I love you...I love you not?
Ryan and I have been getting into more disagreements lately. I don't know why to an extent. I want to know if it's because of me, cause then I want to stop whatever I'm doing wrong so we can be happy again. In chorus we had to write an essay on what song had the most personal meaning to us and I chose And so it goes by Billy Joel. I wrote how I'm in a relationship at the moment and I'm scared because I might be pushing the one I love away. Which is the opposite of what I want to do. I would never want to hurt him or make him sad, but it seems that's all I have been doing lately. It's hard to see things clearly when you have a mother who is constantly saying that I should get rid of Ryan because he is holding me back, I should have a person that would run with me and do what I do. Have the same type of personality that I do. In my opinion I don't think Ryan is holding me back, in fact I think he makes me a better person. I would be afraid to date a person like me, I find myself intimidating at times. I just wish that relationships were easier, and that there was an answer to every question that I had. But there isn't and I'm stuck with what I got. Ryan told me that he forgave me for the way I was acting yesterday, but I don't think everything is ok. I don't know why but in my opinion it's not. Ryan and I used to be the perfect couple the one's that never argued so cute together, now it's meaness from me sadness and unpleasantness. I want it to all go away. I want us to be able to be open with each other, and I think it's my fault for that one. But he never really talks about his feelings, so I'm left in the dark on trying to figure out what is going on in his head. I think the way things are going lately it might push us really far apart...which would probably break my heart some way or another. I hope everything get's cleared up before that happens. I told my mom about how I was being a bitch to Ryan and all she said was he'll get over it. My mom and I are so alike, I am always saying that. I don't want to be like my mother. I watched my mom and dad's relationship crumble...I don't want this one too. I would do anything to prevent that from happening. Ryan I apologize I'm sorry for everything. The way I'm acting anything I've done wrong I'm sorry. I hope you read this entry, and I don't know just read it and say something about it.

-Chasmin-

You spin me right round
Meh, today I was really being a bitch to Ryan. I feel really bad for doing it too...I was in a bad mood and took it out on him. I shoulnd't ever do that. If I ever even get in a bad mood...even if it's because of him I can't take out my anger on him. He doesnt deserve that. Damn pooness.

-Chasmin-

mmm peach yogurt

What will your Funeral be like? by rashock
Username
You will die by:	You die in sweet bliss while having sex with your lover or partner. Seems they were so good your heart couldn't stand it and stopped. Talk about a heart breaker, but at least everyone sees you inyour casket with a smile of your face.
Death Date:	August 4, 2022
Number attending your funeral?	140
How much will you leave to friends and family?	$718,557
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Nothing for it but a ragtime tune...
Well things have been cleared up. The past 3 entries have been about Ryan. We talked and cleared a shitload of things up and now I'm happier again. I love you Ryan (I know your going to read this) I'm sorry for the way things have been lately, and for my mood swings. I will try my best to be better at being straight up, I really will. Where on your end don't leave everything up to me to talk about. I love you with all my heart.

-Chasmin-

...
WHY CAN'T I JUST SAY WHAT I FEEL WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO DO WHAT WILL MAKE THE OTHER PERSON HAPPY. FUCKING JESUS CHRIST!

-Chasmin-

Eeyore purdyness
Well since yesterday I am feeling much better. I'm still confused on one subject and still slightly annoyed with a certain person. But meh I'll get over it. I just want things to go to some type of normalness...but I don't think it ever will. Anywhoozles I have to walk the saugsages that resemble Brian Bellamy and his stupid deathness.

-Chasmin-

Sprite
::SCREAMS!:: Ok I feel better now...

-Chasmin-

RAGTIME
Well last night I went to see the highschool production of Ragtime at the Broward center. Holy shit was their performance awesome. I had to stop myself from crying 3 times. If you have never seen this show you really need to go see it. Since the Broward art school is a prepatory school they have a shit load of money. Their costumes were fantastic. Their set....omg! They had like an actual old ford car go across the stage I had never seen anything so great. I honestly can say that this HIGHSCHOOL production was better then and broadway one that I have ever seen...It like hurt me when they hurt, made me sad when they were....everything. Well I'm done ranting and raving about that. I need to finish my drama exam.

-Chasmin-

She has a g.f now
NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks
forward. Unique
and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking.
Fine and strong
clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in
personality. Secretive.
Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always
thinking. Less talkative but
amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and
hard-hearted. If there is
a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up.
Hardly becomes angry
unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks
differently from others.
Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not
appreciates praises.
High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and
emotions. Romantic.
Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking.
High abilities.
Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to
control emotions.
Unpredictable


What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla

It's not so bad being trendy!
Congratulations Ryan on getting your liscence. I bet your one happy mo'fo' right now. Lucky piece-o-poo. I love you hun.

-Chasmin-

If he wasn't nailed to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies!
HAPPY 11 MONTHS RYAN I LOVE YOU!!!!

-Chasmin-



(is trying to figure out why all the font on the websites are so fucking huge...)

Sell out!
Well I guess I should tell you what happened last night after I posted in this here journal. Ryan called me up after I textd him, and we just sortof talked in that silently way. It was a very bad conversation of him saying I'm sorry, then me being a bitch by saying something in the wrong tone and I realized it afterwards. Then that was the end of that convo and I cried....so that was crap. Well I wasn't able to sleep cause of the whole topic and I called him, and we sortof resolved it and everything was hunky dory again. Today I was the only hostess cause Lucy was sick. I enjoyed working by myself more then with Lucy or anyone else. I can work better, and our manager noticed that too. This old guy hit on my wanting to take me out somewhere cause he thought I was special...scariness. Then the busboy who has been hitting on me since he started working there told me to dump Ryan and I'm like hell no I love him. He was like why is he special or something and I was like yah he is and he shut up after that. What else. Oh yah I saw Helen, Rabbit, Jared, Vonny, and Sean today. The waves were humongous this morning it was like omg. Those black kids were at the beach again, the one that pulled his pants down like it was nothing....and he did it again so did his friends. I was disgusted. Anywhoozles my aunt and uncle are coming down tonight....excitedness, I'm just tired thats all. I don't feel like babysitting and being the social butterfly, but I think I'm gonna have too anyways.

-Chasmin-

Don't you want me baby?
Well tonight was the drama banquet and it was really fun for the most part. Lorelei picked me up with Ryan and Devin. We got there the same time as Mr.Coppola he was doing awesome. We got in and in a way mingled. Lorelei and Devin were a lil' pooey but by the end of the night they were normal again. I am now the secretary of the Drama club go me. I also got an award for "The person to mess up the classics while twitching" or something like that. We danced some. Then I guess cause I tried to get Ryan to dance when he didn't want to, I think he got mad at me. I guess I shouldn't have tried to make him. That whole factor sortof killed my night. I would try to talk to him and he would just shake his head so I gave up. Now I just wanna cry. I wanted to have fun and until that point I was....now I'm not. Well what a wonderful drama banquet for the most part.

-Chasmin-

oh my god..there really is a tape!
These are all pretty poems and things Ryan has written me.


CHASMIN!:Adorable, Nice, Funny, Smart, Lovable. (wrote you a poem chasmin, took me about 2 days to write, i hope you like it.)


Despite the darkness that surrounds me (school/bad grades/frickin dramma) I always see a light. (its you chasmin) A star directly above me, glittering and shining bright. It reminds me of your smile which would always brighten my day. I can only picture your face as you live somewhat miles away. So every time i need you i look up at the sky searching for that star that reminds me of your smile. When i see that star i hear you wisper in my ear.....(RING! lol) "remember i promised you i'll always be there." Then i can smile even though were far apart, because i know your here with me and im forever in your heart chasmin.


Love always Ryan:-*


your the one whos by my side when no one else is there. your the one I can always count on, you always seem to care. you help me through the tough times, and when ive lost all hope, you cry with me at sad times, and laugh at all my jokes. you never seem to judge me or ever put me down, you put a smile on my face, when ever you see a frown. your better than a brother more than just my girlfriend, you have a special place in my heart, thats why your my best friend.

Love Always Ryan:-*

I love you chasmin, more than anything in the world, i enjoy when you bite me, i enjoy seeing you at school, and i mostly enjoy holding you in my arms.

love even more ryan:-*




(Proflie for Chasmin)
You can fall from the sky, you can fall from a tree, but the best way to fall, Is in love with you chasmin.

Chasmin i love you, I love you more than anything in the world, I love seeing you makes a funny feeling in my sto_mic thinkin "wow i must be the luckyest bastered in the world to be going out with her" seeing your poofy hair and your pritie face sends a happy spark down my spine seeing how cute and perfect you are to me, ever since we've been going out ive been a really happy kid and i thank you for that, keep up the singing cause i love your voice cause its SO GOOD omg....just keep it up, and HAPPY 4 MONTHS CHASMIN!:-PI LOVE YOU!:-D

Love always Ryan:-*


I would just like to point out that Chasmin is the nicest person that i know. Not just saying that cause i love her and going out with her, but she is just so sweet kind and very loving. Chasmin i would like to say thank you for that card that you got me, it ment a LOT to me. It made me feel a hell of a lot better. And the 4 1/2 months that we've been going out would have to be the best thing in the world to happen for me. 5 more days sweetness:-D.


:-)
HI! I Love Chasmin!

I never wanna leave you Chasmin. Im not going to be the same right after i leave not talkin to you. . . .I LOVE YOU MORE THEN EVER! I Miss you right now. . . . . .



(this is one that he wrote me in our notebook)
Chasmin you are the best
I am the nipple
And you are the breast.

Hair lotion
Owie. I tried to fix my tan today, from the bathing suit one I got yesterday and all I accomplised was a mild sunburn....yay.

-Chasmin-