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m&ms487
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2006 21 May :: 7.47am
:: Mood: apathetic
School is done.
Now I get to look forward to working. at meijer. at the service desk. for six an hour. bitches.
It was fun while it lasted, i guess.
Now i get to go to college, that's the scary part.
Mine and Rueben's two year anniversary was Friday. It seems like we've been together forever....
He got me flowers and last night we went out to eat and then we fell asleep together. I love falling asleep with him. It's the only time when I feel safe. I can curl up next to him and know he won't let anything hurt me. It's a wonderful feeling.
i miss band.
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atman
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2006 15 May :: 3.25pm
:: Music: Window Washer's Dream
Dez is gone.../sadface
This weekend was a blast. All the way from the "LFG USA" to the "Why the FUCK can't I leave this damn country yet?!" Friday morning with bill was fun, and we even got lost on the way to eden! I DID find our way back to plainfield though, because believe it or not, I had a faint idea of where we were. Dez met everyone at eden, then we dropped bill off, I showed her my house, then went off to get an interview. Oh, and for everyone here...
I AM NOW A WORKING MAN, SO SUCK ON A STFUCAKE FOR I HAVE A JOB.
btw charlie, if you are reading this, thank you ever so much for calling me back from wendys...< incredible sarcasm
We rented a bunch of movies friday night, and watched them. I couldn't believe that dez never saw office space. How do you NOT see office space? Then we watched Kung Fu Hustle, and that was badass. If you haven't seen it because it looks 'weird', stop being a freak and watch it. We woke up at 7 the next morning though, to have some breakfast! Then...uh...promptly went back to bed til 3...yea, I'm an excellent tour guide. The best part of michigan is sleeping in til 3 on rainy days. After that, we went to kevin's for an uber lan. That was pretty cool too. We woke up on sunday and took off for the airport, but her plane wouldn't let her leave so she couldn't go back til today. So last night she went to my grand mothers and after I got a lot of abuse (wet willies and wedgies...four on one is NOT fair) we went home and watched the Emperor's New Groove, as my parents never saw it. Then we went to my room and watched TV til 12:15 or so, and slept. Til about 12:30 this morning. Then I took her back to the airport and she went home to dale, whom I'm sure has been freaking out this whole weekend. Other than that, I don't have much going on, but certain people *coughchriscough* I must get in touch with so that massive 'hanging out' can occur. Not much to report until I start my job, so, later kiddies.
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m&ms487
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2006 9 May :: 9.05pm
:: Mood: sad
I miss you. I wish you were here. But you aren't.
whatever.
Band awards dessert tonight. I'm receiving my department award on May 30 at honors convocation.
I got my honors band CD today. It is quite lovely. I like listening to people who can actually play.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
michelle
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m&ms487
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2006 8 May :: 8.34pm
I'm printing off the pictures for the mr. robuck and mr. green present thing for tomorrow. I'm not sure if i have enough photo paper. oh well.
I didn't do my rough draft for english. I turned my test in late. I bullshitted my way through my presentation. I don't know how I got through the past four years.
Jessie, Josh, and I are going to the mall on wednesday! I'm really excited. I love josh, he's my favorite oboe player ever.
Graduation party is June 3. Everyone is invited. Ask for directions if you need to. We'll have good food and a classic rock band (my dad's band).
mmhmmm.
I got a flower for my flute choir concert because I was a senior. I was extremely excited. You have no idea. My solo went well, the piccolo song, not too much. Oh well, it wasn't my fault he was so sharp.
Band concert went well. Last band concert. I cried on the way home. I know, i'm a band geek. It happens.
Pictures are almost complete. I'm getting very excited.
Good night.
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atman
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2006 7 May :: 12.20pm
:: Music: War
Bored
I'm done with college now and what not. My roommates REALLY boned me yesterday. They all left a present for me. Nic didn't really clean the bathroom very well, leland left a whole bunch of rotten food, and jarrid left behind various things, including his important dog tag and a big ol' case of diet mountain dew.
Afterwards, we went to the ol' race track, to watch our newest horse go fail miserably like all the rest. Except...uh...it didn't suck. It won. It would have ripped all the other horses apart too, but it got out of the gates pretty bad. Anyway, enough horse talk.
Today was kinda exciting though. I woke up early and hung out with my parents. I helped my dad with some chores, and we did other stuff. I did want to go to that band concert today, and I'm sorry I didn't. My dad really had his heart set on us seeing MI 3, so, I went to that. Besides, I really wasn't feeling the whole, "Sit cramped for an hour thing" at the moment. Especially since I'm not even playing anymore. I DO want to meet up with everyone again, so I'm sure I'll find a time to do that.
But seriously, Tom Cruise? In MI3? Uhhhh yea. He is fucking creepy. Just...I hate his smile. It freaks me out waaaaaay to much.
After that, bill, david, and his sister hung out just like the good old days. Ah, the good old days, where calling someone a douchebag was a viable comeback. Good times. Gooooooodtimes.
I'm supposed to get a call tomorrow from Charlie about Wendy's. Dear GOD I hope a I get a job this summer. Everyone mocks me for just mooching off my parents, but I've never liked doing that. I don't enjoy it. I hate myself for it every time I have to ask for money. I'm 20 and its no different for me than being 12. It'd do me some good to have a job, too.
Dez is coming in this friday. Yay and stuff for that. If you want to meet her and hang out with her, gimme a ring or whatnot.
Oh, and kevin, if you see this, one of those nights you are throwing an uberlan. Because I said so. Well, she did too, but I'm clearly more important.
Anywho, I'm off to bed. I'll see you kids later.
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atman
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2006 5 May :: 12.40am
:: Music: none
REASONS!
This sums up my comic not being worked on.
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Yea. I'll do a real update on my journal some other time.
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upchuck
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2006 4 May :: 12.29am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: "Ballad of Curtis Lowe" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Being tired
I don't know what it is anymore. This week I have ben so extremely tired. It may be recovering from Saturday night still, but I doubt it.
It was nice to let loose on Saturday night. It had been awhile. It's nice to go out, have some fun with some friends and not have to worry about anything. To know that everything is going to be taken care of and what tomorrow brings will just have to wait. That's part of what I feel that I will miss this summer that I had last summer. I discovered a different part of me last summer. The part that was mulled in a three month stretch of depression, but also someone who would show his pain, and wasn't afraid to act out. Someone who didn't have to be absolutely perfect all the time.
I guess that's the way I feel now. That I have to be perfect all the time. I didn't last summer. I didn't have all these concerns that I have now. All I had to worry about was trying to keep my mind off of what was giong on with Kim, what time I was playing that weekend, and making it to softball practice on time. I had class too, but it wasn't until after much of the summer had passed. Now, I feel like I have to be perfect, and that is going to lead to the inevitable crash that I experience because I don't feel like I'm doing anything good enough.
I've gotten much better about those times. They happen every so often and Ijust feel like it's coming. It's going to be one of those days that I just breakdown, cry myself to sleep, and then feel better afterwards. But the it just feels like the balance isn't there anymore. I had to miss a softball game today, for the first time in two years. I'm having serious doubts about my ability to go back to school after taking a semester off. Last summer, school was such a big part of redifining who I was. It was something that I drew confidence from. I hope it is now too. I just worry aobut it because there are other things I have to support me now. I guess I'll figure it all out and ina few days it won't be confusing anymore. I just wish it didn't have to be confusing in the first place.
P.s. I heard a rumor about a certain ex-girlfriend of mind trying out at a certain place's amateur night. Not sure if it's entirely true, but I definitely wouldn't doubt it.
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m&ms487
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2006 2 May :: 4.29pm
I took the ap statistics test today. Three hours of exciting fun with my space shuttle. Woot.
It was absolutely horrific.
I don't understand what is wrong with me. I feel the need to hide under the covers and eat chicken noodle soup. Interesting.
michelle
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atman
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2006 2 May :: 3.52pm
Don't judge me!
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
If you aren't easily offended and are into cheap jokes, you should seriously give that website a spin.
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Atman
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2006 1 May :: 12.30am
:: Music: Leland's gunstar game
Exams!
Gaaaaaaah! Noes! The exams are coming for me!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES!!!!
Actually, I really don't care. I'll be doing some studying over the next few days, just enough to get some B's.
On the money front, I applied for some jobs today, and I have a pretty good chance at a couple different locations. I'm not really picky though, so pretty much whoever gives me a ring first wins an uber employee. I really just want to start raising up some money for a new laptop and some spare monies for the bank.
On the feelings front, I'm in kind of a blah mood. Still got the usual loner shit going on, but for some reason or another, I'm kinda happy right now. I blame the lack of sleep, as that seems to numb everything down. Had a cool time at Phil's last night, good to hang out with phil, will, zack, and the guitar heroes. You know who you are. I'm really getting out of shape and have decided I'm changing that tonight. Workouts and everything, dammit. I'm tired of walking around having my friends call me a fattie! I'm sure I haven't broken 175 pounds, but the name calling shall stop!
Tomorrow is my first exam at 8 am. I gotta talk about how my writing has improved within this first semester of classes. Which is stupid. This teacher hasn't done anything to make me feel motivated to write, or even to care about my papers, so my style of pretty cool B+ A- hasn't changed. I know I should be self motivated, but seriously man, I'm too busy worrying about other crap to concern myself with minor tweaks in my writing style.
At any rate, I really just wanted to update to show I'm still doing it, and I'll see ya all later.
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m&ms487
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2006 30 April :: 7.10pm
:: Mood: enraged
I think i lost my fucking bioethics test that I didn't remember I had due tomorrow. Fuck.
I had the bitchiest lady at work today. She actually made me cry. I had to go to the manager's office and sit down for a few minutes because she verbally attacked me. I don't normally get that upset, sure I have people who I want to strangle, but for some reason this lady just made it so fucking personal. I was trying to tell her that she was wrong in the nicest way possible and she was like "don't you shake your head at me like that" and "You people owe me for my time fixing your mistakes" and "don't tell me that I'm wrong, you're wrong, I'm not wrong, I deserve a twenty five dollar gift card, and that's what you need to give to me to make me happy".
And of course my manager gave it to her. It was all because she was "overcharged" on a twenty four pack of water. Well, the upc on her water and the upc on the receipt didn't match, meaning there was no fucking way it was the same product. NO WAY IN HELL can that happen. Well she wanted not only the price that it was marked, but the "sale" price from last week. Okay, I can live with that, it's like fucking five dollars, and she wanted a gift card, okay, a little much, but whatever, and then when I wouldn't give her the michigan scanning award (if a product is marked lower than what it rings up at the register you get the difference back plus ten times the amount UP TO FIVE DOLLARS) because the fucking upc didn't match the upc on the receipt, which it has to to give the award, she wanted to be upgraded from a ten dollar gift card to a fucking twenty five dollar gift card. Which, my manager did of course. There wasn't even a "thank you for your fucking help". Nope. Not at all.
I haven't cried because of a customer since the first day I worked at the service desk.
Whatever.
Fucking bitch, and she wasn't even fucking right.
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m&ms487
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2006 30 April :: 12.15am
:: Mood: annoyed
Last night was nothing that I expected it to be. Prom was fairly lame, I had a much better time getting ready than at the dance itself. I love Josh so much, he's so much fun. I think he's the male version of Jessie; scary, I know.
So this time it wasn't just about it, it was about being together.
If I could only mix the cola and the grenadine together, I'd have the perfect cherry coke, but no one makes them the way I like them anymore. They use to when I was little. It's just not as good as it use to be, I guess.
I loved my hair last night. I even slept with it in and it stayed, but I took it out in the morning before I went to pick up summer. I had a shit load of bobby pins in my hair. Went to flute choir this morning on four hours of sleep. Took a nap this afternoon, and now I can't go to sleep. I feel like a restless zombie, my whole body is on a fucked up schedule. I have to work tomorrow, and I have a ton of homework just waiting for me to start on it. I don't want to start on it.
I've put in four good years. Time for a break.
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atman
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2006 23 April :: 9.45am
:: Music: Silence
Stalling
Oh my gawd, I'm updating my journal within a week of the last time I did it. Let us rejoice!
Actually, I've been up all night, unable to sleep. This insomnia crap really needs to stop, and yet it keeps happening. How I haven't died yet from sleep deprevation is a mystery to me and modern medicine.
This ten page paper of mine has just sat on my desktop all week. I don't want to even bullshit anymore. I want college to be done. I'm only a freshman and I can't stand it any longer. I want some fucking direction, as in what I'm going to do with my life, but I'm not getting it. My advisor has been out all week, as she is an honors advisor, apparently I'm too cool to meet with a normal one.
My grades are lower than...look, I've been up all night, to hell with anyone who wants a clever analogy! I've probably gotten all C's this semester, and I doubt I passed my math class. Its not hard, I just haven't gone in awhile. I've tried, but I miss the memos about class being elsewhere, and all this other crap.
I just want to go home. I'm not ready for maturity and adulthood yet. I figured I wasn't going in, but other than college there isn't a whole hell of a lot I could do otherwise. Go home, get a job, hang out with my friends again, that sort of thing. Go back this fall and maybe get out more and do stuff. Probably go find a girlfriend, if I can. But, I've proven over the past few days that I don't really have it going on with the ladies. Simple questions in class turn into arguments, with me wanting to choke them out of stupidity. I had a problem with a girl in geology class earlier this year, and this is kinda the same dealio, but a different idiot. I'm in my english class, when the teacher says, "Look to the person to your left and discuss abortion." I look to the girl on my left and laugh, and say:
Me: haha, well, I got into a fight earlier this year with another girl on the same subject.
girl: *giggles* Yes, its a highly debated topic
Me: Yea. For the safety of what little of a relationship you and I have now, why don't you tell me your view first?
girl: No, you tell me first. I promise I won't fight with you over something like this.
Me: *I explain my view, and if you haven't heard it before, its that I think it is acceptable depending on many variables. I don't think its the new birth control, but I think in some cases its ok*
girl: *looks at me disgusted* so you believe in brutally slaughtering human lives?
Me: Uhh...if you want to twist words, yes, I guess thats true.
girl: *even more revolted* men are such pigs. This is how unwanted babies get born.
Me: ...did you just blame unwanted children on men?
girl: If you guys could keep it in your pants, this wouldn't be a problem!
Yes, it only got worse from here. "Dickhead", "blind feminist idiot", and other various words were used frequently. After all this, the teacher looked at us and said, "See how it was so difficult to discuss? That is why I don't want you to write essays on these subjects for your final paper." I looked at the girl and laughed, and said:
Me: Well, I guess the moral here is to keep stuff to yourself, or some other crap like that.
Girl: Yes, keep your murderous opinions to yourself. Honestly, if women could reproduce with each other, men would be obsolete.
I'm just stunned girls can be this freakin' stupid. I'm also stunned as to the stupidity of letting students talk to each other about a heated topic like that. I'm also stunned that I FIND ALL THE CRAZY AND STUPID GIRLS!!! Why can't I find one that is like me and says, "Yes, I can see where you are coming from, but in my humble opinion, I believe...". Where are THOSE girls? Are they hiding? Are they all watching as I struggle and laughing? Do they already have boyfriends? Where the HELL are my pants?!
Now I'm just ranting. I blame the zero hours of sleep, and the ten page paper that I haven't really started.
Gar...maybe I should follow mom's advice and get laid.
Anyway, peace out kids.
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Atman
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2006 21 April :: 12.39pm
One other thing
A quote (Well...song lyrics) that I really like:
Now we just try to understand each other until nothing remains, and eventually, we will find out that is everything to us.
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atman
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2006 21 April :: 12.10pm
:: Music: Haruka Kanata (If you don't know it, look it up)
Its been a few months
Gar, its been a few months, and like the past jillion times, I broke my idea about updating more frequently. Its not my fault! I blame Canada, because I can.
But lets see...what is new...
College is still a bitch. I still don't enjoy it, and I'm counting down the days til it ends. Its been nothing more than a high school without parents, which apparently I suck at.
Lately I've taken up an interest in a new anime, and that would be Naruto. But if you go thinking I'm an anime freak, I'll kick your ass, because I really only like two of em. 50 points if you know the other one I used to watch.
I'm really getting sick of my family too. I don't know why. I love em to tears, but I question at times whether they care if I'm alive or dead. On easter sunday my grandmother was around my two cousins all day, and I didn't get to talk to her or anything. Like always, those reunions suck because I have nobody to talk to or anything.
I should probably break out some good news since its been a waahhh fest this whole time...oh, Dez is comin down from Canada on the 12th. If you don't play Wow then you won't have a clue what I'm talkin about, and thats alright.
Hmm...what else...I possibly could have a job this summer. GASP. Addison...and responsibility...you don't see it either, do you? All I have to do is get up off my lazy ass and make one phone call and see if there is still an opening. But, if college has taught me anything, I can be one big ol' lazy ass.
In Psychology, we have to turn in our big research papers on a given topic on Tuesday. We've been working on these puppies all semester long, and we'll show all our classmates what we've been working on. What topic did I choose? Well, I've been thinking about Free will, and I...er, I mean, I CHOSE free will a long time ago and I've been working on it...yes. That is what I meant to say.
Ahem, er, yes, other than that, I'm waiting for college to end so I can go see all my cedar springian friends. Not the ones here at college though. I've got my own reasons for not giving a rat's ass about the ones here.
Anywho, I got class in like 20 minutes, so I'll catch you kids later.
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