that interest me.
I've discovered that I'm very boring and have little to talk about today, so I'll bid you all farewell.
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m&ms487
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2006 24 November :: 12.30pm
Thanksgiving.
Work.
Feet hurt.
Loverly.
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m&ms487
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2006 21 November :: 1.35pm
I will be home at approximately ten p.m. for all of those who wanted to know.
Jessie: I expect a romp with you within just a few days of my return.
Michelle
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m&ms487
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2006 20 November :: 6.32pm
:: Mood: contemplative
I lay down exhausted,
But sleep will not come.
I get up,
Wash my face,
Put on new night clothes.
But sleep,
Sleep will not come.
I cease my thoughts,
Lie blank, staring.
But sleep,
Sleep will not come.
I recite these lines,
An unorthodox prayer.
My eye lids grow heavy,
I try to remember these lines
For the morning.
Creativity comes,
In this void of time.
When all I wish is
To remember until morning.
And sleep,
Sleep comes,
At a most inappropriate time.
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m&ms487
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2006 20 November :: 3.18pm
ANT 175 Archeaology of the Americas
EDU 107 Intro to Education
ENG 175 Intro to literary analysis
ENG 232 American Lit Real-present
PSC 105 Intro to amer. govern.
MUS 186U UNIVERSITY BAND!!
All of my classes are in the same building, except for uband of course, and they're all on MWF.
Heh. 16 credit hours, baby.
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