and here is why the tears come down every night

the tissues

want to know why?... because luan is leaving. august 25th. i only have 8 school days with him. sweet sixteen won't be so sweet. and i'll be all alone in art, looking at that empty stool that should've had my boyfriend right there. and there won't be anything to fill the space between my fingers. and we'll never reach five months. i didn't have enough time with him. i hardly saw luan. and now our days are numbered. everyone shall miss him dearly. we all already do. so now that everyone knows...join me in my sobs every night. because my love is going to leave.

*tell me have you ever been in a situation where the best thing you could do, was the hardest thing you've ever done? but you try to do whats right. and i know deep down inside that i really wanna be there by your side, but i can't stand to see you cry. not when it's because of me. when it's over, i'll never love another, i'm always thinkin of him, i'm doin this because of him. don't wanna say goodbye. i don't wanna let him see me cry, lookin out the window and wonderin why. there's no one in this world that could ever take your place, all the love that we shared, it can never be erased. and i know that and it hurts so bad. and i'm sorry, you're the best i had. goodbye.*

*yes, you went away. you up and left me. we were close friends, also lovers. did everything for one another. and now you're gone and i'm lost without you here and now. but i know i gotta live and make it somehow. come back to me. can you feel me? hear me calling for you. it's been too long and i'm lost without you. what am i gonna do? said i've been needing you, wanting you. wonderin if you're the same and who's been with you. is your heart still mine? i wanna cry sometimes. i miss you. now i'm sittin here. thinkin bout you and the days we used to share. it's driving me crazy. i don't know what to do. i'm just wondering if you still care. and i wanna let you know that it's killing me. i can't think no more since you went away. i don't really feel like talking. no one here to love me. baby do you understand me? i can't do a thing without you.*


pix from the justin/xtina concert

.... tears fall... and for a reason too. soon enough, you will see.

blah
my family left. i didnt do anything productive today. i went to town center but i didnt get anything. oh well. it was really funny, there was like this model standing in the doorway of A+F with his shirt off, and my aunts and my mom were like ooooh! my younger aunt tu was like "is HE for sale?!" haha. that was the highlight of my day. what a day, right? btw my sweet sixteen will be on labor day weekend.

me and ma girl greta's song!!
this is me and greta fo sho!! i be coffee with chocolate sprinkles and a cheery. she be chocolate with dulce de leche!! haha.

i knew i would be midnight. I KNEW IT!


Midnight - You are a deep thinker, always searching
for answers and never quite at home. You are
very contemplative, and enjoy being alone with
your thoughts.


When are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

craziness
man... its like nonstop action here. sometimes good, sometimes not good. most of my family is leaving tonight. i'll miss them, but my cousins were really starting to annoy the hell outta me. but i love my family. they are fuuuunny. we had some great car rides and some very entertaining dinners.

tu [my aunt]: where'd it go?
me: i dunno!
tu: where'd it go?
me: out tha do'?
tu: out tha do'?!
me: fo sho'! u kno'!
tu: it's out therrrrre??

hahahaha. my locker be way down at the bottom. but i forgive you greta!! man school is sooooo close. i cant believe it. i need to finish reading snow falling on cedars and do all my art work. i cannot believe it. sigh. first day of school better be GOOD! how come whenever i come online, no one is on? geez. are all of you ppl busy too? i got a bag for school. its from sanrio. its pink and says "a star is shining just for you!". i didnt realize it at first, but once i got home i remembered it was in one of my magazines. no one better have it.

<3 shopping. eating. shopping. eating. shopping. <3

update: one bad thing has happened this week. my grandma took a hard fall and cannot walk. she's in pain... :(

sharin the fun of our cruise...

thanks to danielle + luan once again for the digital camera. *kisses*

.:bahama mamas:.

busy days....
my family is all here until saturday night. it's been hectic. never a dull moment, but i love it. i keep forgetting i have schoolwork to do. oh well, i'll finish it. no need to worry. i need to resize and crop ALL my digital cam pictures man. so pleeeeease be patient! that means you, danielle! they will be up in time. i must go now... my cousins call for me.

i'm back!
back from cruisin'.... tiredness. *yawn* good times, baby. me and danielle were pimpin it and gettin them dirty looks cuz everyone wished they could be like us. =D. and guess what danielle + luan got me for my sweet 16... a digital camera! i love them so much. where is my honey luan right now anyways?... i miss him. especially with all these vietnamese people around me. my family is all down here. twelve ppl in one house. fun fun fun for the whole family. i need to finish my schoolwork. blecch. i dunno where to start to talk about the cruise. it was nice to get away from life. but i'm here now... havent talked to anyone yet. i am gonna go now... bye people.

this is a sweet song. i can always count on greta for songs to make me cry. <33
*there was nothing to say the day she left. just filled the suitcase full of regret. i had a taxi in the rain. looking for someplace to ease the pain. and like an answered prayer i turned around and found you there. you really know where to start?... fixing a broken heart. you know what to do. your emotional tools can cure any fool whose wings have fallen apart. *

done with cleaning!... YES!!
siiiiigh... yesterday was just a bad day. and today i had to clean up soooo much. blecch. but its over!! and guess what! TOMORROW IS VACAY TIME! we be cruisin baby! me and my girl, danielle, we be pimpin it all da way! representin... haha. i cannot wait baby. i love this. i'm in a good mood! thanks for the comments and concerns. i'm good. whenever i get like that, i usually get better just with time and music therapy.... siiiiigh. i almost forgot that i still have schoolwork to do. but that cannot bring me down. i got my schedule today:

prd 1: English, Zacher
prd 2: Chemistry, Swanson
prd 3: Economics, Davis [AAAAH!!!]
prd 4: Spanish 2, Bronkie [hell yeah!]
prd 5: PIB Art 2, Stecker [with my baby luan!]
prd 6: AP Art History, Stecker [hey i see mrs stecker everyday. but i got this class with fellow pimpette, danielle! =D]
prd 7: Pre Cal, Power

*i've waited all night long to dance with you. and when you touched my hand i knew you were the man to turn my world around and make my dreams come true. magic in your eyes made me realize that everything i feel has got to be real. and we danced and fell in love on a slow jam. i swear i fell in love the night you danced into my life.*

and the tears flow...
sniff... i'm probably overreacting. ... its just a crappy night to end my crappy day. its like the marquee of my journal... just when i feel happy... the blood of tears runs all over my face again. i have to clean tomorrow... i feel so tired right now. i have to mop the floor, vacuum upstairs, scrub down the bathroom, tidy up my room, etc. i don't want to wake up....

bad day. must of been to make up for having a great day yesterday.
so i went to sleep last night early, like at 12, because i was to wake up and go to danielles to chill with her, luan, briana, and jb. well guess what! i woke up and i got into a semi-fight with my mom. she was pissed. and i said "well i was planning to go to danielles house today". and she's like "well you need to work. you shouldn't be out playing when you have schoolwork to do." ... sigh. i cried... i was looking forward to seeing them so much. and danielle called and i broke the news. and then i called luan and told him not to come. hearing his voice... wanting to see him...i cried some more. and so the whole day i devoted to reading 'jane eyre' [which btw is pretty good so far] and i didnt even go online the whole day. my mom stayed pissed at me the whoooole day. and then i got online and i got to talk to danielle, luan, and altan. i felt a little better, but then dinner called. and andrew pissed me off. cuz apparently, i have to make up for last night when i wasnt home and i have to wash the dishes tonight. *SCREAMS*. and i come back and once again, like always, my friends have left me. so i'm sitting here... no point in being online. just wanted to tell my story. i will, however, if my brother permits, go to danielle's to get this mysterious present her and luan bought for me for my sweet 16. but i wont stay. i have to be home and read some more. and tomorrow... guess what! i'm cleaning the whooooole house aaaaall by myself [which i never get verbal praise for EVER] and then after that i shall read some more. see, i thought this week was gonna be bad. then yesterday i was like, hey this week is great. but i guess my first assumption was correct. it's BAD. but it will be good when its over! and i'm on my cruise to the bahamas....

*i cant remember the last time that we kissed goodbye. all our 'i love you's were just not enough to survive. i've been thinking and here's what i've come to conclude...sometimes the distance is more than two people can use. there's a light in your eyes that i used to see. there's a place in your heart where i used to be. was i wrong to assume that you were waiting for me? there's a light in your eyes, did you leave that light burning for me? should i keep on waiting or does love keep on fading away? its been a while since i've seen you, so how have you been? theres a light in my eyes thats too bright to see, and a pain in my heart where you used to be. cuz i was wrong to assume that you were waiting for me. theres a light in your eyes... did you leave that light burning for me?*

hey people... leave that light burning for me.

check out my p.i.m.p.in' pics!
ok so the pix screwed up! those of you who got my pix... cool. anyone i didnt email it to, here is the link:

http://www.geocities.com/ck91087/hatcollage.jpg

positive feedback in regards to my pix:
danielle - "you my lil pimpette"
greta - "you look so adorable awwww. lookin' gangsta fosho."
eduardo - "you a sexy mama. i'm gonna use it as my wallpaper."
tranny - "christina!! TOO CUTE!"
ashley c - "you look so pretty"

i just came home from chillin wit tran. and i get to talk to all ma peeps for like 5 minutes and then they ALL leave! so i'm sitting here. bored to tears. my brother couldnt find my books at the library. whats a girl to do?... damn.

i be happy! r u happy?! cuz i am!
today has been a good day. i didnt get to spend time with danielle yet though. i'm really in the mood to dance and i need to see her. i'll see her tomorrow. apparently, her and luan are giving me my sweet 16 present early. i can't wait to see them!! so anyways. today i wrote my hardball essay. i'm so happy i'm done. then i went to the mall with devon. GUESS WHAT! i got my hollister capris!!! i have to shrink them, but HEY i got them! and only for 20 bucks! i thanked devon so much cuz she found them. and i bought a white shirt [with some gold trim on it] from hollister, and it's not a halter top! so i can actually wear it to school. i am happy. shopping is good. but nobody is online now that i'm home. oh well. looks like i'll be dancing solo... *dances away*

i wanna go clubbing man...
last night with altan was nice. he was dressed very nicely. twas not a date. though it was quite date-like, it didn't mean anything. it made me want a real date though... with luan! my parents were surprisingly ok with me going out with a boy alone. after they had their little freak out session, they seemed like so cool about it. that is a good sign. today i went to town center for school shopping. didnt go too well. i got some plain stuff, nothing special. for some reason, when a lot of other people spend money [like school shopping] i dont get that much stuff. that is weird. anyways. i got to do a lot of driving this weekend. *shrug*. an uneventful [sorta] weekend. seemed really long for some reason. this whole week i'm gonna have to work my ass off for the schoolwork and to clean the house before i leave on friday to go to my cruise to the bahamas. cant wait til my family from tx comes. 12 people in one house = good clean chaos. but i love it.

hey mr. dj turn the music up loud, and everybody report to the dance floor now. line em up cuz we gotta get down. off da chain like they do it in the south.

clubbing+dancing is much needed... my sweet 16 will be at my house. i think september 13th. approx 22 girls and 7 boys [not including family friends] that imma invite. guess the boys'll be happy... either that or they'll go crazy. be ready for it.

my night my day
hell yeah! i fiiiiiiinally saw pirates of the caribbean. it rocked. i cant believe i waited for valerie to see it and she went and saw it without me. i saw it with my whole family in delray. orlando bloom is sooooo hot. and i love keira knightley. all throughout the whole movie i was just imagining i was elizabeth swann and luan was will turner. yes, so sweet. oh yah, and ari was jack sparrow. lol. i wish that real life was as adventurous and fantastical as that. by the looks of it, a corset [a traditional one anyways] hurts. but i dont think it really hurt her... she's so skinny! my parents say she's too skinny. my brother is like "you dont want a wife that's neck is easily breakable".... dont ask. anyways. i loved it. i love orlando bloom. sigh. danielle comes home today!... my other half is BACK!... i wont be seeing her til monday though. at least i know... i'm whole. lol. tonight i'm going to city place with altan... ITS NOT A DATE! my family spent like a whole half hour arguing with me about it. this is the first time i'm going somewhere alone with a guy [that they know of... i went with luan b4], so they freaked. sigh, i know now i can never tell them i have a boyfriend. oh well.

"xtina and her forever XXI dress are going to cityplace with the scarface wannabe."

lmao...... i love that cutie.

everyone going to warped tour... i'm there in spirit. hope you have fun.