my heart is in your teeth
yesterday: the whole day wa slike so fucking long! i wasnt feeling too hot either, like literally. my body was inbalanced, again literally. i had trouble walking cuz every now and then i would go off to one side. and during bio, i kept on feeling like the room was spinning. in spanish, valerie was like "you're not high right?" lol naw i would never do that shit. im not that dumb. on the bus i jus went out like a light. the whole school day was a blur. [literally! lol] i came straight home and i worked on my huck finn scrapbook the whole night, thinking it was due tomorrow, when in fact, it is dure thursday. well at least i got it out of the way. sorry to everyone i ignored for a little bit.

today: today was a-ok. the test in history wasnt too bad, it never really is. in art, we finally got upgraded to ebony pencils! its hard to create values and shadows with a mechanical pencil so once ms howard said we were "ready", we were like *gaaaaaaasp* and we grabbed the ebony pencils. lol. it was like the last piece of meat on the serengheti or something. so my drawing came out pretty cool after that but i dunno if im done or not. pe was same ol same ol. english we had our huck finn test... the difficulty level was the same as all of mcmanus' tests. and i usually get 95's for some reason. i hope it stays that way! the bus was funny, i love greta. and danielle was scaring us like usual with those eyes and that lipsynching.

omg i had the BEST dream ... like EVER last night. i cant say exactly what happened or who was in it cuz its kinda personal, but lets just say that in this dream... i got what i have been wishing for. jewel lyrics to match my dream:
*please dont say i love you, those words touch me much too deeply and they make my core tremble. dont think you realize the effect you have over me. and please dont look at me like that ... it just makes me want to make you near me always. please dont kiss me so sweet, it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow. and please dont touch me like that, it makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow. and please dont come so close... it just makes me want to make you near me always. dont try to understand me, your hands already too much anyway. and when you look in my eyes, please know my heart is in your hands. its nothing that i understand, but in your arms you have complete power over me so be gentle if you please cuz your hand is in my hair but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always*

two wrongs dont make a right
so today i woke up and i went driving around with my dad. when other cars come into the picture, it's just like i freak out or something and i can't respond to anything. i need to fix that! i'm too scared to go into actual traffic. i don't think i will for a while. i hit the curb two times lol. but i guess eventually i'll get it. *shrug*

then we picked up danielle and we went to go eat at roadhouse grill and then we went to town center. i would have to say a very successful shopping trip! i love my mommy providing such care for me. i ended up getting a lace tube top thingy from guess and a brown stretchy shirt [for me and danielle to share] from nordstroms. i also got valerie and nicole's bday presents. i love nicole's bday present! its so blingin and its so beautiful. when i have it on, i just say "wow".

but anyways, on the emotional issues front, there really is none lately. thats why my journal entries havent been very long the past few days. i guess the love of my friends is just starting to hit me and i feel like i don't need much more than that =) except when i lay down to sleep and i get to thinking. thinking is just not good for me. plus i feel like i've caused some damage in people's relationships. dont ask how. *shrug* just hopefully, it'll all work out for the best and there will only be happiness. haha. i wish.

time without danielle
so today i went to wellington mall and eddie frickin stood us up for a soccer game! he told me he was gonna skip it but it turned out to be muy importante so i had to forgive him. anyways me and valerie and kimmy went to the mall, saw some cute dudes there too. me and valerie especially took a liking to the new guy at american eagle, he was such a fyyyyne cutie! his smile was just so genuine and he jus started working there, we loved freddie... hehe imma go there more often now. then i went to chill wit valerie at her house and cruise around wit her sister. valerie wanted me to stay to sleep over cuz she says that she has so much fun with me... i guess ppl just love me =). anyways my parents picked me up and later we went to boca to eat at nino's. though we waited for a long time, the linguine and red clam sauce was just like WOW. it was like having the white chocolate raspberry cheesecake from the cheesecake factory. i finished it all. then we took a look at wats up with mizner. omg boca has so many REALLY GREEN lights it is like unbelievable! and then we went home. the ride home was pretty interesting. my mom was telling stories of her college life and how she was "famous for dating guys and dumping them"... i was like "mommy was a player!" lol. she went out with her best friends younger brother and then went out with his older brother. haha. i sometimes dread being with my family but every once in a while, its pretty interesting. i asked my mom "would u prefer it if i married an azn guy?" and she was like "of course" and my dad was wondering why i was thinking bout that and he goes "u wouldnt ask it if u werent thinking of it" and he kept stressing that its my decision on what i want to do. thats cool. i dunno what i want right now. but im pretty content with the love i get from my friends. =D

friday
school: well i dunno what to say about school anymore cuz everyday always turns out to be the same, nothing really big ever happens anymore ya know? in art, do you know how hard is it to create shadow with a mechanical pencil?! argh i frustrate myself with that all the time. in pe we just chilled and we were all playing with each others hair and drawing on each other, it was fun =). english was ... it was alright. the bus ride of course consisted of danielle dancin and singin to her songs lol.

after school: danielle and i came home, watched trl, talked to peeps online, ate lucky charms, and i played some guitar for her. for dinner, we had fish rolls! i know you probably dont know what that is, but its one of my fave viet dishes and danielle liked it too! then we got all primped and reddy to go out. see our movie for live of david gale was for 9:50 and i thought it was at regal royal and my mom thought it was at lake worth so i told my mom it was at regal and she was like r you sure and i was like yea so she sped and went 70 to go to regal. then we went to regal and that was the 10:30 show and lake worth was the 9:50! and i was like well mom wat do u want me to do. so then we RAN and SPED 80 it was so funny to get to lake worth. my mom was like "you better buckle your seat belts". lol. well we made it right on time and the movie was good, even though there were some freaky parts! i recommend it if u feel like a drama/suspense... but its rated R cuz the sex and nudity and adult content.

anyways im tired of typing. ttyl

dont it always seem to go that you dont know what you got til its gone?
omg why the hell must it rain so much on the day that i wear my new white pants?! ugh. oh well i still looked cute, and thats all that matters right? lol. jp. im not valerie! today was ... it was ok, it wasnt hard or boring really, some parts were entertaining. in math, all we're doing is fcat practice so. lunch... haha *oink oink oink and flapping wings* ... i love greta lol. in bio nothing happend, jus a mini lecture and some downtown. then spanish... spanish is always all good. its like major chill time and i love it. i guess overall, today was a 7 on a scale of 1-10. *shrug* very rarely have i gotten a 10. hmmm i have nothing to write about

daily comment to anonymous 2: so i have egotistical self confidence... is that good or bad? critiquing me... hmm. how am i to value your unbiased opinion? i know that the guys i like have faults, i cant find a guy who's perfect for me, thats the point, u gotta go thru a couple of mr.wrongs before you stumble upon mr.right. im not looking to marry anyone im just looking for a little bit of happiness that they might be able to provide, im not sure. so you're in their spanish class. why wouldnt i wanna talk to you? i really want to be able to. there are no guys that always seem to hang around me. most guys dont ever think of me or like me like that. believe me, i know. i havent taken too many risks, i never do in life except in matters of the heart. if life doesnt have challenges... then what's the point? btw, are you a guy or a girl?

a-ok day
today at school was ok, it wasnt great, but im never depressed anymore so it was all good! thanks to luan for payin up, i got myself a coke for lunch hee hee. historia was boring and math was all about fcat. bio was lecturing and bulleting. spanish was quiet cuz danielle and adam were gone. i was looking forward to seeing mi hermana too! but danielley needs to get better so. lunch was ok... somewhat interesting. aaaaaaah i gotta finish huck finn for tomorrow! thats like 50 some pages! i hate mcmanus! ... btw, if you're wondering, nothing happened with chad. we're both too shy and nonconfrontational to do anything so i dont think anything will ever happen ... *shug* oh well.

to anonymous 2
you're confusing me. egotistical self-confidence? me? are you serious? i hope you're talking about someone else cuz if you think that, then you don't know me at all. i dont know why you keep commenting on my life if i don't even know who you are. i appreciate that you want to advise me and you want to help me become a better person but how can i trust you unless i know you and what kind of person YOU are? you've really been the only one so serious in commenting on my pursuits. cant i even just talk to you on aim or something? i hate just reading your comments and not being able to talk to you. please let me know who you are. if i dont go for what i want [meaning guys] then how can i ever be satisfied? what do you suggest i do instead? if i dont take risks, i may never be able to find what makes me happy.

why am i so... starry-eyed and smiley all of a sudden? he\'s the reason.
*since you came into my life it's been so heavenly. so many things i wanna say to you. i'd give my heart to you just because. i would sacrifice my very life, all you have to do is say the word and there would be no other. you're the reason why i've found my way and you're the reason why i feel this way. you're the reason why i have to say, i had to let you know you're my everything. don't you know you're my reason why i sing? i could never do anything without you*


You are...an acoustic song, guitar music with
simple, sensitive lyrics...good for a rainy
day, or any day at all. You are probably sung
by John Mayer, Pat McGee, or Ben Harper.


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1 lost in the moment | take my hand

i feel pretty good! thats a surprise... to me anyways
well friday night i went to danielle's house and we watched lizzie mcguire + gordo fall for each other, 10 things i hate about you, and romeo + juliet. though danielle was sleeping half the time, i still watching all of it. i woke up danielle for the important parts though! like when romeo and juliet die. then we went to go sleep. when we woke up it was hella late and we ate breakfast and watched the important parts of moulin rouge. let me warn all of you people... danielle cooking? ... NEVER AGAIN. NEVER AGAIN. watching moulin rouge made me wanna be with somebody soooo sooo bad. they were so much in love.

then i came home and my parents and i ate at john smiths subs and then we went to the gardens mall. i got two new pairs of pants and i vowed to my mom that i wouldnt buy any more new jeans until the end of july. and she was like "yeah right... sure" and i was so intent on keeping my promise! then we went to go eat cheesecake factory in city place and we went shopping in macy's... and i got another pair of jeans. lol. i broke in less than five hours! geez. but from now on i seriously will try not to buy any more jeans [nothing said about corduroy]. then we saw shanghai knights in muvico. it was funny and entertaining as usual. today, i plan to go to wellington mall and maybe get new shirts? haha. and some bday gifts too. dude, is ANYONE out there as spoiled as i am? ... didnt think so. anyways, love peace and chicken grease!

valentines day reds [instead of vday blues]
all in all? pretty damn good valentines day! haha. i think every valentines day is good for me no matter what cuz i always enjoy showin my friends that i love them. i didn't get lots of stuff, but hey, i know i gots love! the chad thing... it worked, now all i have to do is wait and see what happens. if something happens, great, and if not, then theres always a next time for love. ben wasn't here, but BRYAN had to go and tell chad who sent him the choco-rose and i guess i dont mind but i wanted him to think for a while. and i heard he did! but it was after he heard it was from "christina, a freshman" greta said that he spent a lotta time just staring at my card and he looked like he was pondering something... *shrug*... interesting. anyways, tonite imma go spend some single girl time at danielley's house. im out! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! I LOVE YALL!

ok?... can we all say
ok today did NOT help me make a decision! it made me even more confused about what to do. people are saying to "just do it otherwise you might regret it later" and some are saying "well just get ben to introduce you to him" and some are saying to not even think of chad at all! and im confused. valentines day is the one day of the year to feel extra romantic [altho thats 365 days a year for me] and if i dont do something, i might never have another chance... so i think im gonna do it. and if it turns out good, then he'll take initiative to get to know me and if he's not interested, then whatever. does that sound okay? anonymous 2, who are you? do i know you? are we friends? why cant you tell me who you are? this is killing me!

it's not that i like chad jus cuz he's a "popular sophomore", i didnt even think he was that popular and i didnt know so many girls liked him, he just catches my eye for some reason especially cuz i saw him so much when i used to like ben. maybe it's a subconscious fetish i have about these older swimmers, i dunno. see the thing is, when i start to like somebody [and im not saying i like chad], i start to feel like i can change their ways for the better. i dunno if its possible, cuz once a ________ always a ________, but i see it differently. and yes i have already heard how "intellectually inferior" he is already. I DONT KNOW CHAD SO I DONT LIKE HIM. but if i get to know him, there's always a possibility, and if i dont end up liking him then fine i'll just have another friend ya know? i swear that i'm never gonna get hurt by being foolish and falling too fast, i've learned a lot from the past few months. trust me guys, i think this'll be alright. plus, he's not a jackass like ben so maybe it'll be better.

*dear i fear we're facing a problem, you love me no longer, i know and lately there is nothing that i could do to make you do. mama tells me i shouldnt bother, that i ought to stick to another man, a man that surely deserves me... but i think you do. and so i cry i pray and i beg for you to love me,say that you love me. fool me, go on and fool me. love me, pretend that you love me. need me, just say that you need me. lately i have desperately pondered, spent my nights awake and i wondered what i could have done in another way to make you stay. i dont care if you really care, as long as you dont go.*

ok?... today was a ... weird day.
ok the first half of the day, i was still feeling bad. then i like around lunchtime i felt better again and then on the bus i was like half and half. then during guitar lessons i was frustrated. and now im confused!

danielle is telling me not to try to be so eager to get to know chad. and like im confused. are my friends doing this cuz they dont want me to go thru the ben episode again? probably.

and who are the anonymous people? i wanna know, i cant tell who it is. why are you being anonymous? i already know about ben being a jerk and a pervert [i've heard all the things he's said on his bus etc]. and anonymous 2? you dont think i should even use any of my time on chad? not even try to get to know him? how am i supposed to find someone who feels what i feel? i know its silly to try and get caught up in a crush but if chad turns out to be a nice sweet guy, i'll probably start liking him. but this time, ya know, i wont be as foolish like how i was with ben. who are you? are you one of my friends? you two anonymous people are confusing me! lol. i wish i could talk about this with an actual person instead of ranting on my journal. now that its close to valentines day, im having second doubts about being "baby eye"'s "secret admirer". out of my four closest friends, two are saying no and two are saying go. and now i dont know what to do. i know that i should just do what i want, but i really value these comments from people and theyre really affecting me. my heart says to try this thing but my head is saying to listen to my friends and dont get hurt.

what's a girl to do? COMMENTS PLEASE.

and if you want to cry, i am here to dry your eyes
you're right briana. i'm sad. *sniff* why?... i have no fucking idea. i wish i did so that i could repair myself and work out these kinks before valentines day but i dont know whats wrong with me. so almost everyone knows who "baby eyes", my new crush is... it's chad, ok?! lol. yes, chad, ben's friend. no i dont like him, i just am lookin out. i hope vday is as good as i hope.... this song... makes me wanna cry... done.

lyrics: you think i'd leave your side baby? you know me better than that. you think i'd leave you down when you're down on your knees? i wouldn't do that. i'll tell you you're right when you want. if only you could see into me. oh when you're cold, i'll be there to hold you tight to me. when you're on the outside baby and you cant get it, i will show you... you're so much better than you know. when you're lost, when you're alone, and you cant get back again, i will find you and i'll brign you home. and if you want to cry, i am here to dry your eyes. you think i'd leave your side baby? you know me better than that. you think i'd leave you down when you're down on your knees? i wouldn't do that. when you're alone i'll be there by your side