Atman
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2005 13 September :: 11.32am
:: Mood: meh
Huh
I guess the poll option is gone. Oh well.
I have to write a letter to a teacher for my edu class, and I'm having trouble deciding who to send one to. Should it be...
Norkus
Andrus
Robuck
Fournier...j/k man, j/k.
teacher from middle school
Holtrop...I'll learn to spell her name
Or a combination of the above?
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atman
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2005 13 September :: 9.34am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Weezer (Still)
More of it
So, I'm still here at Central. Imagine.
Jarrid, Leland and myself have talked about some weird stuff, but I think we all agree we can stand one another. Nic is the only one I'm nervous about. He is hyper-religious and I usually don't get along with those people. Doesn't mean I won't try, it just kind of creeps me out. The other night some kid came by and asked if Nic was in. He was praying by his bed, and I didn't really know what to do. He had the light dimmed and everything, and I didn't know if I was supposed to go in there, if he was channeling his chi, or just in a really screwy position. Thankfully, Nic came to the door and talked to the guy anyway.
Still no friends here at Central. I'm kind of trying, but its not an easy thing. I kind of talked to a girl named, "Seaworld" last night, but I doubt I'll talk to her again. She seems like the girl thats all "Gasp! Puppies and kitties!"
I watched a video today about 'amazing' teachers, and some of them were actually pretty smart about how they went about their teaching. This science teacher built a mini space station that students had to live in for about 5 days or so, and they had to solve problems, check on how being stuck in a little area was affecting them, and trying not to kill each other. I thought that was a real cool way of teaching kids a few things about astronomy and mathematics.
And now, I'm going to make a poll if I still can, and I expect everyone to pass their decision.
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upchuck
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2005 12 September :: 8.49pm
So I'm looking to achieve some clarity in life. But I'm going to study and think tonight and forget about everything tomorrow and enjoy myself.
Tomorrow I've got class all day tomorrow and I think I'm going to stick around campus for Young Life. Time to capitalize on all that uncomfortableness (is that even a word) you feel when you meet a bunch of people for the first time.
So I guess I'm just going to have to pray for some clarity. So much stuf going on that I need to "think" about. That seems to have been the theme of the last week.
You know, I'm really beginning to wonder if what happened that night was just a one time thing, or if she really meant that things that she said. I shouldn't have gotten up and left when I woke up at six, but I had to, I guess. Like I was thinking real clearly that whole night. That way I would know how to get in touch with her.
I've got some thinking to do about the band too. We're going to be on TV this weekend. No Cover TV, on public access.
And on top of all that. Bill and Nita were both at work today and they really want me to go back to being a manager. They even said that I can work as little as ten hours a week. It all sounds good, but I'm really afraid that it's going to stop me from what I really want. Not that I know what I really want. I'm just worried that there's going to be a lot of bitching, from one person in particular. Because I'll be able to choose my schedule. Plus, the reason I quit in the first place was that I didn't feel like I was pulling my weight. Which, they all assure me that I was, and I'm convinced that I was, I guess I knew at the time I was, but I was really weighted down with the perception of who I should be at this age.
I don't know. I'll just hope I get some clarity and all this will work out.
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m&ms487
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2005 8 September :: 8.59pm
I like having an hour of independent study. I like being able to play piano and flute and think about music for an hour every day except band. It's relaxing. Yes, i know....freakish. it happens
michelle
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m&ms487
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2005 8 September :: 6.23pm
You think about what you DID too much.
And as a result you don't DO as much as you think you DID because you overanalyze and it seems bigger and more important that what you really DID.
So get out there and DO something instead of dwelling on what you DID.
It's called living.
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Upchuck
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2005 8 September :: 5.37pm
What strikes me completely odd is that people have no recognition for what is truly beautiful. If we all just stopped a few times a day and recognized the beauty of anything at all, I think we would all lead much happier lives.
And there is my bit of wisdom for today.
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upchuck
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2005 8 September :: 12.21am
:: Music: "The Happy Song" - The Nixons
Damn Poo Flingers
Damn Poo Flingers
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upchuck
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2005 7 September :: 10.45pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: "Everything You Want" -Vertical Horizon
The possibility that people who don't really know me well enough could be reading this journal.
That thought never even crossed my mind until a few months ago. But I do have to accept the fact that this may be the case. Perhaps people who I desire to make a good impression on could be reading this through multiple sources, although the link I have on facebook is what I am most concerned about.
You see, one of the people I met on the canoe trip just added me as a friend. And since the canoe trip was affiliated with Campus Ministry, and since my recent entries have included some, how shall we say, seedy things, it is time to think about these things.
Liz thought she was seeing a different side of me and she was right. That is a completely different side of me that never popped it's ugly head up until last February. Do I like it? I'm not sure yet. Really it's become a socializing method for me. And for anyone that might be concerned, I have gotten drunk enough to do some stupid stuff, but I have stuck to my guns. I haven't drank to the point of sickness, don't want to.
But anyways, yeah, okay. I want people to see the first side of me. I don't want people to see the different side of me because that very rarely has been me (although I do have to admit that the people who have met me the first time on that side of me are not the type of people that I'm looking for anything deep with). Does this make any sense at all?
I'm not sure. But there is a little insecurity inside me saying, "you are a bad person for what you do." It's not because it's a bad thing, but because people think it is.
Okay, this is getting to sound way too much like an addict defending their addiction. And since none of you have actually seen me in the aforementioned state, it doesn't matter. Of course, this could all be a little story about a boy who is struggling with this and has absolutely no basis in reality. I've been known to make things up from time to time. Perhaps to teach you kiddies a lesson so you will mend your evil ways.
Speaking of kiddies. I don't think there is a single person left on my friends list, except my sister, who is still in high school.
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atman
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2005 7 September :: 3.16pm
:: Mood: 21
:: Music: Weezer. They kick ass
Interesting
Well, today was an interesting day. I slept past breakfast, and I could have gone for lunch, but eating burgers at 10:45 didn't sound too hot. So, I didn't eat lunch, and wound up going to class, then made up some story for my speech class and people thought it was funny. If only my real life was that interesting. Speech is crazy though, because our CHINESE teacher that just moved here is trying to understand how to work as a teacher and how to connect with her students. Today we learned fuck in chinese. I like to think of myself as slightly more cultured now. Since I didn't eat breakfast, my stomach was roaring as these two girls were next to me looking at me funny. I didn't eat breakfast, I said. My stomach growled again and they both just laughed and said it made sense. It was vicious though. Just kind of like a "GWAR, I'm hungry you asshole, feed me!"
Went to my earth processes class, and I am going to suck at it. I can't concentrate in a class for 2 hours. I just can't. I know I should be able to and whatever, but its not possible. 1 and a half hours roll around and I start thinking about anything but the earth. I went from measuring degrees to family guy, to porn, back to family guy, to food, to world of warcraft, to my friends, to food, and finally back to family guy. Missed everything the guy said, and then we had to do a little worksheet on what he said. Fortunately, I can bullshit like no other, so I had it done and almost correct in no time.
I'm back at my room now, and I think I'll get to work on my teaching stuff. Or play world of warcraft. I guess we'll see.
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upchuck
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2005 6 September :: 7.12pm
You know, I post all these love entries, all these things that are so deep. But those don't get any response. BUt I post something like "hey I got drunk and did something stupid" and I get a response. heh.
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atman
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2005 6 September :: 9.53am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Collective Soul
The At news update.
Friday was one of those crappy days, cuz I had to put up my loft. Its ok now, I guess, but I didn't enjoy it. My little cousin pissed me off, (My uncle brook's daughter) cuz she was so freakin cute and innocent, and it made me wish for those days again.
Saturday was pretty much head to Eden day. Nothing exciting there unless you just so happen to stare at your night elf pictures every night before you fall asleep.
Sunday was supposed to be the day that me and my parents hung out, except my dad sucks and went to the track instead. So I had to go shopping with ma and grandma. How opposite of fun can you get?
Monday was just a crappy day in general. I came back to Central, and I had an assload of stuff with me. Like the ladder for my loft. If you guys head down here, I'll show you this death trap my parents thought was a good idea.
This morning I took my Education class for teaching, and the more I take it, the more I'm convinced I don't want to be a teacher. Everyone else in there has different drives for it than I do, and I'm not sure if thats because I have the wrong ones, or because everyone else is a freakin genius. We had to share our parts of ourselves that made us who we were in school, and I said I never liked learning, and that it felt like a chore. The only things I enjoyed were the things were I could say what I wanted or do things with creativity.
Everyone looked at me like I was retarded, and then told me how learning was their life, how they felt they had to pass the knowledge on, blah blah blah I'm Jesus Christ, lookit me. If I decide I don't want to be a teacher, I r teh screwed, because I haven't really thought about a second career.
But I'm probably just getting ahead of myself. I'm sure things will work themselves out and I'll be just fine. TTYL.
Is what the positive side of me says, but the side of me thats a little more negative but has common sense says,
I'm screwed. I'll see you all later
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upchuck
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2005 5 September :: 10.36pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: "The Remedy"- Jason Mraz
Drunk
So, perhaps I got drunk.
And perhaps I did something that I shouldn't be too proud of.
But for some reason it isn't affecting my the way I thought it would. Really, it's not anything serious, it's probably something that any natural human being could do and not look back on one bit. But you all know me, and you all know that I hold myself to ridculously high standards sometimes. And maybe this is my chance to be normal. I don't feel like I would think that I would typically. Perhaps it was because I was drunk and it is all so hazy, or perhaps I just don't care anymore.
Tomorrow should tell me if this has given me any confidenc boost. It should, it should really help me to get back into the swing of things.
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m&ms487
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2005 5 September :: 10.50am
:: Mood: cold
Freshy year
Last first day of high school tomorrow. That's exciting.
Eh, I can still remember the first day of my freshman year clearly. I went up to my locker to put my backpack in it before first hour, and I couldn't get it open. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, so I went and got Ms. Scott, and she was like, "are you sure you know how to work a combination lock?"
That got me pissed. Yes, I was a freshman, not an inferior human being (although sometimes those ARE one in the same I realized later). So, she tried it and it didn't work. That was one of the best moments of high school right there, and it seemed to set the trend for the rest of high school, always having to prove myself, prove that I can do it. Well, it turned out that one of the numbers in my combination was 10 numbers off...so I got a note during first hour with the right one, and I haven't had any problems since, for three years.
Hmm. Just thought I would put that in here before alzheimers hits, I am almost 18 ya know.
michelle
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upchuck
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2005 2 September :: 11.00pm
Right on 11pm, how 'bout that.
Anyways, Forrest Gump is on TV tonight. I think it is my most favorite movie of all time. I know a lot of people are into the indie films and other "deep" and "artistic" movies, but I can't think of a better one than Forrest Gump. I wonder sometimes if it's just me. Everytime I see that movie, and even right now, listening to the feather theme, I cry. Every single time.
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cowsgomoo!!!
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2005 31 August :: 11.15pm
schedule:
1st: Band with Robuck
2nd: JA Econ with Busen
3rd: Spanish 5 with Warwick
4th: AP Lit With Dolbee
5th: AP Stats with Andrus
6th: AP Bio with Fournier
Seminar with Fournier
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