spud
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2008 17 July :: 12.17am
went to blues on the mall tonight with mom and lib.
i got some free beers (we went to the BOB during the thunderstorm), and i got to hang with my family and pontificate some. it was gratifying.
but after spending all day working, and all evening walking around downtown, i am completely beat. and i get to do it all over again tomorrow.
no rest for the wicked, i guess. and apparently i'm totally fucking wicked.
Spare Some Change?
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spud
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2008 15 July :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: none
Summer Film Project
::
i have finished day two of our preproduction preparations to the caledonia location. there's a shit ton of stuff that needs to be done, but at least we're finally getting somewhere.
i'm not doing anything involving audio, as i said before. but i do at least get to do construction stuff, which i'm fairly good at. not like it's rocket science.
but yeah. it's fun. the people are cool to hang with. but it's a lot of work. i mellowed out a lot once i resigned myself to the fact that this is just a really slipshod operation, and that i won't be able to rely on anything. i will do the best i can to make it happen for them, but nobody, not even me, can ask for anything more than that.
and i think i'm doing my part. i certainly have lots of tools down there, and we're making decent progress. i'll keep you guys posted on the happenings as i can, but no promises. it's keeping me plenty busy.
the important thing for you to remember is:
"WALTER'S WIFE" FUNDRAISING PARTY
Friday Night - 9PM - at the...
Sazerac Lounge
1418 Plainfield Ave NE
Grand Rapids, MI
Be there if you can. although, i believe it's 21+.
sorry.
call me if you have questions, or shoot me an email. i'll get more info as it becomes available. (like i said, slip-shod).
Peace.
Spare Some Change?
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m&ms487
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2008 5 July :: 1.29pm
I'm about to leave for work; it's the last day in my forty hour work week. I have the next three days off.
I didn't get the big scholarship and I'm still waiting to hear on the two smaller ones; but it doesn't matter, anyhow. I'm still going to have to work this school year. Now I'm trying to amass hours so I can qualify for vacation. I have to work at least thirty six hours a week until the 26th. I only have thirty hours next week.
Rueben's been working most nights, I've been working mids. It's hard. I shaved my legs and my ankle is throbbing from the razor cut. Ugh. I have to wear a skirt to work again because it's so warm. I hate wearing a skirt. It makes people treat you different. I don't know how, don't ask for any examples or evidence...it just does.
Waiting for my phone to charge for a few minutes, then leaving. I'll be at work until 11 tonight. Feel free to stop by and get a price adjustment or a lottery ticket.
I'm impecunious and I can't do anything about it.
[curious now, aren't you.]
Spare Some Change?
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blondiegirl05
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2008 4 July :: 2.28am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: katy perry [i kissed a girl]
friends only, of course.
Comment to be added.
Or just add me and I'll add you back.
I deleted all of the old entries and will now be using this blog to talk about me mostly (my thoughts, opinions, favorite things, etc.). I plan on keeping up with it pretty regularly, so give it a try.. you might like what you find.
xoxo♥ashleigh
(((edit))) 9-2-09: for real this time :)
Spare Some Change?
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m&ms487
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2008 1 July :: 8.12pm
No ten thousand dollar scholarship for me.
Now I just get to wait on those other two as I brace myself for another school year working at Meijer and wanting to go crazy.
Well, not wanting...actually going crazy.
I went shopping with my mom and my grandma today; went to valueland and bath and body works and all kinds of fun places.
I picked out a few cute tops and a new suit coat for ceremonies and performances because my old one doesn't fit anymore.
By the way, I've lost 50 pounds in the past year.
Spare Some Change?
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m&ms487
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2008 30 June :: 8.26am
Today is the day they notify the recipients of the ten thousand dollar scholarship.
oh hell.
Spare Some Change?
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2008 28 June :: 12.53am
i lost my best friend and
pretty much everything, and i realized that i have learned a few very important things in virginia.
one, that the people who are there for me unconditionally have proven to be my family and to be patrick. patrick who i treated like the worst shit you could step on. and there they are through every storm.
two, that patrick is only there for me because he is in love with me. or rather, the darling boy is in love with who i used to be, and who HE used to be with me. (as it is there isn't much of me to love, and i'm definitely not in any shape to get there. say i'm a flowerpot looking to hold some kind of marvellous species of fauna-- i would be at the point at which the soil requires moisture and fertilization, sans seed. a dry hunk of mass in the receeded shape of the pot around me.)
three, that i am exactly like every other human being, "SCARRED BY LOVE, OHMEOHMY" and can now barely think of the idea withought a shreak of fright and a bought of nausea. oh how surprised a young piscean becomes upon learning that their mental and emotional capacity does not actually exceed that of her fellow humans.
normally i would have expressed all of these ideas in a form much more beautiful than that presented above. as it is, i find myself a flower pot filled with a kind of disgusting dry soil. as dry soil is not a substance one will to draw energy from, you will have to imagine that I am tilting my head to the side and that dirt is pouring out of my inner ear and nose.
as in, i am a skin-sack of dramatic tearful evenings and nothing more.
goodnight moon.
Spare Some Change?
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2008 26 June :: 12.16pm
when sharapova serves, she bounces the ball a few times, lifts her raquet hand, fixes her hair on one side, then the other, bounces the ball with her hand exactly twice, and serves with a disgusting grunt.
i'm jealous as fuck and it's rather, no, completely infuriating. what's wrong with me.
and what's wrong with me that i'm nothing. i guess i'm reaping reaping reaping what i sow sow sow.
Spare Some Change?
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m&ms487
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2008 25 June :: 12.47pm
It rained for a while earlier. It was wonderful to hear the droplets pound the cement and create little rivers in the growing grass.
I worked last night until 11, and I'm leaving for work in about an hour to do it again. I worked 38 hours last week and I have 37 and a half this week. I'm at work all the time, but I'm trying to increase my fringe hours (an average of how many hours you work per day for the entire year) so that I can actually get paid vacation and days off. My anniversary date is July 26, so I have to get my fringe up by then, thus I'm working my ass off, not taking lunches to get that extra half an hour on days where I'm not working a full eight, stuff like that.
But, it is leading some nice paychecks. Unfortunately, my first rent payment is due in a few days which all but depletes the savings I've stashed away the past few months. A day in the life...
I'm still waiting to hear on three scholarship opportunities. All should be announced within the next week or so. Although I'm financially set as far as financial aid, I would really like to refuse one or both of the loans that I was awarded if I got one or two of the scholarships. I would also like to not have to work next school year because of all the responsibilities I've taken on...but I doubt that'll happen.
The Inferno has gone by the wayside; now I'm purusing the Dictionary of Literary Terms and Literary Criticism while on breaks at work. It's quite informative, and since I'm taking a very prestigious class next semester with a very intelligent professor, I figure it will serve me well to know the difference between the meaning of classicism depending on the century, and all the different forms of Comedy, especially the Spanish ones.
Spare Some Change?
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2008 25 June :: 11.33am
sir, you know what i wanted to say.
i went out in the rain suddenly everything changed, they're spreading blankets on the beach.
life in virginia is swell so far. i do a lot of cooking, a lot of sitting, a lot of talking, and a lot of wine-drinking. i am wearing a certain something that my grandmother noticed. it baffled her the same way that it baffles me, but it is a great comfort to look down and see it there, as beautiful as ever. to reduce the entire situation to a core, the sentiment behind the item is enough to remind me that
this is the first day of my life.
Spare Some Change?
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2008 23 June :: 11.18pm
please miss me. please care even after the dust has settled.
what a happy surprise to learn that under all of these cumbersome layers i am still myself and you are still you.
Spare Some Change?
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m&ms487
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2008 23 June :: 2.19pm
I made hummus today. It was yummy.
Spare Some Change?
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ratanatheevilkitty
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2008 22 June :: 11.50pm
i always think i'm changing when really i'm just exactly exact. i'm exactly the same.
Spare Some Change?
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m&ms487
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2008 21 June :: 6.46pm
Reading the text of Dante's Inferno with the original and translated text side by side makes me want to learn Italian.
And then I remember that I haven't even taken French 101 yet.
Why does language have to be so ambiguous and random!?!
2 Wasted Their Money |
Spare Some Change?
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m&ms487
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2008 20 June :: 5.51pm
I just feel so tired. My day off, and I feel tired.
I guess that's what happens when...
whatever.
I'm analyzing the previous poem more in depth. It's quite depressing, and I feel like I'm missing something. I think Eliot's trying to say that he's an atheist, and if there is a god, we're really fucked.
Me too.
Spare Some Change?
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spud
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2008 19 June :: 4.49pm
:: Mood: getting frustrated
summer film
so...
as you are aware, if you're a devoted fan, i'm involved with the summer film project at GVSU. i feel kind of gipped in this whole experience, because it's been a mish-mash mess thus far. nobody knows who the professor is going to be, what positions the students are going to fill, or anything.
not to mention, i've been getting emails from a wide assortment of people for the last three months, all claiming to be giving me information on what the fuck is going on. seriously a class act. not to mention, the week that my summer project starts, is the same week as the world premiere of last year's summer film.
my theory is that, basically, the film department blew their load on last year's film, and now this year it's gonna suck. so, they're trying to publicize last year's film as much as possible in order to boost morale and public reception of GVSU's film dept. image or whatever.
and i'm a sound person. i have made that no small secret to anyone. when i applied for the summer film, i told them specifically that i'm a sound person, and wanted to work with sound if at all possible. at first they told me i was going to be a grip. which, you know, i was not into or whatever. but gradually i warmed up to the idea, talked myself into how awesome it could be, met a bunch of the other grips on the roster and tried to get friendly with them a little bit. and now i get an email, less than a week before class starts, saying that i'm now a set dresser.
yes. A SET DRESSER. what this has to do with sound, i know not. perhaps i will be able to manipulate the set in such a way that i will isolate its reverberative characteristics. yes? NO. there is no way i will have any impact on sound whatsoever! and all of that work i did on learning about lighting and shit, getting all buddy buddy with some of the grips is now completely out the fucking window. i'm with a bunch of other people i've never met, in a job i've never done. all the grips pretty much stayed the same. all the sound people changed, however, except for one. why i did not get one of the positions that was vacated during the shuffling, i know not. why the one person that remains from the initial lineup is the one that has no specific interest in sound whatsoever, is also beyond me.
i feel like i'm not in the right place. for awhile i was. i was in the right place, doing the right things. now, somehow, i've gone and fucked it all up. and i don't know how to fix it. and it's manifesting itself in extremely unpleasant ways. i don't know. something just feels really really wrong. and i don't like it. i'm just absolutely petrified that this year's going to suck. a lot. and rather than going on my way, continuing in my career like everyone else, i'm going to be the world's biggest fuckup, with no place to live, no job, no life, and $200 a month in student loan payments that i can't afford to make.
but i could be wrong.
4 Wasted Their Money |
Spare Some Change?
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spud
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::
2008 19 June :: 12.36pm
::
Job ID: 10593
Job Title: Bell Person
Work Schedule: Flexible
Hours per Week: 16-32
Wage: 2.65
Employment Start Date: ASAP
Employment End Date:
Job Description: Assist guest with luggage and other room deliveries.
The wage is $2.65/ hour, plus tips.
Qualifications: Previous customer service is preferred.
-------------------------------
okay, really. i mean, how can they get away with this? paying a person less than half of minimum wage on the assumption that their tips are going to compensate? there was another posting for a breakfast waitress (not a waiter, mind you) for $4/hour. i just don't see how that's fair. and i thought it was kind of sexist to ask for a waitress. i kind of wanted to apply, just to see what they'd do.
so yeah. that's all i got.
bonnaroo was sweet. i'm still recovering. i'm a peely bastard too. that's what i get for going out in the sun like i did.
peace.
5 Wasted Their Money |
Spare Some Change?
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m&ms487
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2008 18 June :: 11.47pm
Dear Student,
At this time the awarding of the Bulletin Scholarships has been completed. Unfortunately, you were not selected for a scholarship awarded by the Office of Scholarships and Financial Aid (OSFA) for the 2008-2009 academic year. There were over 475 applicants this year and only 147 received a scholarship. We will keep your application on file and will consider you for additional scholarships that may become available. Please apply again in March 2009 if you are not graduating in May.
We wish you continued success as you pursue your educational goals.
Sincerely,
Judith Boyd
Assistant Director
Scholarships and Financial Aid
Okay, so if a 3.95 GPA can't get me any academic scholarships in this country, what am I suppose to do!?!
Spare Some Change?
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m&ms487
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2008 15 June :: 10.28pm
:: Mood: complacent
It's late and I'm extremely exhausted; yet, I cannot, will not sleep. My body will not rest, so I am up, and writing. I am here.
I was reviewing some of my anthologies of literature as I often do upon trying to sleep. I flip through the pages and catch words, lines, sometimes whole stanzas or paragraphs of immortalized words and tonight I happened across one of the most depressing, yet insightful poems written in the modern period. It is T.S. Eliot's "The Hollow Men."
It seems like this time in the world-this time in my life with which I can view the world-fits into this piece so well. It talks about the fall of man because of what mankind has become: weak cowards. Eliot likens men to scarecrows in the desert that have no eyes and can only whisper meaningless things; their only hope is death.
I.
We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
We shipser together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry glass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar
Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;
Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us-if at all-not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.
II.
Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death's dream kingdom
These do not appera:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
IN the wind's singing
More distand and more solemn
Than a fading star.
Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer-
Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom
III.
This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, her they recive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.
Is it like this
In death's other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.
IV.
The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms
In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river
Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death's twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.
V.
Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.
Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom
Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
Life is very long
Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom
For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.
1925
Eliot says "This is the dead land" because we aren't living, and as much as we want to repent and "[tremble] with tenderness," we are only forming "prayers to broken stone," the same stone Eliot reveals that only exist because of the "supplication" of mankind's hands. We worship what we make, but prayers don't help any when you worship false ideals and material wealth made in hopes of becoming whole again that were made by corrupt hands. The act of the prayer can't even be completed because it can only be formed by the lips of the dead man who cannot speak; prayer that is nothing more than whispers that are "quiet and meaningless."
The whole effect? The futility of life, the cowardice of man, the corruption of man, inability to speak or see, the only possibly redeption and hope in man's death or nonexistence, the "shadow" of corruption in which we ruin everything that is good and pure in the world, man's inability to end his world "not with a band but a whimper."
Many times I feel this. Many times I see this.
1 Wasted Their Money |
Spare Some Change?
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m&ms487
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2008 15 June :: 8.10pm
There are so many journals that are suspended in time like a fly in an amulet of amber.
It seems like everyone leaves off on a high point in their lives, descibing good times with friends they probably don't talk to now; high school replaced by the doldrum of the working world, paying bills, realizing how disparate we all are from each other. Instead of writing about an unremarkable life they just all decided to inexorably stop at the climax.
Or maybe they're all off having such a good time they just forgot about woohu.
Or perhaps they're all indolent. Writing is an excerise of the mind. Sometimes it takes all the energy I have to come up with a complete transcribed thought; then again, I will never be able to completly transcribe my thoughts into words. Words are insufficient for the goings-ons of my mind.
Spare Some Change?
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